"I thought you loved me and you can do anything for me. I thought my family was equally yours. Saras I can't believe that you have dared do such an awful thing to my sister? Do you really think that after this we will ever be together and that I will ever contemplate a happy life with you one day when you have ruined my sister's life and forced her in an unhappy marriage?
No way Saras! She wanted to marry you but you cheated me and... her and... made her marry Danny? OMG how will she react once she finds out?
What will I do and...how to face her now?
Saras I will never forgive you. And we will never be together. Go away and never come back again in my life. Kaaki is right you are a curse in our life. You havocked mine and now my sister's."
Kumud stood motionless in front of the mirror looking at her tears stinging her face. She realized that she had crossed all limits today and even a gem like Saras would not be able to bear this. She wanted to die for all the pain she had given him. Every hurtful word she had ever said to him felt like a knife to her own heart. Saras was gone and she was now alone. Kusum has called to say that he was packing his luggage and he would be away tomorrow morning itself.
Kumud turned away from the mirror and moved to the bed and slumped down crying bitterly. How messed up her life was now? Well it was always messed up. God or is it destiny had never been too kind on her but she had bore it all because... he was there always to support her, to turn into her strength when she felt weak but now...
Kumud's heart constricted that she could hardly breathe, remembering what happened on the wedding day. She was sure Saras came to marry kusum after she had begged and pleaded with him but ...
*flashback*
His face was covered but still she couldn't bring herself to look at him filling kusum's forehead even though she was happy for her sister. Stealthily she had escaped to the confines of her room to cry her heart aloud. And how!
Thinking that she was alone in her room, she had closed the door and sat right there on the floor with her back, her knees around her arms, moving back and forth as if she was in a rocking chair and bawled uncontrollably muttering his name... asking for his forgiveness... promising that the next birth she would come with him written for her only and will never ever share him with anyone. Closing her eyes, she kept blabbering to herself sobbing hysterically:
"Why didn't I die before witnessing this Saras? I thought I was strong but I am not. I am dying inside... "Saras... Saras how will I ever be able to learn to live without you...?"
- Why learn to live without me Kumud when I am just right here with you??
Her eyes snapped open. Was she hallucinating or was he...? Her eyes widened in shock as she saw him in all his glory looking at her with those love-filled eyes. What was he doing in her room? Wasn't he supposed to b marrying ku...?
And she understood what had happened and what he had done.
Livid she had blasted him without giving him an opportunity to say a word. And then her family... Kusum...Danny...all were there and reality seeped in.
Her family knew about it.
And even kusum and it was her decision to marry Danny.
Numb with shock, she kept looking at him as Kusum was telling her " Shiv ji listened to you Didi. Pati bhi mil gaya aur... pyaar bhi" because she knows Danny loves her and will keep her happy.
His eyes... they were full of pain but they were also filled with a fire that burnt her with its flames and then... he was gone.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next day Kusum and Danny had come home but he hadn't. Badi maa had called him but he had said he had too much work pending. When Badi maa had proposed to bring him food, he had said he wouldn't be home and would eat outside.
Excuses...
Just to avoid her...
To stay away from her...
And she deserved it. That's why she had not called him even once. Too ashamed of herself...
Too panic stricken to hear words from his mouth which would kill her forever...
She choked back her tears. She so wanted to say sorry but she knew sorry was never going to be enough.
And now he was going away. She recalled the promises they had made. Her heart thudded in her chest.
- I will never leave your side Kumud!
- N I promise by touching the moon's reflection that I will never stop loving you.
- Our love will never be helpless in front of anyone.
- Now even death can't separate us.
With a deep breath and a rock-solid belief in her feelings, Kumud decided to take the biggest chance of her life.
To hell... with doing the right thing... the most responsible thing.
She would go and meet him and this time she would come when he has decided what to do with her, what to do for them. She would accept his every decision as God's will.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- What are you doing here at this time? It is late, go back home Kumud.
- Please Saras don't punish yourself like this. Punish me, blast me, show your anger on me but please don't go away like this. Talk to me Saras, don't show me your back, look at me please!
- After everything that has happened...I have lost the right to be angry on you Kumud. I'm going away. I need to get away from all the pain ...I need to let you go...to fulfill your responsibilities and... you need to let me go because you don't need me, you are strong enough.
And looking slightly away he had finished it:
- What is the use of such a love which gives only endless pain to the person you love the most?
Panic had welled so thick in her throat that she could barely breathe past it. She couldn't think.
She couldn't breathe and wanted to disappear from there. And she had walked away lifelessly on the road where her feet would carry her. Her world went white around the edges, everything spinning around her as she walked aimlessly wherever her feet would carry her.
Her mind was too overridden with anguish. His decision was made and it was final because...she has disrespected his love and killed him in the process and she was now going to... repent.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She found herself yanked from behind and dragged her towards the shore.
She had no idea how she had reached the river bank but when she did, she knew what she had to do.
- What the hell were you doing Kumud? How dare you? How more selfish can you get? You always betray me and take me for granted. Do all your promises mean nothing?
Regaining her senses as he was shaking her violently, she whispered as if in trance:
- Let me go Saras. I can't see you in pain. I don't want you hurt any more. I am no good for you and you are right I never fulfill my promises to you.
- SHUT UP!
More tears began to spill as he grabbed her by the arms tightly crushing her to his chest. Her lips trembled as she felt her strength depleting...she wasn't pulling away from him...she could feel how angry Saras was too.
Without looking at him, she kept talking more to herself than to him
- I know I had no right to take a decision without you when in my heart and soul you are my life partner but still I always do it. I always hurt you, I always take you for granted and i had gone to the extent of asking you your life...
No!! I am not good for you. I don't deserve you and you are right, what the use of such love... of my love which ends up hurting you more.
His eyes glistened as her words sunk in and finally unable to hear her any longer, unable to see her tears raining down her cheeks, he framed her face and forced her to look at him... to rock her world with the force of his love.
- Your LOVE is everything to me Kumud. Yes it hurts me, burns me, weakens me at times but it also liberates me and makes me strong. I will never be able to tell you what you're worth to me... Never ever do this again Kumud. I fasted for you... because I need you with me to live life.
She whimpered as her hands began to cling tightly to his shirt. Without losing any time, he took her in his warmth as she continued to sob like a child.
- Don't leave me Saras.
- Never!
- Even when I told you so in anger.
She hugged him tight as he stroked and kissed her hair lovingly.
Time to stop running away from happiness but walking towards it together...
Happy Reading 😳
From OSJ
My index:
https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/saraswatichandra/3780528/omshreejaanus-index
