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angel_9 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
hey Aditee...

loved the update...

Madhavi is now little bit praising khanak...😆

Sunil really wants shan to be married to khanak...😃 i too am eagerly waiting for that...

khanak got sindoor box in her gift... wonderful

& the blue line...omg...amazing...

continue soon...


lghosh thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
What a lovely Sunday morning treat! Aditee let me give u a virtual squishy bear hug!! What fantastic updates!
Ok some points simply got highlighted for me! The way she was conscious of him sitting diagonally opposite to her in the room full of people. And that kind of made her very aware of him though she tried not to acknowledge it. How slowly Khanak unfolded herself gently with dadi & Sunil, it was lovely.
Loved, loved, loved how u painted that scene of Shaan taking the non-veg dips giving her the hint that the other 2 r veg dips. That was so beautiful, it kind of got etched in my heart! This is what love is all about, no words, no looks at each other, no gestures but a simple act & the other knows what its all about. I die for this kind of incidents. And the icing on the cake was Sunil noticed it. I like this Sunil a lot, he is much more calmer, intelligent, observant & mature from the show's Sunil.
Dadi is as usual lovely! I liked how smoothly Khanak confessed about her past to her without concealing anything. And did Dadi go & inform Sunil about it in that span of time? Or did Sunil already find out about Sooraj through someone? Or maybe Shaan told him? Wanted to know all the minute details.
Loved how Shaan's undivided attention was on her without making it too obvious. How they didn't interact almost anything in front of everyone & yet whatever one can notice the wise ones did between them. Niv also noticed something odd. They were so conspicuously not talking to each other was all the more noticeable I think.
And now the major reason why I gave u the hug earlier was how u sketched Madhavi's character. I won't call it evil at all but she represented all MOM in general who loves her son & wants the best for him. Face it which mom till date wants her dashing, handsome, well-to-do, established & successful son to marry a widow specially when he can get the best of girls? Its not mean but its very practical to think so & this is the reason I loved it so much, u gave a realistic touch to it. Frankly if u had made her sweet & the entire family accepting her with open arms that would have been too filmy sweet. But with this u r opening several prospects & giving it a sense of verisimilitude which can be very well related to. So many avenues opened up for this incident. And I want that conversation between Madhavi & Shaan where she needs to know what her son actually wants & where his heart lies. It will be a very important scene. She needs to have that vote fo confidence from Shaan directly. I find this very intriguing.
And so sweet of dadi to handover the gifts. Was the gift idea dadi's or of Shaan's? Specially that 'sindoor' container was it Shaan's idea knowing what it will imply? And the blue line again in the end, one small world 'yep' said it all about the future. 'Yes' he will be the one for whom she will again adorn herself with the colors of love, 'yes' he will be there for her forever, 'yes' he will be the one who will love her endlessly, 'yes' he will be the one who will take care of her & all her small needs, 'yes' he will be the one who will be concerned for her always & will protect her & 'yes' he is the one who will put that 'sindoor' on her!! I can go on & on!
Seriously u r a brilliant writer. Keep it up re! I will look forward to all the drama & also how the meeting of the Gujrals & Mistrys go in the upcoming updates. That will be another interesting episode. And the more realistic it is the better for me. I know her 'ada' will be a little skeptical before he gives in his consent. The caste, the status, the attitude difference should play a major role for his hesitation.
And Saaz a brilliant singer & she sang 2 of my most favorite songs, again salute to Gulzaar Saab & Panchamda by u! Love it.
Great going, l simple devoured these 2 updates, it perked me up! Thanks for that!
iluvmanar thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail Commentator Level 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 14 years ago
luvvly update yaar..waiting 4 their wedding...
dishbhan thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
Hey,

Nice update ... liked Shaan tracking her every move. The best was the dip selection part and Macaroni one.

Absolutely loved it ... keep it up ... next part please 😊

~Cheers,
Dish
aditee thumbnail
19th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 14 years ago

33c

6 PM onwards
Malabar Hill-Chembur
April 9th Saturday
the two couples have their own cars, Ritu and Khanak are the only ones that need public transport. Khanak vehemently refuses to accept a ride from the Gujrals. Dadi insists Shaan will drop them on his way to the Site.

Sunil: Beta yahi ruk jao, raat ho khaana khaakar chaley jaana? Main subah Taipei ja raha hoon, so main aaj bilkul free hoon.

Ritu: Main to ruk sakti hoon Uncle (smiles)

Khanak: Mujhe kaam hai Uncle, agle hafte do din ki chutthi le rahi hoon.

(Her eyes covertly search for Shaan, he doesn't seem to be around, she assumes he has left for the Site)

Sunil: Ek chai ho jaaye?

Khanak: Nahi uncle, ab chalna chahiye

Sunil: Shaan nahi hai to hamare saath time nahi bitaana chahti?

Khanak: Uncle time nahi, samay.

Sunil: Sorry teacher! Achha yeh batao sikhaane kab aaogi

Khanak: Har roz sham ko (she knows its all in jest)

Sunil: Agle hafte to main hoon nahi, haan tum Dadi ko sikhana shuru kar sakti ho

Dadi: I really need many lessons (proving a point, winks)

Khanak: Main dekhoongi, jab time mila zaroor aa jaaoongi

Dadi: Haan Friday ko aa jaana aur Monday ko subah yaha se kaam par chaley jaana. Ritu tum bhi beta

Khanak is horrified. THREE NIGHTS in the same house as her grandson? She must be out of her mind. My heart would give up after the first hour,, there wouldn't be a second or a third nite, nor any Hindi lessons.

She felt like a teen! Like being swept away''. Of being wanted'''.. of being watched'''. Of being pursued''' of being desired'''..she would go up to him and tell him he was destroying her peace of mind. He was making her weak and disoriented. He hadn't said more than two sentences to her all day today, in over a week'''' what he had said at The Club haunted her every minute " "Lets get away, lets go some place fun"

She knew what he had in mind!

She was so busy pursuing Sooraj she never allowed herself to be "admired, or wanted or cherished". This man was doing it all, like it was his life's mission.

Dadi: Phir se chup?

Khanak: Sorry Dadi, main pakka aaoongi '''''kabhi'. Ek din

Ritu has to be yanked off the couch.

Sunil: Beta tumhari Shaan se baat ho chuki hai? (Madz furiously texts away)

Khanak: Umm'. That's OK Uncle, shaayad who chaley gaye already

Dadi smiles at the whole "Woh" and "chaley gaye" politeness.

Sunil: Ruko main pata karta hoon

Khanak is like "Please! No!"

Sunil is on the phone "Achha theek, sounds good son!"

Ends the call, "Hes in the parking. He will drop you off and head to work he says, he was on the phone so could not let us know"

Madz gives her a perfunctory hug, and chats with Ritu more than necessary. Dadi is sad to see her go.

Khanak feels like wrecking balls are tied to her feet. They get to the car, and get in. He is in the front, it's the a silver Range Rover. The driver is the same. The car is spotlessly clean.

Ritu: Gosh its so high, I would need a ladder next time Shaan

He laughs. "Mom hates it too, esp when she has her heels on. Her 4 inch pointy heels"(smirks)

Khanak wonders if he notices when his Mom wore heels etc. Was he even aware of a woman's likes or dislikes. What they wore?

Ritu talks to him about her work. He is wearing sun glasses so she has no idea what he is looking at. The driver questions him abt Sirius, he says "Nahi rehne do, pehle yeh utar jaaye phir"

The driver nods and does his job.

Ritu: Your Dadi is a star.

Shaan: I happen to love her a lot. I am extremely close to her.

Ritu: I thought she abs hated you! (laughs loud)

Khanak smiles. "Maybe they are made for each other. She talks so much, makes him laugh, speaks Punjabi''."

They get off at home, kids playing cricket pause to talk about the make and model of the SUV. There are covered up fog lights in front, on a shiny chrome frame.

Ritu gets off and notices the RWA Secy Pai Uncle get on the elevator. He is as elusive as Obama himself so she runs to talk to him about the plumbing job in their apartment. Shaan is standing by his door, hands in pockets. She hugs him "If there are any leftovers of the tiramisu I want it home tomm. I forgot to ask Hari Lal" (grins)

Shaan: I can call him right now, Dad should be able to find someone to drop it off?

Ritu: Nah! I can wait (winks)

Bolts

She walks up to him hesitantly, he takes off his sun glasses.

Khanak: Thanks!

Shaan: Glad you could make it

Khanak: Yes'' I loved your Dadi. She is wonderful'''(reminiscing, fidgets with the silky silver string on the pouch in her hand.

Shaan: I will tell her that

Khanak: She is kind, and affectionate. (something her Dadi was not, ever since Sooraj had died and she had been widowed. Her own Dadi treated her like an outcast) how Dadis' should be.

Shaan: Will tell her that too'

(she continues bunching and pulling the strings apart)

Khanak: Your family were the best hosts, the gracious and inviting.

Shaan: I am glad you could make it. (No "I was happy to see you" "Were you happy to see me?" Nothing)

Khanak: Your Dad wants me to teach him Hindi (shy, quiet)

Shaan: You should'''''''''.. then!

Khanak: He is just being polite. He is a wonderful man.

She clutches the pouch tightly

Shaan: What did you get?

Startled, looks up at him

Khanak: It was a sindoor'.. you know''.container (gestures with her index finger on her forehead and parting of hair. Goes to open it. He stops her without touching her hand)

Shaan: Oh! (half smiles at the elementary explanation)

Khanak: Dadi thinks I will use it soon'''. I actually declined Nirav's proposal (thoughtful) . So I am not sure how it can happen. Dadi's fairy got a little mixed up I think (confident). But that's OK She got most others right, so statistically the fairy did great. (smiles to herself).

Shaan: Will let Dadi know her fairy got it wrong in your case. And how she needs to work with her on nailing the probability better next time (gently mocking)

He kicks dirt with his Nike-d foot hands tucked in his pockets, she watches the pebbles roll.

Motorcycles and scooters slide into the complex. Families returning from their day long Sat shopping, outing, family visits. Women watch Khanak curiously. Shaan is unmindful of the attention.

One woman fishes her cell phone out of her purse while holding on to her 8 month old to call a friend to fertilize the grape vine.

They look at each other one last time. He nods, she waits until he gets into the car. The driver does a "Namaste" with the nod of his head.

Coming up...of destinies...designing Dadis... Shirdi and shaadi.

Edited by aditee - 14 years ago
dishbhan thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
Hey ...

Almost missed the 33C update ... some jhol there ... anyways ... coming back to my comments ...

Loved it all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gift was lovely and so was his "Yep" ... how do u write so well yaar ... mere dimag mein ek para ke upar kuch nahi aata ... pages likhna tho dur ki baat hain ... but I will keep trying (inspired by u and Manita) and when done with a good story put it up as an OS ... thats all that I can manage 😉

Jaldi next update plsss

~Cheers,
Dish
Edited by dishbhan - 14 years ago
lghosh thumbnail
17th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 14 years ago
Oh triple treat in 1 day!! I loved the conversation between the 2. It seemed Khanak was talking away on her own out of nervousness & Shaan was more thoughtful & observant like always. She is praising his family & being polite & he is in a different tangent but being polite on the surface. 😃 That last remark of Khanak about the gift to him seemed a soliloquy of hers without knowing he was there in front of him, as if she drifted away to some far off place. Also a way to let him know about her relationship status where she stands at present. Kind of informing him. A beautiful culmination of 2 different emotions! And there goes the thanks for the help offered by Shaan all throughout that day. 😃 Pal u r very much in the picture, that was her hint to u! 😃
She rejected Nirav's proposal, right? Dhruv, who is he?
And about his remark I really wanted to know what he was thinking then. Kind of 'u will find out soon how dadi's fairy usually never is wrong'!! And I always smile about his hands in his pocket.
So u r getting the neighbors wag their tongues now? All the more pressure!
Oh I so wanted to know what he told her in the shaadi for which she left him stranded all high & dry! Today u gave that to me! 😃
And about the future updates, simply bring it on!! 😃
PS - And for this u deserve a special applause!
She felt like a teen! Like being swept away''. Of being wanted'''.. of being watched'''. Of being pursued''' of being desired'''..she would go up to him and tell him he was destroying her peace of mind. He was making her weak and disoriented. 👏👏👏
Edited by lghosh - 14 years ago
angel_9 thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago
Hey Aditee 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

awesome update...

loved it...

shanak convo amazing...

she told him that she rejected Nirav's proposal ...wonderful...(as in cue for him)

continue soon...
-YasharanArshi- thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail
Posted: 14 years ago

Oooeee...U updated two parts ?

Almost missed the one on the previous page !!!!
@Part on pg 95
Aditee...This s Sooo Goood ... OMG !!!!
Sunil and Daadi are Adorable ... Loved them as always !
Why oh Why cant Shanak Talk ... 4 hours and not even a sentence !!!!
Let them fight scream shout ...but Talk !
That 'Yep' - Aaayee Haaayee !!!! Brilliant writing there!
@Part on pg 96
They are discrete in their words, yet immensely impactful !
Loved Loved Loved the nervousness of Khanak that made her reveal so much !!! Cant wait for the Shaadi and Shirdi !!!!
Update soon Ads !!!!
aditee thumbnail
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Posted: 14 years ago

PART 34

Pune

April 15-18th
Hinjewadi is a dusty rural town turning into a noisy"boom town" because of an IT Tech Park on the outskirts of Pune, on NH4 (Natl Highway for the uninitiated). It was messy, disorganized, polluted "Electronics City" of Pune, much like Bangalore's was. Khanak's Chachaji had lived there for over 30 years when it used to be a village, long before IT nrought money and vices'''working away at his nondescript private accounting job until a debilitating liver disorder had almost crippled him. Both Khanak's parents and he himself could not keep up with the bills and procedures.

Shirdi was always the "family shrine", but more so after the miraculous help and recovery aided by the powers of the saint. The yearly trip to the shrine was happening without fail for over five years now.

Khanak loved her cousins, the older one was in college and the younger girl was in 11th grade. They "dreamed" of living and working in Mumbai"just like Khanak Didi" they would often tell her. Her Chacha's house was tiny, there were two rooms in all, now with 7 people in it. Her Chachi was extremely talkative, competitive and petty. Her Chachaji treated her like she were his oldest. Khanak and her Mom did as much as they could around the house when they visited. Khanak usually shared the back room with her cousins, at nite, sleeping on the floor, in front of the rotating table fan.

Her Chachiji was a great cook and Khanak decided that her food was more than enough compensation for her pettiness and selfishness. She always carried gifts for her cousins, since she was going with her parents this time, there were more hands so more bags could be carried. They took the afternoon bus out of Dadar. The cousins were thrilled to see them all. Chachaji was teary eyed to see his brother.

Khanak lay in the center, as Mehul and Mitali both wanted "face time" with Didi.

Mehul started to sleep early tho, so it was just her and Mitali. It was muggy and warm, the fan was barely doing its job, Khanak had taken an evening shower much to the displeasure of her Chachiji, but it was not helping at all.

She stared up at the ceiling, at the fan that hung from there, motionless. Reminded her of the many things she had to be thankful for. The wonderful job, the great pay package, the perks, air conditioning at home, healthy parents, good food, '''. Her phone beeps.

Her heart skips a beat. She pulls it out from uder the pillow to check, it's a Times Music SMS "Dam Maro Dum ke caller tune ko copy karne ke liye" message

She went to her received calls'''. Scrolled up and down''.. paused on Shaan's number, clicked on "Detail" and looked at each call, the day, date, time, hour, minute. He was most prolly at the Matheran offsite. They must be at the BBQ, Bonfire and Business event that nite. There were plenty of girls from various vendor teams that would gladly pay him the attention and time he wanted. None would ever dare say to him "An affair is not part of the deal". She had brought the silver case with her to Pune, she had also brought much of the chocolates and handed it to her cousins. They had never eaten such delicious chocolates ever before. Her Chachiji had smiled for the first time that evening.

She could hear her Aada cough in the front room, she wondered if he was having trouble sleeping. "Maybe its me!, maybe he worries too much about me" "I shud not have been widowed. All their happiness has been wiped off the slate. He will never sleep well ever. Her Mom took something for her joints that usually knocked her out at nite, her Dad lay awake a lot, she realized. She missed the closeness of knowing all that when she lived in Ahmedabad. Now everything she learnt about them was condensed into a one day two day summary. Many times such summaries were grossly inaccurate and were "airbrushed".

She turned to her side and put her head on her folded arm, tried to look at the fading mehandi through the street lighting. Most of it was gone!

She was woken up by Mitali's squeals.

Khanak's ,Mom had brought a lovely dress material for her from Ahmedabad and she was excited to get it sewn, Khanak lay there smiling, nodding in response to her "Didi aap bhi chalo na, aaj hi chalet hain tailor ke paas"

Khanak had bought over 4 sets of clothes for her, but she was still excited.

Mitali: Aap kya pehanoge aaj?

Khanak: Hum Shirdi ja rahe hain, (gently admonishing her)

Mitali: Maloom hai Didi par tayar to ho sakte hai na?

Khanak nods. They were booked on the 9 AM bus that went via Sangmner Talegaon and onwards to Shirdi. They were not sure but they could be spending the nite there at a dharamshala. Chachaji had to go sign some papers at a foundation.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By the time they completed their darshan and stepped out it was past 4 PM, Mitali, Mehul and Khanak were all super hungry, they whined and complained they couldn't walk any further. Her Aada and Chachaji had to quickly run to get some paperwork taken care of, but her Mom's knees were hurting really bad so her Aada wanted her to accompany her Chachaji, Kaka as they say in Gujarati.

Khanak smiled, did not complain stood up and started walking with him, it was almost a mile long trek from the temple complex to the foundation offices.

Khanak: Kya papers Kaka?

Chachaji: Who, ilaaj mein jitney paise lage ne, who trust ne diya ne, to who uske paper. (he seems very happy to go take care of it)

They enter the huge Charitable Trust building, hundreds and hundreds are waiting for their turn, the rooms are crammed with people, her Kaka looks at the letter in his hand, they start walking towards the room, her Aada has caught up with them also, as Mehul had promised to care for her Bai.

They wait in line for an hour for their turn in a long windy line.

The room is airconditioned and big, only a couple of huge tables and lots of steel almirahs every where lining the walls. An oldish gentleman nods, they enter.

Man: Namaste, Kab ka operation? (thick Marathi accent)_

Chachaji: 2006 ka

Man: Parchi lao, (he reads cant figure it out)

Man: Kaun sa trust?

Chachaji: Mujhe to yaad nahi (worries) Oh haan shaayad koi Gujarat? Gujaral?

Khanak's heart falls to the floor with a massive THUD!

Man: Tejeshwar Janaki Gujral Trust?

Chachaji: Wohi wohi (very happy)

Man: Who aaj yaha hain.

Chachaji: (impressed) Achha? Mujhe milne denge? Ek baar?

Man: Milne ka koi chanas nahi hai Bhau. Who bhijee log hai.

Khanak feels herself flush with color.

Chachaji: Achha? Chalo kahan sign karoon?

Man: Tumhara saign to agle 6 mahiney tak due nahi hai, yeh parchi kisne bheja tumko? (irritated)

Chachaji: Yeh dekho lifafa (shows him , man is not interested) To abhi main jaaon?

Man: Nahi ruko, kya maloom kisne bheja, abhi agla sign karke jao tum (tired)

Man: (pointing to 5 or so spots on a form, inputting some numbers into a PC on the side) Yahan

Chachaji: Thankyou keh dena mera.

Man: Zaroor (I have time to do this all day, they have time to listen to a million thank yous all day also, kinda irritated, bored)

Khanak suddenly feels irrelevant, unimportant. The distance between her and Shaan the most pronounced. 😭😭Here she was waiting in line to sign some papers for financial help received. His family's trust had made the grant😳. Over 12 lakh rupees😲. Khanak did not have half that much saved in her account, doubted if her Aada and Kaka had the other half between them.😭😭

Lost in thoughts, they step out from the door on the west, almost bumping into a group of people.

Dadi: Khanak beta?

Looks up shocked

Khanak: Dadi AAP?

Her Aada and Kaka are waiting wondering who she is talking to.

Dadi: Haan main to har mahiney aati hoon (lies) Aaj kaam tha is liye aayi.😳👏

Khanak: I am so happy Dadi. Yeh mere Aada hain aur yeh mere Kaka.

Dadi greets them both, starts talking about the trust and is very embarrassed by her Kaka's gratitude. Her Aada almost has tears in his eyes, as its completely unexpected for them to have met that one person who has granted him the extension on his dear brother's life. Dadi graciously declines doing anything, saying "It was not your time to go, I just helped in figuring it out" she says, speaking crisply in excellent English.

The employees waiting with her are signaled to leave. Dadi wants Khanak & Co. to go with her to the VIP guest house. Her Aada refuses as much as he can, but Dadi is adamant. She ships Khanak off to get the family, asking an employee to escort her to the car to bring the family back and walks away with her Aada and Chachaji rather briskly to Khanak's surprise.😳😳

Edited by aditee - 14 years ago

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