What is the limit in accepting certain relationships?

First Previous

Page

Next Last

Frequent Posters

Janaki

@RamKiSeeta

Achiever

+ 6

Posted: 9 years ago

#21

Originally posted by: xPalkix

But Dharam is Vidhyas FIL, not Meera's 😕

In Hindu culture, any relationship made through marriage affects the entire family, as it's not just two people marrying but two families marrying. So a woman's MIL and FIL are like her sister's MIL and FIL too.

Same for the mother and father of the sisters. Gopi cannot be MIL to both Shravan and Dharam, as Shravan is the son of Dharam. Gopi being the MIL of Shravan, would make her sister-in-law to Dharam in relation.

Edited by ..RamKiJanaki.. - 9 years ago

Quote

@Silvertarax

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#22

Originally posted by: ..RamKiJanaki..

In Hindu culture, any relationship made through marriage affects the entire family, as it's not just two people marrying but two families marrying. So a woman's MIL and FIL are like her sister's MIL and FIL too.

Same for the mother and father of the sisters. Gopi cannot be MIL to both Shravan and Dharam, as Shravan is the son of Dharam. Gopi being the MIL of Shravan, would make her sister-in-law to Dharam in relation.

But that would not always make sense. For example, if I marry my sister 's brother-in-law then applying your reasoning, would that not make our relationship 'incest' because her family would become my family? I.e her brother-in-law would become my brother-in-law too because relationship made through marriage affects the entire family.

I see your argument and it's not wrong but for me, they are just names given to relationships at the end of the day. Isn't it the meaning we give to relationships that count? My sister's brother-in-law would not mean he is my brother-in-law as well unless I decided to give our relationship that meaning.

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

dheera_1

@dheera_1

Voyager

Posted: 9 years ago

#23

Originally posted by: xPalkix

But that would not always make sense. For example, if I marry my sister 's brother-in-law then applying your reasoning, would that not make our relationship 'incest' because her family would become my family? I.e her brother-in-law would become my brother-in-law too because relationship made through marriage affects the entire family.

I see your argument and it's not wrong but for me, they are just names given to relationships at the end of the day. Isn't it the meaning we give to relationships that count? My sister's brother-in-law would not mean he is my brother-in-law as well unless I decided to give our relationship that meaning.

exactly/...as per ur logic @ramkijanki...toh ek ghar mein do bhaiyon se do bheno ki shaadi hona bhi galat hai cos...ek ka brother in law(read like brother) will be the BIL of 2nd...??...but its a very common practice to get two sis married to two brothers in one family??

Quote

CoffeeCake

@CoffeeCake

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 9 years ago

#24

Originally posted by: ..RamKiJanaki..

That's a good point, munni. Yes, both FIL and MIL are equal to father/mother, and Jeeju/Didi are also equal to father/mother.

However, since Jeeju and Didi are like father and mother, their son would be equal to one's sibling, wouldn't it? So now...either way we look at it, wouldn't Shravan be Vidya's brother in relation?

It makes Vidya's marriage to Shravan also look like incest.

you nailed it

On top of that there is no big age difference between Meera and Vidya which would make them Mom-Daughter. Meera has never acted like a mature girl, let alone mother. Vidya has always been understanding and mature.

There is a huge difference between mother and someone like your mother. If meera is like mother for vidya means Dharam should be samdhan of Meera. And if meera becomes wife of samdhan Dharam, it would make Vidya-Shravan as brother sister. If nothing else they are biological sisters without any doubt and son of your sister is your niece. Meaning of Maasi is Maa jaisi means shravan is married with his aunt.😆

It's like picking up relationship according to their requirement.

I have seen many cases where gets married with jeeju after death of elder sister (take example of hum apke hain kaun where Madhuri's marriage was almost done with husband of her late sister) and there is nothing wrong in that.

If Dharam is father figure for Vidya, at the same time he is jeeju of vidya. If tomorrow Vidya's husband and sister pass away, Dharam can marry her claiming that he was always her jeeju.😆

Father figure, mother figure are all formality relationship. One should always focus on real relations.

Quote

Janaki

@RamKiSeeta

Achiever

+ 6

Posted: 9 years ago

#25

Originally posted by: Divine-Pearl

Father figure, mother figure are all formality relationship. One should always focus on real relations.

Exactly my point; the 'father/mother figure' should be considered in figurative sense only, but when marrying someone, real relationships are more important to consider.

Quote

Janaki

@RamKiSeeta

Achiever

+ 6

Posted: 9 years ago

#26

Originally posted by: xPalkix

Isn't it the meaning we give to relationships that count? My sister's brother-in-law would not mean he is my brother-in-law as well unless I decided to give our relationship that meaning.

I totally understand where you are going, and I am not negating your opinion at all, but the way I see it, whether we give a relationship meaning or not is up to us, but the relationship will not go away.

For example, if I marry someone, and I do not like his mother, I can choose not to give that relationship any meaning, but would she cease being my mother-in-law simply because I did not give it any meaning?

Relationships do not go away. I am speaking from my own life experience. There are some relations we dislike but we cannot simply choose to not give them anymore meaning, because either through blood or marriage they are forever linked to us.

In Hindu marriages, it is not two individuals marrying each other, but two families uniting to form an even bigger family. So whether Meera accepts Dharam as Vidya's FIL or not, Dharam is Meera's FIL, and in retrospect he becomes Meera's FIL too because Meera and Vidya are blood sisters. Whether by choice or not, once a member of a family marries, their new relationships impact their old relationships also.

And FYI, as per Hindu scriptures, marriage with brother-in-law is not considered sinful. Even legally it is allowed. Why? Because marrying brother-in-law does not change any relationship with anyone. Relationships remain the same and thus they are sanctioned.

In the case of husband's death, a widow is allowed to marry her brother-in-law if she consents.

Same, when a sister marries someone who has a younger/older brother, her sister is allowed to marry her brother-in-law.

Quote

@Silvertarax

Stunner

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#27

Originally posted by: ..RamKiJanaki..

I totally understand where you are going, and I am not negating your opinion at all, but the way I see it, whether we give a relationship meaning or not is up to us, but the relationship will not go away.

For example, if I marry someone, and I do not like his mother, I can choose not to give that relationship any meaning, but would she cease being my mother-in-law simply because I did not give it any meaning?

Relationships do not go away. I am speaking from my own life experience. There are some relations we dislike but we cannot simply choose to not give them anymore meaning, because either through blood or marriage they are forever linked to us.

In Hindu marriages, it is not two individuals marrying each other, but two families uniting to form an even bigger family. So whether Meera accepts Dharam as Vidya's FIL or not, Dharam is Meera's FIL, and in retrospect he becomes Meera's FIL too because Meera and Vidya are blood sisters. Whether by choice or not, once a member of a family marries, their new relationships impact their old relationships also.

And FYI, as per Hindu scriptures, marriage with brother-in-law is not considered sinful. Even legally it is allowed. Why? Because marrying brother-in-law does not change any relationship with anyone. Relationships remain the same and thus they are sanctioned.

In the case of husband's death, a widow is allowed to marry her brother-in-law if she consents.

Same, when a sister marries someone who has a younger/older brother, her sister is allowed to marry her brother-in-law.

No I did not mean that if you do not give the relationship a meaning then that relationship does not exist. For example, if you do not treat your brother as your brother than that does not mean he will stop being your brother.

But my point is that in cases like Dheera where Meera (where there is no blood relation) did not acknowledge Dharam as her FIL (she has no reasons to anyway) then why should she be criticised?

@Bold I agree and that applies everywhere BUT as far as I am concerned, I have never heard of families extending beyond the couple that is getting married. I heard the sister's husband becomes your jeeju but I have never heard her FIL also becomes your own FIL 😕

I also know marrying ones brother-in-law is not illegal but I was merely seeking an explanation. Because it does not make sense to me that on one hand, you say ones FIL becomes your FIL too and on the other hand, ones BIL is not your BIL? Relationships change there too because the child will see mausi and chachi in one person.

Anyways, I believe that if it is harming no one then there is no real problem. Dheera are different and something unusual hence, people will not understand their relationship. If Dheera were real then maybe even I would question them at first but that is because I would fail to see their bond and love. I would be looking from the surface rather than into the depth.

Sure think about the norms and beliefs but also look at the what the person actually wants and weight which one holds more importance. For Dheera, I do not feel the complications of relationships should mean Dheera need to sacrifice their love. Because then even Vidhya and shravan can divorce to give Dheera a license.

Quote

kavita

@kavitha_r

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#28

Originally posted by: dheera_1

exactly/...as per ur logic @ramkijanki...toh ek ghar mein do bhaiyon se do bheno ki shaadi hona bhi galat hai cos...ek ka brother in law(read like brother) will be the BIL of 2nd...??...but its a very common practice to get two sis married to two brothers in one family??

The family has an objective to see that both their daughters are in the same house. I don't find anything wrong in 2 sisters marrying 2 brothers in the same family. If one sister marries a girl from a family say A & B are sisters belonging to C family. X & Y are brothers belonging to Z family. If A marries X, Y will be A's brother-in-law. B will only have relationship with X as a sister-in-law but will not be related to any of X's family members. So B can marry Y with mutual consent.

Edited by katrinasalman - 9 years ago

Quote

kavita

@kavitha_r

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 9 years ago

#29

Originally posted by: Divine-Pearl

you nailed it

On top of that there is no big age difference between Meera and Vidya which would make them Mom-Daughter. Meera has never acted like a mature girl, let alone mother. Vidya has always been understanding and mature.

There is a huge difference between mother and someone like your mother. If meera is like mother for vidya means Dharam should be samdhan of Meera. And if meera becomes wife of samdhan Dharam, it would make Vidya-Shravan as brother sister. If nothing else they are biological sisters without any doubt and son of your sister is your niece. Meaning of Maasi is Maa jaisi means shravan is married with his aunt.😆

It's like picking up relationship according to their requirement.

I have seen many cases where gets married with jeeju after death of elder sister (take example of hum apke hain kaun where Madhuri's marriage was almost done with husband of her late sister) and there is nothing wrong in that.

If Dharam is father figure for Vidya, at the same time he is jeeju of vidya. If tomorrow Vidya's husband and sister pass away, Dharam can marry her claiming that he was always her jeeju.😆

Father figure, mother figure are all formality relationship. One should always focus on real relations.

@blue: If you see Bewafa movie, you will find that Kareena & Sushmita are sisters. Sushmita is Anil Kapoor's wife. Kareena is in love with Akshay Kumar but marries Anil Kapoor after her sister's death.

Meera-Dharam marriage has led to many complications in their relationship as well as in others relationship. Dharam does not look old. He is gifted with good looks but he cannot go back to his past. But the trp aunties & public focusses more on chemistry than anything else.

Even in the real life, relationships can be crude when there is 5 years age difference between 1st & 2nd child, 7 years age difference between 1st & the 3rd & 20 years age difference between 1st & the 5th child if it is the last one. There are other factors like getting them married before their marriageable age i.e. girls before 18 years & boys before 21 years.

In earlier times, both mother & daughter used to get pregnant which leads to getting a girl married to her maternal uncle. In these cases, the families go by gotra which is given more importance than love, age, financial stability etc.

Sometimes, it makes me think that can love be so blind that it is placed over everything else? I also know the answer what other person is going to answer to this question. It will be, "Everything is fair in love & war."

Edited by katrinasalman - 9 years ago