Part 4
Ahem gazed at Gopi thru the rearview mirror as he drove. She had her eyes closed but he doubt she was sleeping. She hadn't said a word since they left Nani's house.
As he gazed at her, his Nani's words echoed in his head, and he couldn't help but agree with her. He did keep his feelings hidden; it had kept him in control. His fear of loosing control and giving someone power to hurt him had kept him from admitting, even to himself, how much he loved his wife.
He thought back to the moment he met her the first time. He had been wandering around, when the lights went out. Then he had seen her come down the steps. She had seen him and he had seen the nervousness on her face, then she stumbled and he had rushed to catch her. The moment he felt her hand in his, he had been lost. The reaction was instant; he had never felt like that before, not even with Anita, the girl he thought he loved.
The moments the lights came back on, he had released her and stepped back, not only physically but mentally too. He had then proceeded to build a wall around his heart, he had feared if he let her in then his control would be shot. It had been easy to keep her at distance once he found out about her illiteracy.
For almost a year he found one reason or another to hate her. He had so much he needed to apologize for, he hoped she forgives him and let him make up for his past deeds.
Gopi breathed a sigh of relief the moment the car stopped in the Modi Bhavan driveway. Although the baby had not bothered her, sitting in the car for the long period had made her back ache. She had also felt Ahemji's gaze on her often and trying not to look back had taken its toll on her.
She gazed at Modi Bhavan and felt at peace, she was home. The home where for the first time she had felt loved. This is where she had found love of not one but two sets of parents, love of a grandmother and a brother. She had missed her family very much, but at the same time she hadn't wanted them to choose between her and their son, so she felt it was best to remove herself.
Hetal kaki greeted them at the door with Aarti thali. She did the aarti on both Gopi and Ahem and the minute they stepped in she hugged Gopi tightly. When Hetal kaki stepped back, she had a huge smile on her face and happy tears in her eyes. She placed her hand on Gopi's cheek. "Gopi dikra welcome home, today you have brought us the biggest happiness." Hetal kaki couldn't stop smiling.
"Hetal, if you are finished with Gopi vahu, we are also waiting to meet our vahu." Chirag kaka said in his teasing voice.
Gopi stepped forward to greet Chirag kaka and her papaji. They both blessed her and also voiced that they were happy she was back, and with a wonderful gift for them.
Gopi swallowed back her tears at the warm welcome.
Ahem was standing back and observing the interactions of his family and Gopi, and realized because of his selfishness, not only Gopi, but also the whole family had suffered. It was easy to see how much his family loved Gopi, and how much she loved them. If only he hadn't let his fear get in the way and confessed his love the minute he realized it, none them would be in this situation right now.
Gopi looked around at her home and saw that nothing had changed in her absence. She turned to Hetal Kaki. "Kakiji, where is Devarji?"
Hetal smiled at her. "Your devar will be back in few days, he is gone on a business trip." Seeing the worried look on Gopi's face, Hetal's heart clenched, she realized Gopi still blamed herself for what happened. "Gopi dikra, forget what happened in the past I have, and most importantly, Jigar is also slowly getting on with his life. He is fine; do not worry. You will see for yourself when he returns." Hetal turned to Ahem. "Ahem dikra, Gopi must be tired after the long trip, why don't you take her to your room so she can rest for a while." Hetal helped Gopi up from the sofa.
Gopi slowly made her way upstairs with Ahem right beside her. She was glad he didn't try to hold her, it was going to be hard enough to face all the memories without the added strain of his touch.
Even though she had braced herself for the onslaught of the memories the minute she stepped into the room, recollection of all the moments spent in the room froze her in place.
No matter, how warmly and eagerly the house and its people welcomed her, this room always made her feel like she did not belong here. This is the room where she has always felt like an outsider.
Although most of her memories of all her time spent in this room were painful, there were few of them that brought her joy. The most cherished memory was the night her baby was conceived. The memories that came before that night and the ones that came after that night outweighed her one night of joy. She glanced at the bed, and remembered how gentle and tender Ahemji had been with her, then why did he pull away next morning?
Gopi, snap out of it, thinking about it is not going to change anything. Just face the facts. Your husband obviously needed the physical intimacy that he hadn't had in over a year, and you were handy. He used you and discarded you once he had what he wanted.
Gopi turned at the sound of knock on the door. "Gopi bhabhi, Nani bhabhi wanted you to drink this juice and then to rest for a while." Mani came in the room and placed the juice on the bedside table. She smiled at Gopi and stopped in front of her on the way out. She glanced at Gopi and Ahem both. "Gopi bhabhi, congratulations and welcome home."
Gopi smiled back at Mani. "Thank you Maniben." As Mani was living the room, Kinjal walked in to the room. She glanced at Ahem then at Gopi with a raised eyebrow. Gopi tensed at the way Kinjla looked at her, but to her relief Kinjal did not say anything to her, she just turned back to her brother. "Bhai ma is calling you downstairs, she wanted you to pick up some things from the market." Ahem nodded at her and Kinjal left.
Ahem watched as his sister left, then turned back to Gopi. He had seen her tense the moment she stepped into the room. He wondered what she had been thinking about, but judging by the glimpse of pain on her face, he knew her memories were not pleasant.
He sighed, he wished he could go back and erase the past and start again, but that was not to be. "Gopi?" She turned towards him with an inquiring look. "Rest for a while, I will be back soon." She just walked to the bed, lowered herself carefully, before lying down. He hesitated few more seconds to see if she needed anything, but when she continued to keep silent he made himself move towards the door. He closed the doors gently before going down.
"Ha, mota bhabhi, I am glad my Gopi vahu is back home, but I am worried for her, she feels as though once again she is coming in the way of Ahem's happiness. I feel as though I have done a very big injustice to Gopi. When I chose her for my vahu, I didn't give her a choice, I just went up to her and put the Kangans in her hand and announced that she would be my vahu." Ahem was taken back by this, he never thought about how Gopi was chosen, all he knew was that his mom had her heart set on having this girl as her vahu, and he had agreed without questions. He never denied his mother anything.
"Kokila I can understand your feelings, but Gopi knows you love her as a daughter not a vahu, she also sees her mother in you and she needs you now, so put the past aside and trust Krishna bhagwan to make everything right." Ahem took few steps back then called out to his mom, he didn't want them to know he heard their conversation.
When his mom and Kaki started cleaning the table Gopi spoke up. "Maji, can I help you with this?" His mom put the dishes down and helped Gopi get up from the chair. She smiled at Gopi gently and caressed her face. "Nahi Gopi vahu, you need to go rest, we will take care of the work."
His sister spoke up in anger. "Wow mom, you are something, you swallow this girl's every innocent act." His mom glared at Kinjal. Before anyone can say anything Kinjal continued shocking everyone. "Before you start dreaming about this grand baby, did you consider checking to see if this is a Modi baby or not?"
Ahem's jaw clenched in anger and he fisted his hand, he took a step towards his sister, but his mom's voice stopped him. "Kinjal! How dare you question my Gopi vahu's virtue? You do not have a permission to voice your opinions in our family matters. You are only under this roof because this is what your Kaka and Kaki wants, and I respect their decision." His sister glared at Gopi, firmed her mouth and walked away in a huff.
"Ahem dikra" he turned towards his kaki. "Take Gopi to your room." He turned towards where his mom was hugging Gopi to her side. He could see that Kinjal's words had shaken Gopi.
He stepped forward, and his mom reluctantly released Gopi. This time he ignored her "don't touch me signals" and took her hand in his. As he helped her climb the stairs, he put his arm around her to steady her. He could feel his family's worried gaze on them, as they made their way up the steps.
Ahem helped her sit on the bed and stepped back. Gopi had yet to look up, he didn't know what she was thinking but judging by her expressions it didn't look good.
Gopi never thought about anyone doubting the baby's parentage, she had assumed everyone would believe her, but now that it was brought up she was amazed that Ahem hadn't voiced his doubts. In fact she was surprised he didn't accuse her of trapping him in an unwanted marriage.
She knew her thinking was unreasonable because Ahem hadn't accused her of lying since the day she had cried on his shoulder when she was accused of cheating on the test. He had told maji that as far as he knew Gopi didn't lie, but things changed again seven months ago.
Although he hadn't been harsh with her after that night, he had still shown his indifference to her, just like he did in the beginning of their marriage.
She looked up to see him starring at her intently. She looked away for a moment, and took a deep breath. "Woh, I..I am not sure if you believe me or not but I promise you this is your baby. I did not do this purposely to trap you or anything." She couldn't look at him. "I don't know how to prove it to you now but after the baby is born you are welcome to find out for yourself." She looked up when he didn't say anything.
Ahem felt his heart clench at her little heartfelt speech. He could see the effect of his indifferent attitude towards her months ago. They had reduced the distance and awkwardness between them during the time he was teaching her. Her accident had brought them closer, but he could see that she once again reverted back to the scared, insecure girl of the past.
Some of it had to do with him, but Rashi and her mom had also contributed to her lack of self-confidence. And today Kinjal questioned her virtue and honesty, which were also questioned by him in the past, no wonder she felt the need to explain herself.
Ahem lowered himself to the bed, next to her. He took her hand in his, and looked down at their joint hands. "I am sorry Gopi, you should have never been put in the position to explain yourself. I don't need you to prove to me that this baby is mine, I have no doubt that this is my baby resting under your heart." He placed his hand on her stomach.
"This baby is a blessing for me, he or she is what brought you back to my life. If it wasn't for this baby you would have never come back to me." Gopi looked at him wearily. "As for you trapping me, I could never accuse of this, in fact I am happy that the most beautiful night of my life brought us this precious gift."
Gopi slowly pulled her hand out of his. "I think I will go change, I am feeling tired." Ahem could see that she did not believe him and he didn't blame her, but he needed to make her understand that she hadn't done anything wrong that night to make him pull away from her that night. He knew her well enough to know that she has been blaming herself for his behavior. "Gopi please listen to me." He tried pleading with her.
She turned back to him tiredly. "Nahi Ahemji, you don't have to explain anything to me, I understand. Please I don't want to talk about it. I am really tired, I just want to rest." She didn't wait for him to say anything else and went into the bathroom to change.
Gopi closed the bathroom door and leaned against the door. She closed her eyes and tried to control her trembling. She was a coward, but she could not stand there and let him make excuses to make her feel better, not when she knew the truth.
When Gopi came out of the bathroom, she was relieved to see that Ahem had left the room. She sat on the side of the bed and looked around the room. Then she noticed the sofa was gone. Now what? She looked around the room for a solution but couldn't think of anything. Should she make her bedding on the floor? No she couldn't do that in her condition. Finally she just gave up and lay down on the bed, it was up to him what he wanted to do. If he wants to make other sleeping arrangements for himself than that was up to him, she was too tired to think anymore.
Shiv Shakti
Madhubala - Ek Ishq Ek Junoon
Cricket
