SaHil (SurVir) SS: Faded Memories CH-1 *PG 2* - Page 2

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flora212 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#11
Thanks a lot guys for liking the prologue! Will be updating today.🤗
flora212 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#12

Chapter- 1

(2 Months later)

Bhopal, Ibrahim Mansion



" Shazia hurry up ! Bhai is coming today! " Says a girl running around the dining table.
Another girl speaks up from a room" Yeah just a minute! "
The girl rushes into the room and snatches the laptop away from the girl as the girl screams- What the hell Nazia! Give my laptop back.
Nazia sternly- Its not time for playing games on laptop! We have work to do...Bhai jaan is coming today!
Shazia rolls eyes- Chillax! We have time! Abbu is going to pick him at Noon. Almost... (looking at her wrist watch) 3 hours are left! So Relax...Give my Laptop back!
Shazia tries to snatch her laptop back when Nazia easily dodges her!
Nazia- No! You know very well how much Bhaijaan hates to see the whole house untidy! We can't disappoint him this time...he is coming after a month from Delhi to meet us! Last time he came after two months and he was really angry to see this state of house!
Shazia mutters angrily- Arrgh...I don't know what's wrong with Brojaan! He was never like this before! I mean he behaves like OCD nowdays!
Nazia sadly- you know very well Shazia! He is doing all these for her...he wants everything to be like Sanam bhabi...starting from her choices to her habits. How I wish Sanam bhabi was alive ! Bhai jaan would not have changed so much! I don't know why he gets the worst fate always! First Abbu then Ammi and now he lost his love!
Shazia thoughtfully- What if Sanam bhabi is alive? We never found her dead body...till now!
*************

Lahore, Pakistan


A girl standing in the balcony looking outside as if like lost in thoughts. Her big brown eyes telling that she is lost in deep thoughts as she looks intensely at the sky and the surrounding outside.
A humming voice could be heard in the background, seems like someone humming a song. Suddenly the humming sound stopped as a voice spoke- Seher...you are still standing there?
The girl standing in the balcony came out of her thoughts as she turned around swiftly.
The girl smiled- Ahhh Misbah! So done with your shower?
A girl in bath robe standing with a sheepish look and her arms folded on her chest as she stared at Seher.
Misbah raising her one eyebrow- Seriously Seher! How can you spend your most of the times looking at the empty sky? What's so interesting? I mean Don't you get bored! It has been an hour I went for the shower and look as I returned you are still standing at the same place with same thoughtful expression!
Seher giggled- Nothing!
Misbah looked at her shocked- What?
Seher confused- What?
Misbah rolls eyes- Duh! I just gave you a long speech and you just said nothing! Dude you sometimes acts so strange!
Seher in thoughtful way as she walked into the bed room from balcony- I think I am!
Misbah confused- huh?
Seher looks at her and shrugged- Strange I mean!
Misbah laughed- Ah come on! I was just kidding! I didn't mean you are strange...you just sometimes...acts wierd kind of! Nothing...serious!
Seher thoughtfully- No Misbah I am not saying I am strange because you said I act strange! I actually feels strange most of the times! As like...I don't belong here! You guys are like my family! In fact you all are my family...but somewhere sometimes I feel upset that I don't remember you all...I...
Misbah inturpts and smiles- Relax Seher! There is nothing to feel strange! And I suppose I told you 100th times about it !
Misbah giggles as she continues- besides I was just kidding! You don't remember us! So what? You are making new memories and leading a new life! We always don't need to remember the past to move ahead...we can move ahead by creating new memories too!
Seher smiles- I Know! But sometimes I wish to know about my past,my childhood and all those forgotten things!
Misbah expression changed a bit but she composed herself quickly.
Misbah grins- You don't have to! Aunty and me have narrated to you almost everything! The only difference is that you don't remember them! Its not a big deal.
Saying that Misbah goes to her wardrobe to take out clothes to wear.
Suddenly Seher speaks- Misbah...Can I ask you something?
Misbah without looking at her as she continues to choose her dress- Sure!
Seher confused- I was thinking about this for a long time! But never asked you! Mom cares for me a lot...but I observed one thing! She never wants or showed interest in making me remember my past! Even you! You always try to divert me whenever I try to say something about my past! I sometimes feel...as if you guys are hiding something from me!
Misbah widens her eyes as she became shocked...but she composed herself and turns around- What? I mean why would we do that! I mean hide something from you...Ofcourse it would have been so wonderful if you didn't have memory loss and remembered everything! In fact we do want you to remember everything but you know that Doctor said you should not be pressurised to do so! You know what I mean? He told us that if you pressure yourself too much to think about your past, you might have stroke or something! That's why I always tell you don't pressure yourself too much! But you just don't listen to us.
Misbah makes a sad face.
Seher apologises- errmm...I am sorry! I...
Misbah inturpts- you do trust us right?
Seher smiles- yes I do! You and mom are my family.
Misbah smiles- Then its ok...that's only matters! Just be yourself and be happy...Don't stress your mind too much!
Seher gives a hesitant smile.
Misbah grins- Anyways I am gonna change my dress!
Saying this Misbah goes to the Bathroom again while Seher looked as if unconvinced about something!
**********

Every one in silence mood...in Ibrahim Mansion! Seems like something is really wrong. Nazia and Shazia sitting all quite at the dining table staring at someone. ...scared and unhappy at same time!
A voice with complete annoyance- What are these!
The dagger look given by the person is making everyone shiver!
The Voice raised as he said again- I said what are these?
As he got no response from anyone he shouted " Latif! Latif! "
Just then Latif came hurriedly!
Latif shocked- Jee Laad Sahab! Apko kuch chahiye?
The man glared at Latif furiously- What the hell is this? Who told you to make these dishes? You know very well I don't eat them! Then why did you make them?
Latif stammers- Woh...woh...
The man angrily- What woh woh? Ek baat ek bar kehne se samaj nahi ati tumhe?
Latif little scared- Ahil baba...mein...
Nazia inturpted and said silently- Bhaijaan! Its not Latif's fault...actually humne kaha tha usse ye sab bana ne keliya!
Ahil furiously- Kiu Kaha tha? Why did you ask him to prepare all these? You know very well Nazia I don't eat these dishes...
Shazia mutters- But Brojaan...these are your favourite! We asked Latif to make this...just for you!
Ahil in dangerous tone- They were my favourite...Not any more!
Latif gulps while Shazia Nazia watches their brother little scared.
Ahil got up from his seat and furiously picks the bowl of apple pie and throws it on floor as the bowl broke into pieces and the apple pie fell on floor.
Everyone watches shocked and scared.
The Nawab who was sitting silently beside Ahil decided to handle the matter.
The Nawab- Ahil beta Why are you making such a small matter into a big issue? Its Okay...galti hogayi...
Ahil inturpted as he furiously retorted back- Small Matter? What do you mean by this abbu? This is not a small matter!
Ahil threw all the dishes set on the dinning table on the floor ...as the plates and bowls crushed down.
Nazia and Shazia looked at Ahil horrified .
The Nawab shocked- Ahil!
Ahil kicked the chair angrily and it fell down on floor.
He furiously glared at Nazia and Shazia and started to leave from there while Shazia called out trying to stop Ahil and followed him" Brojaan! Stop...Listen to me!"
Ahil didn't respond and walked into his room and shut the door loudly on Shazia's face.
**********

A scene with two kids sitting on the bench playing with a doll...and an elderly woman sitting with them...but their faces were not clear.

A man is standing near a swimming pool...his back can be seen...he was shirtless ready to jump into the pool. A man pulls a girl towards him and bends her arm at the back and pulls her closer...seems like same man who was standing near the pool. But the location is not clear...even the faces of the two persons are blurry.
Two persons sitting on the floor...one is a girl while other is a man...the man was feeding something to the girl...but again the scene was not clear.
Suddenly a girl sitting in a truck...the location is not clear completely but seems like few other girls were also sitting beside her.
The girl face is not clear...but someone cries and says in background-

Allah Esa Gazab Maat hone de...mein sirf aur sirf Ahil ki hu...Mohabbat ke bina Zindagi...Zindagi nahi hoti! Aur agar mein Ahil ki nahi hui toh mein kisi ki nahi hosakti! Kisi ki nahi...

The truck is speeding away on road but everything is blurry!

Allah meri mohabbat Qubool Kar! Mujhe mera Ahil se mila de warna...Mujhe yeha isi jagah Fannah karde...Agar Ahil mera Jindagi mein nahi hein...toh mujhe ye Jindagi bhi nahi chahiye!

Suddenly the truck starts to move haphazardly...and moving in risky manner! It began to move quickly and all of sudden it got crushed with a tree forcefully!
A Voice is heard in Background-AHIIILL!!

The scream echoed in the room as Seher woke up panting and horrified!
Seher started to breath heavily and was completely terrified. She touched her face and realised she was sweating. She looked at her surroundings and realised she was in her bedroom.
She gulped and looked at the Jar and glass on the table far away.
She got up and walked towards the table and quickly poured water into the glass and drank it in one go.
Seher closed her eyes to calm her racing heart. The same nightmare...she is having from past two months! But she never realised or understood what is these all about! Who was that girl? And that...Man?
Suddenly Seher mutters- Ahil...Ahil!
She speaks to herself all confused- What? What I am saying!
Suddenly Seher started to feel dizzy...her head started to hurt her badly!
Seher held her head in pain- Aaah! Allah Miyan!
Seher started to walk towards her bed holding her head when everything started to disappear around her.
Before she could realise what is happening...she fell down on the floor Unconscious!!!!!


P.S So this was the first chapter...do comment how was it! 😃

Edited by flora212 - 10 years ago
LoveSonu2408 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#13
Its awsm:-).ths stry lightend up my mind.thnks 4 ths beautiful stry.i lv mandy's writings,seems now u r on the way inclduing into my list.thanks 4 feel those moments again.i fel lk i live these scenes.thnk u.i lk misbah is being +ve.here she is also billi's daughter na?btw is ths only abt how sahil met again,or include seher also?i prefer if u gv sesahil a happy nding,as thy r separatd by each othr.bt again stry is urs.wht u lk.
Updt soon;-).
Edited by SONU2408 - 10 years ago
Mahu34 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#14
Oh this is really good! I'm already hooked on the storyline. I agree with you on how the drama wouldn't show any real logic - so why not write yourself and make your own logical story on SaHil :)
This is really great! Continue soon :))
Ms.Sherlocked thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#15
Yayy Naff! Finally with the 2nd part!
Amazing it was! I don't know why you were saying it was crap? See? Opinions matter! 😛😆

This is really interesting. Misbah makes an appearance 😆 Why is she acting weird, hiding something? Except for obvious reasons 😆 But I loved the convo between them. I hope you don't turn her evil! 😆

And. Our ARI. As expected, he is back to his cold, arrogant self. Baby! 😭 Aww man! He threw that apple pie "coz it was his favorite..not anymore" 😭 I loved the fact you kept him like that, like he was earlier, when she wasn't in her life. Its again that time. Coz she is not with him now 😭 I was missing my Jallad Jinn so much, it would be great to see his anger now! Yess!! 😆

And ofcourse the FBs!! Great. Absolutely great! She is remembering something but still she isn't! Is she gonna get her memory back SO SOON?!! 😆

This is intriguing! Can't wait to read next part! Something to look forward in this forum now 😆
micshy thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#16
Res will be back with my detailed comment 😛
micshy thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#17
Wow nafs... awesomemmemmmeee👏
I wish tehy ahd hired u fro writing the new season...


this is how i would have wanted it... thats how i had actually imagined it...

Sanam in a stranger's land, doesnot feel herself a part of the environment...

and Gos flashbacks... such awesome and meaningful flashbacks... thats how a person with amnesia would act ... not like u have just forgotten everything and is happy dancing around 🤢

Anyways ... such an awesome start...

the flashbacks part was damn aweosme ... i got goosebumps ... and then Aahil and his state i totally got sad 😭😭'

thats how i would have wanted it... Aahil living like hes dead from inside ,, no emotions nothing, all back to the jallad jinn attitude, tehre coudl have been so much of a scope with his charcter, i mena they could have shown 2 parallel stories side by side.. initially making Aahil beleive that Sanam has died and then he suddenly gets to know of a clue where he will be madly searching fro Sanam and how will tehy meet and then further how will he react when Sanam wont recognize him, and how she will fall for him all over again... a fresh start to the story... how awesome it would have been...


The way u have written this is called "Fresh" the makers have such a stale concept of "Fresh"😕

Witing for the next part eagerly
Raingoddess thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#18
Res ;) I cannot believe u were doubting ur skills! I will be back lol

Unres!

This was so good! 👏 The scene of the sisters talking about Bhaijaan was one we discussed right?!! I loved how you incorporated it! I always wanted Aahil's reentry to come from the perspective of his sisters to show much he has changed. I always wanted it to start with them discussing him and Nazia telling Shazia to hurry up and help her before Bhaijaan gets angry! That sets the tone for his reentry! Well, it never happened on the show but you did a really good job showing that! Also we still have Latif! 😳 Thats a must 😉😆

Poor Aahil! 🥺 How different has his life become without his Begum Jaan! The smile, the naughtiness, the hope is all gone! He is just cold! Living in her memories, trying to make things happen her way, almost as if she was still there! Jallad Jinn is back! Arrogant and hurt! You know how much we love Jallad Jin! Aww apple pie brought back memories! 😭 Poor baby! 🤗No one understands how much pain he is in! How he is living each day without her! What she means to him! 💔

I also loved how u described the flashes of the past that Sanam got! Very detailed n captured the essence of the moments! ⭐️

Hmm initially Misbah seemed cute but when Sanam questions her, she seems quite mysterious. And who is this "mom"??? Omg the suspense 😉 I love suspense! Tho I have a hard time waiting to find out what comes next 😆 But like Pragya said, I hope she stays positive 😉 After Sanam, she is my next favorite girl on the show lol

This was so good! I cant believe you were hesitant! But seriously reread it! Its actually very well written! The emotions and intrigue have been captured perfectly through ur words! I can imagine all the scenes and thats definitely a good thing! Awesome job girl!!! 😉

But Nafs, only one request... please update the next part sooner lol I cant wait to read it!! 😆

Edited by Raingoddess - 10 years ago
AGirlHasNoName thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#19
Ohh Yaaayy!! Great start nafs.. U already got me hooked. Will comment in detail after work, so I'm not rushing through it. Can't believe u we're doubting urself yesterday about posting this. This is great so far, please keep it going! 😛
flora212 thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago
#20

Originally posted by: SONU2408

Its awsm:-).ths stry lightend up my mind.thnks 4 ths beautiful stry.i lv mandy's writings,seems now u r on the way inclduing into my list.thanks 4 feel those moments again.i fel lk i live these scenes.thnk u.i lk misbah is being +ve.here she is also billi's daughter na?btw is ths only abt how sahil met again,or include seher also?i prefer if u gv sesahil a happy nding,as thy r separatd by each othr.bt again stry is urs.wht u lk.
Updt soon;-).

Thank you😳 Let's see how the story unfolds! 😆 And yes Misbah is Tanveer's daughter only

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