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Bihari Essay "Indian Cow" (PLS GO THROUGH THIS!!)

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC(IAS)Examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:

Indian Cow

HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza] , in hand and drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.......

We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS, is bihar in somewhere..[sorry somewhere in Bihar

😆

Originally posted by: Mini_montreal

Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling >in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets >completely dark. >Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out >of >the >tunnel. Thatcher and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. >Musharraf is >bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of >them >remain diplomatic and nobody says anything. > > >Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. >Musharraf >must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that >she slapped him. > >" Madhuri is thinking: "Musharraf must have moved to kiss me,and kissed >Margaret instead and got slapped. > >" Musharraf is thinking: "Damn it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss >Madhuri, >she thought it was me and slapped me. > >" Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I >could >make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again". > >

😆

Originally posted by: Kaschif

George Bush Wondering how his popularity was among the children, the American president, George Bush visits a school. After explaining a little bit of the governmental platform, he asks the kids if they had any questions.

Bob raises his hand and says:

I have 3 questions for you...

How did you manage to win the elections, even though you had less votes?
Why do you want to attack Iraq without clear reasons?
1. Don't you think that the Hiroshima bomb was the biggest act of terrorism in the world's history?

At this very moment the bell rings and all the kids run out of the classroom.

After the break, Bush tells the kids to feel free to ask him more questions and this time Joey raises his hand and says: I have 5 questions for you...

How did you manage to win in the elections, even though you had less votes?
Why do you want to attack Iraq without clear reasons?
Don't you think that the Hiroshima bomb was the biggest act of terrorism in the world's history?
Why did the bell sound 20 minutes earlier today?
1. Where's Bob?

😆

Good One😉

A man passed away and went to Heaven. When he arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "Come on in. I'll show you around. You'll like it here."
While walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere. There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.
The man questioned St. Peter, "What's the deal? Why are all these clocks here in Heaven?"
"The clocks keep track of things on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time that person on earth tells a lie, his clock moves ahead one minute." St. Peter continued, "For instance, this clock is for Sam, the used car salesman. Sam sells a lot of used cars, so the minute hand on his clock moves all day long."
The man and St. Peter continued walking. Soon, they came to a clock with cobwebs on the minute hand. "Whose clock is that?" asked the man.
"That clock belongs to the Widow Mary. She is one of the finest, God-fearing, people on earth. I'll bet her clock hasn't moved in a year or two."
When the tour was finished, the man said, "You know, I ve seen everyone's clock but President Clinton's. Where's his clock?"
Saint Peter smiled and replied, "Look overhead. We use his clock for a ceiling fan."

Originally posted by: Kaschif

George Bush Wondering how his popularity was among the children, the American president, George Bush visits a school. After explaining a little bit of the governmental platform, he asks the kids if they had any questions.

Bob raises his hand and says:

I have 3 questions for you...

How did you manage to win the elections, even though you had less votes?
Why do you want to attack Iraq without clear reasons?
1. Don't you think that the Hiroshima bomb was the biggest act of terrorism in the world's history?

At this very moment the bell rings and all the kids run out of the classroom.

After the break, Bush tells the kids to feel free to ask him more questions and this time Joey raises his hand and says: I have 5 questions for you...

How did you manage to win in the elections, even though you had less votes?
Why do you want to attack Iraq without clear reasons?
Don't you think that the Hiroshima bomb was the biggest act of terrorism in the world's history?
Why did the bell sound 20 minutes earlier today?
1. Where's Bob?

👏

Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord,"
And there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

2. There were three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car stops running and they pull off to the side of the road wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. The Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, came up with a suggestion. "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, and open all the windows and see if it works?

Thanks SmarterDesiKid and sdasaraju :)

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

PAKISTANI ECONOMICS
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, British for Warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, French for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high productivity.

Bragging about Japan
There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.

The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"