Hello everyone!! I am here with something really touching. I won't speak much but yes only I want to share that the poem used here is my very first attempt, would love to hear the reviews. Just a request, if you want to feel the things I felt while I wrote, please hear out the song, while reading this, continuously. I am sure you by the end you will finally breathe in the air happily.
Song : Tum Bin Jiya Jaaye Kaise
Movie : Sanam Re
Link : http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gMJFzXZ103Y
[Banner credits : East or west, my rasmalai(ImmortalLove) is the best.. thank you rasmalai for this stunning banner!!]
"The Court announces two months period for Mr. Asad Ahmed Khan and his wife Mrs. Zoya Asad Ahmed Khan to think over their decision of divorce. Till then, the court orders to live them under the same roof. The court is adjourned for now."
The judge stood up so did others as a mark of respect but the two souls stared at each other unabashedly. The people present there started leaving and he followed them behind. Tears cascaded down her cheeks as she saw him leaving. She looked up at her mother in law, who wiped her tears. She hugged her and sobbed bitterly.
She ran behind him, least worried about the rain that poured over her. She ran till the end of the stair, trying to call him out but failed and fell down. Sobs and hiccups never stopped. The chilly breeze nipped her skin adding to her grief was the rain that poured over. She rubbed her arms, wishing that he would be back by her side and will take her in his arms, just like he did., least aware that the person for whom she was crying was in the same position as hers. He wanted to gather her in his arms but he cannot.
Kuch pal to thehar jaao na
Ya phir laut ke aao na
She entered the once home, now a structure with four corners. Looking at the photographs that hung on wall, she caressed them. She walked up to her bedroom to see Asad in the balcony probably talking to someone. Walking up to him, she placed her palm on his shoulder when he slipped the phone in his pocket. He turned around and the moment he did, she hugged him tightly.
"Please Asad! Please I am sorry, please don't do this... We can work Asad please!"
Zoya cried against his chest, apologizing for mistakes she didn't know she did. He felt her tears, closed his eyes in pain. He wanted to reciprocate that embrace and tell her that everything will be fine, but held back. Her every single word was heart wrenching and seeing her crying killed him each time.
She felt him slowly removing her hands from his back. She looked up to see him looking out. Slowly pushing her hands away he left from the room.
"Asad!!" She fell down crying as she kept calling him till the main door was shut close.
Asad leaned on the door and slipped down. He was a strong military man, he cannot allow himself to break. Wiping his tears that blurred his vision, he left.
Yoon kehte nahi alvida
Mud jaao idhar aao na
"Zoya..." She heard him calling out and looked up to see him standing there with an open embrace. She lifted herself and ran to him.
She stumbled on her steps as realized that she was hallucinating all the while. Sitting on the bed, she caressed the photo frame that held their marriage capture. She hugged close the picture and looked around the room. Each corner held a memory to her.
Looking at the mirror she saw Asad who settled his hairs and then her reflection who tiptoed towards him and ruffled his hairs and a moment later the whole house sung with laughter.
Rewinding a few moments she drifted off to sleep, hugging the picture close to her heart.
Tumhe dhoondein meri aankhen
Tumhe khoje meri baahein
"Asad!!" She jerked up from her sleep and looked around to find him. She placed her hand on her chest as she panted remembering the horrifying images from her nightmare. She looked up to the door to see him rushing in but stopping as she looked at him.
He sat outside in the drawing room as he shuffled through his marriage album caressing each of them, lovingly. A moment later he heard her shriek, making his heart skip beats. He rushed inside to see her panting terrified.
He knew that right now she wanted to be embraced just like he used to whenever she was upset, but it was difficult to be as hard as pretended and when everything was working he cannot just spill water on everything. Swallowing the lump in his throat with a great difficulty he walked out.
Tum bin jiya jaaye kaise
Kaise jiya jaaye tum bin
He caressed his wedding band, looking at her sleeping form. Lying down beside her, he caressed her hairs, letting the tears slip. He is the happiest to have her in his life. In spite of his shrewd behaviour she never gave up on hope of them to be together. When he became an army officer, the first thing he vowed was to keep himself second and his duty first for his nation's sake.
He smiled recalling that whenever he used to speak about his work she used to sit and listen with utmost attention. Before marriage, he warned her about the risks of his job, but she smiled and would tell him how proud she was of him. In fact she asked a promise that whatever happens, she would never come in between his work. He would never think of her before his country and his duty. But he was well aware that each time he left home there was a constant fear that would bug her that if she would ever see him alive. The relief washed embraces when he used to return back safely, clearly told the unsaid emotions.
Tum bin jiya jaaye kaise
Kaise jiya jaaye tum bin
She laid down on her bed, that had still his absence as her eyes closed. It was dark when her eyes opened. She turned around when her hands collided with something. The moonlight helped her to recognize the figure. He was deep in sleep but the slight wetness on the pillow told her the untold story. She raked her hands through his hairs, feeling their softness.
"Zoya! Zoya!"
Asad's voice echoed through the hall. She ran out to see him standing with a bottle of hair oil. She shook her head and winded up her work. As soon as she did, he pulled her and made her sit on the sofa and sat on the floor in front of her and handed her over the bottle. She smiled at his antics and massaged his head as he described something to her. Even though he was a disciplined army officer, but when it came to Zoya, he would turn her child, all the discipline thrown out of the window.
She chuckled at the fond memories. As she raked her hands through his hairs, he snuggled closer to cherish the feel of her hands.
Waking up in the morning the first sight that welcomed him was of his beloved. His hand was tucked in under her head and her hands in his hairs. He now realized the sudden warmth that surged through him when he was fast asleep.
~*~*~
He searched for his belongings but failed to find them.
"Zoya! Zoya! My watch, where it is? And that brown belt kaha rakhi hai?"
Asad's voice boomed and Zoya came running to him. She looked around and helped him to find them. Finally having found them, she smiled and handed it to him. He sighed in relief and hugged her thanking her. They stood in that embrace for the time being. Both soaked the warmth they were craving since long. Asad moved back and pecked her forehead, leaving the room silently.
Did they just behave normal?
Kitne the waade kiye
Ik pal mein tod diye
She still remembers the day when they took vows of marriage, promising to be together forever in all the happiness, sorrow, ups and downs, highs and lows and the wonderful time of their togetherness. She felt the luckiest woman that time even though she was scared whenever he used to leave for his duty. There was a constant fear in back of her mind of his well being. But she knew this would be a part of her life, when she agreed to marry him.
Her world came crashing down, when he announced for a divorce. Things weren't smooth since a few days. There was a sudden change in his behaviour, he used to ignore her each and every time. Though she tried infinite number of times to mend things but the ice didn't melt. Her pleas and tears were ignored whenever she denied him a divorce. But at the end, she had to agree. Though she mentally thanked the judge to grant them the span of two months.
Jhootha nahi tu mujhko pata hai
Bas thoda rootha sa hai
She served the food in the plate and placed it in front of him as he sat to have his food. Usually when she would serve him, he would have her seated next to him and then eat when she fed him but today he just stared at the food.
His hunger died the moment he saw her puffy eyes and pale face. His heart wrenched whenever he saw her in this condition.
She sat beside him and made him a morsel. His heart gave in seeing the pleads in her eyes. He opened his mouth and took the bite in. Her vision blurred as the little hope rose in her. After a few bites, he mirrored her actions.
Though the silence surrounded them but their orbital's were enough to talk. He only stopped because he knew she hadn't eaten anything properly since past few days. He saw her smile a little but he cannot give her hope, false hopes. He stood up which made her looked up shocked.
Just when she hoped everything right, the little hope was destroyed. He got up but she held his hand. She cried placing her head on his hand, holding it tight.
Tu roothe main manaau
Par tum bin kahan jaaun
She caressed his hairs as he sat on their bed staring into space. She saw him crying, she was well aware that he did so because of something serious, but wasn't ready to share it.
Kneeling down in front of him, she took his hands in hers.
"Asad, please ek baar, can we think over it again? If not as husband and wife, as friends? The two months we are having, can we at least be friends?" Zoya whispered. She knew probably she needed to ease the atmosphere first and then they can think over it.
He looked at her, he knew she was aware that he was crying. Looking at her, he nodded. He knew she wanted set everything right, but he was helpless. If she somehow regained hopes then she will fall apart, if he never returned from his upcoming mission.
Tum bin jiya jaaye kaise
Kaise jiya jaaye tum bin
He sat in the garden looking at the tree where they would generally sit on their free days. He chuckled remembering that each time he used to leave or they would talk about his work she would only utter
"Bas zinda ajana!"
His mind travelled back to one of his favourite memory.
"Zoya! Ye baar baar kya kehti ho Zinda laut ana, manlo agar zinda aya lekin hath pair tut gaye toh?"
(Zoya! Why do you always repeat "Zinda laut ana", what if I returned alive but what if with hands and legs broken?)
"Toh what? Zinda hona, mere saath ho na? Thats enough, rest I will take care of you! Soldier se shaadi ki hai, sab sochke chalna padhta hai!"
(So what? You are alive right? That's enough, rest I will take care of you! I have married a soldier, I know all the risks!)
"Pakka?"
"Pakka! Vese bhi itni asani se jeene nahi dungi and shayad tab meri baat manle aap"
(Sure! And I am really not sparing your life so easily, and may be then you start hearing me out)
Zoya teased him as he laughed.
His heart wrenched imagining a life without her, what would she do without him then? She is so sensitive and her love for him was beyond measure, how will she survive without him?
Tum bin jiya jaaye kaise
Kaise jiya jaaye tum bin
It started raining all of a sudden. He got up and rushed to the nearest shelter he can find when he saw Zoya dancing under the rain. Rain was her favourite thing in the world. Often one can find a peacock and Zoya dancing together in the rain. His feet moved towards Zoya but just as he moved forward the figment of his imagination vanished into thin air.
*~*~*~*
She caressed his uniform proudly, when a paper slipped down. She picked it up and read it. Before she could react his phone buzzed. She picked it up and one of the batch mate of his talked not realizing the person on the other hand.
The mission they were about to step in had a lot of chances of losing their life. It was probably one of the most dangerous. Hearing no response from other hand his batch mate questioned when Zoya replied. Zoya asked for all the details regarding the mission.
Asad entered the room, drenched. He saw Zoya talking to someone on his cellular? She ended the call and placed the paper and phone safely on the table. Asad realized that she read the paper and probably knew each and everything about his mission now.
She slowly walked towards him and hugged him, this time he reciprocated it. She parted away and pecked his forehead. Both crying in each others embrace.
"Why? You promised me right? Didn't you trust me a bit?" Zoya questioned, her voice hoarse with emotions.
Asad cupped her face and nodded in denial.
"Kuch hojaega toh?" Asad spoke after a lot of difficulty
"Toh?" Zoya asked clearly annoyed
"Zoya!"
"Asad!"
Ye aasmaan aur zameen
Bin tere kuch bhi nahi
They sat in their room looking over the wedding album of theirs.
"Nikaah kiya Asad, vada kiya hai, har khushi me, har gham me apka saath dungi! Kya itna haq bhi nahi bacha hai mera? Bhuliye mat agar aap Asad Ahmed Khan hai to main bhi aapki biwi hu, nahi darti kisi se, naa aapse na mauth se!"
(I have married you Asad, promising that in each and every moment I will be there with you! Haven't I left with any rights on you? Dont forget if you are Asad Ahemd Khan, then I too am your wife, whose not scared of anyone, not you , not death!)
Zoya chided him while he hugged her closer
"Asad please, jo bhi ho main aapke saath hu, mene haa ki thi na Nikaah ke liye? When I am not scared, why are you? Without you Asad, my existence is a question! Kese soch liya aapne, ki aap ye sab karenge aur main door hojaungi?"
(Asad please, no matter what happens I will be there with you, I agreed to marry you right? When I am not scared, why are you? Without you my existence is a question! How come you even thought that pulling such stunts, you will push me away?)
Zoya scolded him as she made him do sit ups.
Saanson se mohlat
Zara maang lena
Yoon uthke jaate nahi
Zoya massaged his head as he leaned his head in her lap. He got up and pulled her head down in his lap and threaded his fingers through her hairs. He knew she somewhere thought about the consequences of this mission, but he held her hand and pressed it.
Zoya entered the kitchen thinking to make something as she was hungry but was shocked to see Asad with an apron trying to cook something. Asad smiled and welcomed her in the kitchen. She sat on the slab while he showed his cooking skills. Both laughing at something or the other.
She sat outside, on the bench in the balcony looking down at the city. Asad wrapped a shawl around her and she smiled at him. She then wrapped the same shawl around both of them and entwined their fingers playing with them.
Ya phir tu mujhe le chal
Sang apne jidhar tu chala
She opened her eyes to find him sleeping besides her. He was finally leaving today. She got up and got ready first. Packing his stuff, she caressed each and every thing of his. By the time she finished making breakfast and packing his stuff, he got up and got ready. He adjusted his uniform, when she tiptoed and ruffled his hairs, like she used to. He shook his head at her while she turned him around and set his hairs properly. Pinning his badges and helping him wearing his uniform, she kept advising him to take care of himself properly.
She made him sit and fed him his breakfast, ordering him around while he kept gazing at her lovingly. He pulled her down and pecked her forehead.
"Bina kisi tension ke apne desh ki hifazat karna Asad, jo bhi hoga dekha jaega. Hum hamesha saath rahenge, dil se kyunki Asad aur Zoya ka naam hamesha ke liye jud gaya hai!"
(Perform your duty without any kind of tension, Asad,, rest will be seen. We will always be together because Asad and Zoya's name are now matched for ever)
Zoya smiled at him and pulled his cheeks. He smiled when she expressed that even she wished to be there with him.
Tum bin jiya jaaye kaise
Kaise jiya jaaye tum bin
Asad walked out and stopped
"Sochlo, 99% chances hai dobara naa aau.."
(Think again, 99% there are chances I wont return)
"Asad Ahmed Khan ki biwi hone ke naate one percent par bhi yakin karna shuru kardiya hai janab. Now go and make me proud!"
(I have married Asad Ahmed Khan, and now I even trust the one percent mister. Now go and make me proud)
Zoya smiled at him and then hugged him, silently crying. Asad hugged her back, may be for the last time.
He walked away as she waved him but then called him out
"Zinda laut ana bas!!"
Asad chuckled and waved her back for the final time. She stood in the doorway till he walked away.
Tum bin jiya jaaye kaise
Kaise jiya jaaye tum bin
Tikki hai nazre uss chokhat par jisse tu lang kar gaya
Is intezar me, ki kab tu vapis ayega sahi salamat
Jab tu karib hai mere, dil me ek aas hai
Tu ojhal(dissappeared) kya hua nazro se, mushkil lena har saas hai
Dil me hui kashmakash, utha har sehlaab hai
Jab hui dastak darwaaze par, tere aane ke waqt se pehle ki kahi uss par ki ant to nahi ya kisi akele safar ki shuruwat hai
Jab duniya chain se soyi, main jaagi...sochti rahi
Ki kesa hoga tu, kya karraha hoga.. Ya phir hoga bhi ya nahi?
Tujhse wajud mera, Tujhse Zindagi meri
Yu kabhi kehna dena alvida yuhi
Ek hi to hai dua meri
Tujhe yu jaate hue dekhna, mujhe teri nazro se dur rakhna
Majboori hai meri majboori hai teri
Kyunki iss vatan ke bina jaan adhoori hai meri, jaan adhoori hai teri
Teri raakh bhi sambhalungi, teri har yaad bhi sanjoungi
Agar nahi lauta kabhi tu
Varna har waqt tujhe jaate dekh to dil ki yeh guzaarish rehti hai
Ki yun na keh alvida ya fir laut aa tu
Har lamha dar hai ki yahi yeh aakkhri baar to nahi dekha tujhe
Ki kahi dobara aaega tu ya aega tera shav(corpse) , iss vatan ke jhande se saja aur khodiya tujhe maine hamesha ke liye
Log to kahenge ki tu amar(Immortal) hogaya
Par kya sach me tu rahega mere saath, mere aas mere paas...
She closed her diary and looked ahead, pulling her sweater closer to herself. She inhaled the winter wind and rubbed her hands. It has been three years, her life changed drastically. To her relief Asad returned although he was injured, but he returned to her and that what mattered to her. But then again, each time he went, her heart beat frantically with the constant fear of seeing him again. May be he would never return, he may die and leave the world once but what about her, wont she die each and every day? Each time her returned safe to her, a relief washed over her because she learnt to trust that point one percent hope in her.
"Mumma!!!"
Zoya's eyes snapped towards the voice. She saw her daughter sitting on her father's shoulder as he held her tightly. She smiled at her little world. They were blessed with a beautiful baby girl an year and half back, adding to their bliss. She pulled herself up and moved to them as her daughter ran to her and her father chasing her, deliberately walking baby steps. Idha, her daughter's giggles was all she heard as Idha hide herself behind her mother. Asad caught Idha and tickled her
Asad hugged close the two most beautiful women in his life. He was the most stupid person to even think that he could ever separate Zoya from him. Idha slapped Asad's face with her babyish hands, playfully as she saw her father lost in some deep thought. Asad pecked Idha's cheeks and then pecked Zoya's nose. He was happy and he will be, he knew that.
So I really don't have words to what I wrote, because I know the people in Zoya's place suffer far more loses than what I wrote. It was a small attempt to feel the feel of loss every moment just like those who have their own fighting across the borders to protect us. A salute not only to the soldiers but to their families too!!
And the poem here , is my very first attempt. I just went in the flow and wrote this poem. I actually never wrote poems but this was my first. Would love to hear from you if you liked it!
Pleaseee tell me how it was!! Because I am speechless after writing this!!
Ishaani
Cricket
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