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How difficult is it to form a perfect sentence? Few words from heart, little panctuations of mind and a story lieing woven among them, waiting to act on its sudden mischief. Actually making the perfect sentence is very difficult.
If you give me characters, I will make you a story. If you give me an incident, I will make you a story. But if you give me my life, I am as clueless as a shooting star. It is not because there is nothing to tell, but because there is so much that I don't know what to say. It is an inter-section with million ways leading to thousand doors that open to numerous memories where pain bleeds into blessings, changing the colours of relationships, where laughter spills out of the jars of heartbreaks and swirls into an ocen of love, with the darkness of rage, jealousy and loss hovering in the horizon and the single star of regret twinkling steadily in it. It is the start of a full-stop before an endless passage of inverted-commas, a soft flower in the middle of a destruction to which we can't stop clinging. It's an utter chaos, absolute misery and the most attractive joke ever.
When we stop sometimes to breath and glance behind, we can see our lost paradise peeking from the broken shards of glass trailing our footsteps. We all are different with the same outcome at end. But there is also another point which forces us out of our hiding places and stands us in a small cosy circle of reminiscent smiles on trembling lips, shiny eyes, quivering jaws And hearts lost in forgotten scars of healing wounds. First crush. A raw nerve, a blushing tear, a grieving glare of past stupidity which feels anything but a mistake till our last mistake. Sometimes the deepest wounds fail to leave a mark but the most innocent scratch kiss in a life-long scar. First crush is just that. It's a regret we refuse to regret. The first blooming caress of destruction we remember our whole life forgeting it.
And Asad Ahmad Khan is that destruction for me.
I was in only 7th grade when he came into my life, a classmate and an immediate rival. It didn't take long for us to become the top competitors in the race of best. It was a constant match to outrun the other, touch the finish line and be the best. It was always us, fighting to secure the top spot at any cost and more than that, defeat the other. Even the teachers loved this tug-of-war, always fuelling our fire by praising the other and enjoying the fun this brought. And all this happend without us even saying hello to each other, let alone talking.Asad was never an object of affection for me but somehow the name always pushed my buttons. His fair skin, full lips, that small mole under the left eye, thick hair and a pair of eyes I could never guess the colours of, did something to his annoying know-it-all attitude. And one day something in the balance slided off a cliff. No, he didn't saved my life, we didn't share any awkward romantic moment and neither did we talked or discovered some hidden Side of the other.We were just sitting in a class and I just looked at him only to have the realisation drenched my cheast that in all these six years of knowing each other somewhere on the way, the rules had shifted, opening up a soft spot in my heart for this irritatingly cute guy I never thought of liking. But crushes are funny things, a whirlwind of wierdness, devoid of the slightest shade of logic. I tried to fight it, of course, like every other girl, only to be defeated by a childlike smile and twinkling eyes that was directed to me. It is silly how the silence between us which never bothered me before now irked me the most. Everyday I wished fervently for just a glace, a small smile, a single word, only to meet with blank walls, furrowed eyebrows and textbook pages wrapping the world. Maybe god actually listened a little if you whined a lot. So in all six years of knowing him, I got a "what's question number six?", "excuse me" and a " do you know the answers of set-1?" All of this was enough to make my face expressionless and my insides a fluttery, melting mess. We talked but never with each other, we laughed but never for the other, we competed, always with each other. It was a strange strange space we were in. We knew each other's existence but we were still blind by the dark corridor between two parallel universe which always brushed, tempting me, to never ever meet. Our conversations were never even remotely direct but always safely cloaked inside hesitation And awkwardness. But maybe my 'tragic'was yet to encounter its best phase. One fine day I came to know that he was the boyfriend of my oldest and first ever friend, one with whom I have learnt dancing, painting and learning. During years to come we kinda drifted apart but still were really good friends. It was so strange a feeling that I actually laughed. I laughed because I refused to cry, shed a tear for something as stupid as a first crush. But somehow my cheast felt a little tight. Always. Whenever he or she was in sight or his thought was in my mind. I never felt jealous of her or anything negative as I knew her well enough to not dislike her. So I spent my last few months in Bhopal gazing secretly at him, imagining myself attending their wedding, wondering if our paths will ever cross again ans swallowing tiny lumps of tear. I left Bhopal after completing school. The story which never was ended without a goodbye and see you soon.
Years passed at its pace after this and I drowned in them, forgetting the past, only to sometimes break through the water-surface to gulp small drops of a distant memory of a certain boy. I knew that at a small part of my memory he will always stay and I also knew how to hold on and forget that part. It was true that sometimes some scratches cut deeper than stabs and he was that unassuming scratch in my life. And now I think that maybe the world is round and and keep rolling on it until we tie the loose ends and make a straight line. Maybe Nothing ever ends without a goodbye.
It was tough to know that I was never meant to be at his side.
It was tougher to permanently leave his side.
And after five years, I knew without a shadow of doubt that living by his side is going to be the toughest.[/DIV]
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Hello Guys. Sorry for the poor editing. Doing it from the phone. If the story interests you and want to read more, please leave your likes and commnets behind😃
part 1-page 2
part 2- page 11
part 3- page 16
Itti Si Khushi Sab TV
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