Screaming For Him.
Is it bad that ALL I dream these days is, well, HIM. Ugh! It's not that I don't like what those dreams are. I mean, I don't mind seeing him in dreams, anyway. I mean, come on, I really can't do anything about it after all, can I? If he wants to come in my dreams, what COULD I do? It's just his fault, anyway, not mine. He shouldn't come in my dreams, Goddamit! I am a married girl. And he shouldn't do those things, too, whatever he does...to me. yeah, it's his fault, NOT mine.
How amazingly seductive his voice sounds though! Ah! That voice is so heavenly, it's like music to my ears. A sweet melody of...seduction. Ugh! His whole being is a seduction machine! That deep husky voice, especially when he calls her name...Sanam! Oh god! Why am I happy about that?! I shouldn't be, no I guess I should! He loves her, his Sanam. "Meri Sanam!" How proudly he declares. Okay, yeah fine, he loves her I know! Why does he keep bragging about it? Its not like I want to hear that girl's name! Ugh! Wonder, how would Jannat" sound from his lips?! If he ever takes my name, that is. He never takes that name! He calls ME Sanam too! And I don't even know why THE HELL do I sometimes even like when he calls ME Sanam! God! Everything he does, is it just supposed to be good?! I am sure he does some tricks! Alright! Let him do what he wants! I don't care!
He is even signing for her!! God! How I wish he sings for me..No no! I am a married girl, I shouldn't think like that! Ugh, this is so messed up! He always looks at me like that, like he is just gonna pounce over me and claim me right there! Hell! Why did I even think like that?! No I would never want that! That is insane! His eyes are still fixed upon me! Oh those eyes, bore you right through your soul. He leaves me in such a trance, I just can't help! Why does he do such things?! It's not right! I should not look at him, yeah, that's right. Perfect. It won't be a problem then, I should just concentrate on the dance, I was dancing right?! Oh god!
Why has the music been stopped all of a sudden? What is happening? Why there is no one around? Why am I standing alone? Oh, this is not even the place where I was earlier; it's looking like..some plot?! Huh? Where the hell am I? When did that even happen? What am I doing on a plot? Such a huge one! And it's so...dark. Am I outside?! What the hell is even... Oh no! He is coming towards me! Damn! Why is he approaching me? what does he wanna talk? Am I looking bad? Ugh! What does it even matter?! I can't just stop myself from being panicked! Damn these heartbeats! Allah Miyan!!
Oh god, he looks SIN while walking like that! Wait, why is he putting off his coat?! Geez!! How could someone look sexy by putting off his coat by the way?! But damn he looks...delicious! Why is he walking so slow?! Why he couldn't he come...faster. I mean, for me, no I mean to me, towards me! He is smirking! Idiot! I hate those smirks of his! He knows, I am all bothered and he enjoys watching that! I swear I wanna get hold of that bloody mouth of his and...and...
I suddenly gasped aloud as I felt...his hands!! Geez! When the hell did that even happen?! He was just walking...and now he is holding me, so close to him. His hands at my wait just got tighter as I jerked towards him clutching his broad shoulders! God, his broad shoulders! I can't help but run my hands over them as he pushed me backwards...which certainly didn't feel like a wall or a pillar. Geez! It was a door! Was it a car?! What are we doing beside the car?! When did we...
"Kiss me?" Oh god! How the hell does he know?! Damn! Is his voice more breathtaking or his voice in my ear is more breathtaking? I don't quite know, but he is so close, so damn close. I was breathing hard as I felt a chill run through me by his voice. His grip grew tighter around me as my hands ran through his silky hair. God his hair! Just like what I have imagined, he is a sin! It's not right!!
He bit at my earlobe as his breaths entranced me. I was breathing hard, yet slow; as his hands traced up onto my bare back. I pulled at the strands of his hair, as his lips moved along my cheek finding my lips. Our lips were inches apart; they even touched due to our ragged breathing. I closed my eyes as the torture was immense. Suddenly I pushed him and started to go, I couldn't breathe dammit! I needed air! But he wasn't the one to let me go! Idiot! He grabbed me from behind as his arm came around my waist. I don't even know, I am angry at him or myself! But I think, on him more! Jerk! I jerked back to his solid chest as I gasped aloud again. He loves torturing me, doesn't he?! Ugh!
He pushed my hair at one side, as his hands moved down my back, making me arch my back. A slow moan escaped from my lips, as I felt his lips, replacing his fingers, on my back, placing kisses down the spine. I rolled back my eyes in delight as I started feeling dizzy. Oh god, is this the heaven feels like?! I don't know what happened next, did I slip? But I was back in his arms facing him, like he just saved me from falling. His hands firmly placed at my back. I clutched his shoulders even tighter. My eyes were still closed, recovering from the assault. I could feel his breath hovering over my lips. God, I so wanted to kiss him right then!
He straightened me and pulled closer to him. "Don't go Sanam!" I opened my eyes suddenly as I heard a little pain in his voice. I couldn't help but feel for him at that moment. What was it about him? What was it about his eyes? My hands went up from his shoulders to reach and hold his face, as he leaned in closer. I closed my eyes as he place his lips over mine sealing us in a heated kiss. A kiss that was making me feel alive, maybe for the first time?! He kissed me with barely suppressed passion, as I parted my lips for him. Our tongues got entangled as he pushed me back to the door of the car.
"I love you Sanam! Your mine! Only mine!" His voice was heavy as he spoke between the kiss. Oh god, those words! I think I just died! His hands went down my back to push the zipper down, as I gasped and grabbed his hair. His lips traced down my neck to the hollow of my throat as I moaned aloud his name. Damn! His name is so sexy! Wish I could scream his name..no no I didn't mean that! Geez! I am not sure if I would be able to stand on my legs, for long. I am falling, yes I am!
His lips moved further down to my chest as he placed open mouthed kisses, making me burn. I was on fire, I needed something to hold on to! I clutched at his shirt so hard, that the buttons came undone. His hands moved from the waist to breasts as he moulded them in his perfect hands. His fingers moved over them as I moaned louder this time. He gazed up at me and came upwards. I looked at him and pulled his face closer. Before I knew anything, his one hand went downwards under my dress, tracing along the thigh. I gasped into his mouth as he placed his lips for an all consuming kiss. I grabbed the front of his shirt as I moved my hands along his smooth tanned chest.
He held me close to him as his other hand went down...there. I bit at his lips as I felt his fingers touching me. Oh god! My whole being was on fire as I threw back my head in pure need. I so needed him! I so wanted him! Is this bad?! I don't know! I don't bloody know! My eyes started rolling as darkness engulfed me. "I love you Aahil!" I screamed his name.
I woke up having tears in my eyes. I don't even know why I was so emotional and crying. Do I love him?
Anupamaa
