SaHil SS: Junoon... (part8 pg 15) *new* 28/9 - Page 8

Part 6

Sunset was approaching, the splash of orange and red with purple in the skies looked dramatic , and peaceful at the same time. A little like how she felt inside.

I am Sanam. Sanam Ahmed Khan. I am from Bhopal. I grew up in Punjab with my Badi Ammi.

But my parents are from Bhopal, Asad Ahmed Khan and Zoya Farooqui. Twin Sister Seher is missing.

I am married to Aahil Raza Ibrahim.

It looks like we were so much in love too.

Ya Allah, the poor man must be suffering so much! Give him peace ya Maula.

I'll sort this out soon enough. Go back where I really belong.

She walked into the hotel room, feeling strange and uncomfortable. How strange it feels now, knowing this was all fake.

But this had to be done. Now.

She entered the hotel room and had a long bath. Took two painkillers for her headache and then she packed a bag. Then she waited for Shaad.

He opened the door a few hours later, weariness lining his shoulders. He dropped his wallet on the coffee table and saw her.

"Hey ! You're awake? I thought you'd be asleep.. It must be past 10 now? Is everything okay?"

"Everything is fine. Better than before. At least I know where I stand."

Shaad frowned at her cryptic words. Smiling, he walked to her, hand outstretched.

"Sorry, i went off too long today, didn't I? It was unavoidable, I'm so sorry. SK is really up to something big and we needed to set up a trap. I'll spend the whole day with you tomorrow, I promise..."

"That's not really necessary. I'm going home."

"What? Home? But why? Just give me a few more days and we'll both go back home alright? I really can't leave right now." he cajoled a steely eyed Jannat.

" I said I am going home. Alone..."

"Look Jannat. What's this? Why are you being stubborn? I can't go home yet! I need you to understand my job, it is important that my personal life doesn't interfere with it right now! What's the urgency to go back to Pakistan now?"

"Who said I was going back to Pakistan?"

"What are you talking about Jannat? You're not making any sense..."

"It's Sanam..."

"What?"

"I said my name is SANAM !!"

Shaad blinked and looked at her, stunned.

"Yes, you heard right. I just found out, all by myself mind you, that my real name is SANAM. SANAM AHMED KHAN. I'm from here, Bhopal.

"Who told you? How sure are you they aren't lying?"

"Why should anyone lie, Shaad? Why did you lie?"

Her question made him go still. He searched her face, trying to fathom what exactly she was asking about.

"Tell me Shaad, why did you lie?"

"Why did you say my name is Jannat, when it wasn't?"

" Why did you say I was your wife when I wasn't?"

" Why did you ask me to marry you again, when you knew I wasn't married to you AT ALL??"

Shaad went pale when confronted by non-stop missiles of truth by Sanam. Her eyes were fiery and she was outraged.

"You weren't my husband at all! Why would you do that? Why??"

"I said that to get you away from the rioters!! And you believed me ! And then you followed me back home. When I asked you to stay in my room quietly, you didn't! You came out, and STOPPED MY WEDDING !! IT WAS YOU WHO told everyone you were my wife! You got me stuck in that lie !!"

"Okay then, why didn't you just tell the truth right then? I was a nobody to you!? You could have explained that I had amnesia and SORTED IT OUT RIGHT THEN !! "

"Because I didn't want to marry Misbah ! She turned out to be Shashi EffingKapoor!!"

Sanam took a deep breath to calm herself.

"There were so many opportunities for you to tell me the truth ! Don't blame this all on me!? "

Shaad put his hands out in a placatory manner, calming the scene from rising voices.

"I'm sorry Jannat. Yes, you are not my wife. But, I only said that to convince the rioters to leave you alone. I don't even know your name. But you were so weak and helpless and so trusting, you believed everything I said. When I tried to tell you the truth, you fainted and fell ill, and the doctor told me to protect you from these memories as it may cause you more harm. He said you were too traumatized and were having an anxiety disorder..."

"But by then I fell in love with you... and I thought you loved me too... What's changed now?"

"I am a wife, Shaad! Another man's wife. A man, who has been searching EVERYWHERE for me. He searched right up to the Pakistan border, where they found my phone, in it messages for him. From me !! I heard my own voice calling for him !! He searched the border thoroughly, but for one unfortunate reason failed to locate me..."

"What reason?"

"You closed that missing person file on me... Because of that Aahil's search hit a dead end. Until he found me by chance in Dharamsala..."

"Aahil ??! What's he got to do with this?!"

"He's my husband, Shaad..."

"That's convenient. How sure are you that he's telling the truth?"

"That's exactly it, Shaad. He hasn't told me the truth. I found out from a police station , who has a missing person report for me from 5 months ago! Filed by Aahil! I have identification papers, nikahnama papers, photographs, everything! It's true! You gave me no evidence otherwise!"

"So you're just going to go to him? "

"Who are you to me Shaad? Why should I remain with you? He is my husband! My real husband! The one who can answer all my questions about my past. Who has the right to take care of me. He knew who I was, has been patiently waiting for me, unselfishly. I am going back to him.. I tortured myself thinking I was cheating on you. But he was my own all along..."

"What about me?"

"I don't feel like that about you Shaad. I thought it was my responsibility as a wife, but there was always this disconnect. Now I realize it's because you weren't my husband at all!"

Shaad stood transfixed.

"But I love you.."

"I'm sorry you do, Shaad. I just thank God that I can walk away from this knowing I haven't irrevocably betrayed my real husband with you. But it says a lot about your ethics; living with an unmarried woman, pretending to be her husband, and then wanting to bury the lie by marrying her for real. How long did you think you were going to get away with it? "

"But , if I hadn't kept you safe, what would've happened to you? You can punish me for keeping you safe! My intentions were innocent!"

" I know. That's the only reason I'm standing here explaining to you that I am leaving, or I would have just disappeared hours ago. I wanted to thank you, for saving me, for keeping me from harm's way, for trying to step into "a husband's" shoes for me. Funny how ONE doctor's words of advice can make people lose their common sense. "

"Thank you Shaad. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I leave you with a clear conscience, but I want to never see you again. You will keep your distance from me. Because I may not be as understanding if I see you in the same place with Aahil. He has been very understanding of my situation, and now I must go home."

"But he's a stranger to you! How will you just go and live with someone new like this??"

He's not a stranger. I will live with him, because he is my husband. I will ask questions about myself, but this time he will have answers for me. I will find out about myself, finally, for real. And stop living in limbo like I have the past 5 months. I want to remember, Shaad ! "

Tired of the back and forth questioning, she picked up her bag and went for the door. Shaad stopped her by the door.

"Don't go like this. It's late and dark. I'll take you in the morning..."

"A woman shouldn't stay in hotel rooms with a man who isn't her husband. I feel like screaming when I think of what I have been doing these past months. No longer...I have a cab waiting. Good bye Shaad." And she resolutely walked away, and drove away in the waiting cab.

***

She walked into Aahil's mansion, bags in hand. A smiling Lateef held the door open.

"You're back Sanam! Thank Allah's Mercy. I'm so glad you're back! The house has been so dark and gloomy without you."

"Where's Aahil, Lateef? " Sanam asked. Lateef looked down in dismay.

"He's been drinking, Sanam. I tried to stop him, really, but he went and got the bottles himself. And threw me out of the room. Please go Sanam. Pull him out of this darkness...I can't bear to see him lose hope like this..."

Sanam walked in with her bags. Funny how she knew where his room was. Their room.

She reached the room door, took in a deep breath and opened it. It opened into a dimly lit place, deathly quiet. She placed her bags down by the wall and looked for Aahil.

As her eyes adjusted, she saw him, on the floor, propped up against the bed, facing away. She approached him slowly and stood watching him. His eyes were closed and he was breathing. She sat on her knees and touched his arm gently.

Immediately, his eyes opened and he squinted at her.

"Sanam..?"

"Yes, Aahil..."

"Sanam, you're here? How..? ...Never mind that. I won't complain. Come here.."

He grabbed her hand and held it securely against his chest. Sanam was so surprised by his sudden action that she didn't react.

"I know you're my imagination from one too many drinks. But I don't care. I'm going to talk to you all to my heart's content today...Give me at least this much Ya Allah..."

Swallowing tears, she sat next to him and listened. She removed the bottles of alcohol from near him, and put them out of his reach with her other hand. He barked a laugh, "I know you hate my drinking, Sanam... I haven't drank a single drop while you were missing... I didn't want to fall apart, give up, whatever. You're not mad at me, are you?" Holding her hand tight to his chest , he asked.

Sanam shook her head.

"I'm sorry about today, Sanam. I saw the confusion in your eyes. Your mind was warring with your heart, I couldn't stand to see you so unsure like that. You are fiery, Sanam. Your confidence is your spine. I couldn't bear to see you like that. "

"So, I behaved badly with you, and sent you away. So, you didn't question your conscience, or be ridden with guilt. You were sitting there, so beautiful;with your heart in your eyes, asking me if I was okay... I wanted to hold you so badly ! Your heart knows me, Sanam! "

"But you are so confused... and your mind is strong and decisive. If you really loved and wanted to be with Shaad... it would have killed me, but I would have let you go. I never deserved someone like you in my life..."

" I felt awful, Sanam. What kind of test is this, ya Maula? I wanted to whisk you and lock ourselves away, and MAKE you remember me!"

He looked down at her hand in his, and looked at her, blinking in the pause. "What the heck, come here", and pulled her closer and held her close to his side.

"If I can only imagine you, I'd better make good use of it..." he mumbled and Sanam let out a reluctant giggle. "You laugh, madam. I had to drink to imagine all this okay! Oh, this feels so good, I could live right here forever..." Sanam leaned her head on his shoulder and continued to listen.

"It kills me, Sanam. I did so many horrible things and you forgave me of all of it. And now I have to get punishment by watching you with someone else. Everytime he touches you, I swear, I feel ill. You cannot imagine how difficult it is to be quiet !! "

"Actually, no, I won't be polite! I'd break every bone in his hands for touching you! " He gritted his teeth and expelled an angry breath. Sanam rubbed his chest soothingly, and he calmed down.

They sat like that until first light of dawn. Aahil talked and talked, told her all about their story from the start, explaining everything he did wrong and apologized for everything. She listened , sleep was not even an option then.

It was as though she was thirsting for a gulp of water, and got drenched in the monsoon.

Was her thirst quenched?

Not really. Aahil had to wake up from his drunken stupor for that.

Part 7