I AM Jealous! (Not) 11.08

Ranting. It doesn't seem to work today, Coz I just got BURNT, and the only thing I could give is Fire.

That scene had everything. The passion. Passion of being desired and being wanted by each other. The hurt. Hurt of getting hurt yet again. The fire, The fire that could burn down every single vein in their bodies leading to their hearts and souls only to ignite it back, The closeness. Closeness to each other only to get more close. The intensity. The intensity of their hearts beating in same rhythms. The anger. The anger of being not able to get away from each other, even after every nerve wanting to do the same,

or is it their own egos?

An ego bigger than their heart's voice. Bigger than their soul's touch. Bigger than the fire. Bigger than the things their want. Bigger than their desires.

He blocked her as soon as she came close to her, never wanting to do that, still doing it. He was hurt. He was angry. He was burning. He was withering in pain which caused his every muscle to make her close to her in any way he wants. He questioned her. The questions he wants the answers for, the questions which remain unanswered for her. He saw her being hurt, but it was not bigger than the hurt he was going through. He saw her struggling, but that struggle was nothing in front of his struggle against being with her. He saw her pain, a pain not bigger than the ache his heart was having.

He can't see the hand he is holding now, is paining her, which was being held by someone else so lovingly. He can't accept anyone holding her the way he wants to hold her. He can't see the one he loves whole heartedly, is not even half heartedly. He couldn't believe it was hurting her to holding the same hand. He was torn, angry. ripped, hurt, pained.

She was shocked, stunned. She was blocked in her tracks by HIM. She lost the senses for a moment of being so close to him. The proximity, which was strangely doing strange things to her for the first time. She was a little confused, not hurt or angry. She din't say instantly to leave her, first, instead she questioned why is he holding her? She wanted to know the reason, why so much anger? Not from him but from herself. Why he was being so dangerously close? Why he was not looking as dangerous he usually looks. Why he was looking hurt today. Why he was asking these stupid questions. What does it mean to him? The way he is holding, why is it suddenly becoming a little secured? Why I don't want to go off of his hold, suddenly?

What?!! What did he just say? Was he..no no! He couldn't be. How can he?! He doesn't even have feelings. He is just being mean to me, to hurt me, to pain me, to again discomfort me. But. But..his eyes. It suddenly looked more deeper, with rage, an undefinable rage. A rage so deep, it could make ocean dry. Why was he doing this? Was he..JEALOUS?!!

He leaves her. She is right. It doesn't matter to her, it shoudn't matter to me too. Why am I even so bothering about the whole fact of Nikah. This doesn't mean anything. She doesn't mean anything to me, I don't mean anything to her. Then why she said "Main aapki biwi hoon Aahil?"..

How could she?! Jealous?! No I am not! I am not jealous. Why would I be jealous? What does she think of herself? Its just that I can't see he with anyone like that! That close to someone else! That close which I want to be! Because I love her, can't she just see that? Does he have to bring these stupid questions again? Can't she just get these things off her mind. She doesn't mean anything about this. Then...?? And then the ego of him took him over

She doesn't understand. She can never understand why I married her. She can never understand why I still long for her, she can never understand why I still can't get the fact she din't marry me only for money...

He can't just say like that! Was it really a majboori for him? Then what was all that dance for? That things he said in front of lawyer. Was he just acting all along? Is this really a fake nikah for him? Is he really so oblivious to me. Does he really doesn't care and matter..Why would he?!

He looked at her. Suddenly all anger gone, all hurt and pain was somewhat subsided due to this momentary sign of her being mattered. The relief in his eyes was more than anything he could have asked for. That hint of a smile on his lips with the way she was cribbing about. Was she..was she...JEALOUS?!

No! I am not jealous any bit! I can't! What does he think about himself? Its just that I can't see him dancing like that with them.

He blocks her again and grabs her wrist pulling her close. They have to make this like a drama after all.

Well. It is back to square one again. They are so close to confess still not even close.

Its not my usual rant. Its the intensified rant, 😆

U write so beautifully.

Today sanams POV too came into the rant.

and why not, today Sanam realised he is jealous,

And ahil realised she is jealous.

And we realised both are hopelessly burning in jealousy with no one ready to douse the fire.

Now let it burn till it engulfs both so tightly that they can't live without these jealousy and fights.

This is called junoon wala love. Today Sanams junoon was the highlight.

Aap mohabbat ke liye bane hai...

Thank you! Yes! INTENSE IN BOLD AND CAPS! It was just heaven! I can't seem to get out of it!

I just wrote that down, and it took me whole 1 hour! 😆

Thank you again! <3

Gita! Another jealousy?! 😆 Okay, so I am jealous of your analogy-cal posts! 😆

See we have confessed, only they have to! 😆

Yes. Sanam's reactions were highlights today! It gave me such a big smile, when she was stammering while denying she wasn't jealous! I loved and LOVED how they countered each other with same jealousy question! <3 GORGEOUS it was! And Aahil, like he needed just that to hear! His small smile, *DEAD* 😆

Heaven;y episode! I can't just get that ambience outta my mind.

Thank you Sarita! Thank you so so much! It really means alot! :)

I comment on other posts after my rants, coz if I start, I wouldn't be able to stop myself and would end up ranting there only 😆

Yes. They are back where they were, Sigh! That scene was just stunning!

Thank you! <3

One thing is clear , thankfully.

Aahil knows.All that drooling biwi jaan did in the morning did not go unnoticed. That towel was thrown to break the ice. And that customary will be home early'- it was a peace offering.

But holding Rehan's hands like that is a big no- no. Sanam would have to explain that. Yeah. He was jealous- it must have been pretty obvious. But what the hell did she mean by getting close to Rehaan? Was she blind to the treacherous signals that screamed out her attraction for him- Aahil.

So today after that intense glare session, Aahil showed the mirror to his biwi. If he was jealous, so was she...But neither of them want to admit to it. Aahil is adamant that Sanam should confess first, and Sanam will not dare to even confess to self. So Aahil plays along- so then the deal is final...this was all a hoax. He makes one last attempt to will her to come out with the words he has been wanting to hear- maybe she would melt at his proximity...but Sanam breaks free.

He would have to wait for it...build up the tempo another day, corner her and make her confess...and of course, keep a distance from Rehaan if she cared even slightly for his sanity.😆

Saahil heaven...