Chapter 5
Zoya enters her room after about three weeks now. Everything was the same, resting peacefully in its right place, nothing was out of order. How had life changed so much within this short span of time? Why did everything seem so out of order?
'What's taking you so long Asad? Our bond aint that week. What's taking you so long to realize this? Why are you doing this to me? This waiting is getting too long and painful. Please come back to me. I need you. Please come back before its too late.'
She takes in long breaths, she can smell him, as if he was around there somewhere near her but he wasn't. It was only his room, nothing else. She felt like that because she wanted to feel that way. She wanted to feel him with her; she craved for his presence, longed for his love and was dying slowly without him. She felt herself fading. Time is supposed to heal all wounds why was it intensifying them for her?
She never knew she would be strong enough to take in this much pain, the pain of losing her life, her seedling, her blood, but she knew that the pang of separation would be unbearable for her. Losing Asad was intolerable, agonizing beyond limits, horrendous. The thought of it sank her heart.
"You have to come back. I can and will wait for you till my last breath. But please don't make me do that." She says, her heart throbbing like an Angels wings.
She sighs and hikes towards the wardrobe. She takes out an old suit case and starts keeping her clothes in it. Sometimes the uncertainty of your future eats you up alive and you find it hard to defend yourself against all darkness, obscurity and shadows. She places everything inside abstractedly.
A while passes, the door opens with a thunderous batter.
There he is, standing still, panting heavily, his eyes blood-spattered, body drenched in sweat, and existence utterly traumatized, blood still dripping from his wounded hand and within from his wounded heart.
His eyes, rendered speechless, shift between Zoya and the suit case. His mind races like a horse as he stares in shock. He stands there still, unable to decide, his mind dumbfound. Not until his grief was overtaken by fear and then emotions did he run towards her, like one runs for something he had longed for a life.
Zoya's mind boggles, deciding whether she was hallucinating or could her prayers be answered so soon. And when the mind was dominated by the heart all she wanted was to believe it, be it reality or farce.
Everything stops, their minds and hearts as he takes her in his embrace, forgetting about the world, shutting behind the past, getting lost in the moment one can live a life in.
Don't they say the happiest moment of your life is the one which makes you cry the most? You can't decide whether they are the tears of joy or tears of pain, but when they flood, they take away all the sorrows and grievances with them which had made home inside you. This is the best time to let go of everything that is darkening your life, and that too forever.
"I am sorry Zoya"
His hold tightens and his voice is weak and scrawny, like he had been crying.
She loses herself to him and cries her heart out, sobbing vociferously. All they needed was a shoulder to cry on and now was the time for all the pain to bleed out.
"I am Sorry. I am Sorry. I am Sorry."
He repeats in her ears, caressing her hair wildly, pulling her in. She couldn't say a word, all she does is weep, weep and weep.
The time seems to have stopped. It must have been an eternity after which he finally pulls her back and stares into her deep eyes, which were saying a thousand words at that time. He takes her towards the bed and makes her sit, and then he sits down too.
"Where were you going?" he asks in a torn voice.
"I thought you were still mad at me." She just whispers.
"Yes I was mad enough to be mad at you and I wanna kill myself for that."
She clears away the fresh stream of tears.
"I am sorry Asad."
Her words perforate his heart like a dagger.
"Don't say that. It wasn't your fault."
"I could have…"
He cuts her in between.
"No…it wasn't in your hands…. We wont talk about it now."
She silently stares at her lap.
"You didn't tell me. Where were you going?"
"Where can I go? You are my only family Asad. I was just packing these clothes… they are too loose to…" she trails off.
He keeps silent, sighs and then tries to smile.
"Okay leave everything…aren't you hungry?" he tries to divert her attention.
"starving." She replies.
"Oh really?...for?" he asks trying to sound cheesy.
"For?" Zoya frowns but soon realizes what he means. She punches hard oh his chest.
"Asad you…"
"ouch!" he exclaims even though there was no need to, "come lets go outside. I can even eat raw chicken."
"Ewww!" she exclaims before getting up to o and change.
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3 Weeks later…
Zoya sat at the bench beside the stream staring at the moving water. It was midnight and the place's drenched in silence except for the resonance produced by the regular splashes of water and some nocturnal creatures.
Asad was out of town. He was to return the next day.
For her sleep was impossible without him. She takes out her cell phone for the enth time and dials his no., which is busy again. She sighs.
'What's keeping him so busy?' she wonders.
There is a sudden hiss in the bush behind her. She gets up to check what it is. On her way she grabs a few stones just in case…
The movement dosent stop, she leans down to have a better view. She sighs, it's just a cat. Zoya straightens up when someone seizes her by her waist from behind.
She gasps.
He whispers in her ears.
"Dar nai lagta?"
She manages a smile.
"Sher ki bivi ko dar nai lagta."
"Sher se bhi nai?"
"Nahi!... you were supposed to come tomorrow."
"Yeah…kal koi faltu sa dinner tha so I drove back."
"Acha ku?"
"Awain…felt like staring at the moon."
"was there no moon there?"
"Nah!"
"not possible….chand tu asmaan pe hota hai and sab ko nazar ata hai."
"acha Asmaan pe hota hai?"
"haan"
"Par mein tu char saloon se zameen pe dekh raha hoon.'
She laughs cutely.
"Great…now my husband's gone mad."
"mad in love." He corrects.
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Next day…
Zoya walks alone on the vast stretch of sand along the beach. A few couples pass by with their kids. She smiles sadly and calmly closes her eyes.
'I trust You God. Like You have softened Asad's heart for me, You will soon bless me with something better. I'll be patient because Your mercy is boundless.'
Asad rushes from behind, gasping for air he says,
"I am sorry I am late."
"So what should I do?" she replies indifferently.
"You never forget…okay I am sorry…I kept you waiting."
"That's better."
He laughs and then irons her hand in his, kissing its back.
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Both assemble on the rocks along the shore. Asad nears Zoya and holds her close. She looks at him in revelation.
"Kia hua?"
"Kuch hona tha?"
"pta nai."
"tu kuch nai hua." He pauses before continuing after a while, "Why do you love this place so much?"
"I guess I love its vastness, its calmness and serenity, the way these waves move back and forth giving life to this place. I love the way the sun and the moon make this water shine bright like a diamond." She sings and then laughs. "But then mum always said I had this affinity for water since forever."
He lifts her chin, so that their eyes are at the same level and stares at them.
"What are you looking at?" she demands.
"What is it in your eyes? I cant see things like that…no wonder I could never like this place."
"Why do you come here then?"
"I come here because you love this place so much."
Zoya grins.
Asad stares at her for long; something bothers him as he gazes into her eyes. There was something missing for sure and he knew why and because of whom it was missing. His eyes start stinging and to hide it he nears her and places a gentle kiss at the curve of her jaws and then takes her in his embrace.
"I am sorry Zoya."
"why?"
He pulls back and cups her face in his hands. She gazes back waiting intently.
"I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most. Instead I ran away, I left you alone….. I am a ghastly husband and more than that a sick human being."
She gazes at him, a bead rolls down from her eyes but she keeps silent. They hadn't talked about it since the day Asad came back to her. She knew how sorry he was by his behavior, the extra care he took, the extra time he gave her, how he won't let her do any work, how he would spring up on her every little wish, how he won't dare say something that would bring tears in her eyes, how he had started literally revolving around her 24/7. She didn't need these words he was saying but she knew it was important for him to let go of them, she knew he won't breathe peacefully until he escapes that prison he had created inside him. So she kept quiet for him, she bore the pain of revisiting the past to dig out of it; forever.
He continues,
"I never knew I would fail myself so badly, we are a family, people in a family are supposed to stand up for each other in times of difficulty, not against each other. Otherwise the term loses its meaning.
You have been with me through thick and thin but I was dim-witted enough to run away like a coward. I thought my pain was greater than yours."
He looks away disgusted at himself.
"Above all you forgave me so easily, why Zoya? I was your culprit. You could have punished me. I know you were more hurt by my behavior than anything else. I have hurt you so much.
But you didn't say a word. I know your heart must have bled at my selfishness. Still?"
Zoya keeps silent for a long time. She clears away the fresh line of tears from her face, yet again.
"You don't know your place in my life Asad, you cant see yourself through my eyes. My world revolves around you.
When you blamed me for everything, I took the blame without protesting, even though I wasn't at fault, just because you said so.
He was in my womb for 7 months, he ate what I ate, thought what I thought, we shared the same oxygen, we shared our heartbeats; we shared every damn thing in the world. Losing him was like losing myself. Like a person who wakes up in the morning to find he has lost not only his eyesight but his vision too.
You don't know the emptiness and meaninglessness he left inside me.
After I lost him, I found it hard to live but I had a ray of hope and that hope was you Asad.
I knew you were hurt but I also knew you would turn back and collect the shattered pieces of my existence. But you took so long. I was starting to give up.
I prayed then and my prayers were answered. You did come back. I finally had you to fill in the holes of my heart. I couldn't ask for anything more. You are all I have. Its not easy for me to stay away from you.
I couldn't punish you. Punishing you is like punishing myself. I was happy I had you back. My crown was back on its place. I didn't need anything else."
Asad's face is drenched in tears as he weeps, biting his lips, trying hard to control the cries from escaping his mouth.
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That's it. Just the ending left.
Kindly wait for the last part.
Comments pleeez!
Anupamaa
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