Game - JOKES - Page 9

1.

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR"
for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...

2.

Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them
"Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".
The man at the other end replies "One second sir..."
and Laloo immediately replies "Thank you" and puts the phone down.

3.

Banta Singh rushed back angrily to the grocery shop from where he had purchased a packet of butter few minutes ago.
"Where is my free gift?" he shouted at the shop keeper.
"But Sir, there is no free gift on the purchase of butter." Shopkeeper answered politely.
"Dont fool me," replied Banta, "it is clearly written on the packet of the butter 'cholesterol free'."

Wow, really enjoyed all the jokes.

Audition of Anchor for Kaun Banega Crorepati TV Show!

Nana Patekar : Jaldi se jawab bol. Sahi jawab tere ko lakhpati bana dalega. Galat jawab tere ko hijda bana dega.

Shatrughan Sinha : Khamosh ! Bihari babu ke saamne zaban chalata hai. Tera cheque phaad ke phek doonga.

Dharmendra : Galat jawab ! Kutte Kameene, main tera khoon pee jaoonga.

Amrish Puri : Sahi jawab ! Mogambo khush hua!

Amjad Khan : Kitne options the ? Chaar ! Soover ke bachchon ! Chaar chaar options ! Bahut na-insaafi hai ! Dhish-keoin Dhish-keoin ! 50-50 kar ke do galat jawab main uda diye. Ab bol, tera kaya hoga kaaliya?

Sanjay Dutt : Aye item log, kaye ko udhar khada hai? Idhar aake mere pass baith jaa. Kya be chikne - tere ko aata hai to bol dal varna main tere ko idhar-eech phod dalega.

Raj Kumar : Jaani, huuum, hhhuuuum hote to apne dost ko phone kar ke sawaal pooch lete.

Jagdeep : Bole to Soorma Bhopali - meri jeb ho gayi khaali. Mere pass to koi cheque nahin hain. Arre mujhko jaane do.

Mithun Chakraborty : Eeyaeech ! Tu audience poll karega? Aye, yahan ke public ke paas time nahin hai. Kya nahin hai? Time nahin hai.

Kesto Mukherji : Hee-heek. Hee-yaik. Apne ko sab kuch do-do dikh rahela hai. Hee-heek. Yeh aath options kidhar se aa gaye ? Hee-yok. Apne ko bahut chad gayeli hai.

Jeetendra : Lekin kyoon? ( groan ) Aap aisa kyoon kar rahe hai? (whine) Aap kabhi bhi game chhod kar jaa sakte hai.

Ashok Kumar : To abhi aapne yeh dekha ( wheeze ), ki yahan se Delhi ke Ramesh Kumar ( gasp ), yahan se Rs. 20,000 leke chale gaye. ( groan ). Kal aur dus logon ko leke phir milenge Hum Log ( croak ).

Aliens Attack

President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news."

"Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first."

"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet."

"Gosh, and the good news?"

"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee oil."

Ten O'Clock All Over the World

In America, they say it's 10:00 do you know where your children are?

In England, they say it's 10:00 do you know where your husband is?

In Paris, they say it's 10:00 do you know where your wife is?

And in Poland, they say it's 10:00 do you know what time it is?

The Cab Driver Goes to Heaven

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabbie, St. Peter invites him to pick up a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.

A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher's entry in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, "Okay, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff."

The preacher is astonished and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie."

St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: "This is heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."

This one is really good....

Secret Messages

After numerous rounds of: "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message: 370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the F B I. No one could solve it so it went to the C I A, then to NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning, they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. MI-6 cabled the White House:

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

A Surgeon was operating on an old lady for Piles..It was little painful procedure and to divert the aatention..The surgeon started a conversation..
Ms Thatcher, Do you smoke...
Ms Thatcher got worried and asked..Do you find any..

A Lonely Jew in Catholic School

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send him to a private Catholic school.
While there the boy came home from school and studied every day. At the end of the marking period the boy got straight A's. So his parents asked him, "What motivated you to do so well in school?"

He replied, "When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew they weren't fooling around!"

Elementary, My Dear Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."