FS: A traitorous taste (for Smitar) Part 5 page 27 completed

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aaliah3108

@aaliah3108

Rocker

Posted: 10 years ago

#51

OMG !!!!! I love u so much !

What did u just write dear Sabs !!!

You re-created Parud's passion and I can almost visualise this playing out. How well you grasped their psyche and the way they would move/ behave around each other sensing each other 's presence even in such circumstances.

We all witnessed how attuned they were to each other despite being on the opposite sides , despite trying to hate each other, it could take just one small sentence or a small situation to make Paro call out for Rudra and for Rudra to jump in before she would call out!

You built it on this and wrote out this piece so effortlessly. I swear I could see this playing out ! truly remarkable.

I want more ...

I am so glad I bumped into you...late though but nevertheless ! hehe !

thanks again !

Edited by aaliah3108 - 10 years ago

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aaliah3108

@aaliah3108

Rocker

Posted: 10 years ago

#52

Originally posted by: tvbug2011

Thank you Ruchi for your kind words. It's lovely to meet you too. 😊 And I am absolutely delighted that you enjoyed my RReviews. As I said before I am new to this entire FF scene, so please do bear with me - I really hope I can live up to your high expectations.

Ashish and Sanaya were brilliant as PaRud - obviously a large part of the credit goes to the crew, but the talent of those two was mind-boggling. Which is why it was such a superior, fine romance - so very few of those going around. Pity it didn't last. They went at jet speed after the first few months, when actually we could have savoured the many potential tracks for ages.

Trying to post tonight - like I said, bear with me. 😳😃

More than happy to wait for you. And special thanks to Smitar as well as you came back to write because of her .

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JJKKL

@JJKKL

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#53

Hi Bug,

Well I know you get irritated if somebody calls you bug. Hence the name 😃

I am bugged with you. Reason being am forced to type with lot of pain in my hand. Thought I will stay away from IF and twitter today but your Part2 forced me to come here. So am bugged with you.😕

Has your writing become better from Part1 to Part2 ?😆 Or is it just me ? I could see every line play out in my imagination. The one I liked most was imagining Sanaya in these two lines

"The first inkling he had was when the gentle line of her back, uncovered by any shawl in the cold desert night, straightened. Then she canted her head at an angle and froze like a doe scenting danger."

This was like an aged wine for the sophisticated palates here.😉

How do you write like this ? I feel jealous.😳

Edited by JJKKL - 10 years ago

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Tvbug2011

@tvbug2011

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#54

Originally posted by: NavyaKavya30
Superlative writing...My breath caught in my throat as I read on...The intensity was overwhelming, enthralling, incredible...some things are meant to be experienced and felt...And my words would fall short of expressing how I truly feel about this... Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful...every line of this update, with special emphasis on the 'waiting' scene is a masterpiece... You are truly a gem and the sheer beauty of your words has left me in awe! Thank you so much for penning this down, and now that you have stepped into the TS world, I hope we see more from you!
A request...pl don't make it just a TS...make it a FF & give us a lot more reading pleasures..

Thank you Navya for your appreciation. 😊 Now it's me who's overwhelmed! 😳

I'm just so delighted to know that this section worked for you because it had few dialogues and very little hot stuff to grab reader interest, and I wondered whether it would appeal at all. And I'm thrilled that you liked the 'waiting' bit, because honestly that was me indulging myself (but then I do write for me too 😉😃). So, reassured on both counts.

I am much more comfortable writing short, and an FF would be a little bit of a stretch for me. But perhaps now that I have started writing fiction, I will be able to sustain it and write some more OS's or TS's.

And thank you for your beautiful, generous encouragement - I will treasure it!

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Tvbug2011

@tvbug2011

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#55

Originally posted by: aliyaraj
Excellent writing! you recreated their intensity and attraction. makes me want to go back and watch some of their earlier scenes. thank you for writing this and please please do continue!!

😊
cheers
Aliya

Thank you Aliya. 😊 Delighted you liked it.

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Tvbug2011

@tvbug2011

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#56

Originally posted by: tvbuf
Excellent part 2

How he makes out her silhouette and how she senses him behind her

How his eyes tear up and yet he blames it on something else

How they stay twined to each other

The magic from the beginning of the show has been recreated

I was wondering from part 1 what taste she had on her lips from before - now I know 😛

Thank you for the 2nd part so soon after the 1st

Keep writing - I loved it 👍🏼

Thank you for your appreciation and encoragement, and delighted that you felt some PaRud magic again. 😊

You're spot on about the silhouette and the emotion.

The taste on her lips comes from the same place - on two occasions, once now and once in the first part. 😉😃

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Tvbug2011

@tvbug2011

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#57

Originally posted by: psagars

Sabs, That was just amazing.Reliving the initial glory of RR.

You have a very vivid imagination and clarity for thoughts and details. And to add to it you have the art to put down your thoughts and imagination on paper in a way to keep the readers hooked.
(I hope you get what I am saying. I am not so good with words)

So for Rudra, Paro is still the bewakoof ladki, his star witness, the person responsible for the wrongs presently going in his life, the slip of girl who told him off.

This is the Rudra of the initial days and the Rudra we loved.

Rudra needs to find Paro before anyone else. But why ? For his honour or For her life.

I was confused by the line "Her life wouldn't be worth her broken mangalsutra if that came out. "

Up until now Rudra was all thinking about her being a witness, about his job, and honor of his men. But then with this line, it came out as he was more concerned for her life.

Rudra and Paro know each other's presence too well. That was beautifully brought out.

The way you described the catch and hold game - a passion was oozing out of it. Who was Rudra convincing? We all know what Paro's closeness did to him.

With this there was no running away, neither for Rudra, nor for Paro and never for us from the magic that RR created.

Sabs Love you.

Love ya too Reshma for your lovely comment!! 🤗Thank you so much for your detailed feedback - it really helps to know where the writing/plot has work where there's scope.

I'm delighted that the 'catch-hold' game appealed to you. I enjoyed writing it.

Your 2 areas of confusion:

Rudra needs to find Paro before anyone else, because he doesn't want the news to get to the Thakur, who will have her killed.

The Mangalsutra is worthless on 2 counts - 1 that it signifies a fake/worthless marriage so intrinsically it means nothing, and 2 because it broke when they were running away and so is now just an incomplete collection of black beads and a pendant. Hope that clears your doubts.

Edited by tvbug2011 - 10 years ago

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Tvbug2011

@tvbug2011

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#58

Originally posted by: -Suganthi-
Awesome build up. This was more true to Paro's character than what happened in the show. She tried to find out the truth about her sister than just argue with Rudra about it. Waiting for Part III

Thank you Suganthi. 😃 Delighted that it managed to capture your interest. Now of course i have the challenge of living up to the buildup.😉😃

And so glad that you think that Paro would have done this. This was one gap that the audience wanted filled, and which the CVs/crew didn't bother to. It would have made for a richer story, and more in keeping with the overall theme. WHat made it worse in some ways was the audition tape that a lot of us had seen on the Forum of the actress who was playing Nandini.

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Tvbug2011

@tvbug2011

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 10 years ago

#59

Originally posted by: tiniaa
Excellent but I am still wondering WHAT was that taste on Paro's lips. It's still not clear. Rudra hasn't kissed her even in this part so what is this taste on her lips ?
Can you pl explain.

Thank you. 😃

No Rudra hasn't kissed her, but her lips have come into contact with his skin on two occasions - so... 😉😃