RAABTA-Part 96 on page 148 on 9/3 - Page 2

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-pranjal- thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#11
Hey Chandana

Fantastic story Line ...Loved it

LOved the charactarisation :) Clean & Powerful ...LOved the way u have discribed the bondings & Their Family back ground 😊

First part was awesome, Loved the first Meet, Ayush is a cutie pie. He calls Khanak MOm instead of Bua, That's Great. Loved the way u have described the moment where both remembers Ayush's Parents, ,,,,,,,,,,Very Touchy ,,,,,,,,,Great description

Shaan is a workaholic & His family is Worried abt him they wants to see him get settled ...NIce I loved the Start. Loved the relationship shared By Father Son ...& Madhavi is caring & loving mother ...Amazing

I loved their First meet. Looks Hospital stuff, Friends & Sr doctors Respects Khanak for her hard work & dedications towards Aayush. Dr, Lata sounds Kind & Humble Doctor. Raj is a best friend ,,,,,,,THis is gonna be i interesting 😃

Waiting for part 2

LOve
Pranjal.
chandu8881 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#12

Part 2

On the same afternoon, hospital people were celebrating, it was 50th yr of hospital, they had arranged the lunch in one of the floors. All are eating except Khanak, Shaan was busy in meeting the hospital staff. Raj moves towards her.

Raj: kya hua khanak?? Itni tensed kyun lag rahe ho???

Khanak: woh, dekhona aayush abhi tak aaya nahi hain, he's never late (tensed)

Raj: don't worry woh aajayega (assures her by keeping his hand on her shoulder)

Shaan notices that and he thinks that they may be more than friends, something about that thought makes him uncomfortable.

After sometime, khanak is not seen anywhere, Raj is busy with his other colleagues and shaan is talking with Lata. One small boy with a cute smile, pulls lata's hand, she looks down, there's aayush

Lata: Aayush (picks him up) aaj late kaise ho gaye aap?? Pata hain Khanak kitna tensed hai??

Aayush: woh main uncle (he means driver, who has been appointed by khanak's dad, when he was alive, to pick aayush in the afternoon) ke saath ghar gaya tha, dress change karne ki liye (smiles sweetly), woh aaj uniform had become dirty.

Lata: very good (pecks him on the cheek). Khanak comes at that time, her coat is off now, she's happy to see him safe, now she's relieved. Aayush sees her jumps from lata's hands and runs to her at the same time shouts,

Mom!!!!! He hugs her, even khanak hugs him but shaan is shocked, it didn't seems like she was married, no she's not wearing any mangalsootr nor she shows any sign like she's married, he's really confused and shuts his mind talk. Before he could respond with anything, he hears lata talking,

Lata: aayush is khanak's brother son (shaan is now relieved, but still confused)

Shaan: He just called her mom??? (with a confused expression)

Lata narrates him the story of khanak and aayush's life. Shaan feels terrible for both of them, he's upset on hearing'

On the other side, Khanak: aap itna late kyun aaye, pata hain mamma kitni tensed thi (upset)

Aayush (hugs her tightly): main ghar gaya tha, dress change karne ki liye

Pulls him out of the embrace.

Khanak:mujhe phone tho karna chaiyiye na ???

Aayush: sorry, agli baar aisa nahi hoga ma, mujhe bhook lagi hain (rubs his hand on his tummy)

Khanak:sorry, chalo chalte hain, kya khaaoge aap (she picks the one which aayush wants to eat) they sit on a table, she feeds him and starts talking animatedly, making him laugh. Shaan is watching them, he feels sorry for ttheir loss, and also admires Khanak for her strong will power. Shaan takes his plate and move towards them.

Shaan: Hello,can I join you??

Khanak: oh, Dr. Shaan, hope u don't mind me calling that (starts to get up)

Shaan: no sit, it's not a problem, in fact I insist people to say Shaan, can I join u people??? Before Khanak could answer,

Aayush: offcourse uncle (Khanak smiles) (S sits down)

Shaan: Aayush right??? (aayush nods while eating) which class r u studying??

Aayush: 1st std. (smiling)

Aayush: I want ice-cream (to Khanak)

Khanak: no aayush, you'll get cold (sternly)

Aayush: one last time, I promise I won't ask once again (makes a face)

Khanak: ok, last time.

She excuses herself, goes to get the ice-cream.

Shaan: are you interested in PSP's (to aayush)

Aayush: aapke paas hain??? (eyes filled with excitement)

Shaan: PSP tho nahi hain, lekin I have a iPhone(shows his phone)

Aayush: main khel saktha hun??? (asks sweetly)

Shaan: sure only if u promises to be my friend (smiles)

Aayush: lekin aap tho bahut bade ho???

Shaan: bada ho toh friendship nahi karna chaiyiye???

Aayush: mom toh kehthi hain, strangers can't be friends (sweetly looking at him) S understands and smiles

Shaan: Lekin main stranger kaise ho sakto ho, toh chalo I'll introduce myself, my name is Shaan.

Aayush: and my name is Aayush.

Shaan: so we are friends right?? Aayush nods sweetly and both shakes their hands and are smiling.

Khanak comes but with empty hands

Khanak: sorry no chocolate ice cream, strawberry hain khaaoge???

Aayush: No no no. Khanak smiles at Aayush

Shaan: Kyun?? Strawberry pasand nahi hain???

Aayush: strawberry?? Who tho ladkiyon ko pasand hain na'

Shaan: tho??

Aayush: main ladki thodi na hun'

Shaan: correct (smiles)

Lata comes and tell khanak, to get back to work, she agrees.

Shaan: if you want I can take aayush with me??? (asks with concern)

Khanak: oh no, no problem, waise uske friends wait kar rahe honge and most off the time he's with me, so he's used to it(K smiles)

Shaan: friends???

Aayush: yaha ke nurses, doctors aur saare bachche

Shaan: oh then you must be having many friends, mere liye time de paaoge aap?? (mock sad)

Aayush: ofcourse, doonga na, aap bolo aap ka cabin kaha hain, I'll come there (smiles)

Shaan: That's so sweet of you. (smiles)

Khanak: Aayush aap yaha rahoge??

Aayush: nahi mom, I have to tell you what happened in the class today, sorry uncle mein aapse baad mein milta hun.

Shaan: ok then, see you later, bye Aayush (Aayush waves bye at him)

K: I'll take a leave (to S, to which S nods) Aayush and Khanak walks together, Aayush is telling her something and after that runs off, Khanak sprints behind him.

Seeing this, Shaan's face broke into smile.


Comments please..

Edited by chandu8881 - 13 years ago
chandu8881 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#13

Originally posted by: minnu345

Its interesting chandu...
go on...
and welcome to the forum again



Thanks a lot😊
chandu8881 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#14

Originally posted by: maneesha28889

wow nice FF chandu...


love that they both are doctors and khanak's story was a bit tragedy...poor gal she had to look after aayush and herself...keep going dear...waiting for the next part...



Thanks a lot😊

chandu8881 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#15

Originally posted by: jaisyjazz

wow!!! i loved it very much

hmm doctors very different and interesting story
waiting for next and plz try to update frequently or daily bhi chalega 😃
do update next very soon



Thank you so much😊
i wanted to update daily, unless if you don't want me to that😉
Kidding😊. Im having holidays, so i'll be updating frequently😊
chandu8881 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#16

Originally posted by: ktym

Amazing FF...so beautifully penned down...love the story so far...



Thank you so much😊

chandu8881 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#17

Originally posted by: snigdhanagar

heyyy chandu...its awesome yaar...m loving dis storyline...

plzzz try to update frequently...😊



Thank you so much😊
your name is Sneha right?? Sorry if im wrong
i'll update frequently😊
chandu8881 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#18

Originally posted by: neethurose

Good start

Continue Soon



Thank you😊
chandu8881 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#19

Originally posted by: ktymfan

hi chandu, i m saroj...loved the story N ur writing as well. Looking frd to This sweet story...PLz continue...



Thank you so much Saroj😊
chandu8881 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#20
Sorry guys its showing i can't post more than 10 posts in a day😔

@ heer- Thanks a lot😊 im updating frequently

@aasma- sorry😊 Thank you so much and yes i'll remember that your the first one to comment on my FF😊

@ Shreya- thanks a lot😊

@ Pranjal- Thank you so much for liking the story😊
Hope its upto your expectations😊



Edited by chandu8881 - 13 years ago

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