EPISODE 3: DOWRY - Discussion (Page 7) - Page 5

@Misty:

I think it is the norm to not acknowledge the happenings that are going on. India is culturally so rich that such things must not happen but at the end of the day we are dealing with humans that are sick in their mind regardless of the culture. We have been taught to not talk back or to even question our elders.. let alone our teachers or priests.

Yes.. it is taught in our schools here(which I think is needed) and they have an open door policy with the counselors at school to talk about such subjects. Also if there is a behavioral difference in a child it is talked to with the parents to understand if there has been any changes in the family atmosphere or if the parents are aware about it. I think those are great practices to have.

What totally bothers me is: Economically India is doing really well.. we have had few turnaround years with globalization' how we have adopted to the MTV era.. why don't we even take the learning's from other countries just than the music, way of talking , clothing or the food?????

Originally posted by: lilmisstas

I am an American of Indian descent. I was born and raised in the US. Since I was in elementary school we have been taught that people should not touch us anywhere, or talk to us in an obscene manner, etc. I feel that education not only about sexual abuse but other things such as child kidnapping, not talking to strangers, and even sex should be taught at a young age (not too young but at an age where a child can understand these things). I have visited India numerous times and although I do not want to bash the country, I feel that there is a lot of narrow mindedness when it comes to topics that are considered 'taboo' in the country. How can a country bring upon change when it's people refuse to talk about it? Although sexual abuse happens a lot in the US, a lot of kids and parents are well aware of this issue because it is talked about in school, there is a lot of media coverage on the local or national news when someone gets sexual abused/raped and there are very tough laws here for sexual abusers. A person can go away to prison for a very very long time and be branded with the term 'sexual offender' A person who is a registered sexual offender usually has a very hard time finding work here in the US. During episode 2 of Satyamev Jayate, I think all of the people mentioned did not file a complaint against the abuser, I know there are no laws to punish the criminal but at least threatening and calling the police about the matter can scare a person. By not doing something (anything!) the criminal thinks he can do whatever he/she wants and get away with it.

Overall I felt the episode was good but did find some faulty things:

1) In the entire episode there was no mention of a FEMALE abuser. Abusers can in all shapes and sizes and from various backgrounds (this was mentioned) but it was implied more towards a abuser who is a man. Although majority of sexual abusers are male, there are also female abusers as well. The public should be educated about this too.

2) During the workshop, 3 danger areas were mentioned in the body. I felt that this did the hit the nail on the head BUT a person should not be touching you ANYWHERE on your body. By saying that a person should not touch you in those 3 danger areas, it's kind of like saying that they can touch your arm or leg or face, etc. A person touching your arm can easily touch your chest or a person touching your thighs can easily touch your privates. The person can gain the child's trust this way: he or she can start by touching their arm and if the child is taught this is okay the abuser may become more brave and start touching other body parts.

3) The whole Sridevi fiasco was a bit too much. I felt that she was standoffish towards Harish. She could have at least hugged him or shook his hands. Being a victim of any type of abuse (sexual, domestic, etc) does not make you any less of a person.

These are just my two cents. I do not know if people will agree with my points but this is what I have been taught and just wanted to share it with you all.

Originally posted by: lilmisstas

3) The whole Sridevi fiasco was a bit too much. I felt that she was standoffish towards Harish. She could have at least hugged him or shook his hands. Being a victim of any type of abuse (sexual, domestic, etc) does not make you any less of a person.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqlzA8MwZBg

• Till the invitations were sent out no demands were made. However once the society knew that Komal's marriage would be taking place, the demands started
• On the day of marriage, while the bride waited for her groom, the groom demanded he wont come till his father gets a gold chain...which he got!
• Soon Komal's husband was to leave for the US. He took money from her parents for buying tickets to the US. Later Komal came to know that the company had already paid for the tickets
• Her husband asked her to ask her father to sign over their Delhi home to him. This was the first time Komal refused
  
• Her husband abandoned her in the US. He left her with no money, no food, no water. She was left to die alone in the US.
  
• Her husband earned $65,000 annually!
• Till date this man has cost Komal 40 lakh in cash & 60 lakh in gold
• Finally her parents have realized 'Daamad ko paalna nahi chahiye!'

Nishana (Madurai)

• A lecturer in Madurai who was pursuing her PhD studies
• 70 tola gold & 1 lakh cash were given during marriage to the groom
• After marriage the greed did not cease. He used to verbally abuse her,calling her ugly, fat, etc
• Nishana was asked to do a plastic surgery
  
• When she could no longer take these abuses, she committed suicide

Paramjeet Kaur Moom (Karimpur, Punjab)

• The groom took a total of 15 lakhs from the bride under the pretext of wanting to go to Australia for further studies
• When he left for Australia, he had promised Paramjeet, that he would call her there after 15 days...but unfortunately the call never came
• Paramjeet was beaten up on a daily basis & treated more like a maid than a daughter - in - law
• 3 years later they threw her out & his uncle has asked the Panchayat to grant his nephew a divorce that to via the internet as his nephew wishes to marry a foreigner!

Ruby Devi & Santosh Kumar (Bihar):

• A very unique marriage/ love story😆
• Santosh was kidnapped by the girl's side so that they did not have to pay any dowry😆
• But today, he loves his wife & is happy with her😳
• All is well that ends well then😉
• This type of a marriage is called 'pakadwa byaah'

Rani Tripathi (Mumbai):

• This girl was daring enough to perform a sting operation on people who were demanding dowry from her
• She married on the same day on which her marriage was fixed but with a different groom...a groom who wasnt interested in dowry

LIKES:

• Tanzeem Khuddam E Millat movement started by Mausim Ummedi
• No band, no baaja, no baarat, no dahej👏
• Parneet Singh's attempts to get justice for women who are left behind in India when their husband's flee from the country
• In the north east there is no dowry. In Assam & Sikkim, all things that the bride wears is given by the grooms family

DISLIKES:

• Honestly did not like the 'netaji' bhashan which aamir gave at the end
• The reference to Maulana Azad too was so not needed🥱

Food for thought:

• From where do the girls parents get the money needed to pay as dowry? 15 lakhs, 40 lakhs😲 & they werent the ones who had taken out loans😲
• If they spend so much money for one daughter, what about the other kids? How do they live by spending so much money? And then, how much is their actual income😲
  

Do you feel marriages in our country have turned into a trade? Y/ N

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