Game - JOKES - Page 6

Subject: How women reject pick up lines


Females R real cool than boys and their sense of humour is beyond the limit U guys think...its a proven fact...check this out...

HE : I'm a photographer. I' ve been looking for a face like yours!
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!!

HE : Hi! Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice!

HE : May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE : No, Id like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share!!!

HE : Is it hot in here or is it just you?
SHE : It's hot!!!

HE : I'd go to the ends of the world for you!
SHE : Okay, but would you stay there?

HE : Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry! Im having a headache this weekend!!!

HE : Your face must turn a few heads!
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!

HE : Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE : Okay, get out!!!

HE : I think I could make you very happy
SHE : Why, are you leaving?

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why, don't you already have one?

HE : Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE : Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98 or XP, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

> Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one
> woman.
> The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one
> has to drop off. Otherwise they are all going to fall.
>
> They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very
> touching speech.
> She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman
> she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men
> in general, without ever getting anything in return.
> As soon as she finished her speech, all the men
> started clapping their hands...
>
> SEND THIS STORY TO AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN, SO
> THAT SHE HAS SOMETHING TO SMILE ABOUT TODAY.
>

Originally posted by: Mini_montreal

Vajpayee, Musharraf, Madhuri Dixit and Margaret Thatcher are traveling >in a train. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and it gets >completely dark. >Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out >of >the >tunnel. Thatcher and Vajpayee are sitting there looking perplexed. >Musharraf is >bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of >them >remain diplomatic and nobody says anything. > > >Thatcher is thinking: "These Pakistanis are all crazy after Madhuri. >Musharraf >must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that >she slapped him. > >" Madhuri is thinking: "Musharraf must have moved to kiss me,and kissed >Margaret instead and got slapped. > >" Musharraf is thinking: "Damn it, Vajpayee must have tried to kiss >Madhuri, >she thought it was me and slapped me. > >" Vajpayee is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I >could >make another kissing sound and slap Musharraf again". > >

😆

LMAO!!!

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one.

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts.

Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Answers:
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler

And by the way, the answer to the abortion question:
If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.

******* SORRY GUYS, I KNOW THIS IS NOT A JOKE, BUT IT IS INTERESTING *********

Smoking Tech Problem
---------------------

After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance...

Technician: Hello. How can I help you today?

Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer...

Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply...

Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files...

Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it...

Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command...

For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded...

Technician: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem...

Customer: I knew it!

Technician: Just add the line 'LOAD NOSMOKE.COM' at the end of the CONFIG.SYS file and everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes...

About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from
the customer...

Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking...

Technician: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

Customer: MS-DOS 6.22...

Technician: Well, that's your problem. That version of DOS doesn't
include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for
a patch. Let me know how it all works out...

When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again...

Customer: I need a new power supply...

Technician: How did you come to that conclusion?

Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply...

Technician: What did he tell you?

Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE...

1.Men are like ........Laxatives ....... They irritate the shit out of you.

2.Men are like ......... Bananas ....... censored
3.Men are like ......... Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them.

4.Men are like ......... Blenders ...... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5.Men are like ........ Chocolate Bars ..... Sweet, smooth, & they usually ...censored.

6.Men are like ....... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7.Men are like ......... Department Stores ...... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8.Men are like ......... Government Bonds ...... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9.Men are like ........ Mascara ....... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10.Men are like ........ Popcorn . ...... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11.Men are like . ... Snowstorms ..... censored
12.Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ..... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13.Men are like ........ Parking Spots ....... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

George Bush Wondering how his popularity was among the children, the American president, George Bush visits a school. After explaining a little bit of the governmental platform, he asks the kids if they had any questions.

Bob raises his hand and says:

I have 3 questions for you...

1. How did you manage to win the elections, even though you had less votes?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without clear reasons?
3. Don't you think that the Hiroshima bomb was the biggest act of terrorism in the world's history?

At this very moment the bell rings and all the kids run out of the classroom.

After the break, Bush tells the kids to feel free to ask him more questions and this time Joey raises his hand and says: I have 5 questions for you...

1. How did you manage to win in the elections, even though you had less votes?
2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without clear reasons?
3. Don't you think that the Hiroshima bomb was the biggest act of terrorism in the world's history?
4. Why did the bell sound 20 minutes earlier today?
5. Where's Bob?

><< << Subject: Bill Gates arrives at the Pearly Gates....
>
>
>"Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure
>whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you enormously
>helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world,
>and
>yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've
>never
>done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"
>
>Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between
>the two?"
>
>God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help
>you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?"
>
>"Sure!" said Bill. "Let's go!"
>
>Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters.
>There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the
>water,
>laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature
>was perfect!
>
>Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see
>Heaven!" To which God replied, "Let's go!" and off they went.
>
>Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels
>drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but surely not as
>enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered
>his
>decision.
>
>"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."
>
>"As you desire," said God.
>
>Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see
>how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among
>the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by
>demons.
>
>"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God.
>
>Bill responded with anguish and despair. "This is awful! This is not
>what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful
>women
>playing in the water?"
>
>"Oh THAT!" said God. "That was the screen saver!"

Galileo : GREAT MIND
Einstein : GENIUS MIND
Newton : EXTRAORDINARY MIND
Bill Gates : BRILLIANT MIND
George W. Bush : NEVER MIND😕