Ahem knelt there in the middle of his room his eyes closed, his body shaking slightly. He opened his eyes and stared at the space in front of him... He saw himself... Angry... Ruthless... She stood infront of him crying uncontrollably... Telling him that she thought he loved her... Telling him that the letter said he loved her... Telling him that she couldn't read. He saw himself slap her so hard that her entire existence crumbled under his touch. The bruise forming right infront of his eyes where his hand hit her. Ahem saw himself say things... That he always loved Anita and this marriage means nothing to him... and then he stormed out... The vision of a paralysed Gopi slowly blurred in his eyes... As he instinctively tried to reach his hands out towards the image... Comfort it. But it vanished.
Ahem got up slowly and walked towards the very spot he stood when he slapped her... Right next to the dressing table where she had stood all decked up... He was breathing heavily as he relived that moment again and again in his head. The closed fists shaking as he turned away in disgust and came face to face with his own image in the mirror... He stared at himself... At the disgust in his eyes... it was too much... He had done too much already... He couldn't take it... He was going to turn away when another scene formed in the mirror, it was no longer of him but of Gopi, dressed in blue... lost in her thoughts, then he saw himself coming up from behind her...
She turned to look at him and then turned away again to hide her face. He heard himself praise and thank her for saving him from the snake... A small smile of relief formed on his face... This was a good memory. He saw Gopi nearly smile shyly... But then it all changed... he saw his face contort in disgust as he mocked her for expecting him to actually thank her... He then told her that he'd rather die than be saved by her... The look of shock, the dread in her eyes at that statement. Ahem stood rooted, staring at the mirror... hating the reflection he saw. He wanted to hurt the man in the mirror... He was not just heartless but also supremely ungrateful... Not being able to bear the fact that it was himself, he picked up the first thing he found on the dresser and flung it on the mirror... Shattering it to pieces... He picked up another one and took a staggering step back... The mirror was broken but the image was still there...His own words ringing in his ears. He threw the bottle of perfume at the already broken mirror... The shattering louder this time as the bottle smashed and so did some other parts of the mirror.
It was not enough... He turned away towards the bed and saw how neatly she had arranged it... He picked up a pillow and flung it across the room where it hit a glass vase, sending it crashing to the floor..
Still not enough. He was reaching a maddening stage now... he hated himself. He looked around when his gaze fell on his own photograph right next to Gopi's. The Holi frame right behind it. He walked over to the table and picked it up... He was smiling and so was she... The picture was perfect. He stroked it lovingly with his hands and then looked up to his picture... Standing alone and with a smile on his face... The pride of being Ahem Modi etched on his features. Ahem kept the Holi picture on the bed and picked up the other one. This is me.. A monster. He flung it to his right, where it smashed through the window and out of the room... He heard it smash on the concrete downstairs...
He turned around, unaware of the tears in his eyes... Only to find the entire family standing at the door...Shocked beyond their wits... Gopi and his mom were the only ones inside, they had stopped midway from reaching out to him... probably stunned by the force with which he had flung the frame... There were shards all over the room... Marked with blood... Ahem's blood, he had walked around stepping on broken pieces without realising that they had pierced through his wicker sandals...
Gopi stood the nearest...she was obviously the first one on the scene... Terror written all over her face... Tears running down her face... As she looked at him... staring at him, at his tears, then at his feet, then at the blood in the room... Her hands shivering at how much damage he had caused to himself.
Kokila walked slowly towards them and stopped right besides Gopi... Hetal and Baa had also entered the room by now. Jigar, Rashi and Anita stood frozen at the door. Anita had wanted to enter but she had been blocked by Rashi and Hetal, not realising that they had done it on purpose.
"Ahem?" Kokila asked in a tender voice... She had never seen her son like this... Never. She knew that her son had a temper... but this wasn't anger... it was something else. Ahem didn't answer but continured to stare at the bed. Not wanting to meet anyone's eyes. Kokila teared up looking at his condition. She looked at Gopi, who looked, if at all this was possible, even worse than Ahem. The pain, the unsaid emotion that Ahem felt seemed to be mirrored on Gopi's face.
Hetal placed a hand on Kokila's arm and said softly.. "Kokila, I think we must leave him alone at this point. He is very disturbed..."
"But Mota Bhabhi, look at him... How can I?"
"Yes, what happened? He was so normal a few minutes ago, when he came to ask for Gopi at the mandir" Baa added.
"Mom"
"Yes, Ahem... Tell me what happened? Are you alri.."
"Mom, I am ok. Please leave me alone for some time. Please" He said it without looking up, in a voice so calm that it made Gopi shiver. He is hurt. I have hurt him. The deathly calm in his voice brought fresh tears in her eyes... She nearly staggered away from him as he spoke.
"Ok, Ahem. Me and your mom, infact we all will leave. You calm down. Whatever the problem is we will discuss later. Come Kokila... Leave the boy alone.. He is upset. When he wants to tell us, he will tell us... We know him, he can never do anything wrong. Just give him time."
His aunt's last comment hit him with such force, that some fresh tears spilled over his face... he turned away to hide them. Kokila took a step towards Ahem but was stopped by Hetal. Both of them looked at each other, and Hetal shook her head indicating that this was not the time... She urged Kokila and somehow managed to take her away. Kokila kept looking back at her son and daughter in law. Rashi and Jigar too decided to leave. Anita wanted to go in but Hetal stopped her again, this time firmly. The entire family left the room stunned beyond words. What had happened? Ahem, their Ahem... never had he lost control like that.
Ahem stood with his back to everyone, listening intently as everyone left. Only Gopi hadn't moved. She just stood there. Then he heard a small jingle, she had taken one step back. Then another, then another. Then he heard the sound of her bangles. She was turning away.
"Don't go."
And then he heard her stop.
Please comment. It is very encouraging.
Aish.
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
