Posted:
I had vowed that I would not make a single rant post here.
To be brutally honest, as Sunaara mentioned the stages in her post, I have been trying to achieve Acceptance.
But for Acceptance, one needs to overcome the depression. One needs to stop mourning.
And for the past two day, on 9.25, I tell myself, strictly, that it is FICTION.
I ask myself till when am I going to shed tears?
I give myself the logical reasons...
That see, now Rangrasiya is a happy chirpy show... that attracts audiences.
That see, it is SanIsh on your tv screen... they always will be DEAR to you.
That see, Myrah is everything that is light. That she will definitely be lovable, in time.
That see, aas pados ki aunties are already loving Myrah, saying they like the new Paro... That means TRP will come in.
That see, you'll get to see a love story from the start again. That means more scenes.
That see, Dhruv is a cutie pie, and is all things warm.
I keep on telling myself all these things.
And then the 7 year old boy utters, "Maa... Mumma.."
And I start shedding tears.
And then Dhruv tells Rudra that he saw his mother and she caressed his head. And I see the deadly fear on Rudra's face, that his little boy is creating imaginary beings due to his mother's void in his life.
I see him almost shivering in fear, and telling it to his son as brutally and as honestly as he can, that she is no more. That no one can bring her back. That its okay to hold on to memories of her. But not making gibberish fantasies and hopes that'll never be true.
And that is exactly when I start bawling my eyes out.
An AD break comes, and I wipe my tears and drink a little water. And reprimand myself, that don't be stupid Anky. It's Myrah and Rudra's first meeting next. It'll be amazing as its SanIsh obviously and they'll make things alright for you.
And then, they meet.
All of it, juxtaposed with Paro's images. All of it, is like watching all that this fandom lost.
And the precap, that is EVERY SINGLE PERSON of this fandom. We are that Rudra, drenching in the cold rain and crying and screaming our lungs out. That is what maybe hundreds of us IF-fandom has been doing. And what gives anybody the right to make us feel like that?
No. Do not tell me Such is Life. You have no right to.
Anupamaa
