*::.~FF Dostana~.::* OLD CHAP PUT UP AGAIN - Page 32

Shantanu looked at the rising sun as he sat on a chair that he had pulled up from his room to the balcony, he was deep in thought, as he absent minded-ly rubbed his lips with his index finger. He thought about all the time he had spent with Khanak, how since their very first meeting he had felt an undeniable pull towards her, how everything seemed brighter with her around, how she had become an important part of his life, in a mere month. He re-collected Aisha's words, how he had closed off from her after his father's heart attack, presuming that she won't get it, that she won't understand, and she was right, he had done that. He hadn't somehow felt comfortable talking about his dad with Aisha- the girl he was in love with, but with Khanak- he hadn't even thought twice about it, he had just said what he had wanted to, without any inhibitions...

He closed his eyes as thought about what Natasha had said, the more he had thought about it, the more it made sense, someday a guy will come along and sweep Khanak off her feet, and then the dynamics of their relationship won't be the same. There won't be any midnight meetings, no early morning coffee's, no hanging out together most of the time, no more Saturday meals... the mere thought of it made his insides turn with fear...

'Shaan!' Khanak knocked on the door.

He got up and opened the door, 'yes Khanak?'

'what yes? Are you ready? The plane is in an hour and half, we need to check out like right now!'

'everything is done, everything is packed, I was just sitting ... waiting...thinking...'

'what?'

'what?'

Khanak rolled her eyes, 'what were you thinking?'

'oh... nothing.'

'how can someone think nothing?'

'it's very easy actually, just think nothing.'

'you ceased to make sense, anyway, come along the luggage will be brought down for us.'

'ya, I will just grab my jacket. You are carrying your coat right? It'll be damn cold in Delhi...'

'of course I am! Uh...Shaan?'

Shantanu turned around and looked at Khanak, 'yup?'

'you okay?'

'ya...why?'

'nothing..you just seem deep in thought since yesterday.'

'oh. That's nothing, just work stuff...' he lied.

'you sure?'

'yes, now let's go.'

Khanak smiled, 'lets...'

::::::::::::::::::::::

'the flight is an hour late! God I hate Delhi fog!'

'chill Tashu!'

'that's what we are going to do, once we reach Delhi- chill to death! Oh god why couldn't I have been born in Goa!'

'well if you would have been then you wouldn't have met Khanak, Shantanu and most importantly me, and I would have been here with someone else...'

Tashu looked at her boyfriend, 'point. Amendment, Oh god why couldn't we all have been born here!'

'stop cribbing, this isn't that bad, we can shop in duty-free stores!' offered Khanak.

'na! My luggage is already up by one suitcase than the number I came with, I don't think I should shop anymore.'

Khanak sat back against her hard seat, 'why do holidays get over?'

Shantanu looked at her, 'let me see, because they are holidays?'

'wow genius!' she retorted back with a smile.

'hey guys!' The foursome turned to see Aisha and Purab making their way to them.

'hey!' Tashu hugged Aisha, 'what are you guys doing here?'

'well Aisha likes coming an hour early than designated time to the airport to raid the duty-free shops...' answered Shantanu.

Khanak looked at him and smiled, though she felt a little weird at him remembering that tiny a detail about Aisha...

Aisha smiled, 'it's not raiding, just giving a little look, right Purab?'

'yes of course,' said Purab but mouthed "no" to everyone as Aisha looked at Rohan, making them smile.

'you still angry?'

Rohan looked at Aisha as he gave her question a thought, 'a little.'

'well you wouldn't be as a good a friend as you are if you wouldn't have been a little angry.'

'yes, well I agree to that, Rohan is not only my best friend, he is more like my brother.' Shantanu added.

'I am still not going to fully forgive you for not telling me about it for five years,' Rohan said without looking at Shantanu.

'but you said forgave me!'

'that was before I knew you told Khanak before you told me.'

'you are acting like a girl!'

'hey!' Khanak wacked Shantanu, 'we don't act like this! And that is rude!'

'you told Khanak before you told Rohan?' Aisha asked.

'yes, well you know didn't want to bother Rohan, he was with Tashu...'

'lame excuses!' retorted Rohan, 'Anyway, Purab, I want to talk to you for a minute.'

Purab looked at Rohan and nodded, 'sure.'

'you know what Khanak? I haven't got anything for my editor, and he is always sweet, you wanna help me?'

'uh... fine,' Khanak followed .

Shantanu looked at the two girls go then turned to Aisha, 'I hope I didn't hit Purab to hard that night.'

'na, he's fine, he was kinda expecting it... anyway but that is not what I want to talk to you about,' Aisha sat on the chair and signalled for Shantanu to sit next to her.

'so what do you want to talk about?'

'I want to ask you whether you finally got the answer of the question I asked.'

Shantanu gave it a second then asked, 'what question?'

'why aren't you dating Khanak?'

'oh god! What is up with women! Not you too!'

Aisha smiled, 'your dramatics aren't going to scare me, just answer the question.'

'uh...' Shantanu shrugged, 'I won't be a good boyfriend to her, I might break her heart... and I am incapable of serious relationships...'

'what rubbish!? You do realise you are talking to a woman who has dated you right?!'

'Aisha things have changed!'

'Shantanu look at me! just look at me.'

Shantanu turned to her, ' what?!'

She held his hand, ' what I did was in no way your fault, it was... fate. You were a great boyfriend! But I was just meant to be with Purab. Shantanu, you ... should not let what happen scar you for life, you are better than that. Don't let what happened take your faith off of love, and relationships and monogamy.'

Shantanu smiled, ' you ever think I probably am not made for relationships and what happened was an indicator of that. I don't talk, I am extremely guarded...'

'well... A. Just because you are guarded doesn't mean you can't be in a relationship, and B. You aren't guarded with Khanak... you told her what happened between us, something I am sure you planned to take to grave with you... I am not saying you should date her, if you don't want to, if you don't think about her that way, fine. But if you like her, that way, don't make our relationship the stone in your path to happiness with Khanak. Don't let buried corpses pull you down to hell with them...'

'I am not... I do share a comfort level with her like with no other, and I like her, a lot. But I ... I know I don't ... don't want to date her... I think we have reached a place in our relationship where we are friends...just.friends.'

'fine then.' Aisha smiled at him, but this time it didn't make him feel happy and bright as it used to, but he smiled back...

::::::::::::::::::::::::

Shantanu rested his head on the seat, as he tried to take a nap, and clear his head of all the talks he had had with Aisha and Tashu.

'hey...' Khanak whispered, 'you asleep?'

'nope,' he said, not bothering to open his eyes.

'good, ab baatao kya hua?'

'kya kya hua?'

'what happened to you? And don't say work! You work in Delhi all the time but you still talk non-stop. And here you haven't talked to me since the plane took off!'

'I am just thinking...'

'about what?!'

'about...'

'Shaan all the kissing hasn't made uncomfortable with me right?' she asked with a worried tone.

Shantanu looked at her, and smiled, 'no, I can never be uncomfortable around you. It's just... I was thinking about... us'

'us?'

'I realised something.'

'what?'

'that someday you will find a guy, who you will fall in love with...'

'let's hope so...'

'you will, and then what will happen to us?'

'what do you mean?'

'just...um... you know, our relationship won't be the same, you –will have someone more important in your life.'

'are you feeling jealous of the boyfriend I still don't have?!' she asked with a smile.

'No, no... just, wondering how our relationship will change, and it will it is inevitable, I mean if I had a great girlfriend as you then I would not like you hanging out too much with a guy friend, and having midnight meetings, and Saturday dinners and...'

'Shaan you are blabbering.'

'I know, but things won't be the same... they just won't.'

'so? I mean if you get girlfriend then also things won't be the same.'

'you don't get it Khanak.'

'I do, but things never remain the same Shaan, everything changes and I am sure things will change for the best. And if you are scared that you won't be important anymore then you are wrong, you are my friend, you will always be important! And, our relationship might change even before either one of us gets into a relationship! These things depend on us, and how long we want a relationship to last. I want our friendship to last forever and if you do too, then nothing will come between us. Nothing can, like you said when you gave me the lock.'

Shaan smiled at his friend, 'but things won't be the same...'

'well who has seen the future, anything can happen.'

'yes, anything can happen...'

'cheer up Shaan! I am not going to forget you!'

He smiled, 'I know that...'

'you okay now?'

He nodded, Khanak squeezed his hand as she smiled at him, then went back to the magazine she had bought.

You don't understand... he thought to himself as she saw her profile, you are right, I shouldn't be scared, and things change between people all the time, dynamics in a relationship never remain the same, but... he leaned his head back again and closed his eyes, but I am gripped with fear, like someone is tightening the grip around my throat, every time I think about it... I know it is absurd but having you around has become important Khanak, very important... and I still can't figure out why? Because our relationship seems more than a mere friendship... but I know it's not love, it's like I am stuck in the middle, somewhere unknown, but you. You are happily in the friend zone, you see me as a friend, who you are attracted to, and I... Oh God! I need a drink! But the scotch they serve here is repulsive, to say the least and nothing else will do... I need my bed, and piles of files to keep my mind off things! Note to self, tell assistant to keep me busy all week, not leaving any day, especially Saturday...no actually not Saturday, I like our tradition too much to let it be ruined by confusion induced by Tashu and Aisha!

That reminds me- Another note to self, AVOID talking to Tashu about Khanak. he turned to see Khanak, who took a sip of water, a drop of which travelled from her lips to he chin, then down her neck... Shantanu stopped breathing, as she stared at her neck, the flashback of his lips being there two days ago making him feel hot. Another note, DON'T look at Khanak's neck, he closed his eyes again, I am in hell! God I want to kiss her! When will we land! URGH! I.need.scotch...

*.::CHAPTER 16::.*

Shantanu stared at the ceiling as he pulled his blanket to his shoulders; he shivered slightly, his feet were freezing thanks to the cold Delhi morning. Their plane had been delayed, a bit, and they had reached Delhi around four in the morning, an awful time to be out of your cosy bed, if one asked Shantanu, unless, of course, your goal was to freeze to death. They had, Khanak and him, reached their building by four forty-five, as there was no traffic, the only good thing about four am in Delhi. He had bid her sweet dreams and rushed inside his house, to, leave his suitcases and bags in the hall, running to his bedroom, while simultaneously taking off shoes, socks and all clothing, minus underclothes, to dive straight inside blankets, and sleep like the dead. But sleep eluded him, so even after half an hour in bed, he was cold and awake.

I am never ever going to talk to Natasha again, about Khanak that is, otherwise she is fun, he thought to himself, still confused and dazed about the back to back conversations with Natasha and Aisha. I had started to recover from eye-opening, heart wrenching talk with Tashu, and just then Aisha plunged the stake into my heart! He thought. 'Why! Why oh lord above, I was happy with Khanak and my friendship, with occasional heavy flirting, and kisses, which by the way saw their sorry end, that new year's night. Then why give me Tashu and Aisha's lecture, and now I am confused, dazed, and cold! And I hate the above!'

He shut his eyes, and tried to sleep, but as he closed his eyes, he was surrounded by visions of him and Khanak, oh great, can't even close my eyes without seeing her face! he thought, Not that I mind, she is beautiful, but I don't want to envision the kissing and her smile, and the kissing, her neck, and her smile, the kissing, in quick succession when I am confused about my feelings for her! I am doomed, doomed, doomed!

He shut his eyes again, and fell asleep, still murmuring ' doomed...'

:::::::::::::::::::::::

Shantanu poured himself some black coffee, and then went to the fridge to get some milk only to realise there was none, he looked at the clock that hung adjacent to the fridge, it was just six in the morning. He sighed as he closed the fridge, 'there goes my dream of sleeping all day... ' he said to himself as he took a sip from the mug, 'yuck! Hate black coffee, probably won't be that bad with one more teaspoon of sugar,' he tasted it again after giving it a stir, 'not bad.' He went and sat on the sofa. He had fallen asleep, but had woken up after half-an hour, after a horrifying dream, where he was walking Khanak down the aisle (what is up with that?!, he thought as he pieced together the bizarre dream, she has a father!), she looked stunning in a white dress (but then again Khanak looks stunning in everything, even in those silly tom and jerry PJ's, she looks so...fetching... he thought with a smile, wait! His smile vanished, did I just use the word fetching for Khanak!? I am going mad!), and there was Purab standing at the end of the altar, smiling at Khanak, waiting for her (another evidence that I am going mad, they didn't even talk for more than two minutes in Goa!) (wait, it could be because Aisha slept with him...that makes sense, he thought , in a very Freudian way- or was it Karl Marx! Who cares I sucked at Psychology anyway!) . then Khanak turned to me, saying "this could be you, you dimwit confused moron! But you wanted to be "just friends" (Khanak of course used much worse words than "dimwit, confused and moron", but I prefer to suppress them, and weird part- Khanak never abuses... except when she is driving, but then again who wouldn't with Delhi's traffic, he thought.), 'and then I turned to see Tashu and Rohan, saying the same thing... and Purab laughing saying- "ha! Took this one too...",' he whispered to himself, 'I am going mad, god I should dive into my reassuring piles of files, and tenders and other idiotic things... they aren't confusing at least.'

He picked up the phone, and dialled his assistant's desk number to leave a voicemail, "Sameera, I am back and will be coming to the office today, so please- all the files etc that I have to go through should be on my desk, before I arrive, and do talk to Sumit Haldiram about that meeting we were supposed to have, and fix it for sometime this week. And also, please tell Sharon to get me the Walia tender file and please keep two cups of decent coffee ready, and pipping hot, for when I come in, which will be at 9:30, giving you half-an-hour to get things going, thank you.' He cut the phone then messaged her on her mobile, so that she isn't late for work:

I am back in Delhi. Wld come in office today at 9:30 sharp. have left to-do list for you on office phone and please get everything done, for once. Thank you.

Shantanu.

That should be enough to get my in-competent office staff back on their toes, he thought as took another sip of his coffee, 'no! This is disgusting! He looked around, is six am too early for scotch? hmm... he got up and poured himself some, 'as if I care about early!'

:::::::::::::::::::::

In-competent idiots! Absolute duds! I have hired the brain dead to work for me! Thought Shantanu as he clenched his teeth and shut his eyes, 'that file isn't ready?! What do you mean by "that file isn't ready"?!'

'uh...sir- uska matlaab file ready nahi hai...'

Shantanu looked at the man, daggers in his eyes, 'sach?! Mujhe pata hi nahi tha! Thank you. I told you to finish the file before I went for the holiday and it's been two weeks and the file isn't ready! What did you do? Sleep through the two weeks... decided not to do work because I wasn't coming in! You have two hours, no file, no job. Agar kaam khatam nahi hua toh apna samaan pack karlena, now please leave me alone!'

'yes sir.'

Shantanu rolled his eyes, 'I wasn't here for two weeks and the whole place in tatters! Sometimes I feel like firing all these idiots, and doing the job all by myself! I will probably get it done Much faster and with much less errors...'

He dialled his assistant's number.

'yes sir?'

'can you please message Sharon and tell her to use a spell check before printing next time! And also tell her to send me another copy of the file, but make sure to give her the earliar message before otherwise shse will give the file with spelling errors again. And then call bhai and ask him to come in, I need to discuss something about the Walia tender and then call Oberoi and tell him to meet me for coffee at five sharp. Then call Simon and tell him look into the presentation for tomorrow's meeting, and get me cup of coffee, and don't make it yourself please, just get the machine coffee, but lot's of it, but not overflowing, I don't want any more coffee spilling debacles in my office.'

'yes sir.'

Shantanu shut his eyes for a minute, god I am in a bad, bad mood, no sleep and lots of confusion, with a dash of flashbacks of your friend and you kissing, mixed with office staff in- competence does that to a person, he thought. What must Khanak be doing right now... he wondered, then smiled, 'she must be getting out of bed, then would look at the watch, curse, phone her office and tell them she will be joining from tomorrow, then will make way to the kitchen make some coffee, have it in the balcony- which is her favourite place, she loves balconies. And will then make way to my place...' he took a deep breath before adding, 'how I wish I knew what I felt as well as I did you Khanak...'

'sir?'

'yes! come in.'

'your coffee, and Khanak ma'am is on the line, should I forward her call?'

'Sameera I have told you to always forward Khanak's calls no matter what.'

'yes, I thought I better ask, I will forward it in a second.' She kept the coffee and rushed to her desk, and a second later Shantanu's phone rang.

'hi.'

'hi my foot! Why aren't you picking up your phone!'

'it's on silent, must have missed...'

'And why aren't you at your home!? Just got up and made coffee after calling the office, was about to finish it when I went to your place to see a post it in the door saying "have gone to office", and I want to ask, why? I thought you said you will start from tomorrow.'

Shantanu smiled at his accuracy, 'yes well, couldn't sleep, so thought might as well come ...'

'you are such a workaholic! And I am sure you must be making your office people's life hell! And calling them In-competent brain dead MBA's in your mind.'

'well someone needed to straighten them up! Since bhai and dad are ever so lenient. And I am having fun, getting back to work after so long, I really needed to get back to work, clears my head.'

'clears your head? Why? Was I-always-know-what-I-want-Khandelwal confused about something?'

'yes and no.'

'dual answers...hmm... explain.'

Shantanu smiled, 'My day was going from bad to worse until you called.'

'thank you, but you still have to explain.'

'yes well, there was confusion, but about someone and not something...'

'hmm...this is the most interesting development, and we need to discuss this over lunch.'

'oh definitely!'

'good you agreed, otherwise would have had to drag you from your office.'

Shantanu smiled, 'as if you could have accomplished that!'

'yes well, I am sure men in your office would have been glad to help me do that.'

'yes... the one's who don't want their job would have.'

'Shantanu they all know, Sunil uncle would have promoted them, if they would have helped you to have a social life in whatever way possible.'

'you exaggerate, anyway, finish that coffee and will see you at two, in...'

'how about the Eggalicious in Vasant Continental?'

'perfect, now got to go.'

'yes, but don't be too harsh on your in-competent, brain dead duds!'

Shantanu smile, 'will try.'

He kept the phone down and smiled, 'and I was worried thing might get awkward... but have to make sure not to look at her neck though...' he whispered to himself as he got hold of another file.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

She is late, which is weird, Khanak is almost never late, I wonder if it is too early for scotch... but then again, this is a cafe, a place to get breakfast and related things, not a decent scotch, Damn! Should have gone somewhere else, I am craving scotch!

'hello sir.'

'yes, can I have a cappuccino please?'

'no.'

'no?' Shantanu looked behind him and saw a gorgeous woman, instead of the waiter, 'Oh my god! Sonali Bose!'

'hi Shantanu Khandelwal!'

Shantanu stood up and kissed her on the cheek, 'so how is the modelling going ?'

'oh better than ever! Was here to shoot a cover, and how is the icy-workaholic thing going for you?'

'great, so you staying here or just to meet someone...'

'well now that I have met you, I don't think anyone else really matters...' she put her hand on Shantanu's shoulder, and moved her hand to his chest, 'hmm...I always loved a man in Armani...' she said in a seductive voice.

'Then I am not in luck, this is Dolce and Gabbana...' he replied with a playful smile.

'but that is D&G that he is wearing...' said a voice behind them.

Khanak smiled at as Sonali and Shantanu looked at her, 'hi!' she said after a second, 'Khanak Kapoor, Shantanu's friend.'

'And features editor of Trend, I have seen you around,' replied Sonali as she smiled at Khanak.

Khanak smiled not knowing what to do. While Sonali turned to Shantanu and whispered in his ear, 'I still love what lies underneath these clothes of yours, you remember last year?'

Khanak looked down and smiled, and Shantanu even though had a model stuck to him, kept looking at Khanak, he then tore his eyes from Khanak and smiled at Sonali, 'how can I forget?' he replied.

Khanak took a deep breath, 'uh.. I will just come in a minute.' She walked to the other side of the room and started looking at the assortment of pastries that lay in display, she eagerly pointed at the chocolate cheese cake, and a chocolate clair.

Sonali touched his cheek slightly and whispered, 'you want ditch her and come up and ...' she raised her eyebrow, and bit her lip as she gave him an innocent look.

Shantanu didn't take his eyes off Khanak, smiling at her as she excitedly tried a freshly baked biscuit, 'It's not that I can't, but I won't ditch her Sonali...'

Sonali turned to see Khanak, 'hmm...fine then, but if you want to meet up sometime, I am here for a week, room no. 1042, mu mobile number is the same.'

Shantanu looked at her, 'I will remember that, now will you excuse me?'

He walked away from Sonali and towards Khanak, 'what are you ordering?'

Khanak turned around with a smile, 'I ordered a chocolate clair, for myself and a chocolate cheese cake, for you, since you said it was your favourite.'

'you remember?'

Khanak put her hands on her waist, 'of course! I remember everything, when it comes to you stupid! Anyway, how come you are here?'

'I came to meet you remember?'

'yes, well, but Sonali was coming on to you, I thought maybe you would go with her...'

'well, I won't ditch you for anybody.'

'thank you but my feeling wouldn't have been hurt! You could have gone! Anyway now focus, they have freshly baked vanilla caramel biscuits and brownies, which one do you want? Actually why am I asking this, excuse me, yes we will have both.'

Shantanu wasn't listening, he thought about what had happened, and he realised, it wasn't about not wanting to hurt Khanak's feelings, he genuinely didn't want to be with Sonali, he didn't bother even looking at her after Khanak had come, her touch, though seductive, had not seduced him, all he had had eyes for was Khanak's smile... Oh god I am doomed, he thought to himself, as Khanak held his hand and took him towards the table...