"Good Morning Phupi, Good Morning Tamatar", Zoya said as she breezed into the kitchen slightly ruffling Najma's hair in the process.
"I'm really hungry Phuphi. I'm starving actually. Socha ki pizza order kar loon par subah subah aap ki haath ka khana khane ka kuch aur hi maza hai, hai na Tamatar?", saying she sat in her place as effervescently as she could.
Asad had noticed her coming and not able to look at her, the previous night flashing before his eyes, he did the the best could always do. He hid behind the morning newspaper pretending to read all the while observing and taking a peek at Zoya. But she was not just any woman. She was Zoya Farooqi and her experience told her that he was trying to obscure himself from her. She'd already made a decision. She loved him. She did have expectations before but now she'd rather not have one. Trying to ignore him or end up in an argument with him would be either totally pointless or at the end she would again have to bear the brunt and hurt. To be nonchalant would be the best she could and she would. She didn't know what the future held for her but she was ready to accept, ready to move on. Having decided thus, she decided to surprise Mr Khan. After all sometimes life does give one rare opportunities.
"Good Morning Mr Khan"
Asad's paper slipped from his hands as the words registered in his mind. Was she really wishing him? HIM?
One look at her face, he knew he wasn't dreaming as he saw her still looking at him expecting a reply.
"Go..od Good Morning Miss Farooqi"
She was smiling and was her usual self. What was she made up of? Just the other night she was all shattered and broken, but now it looked like nothing had happened at all. How could she just put everything behind and move forward? Why couldn't he be like her?
Breakfast was a gala affair with Zoya's out of the world shaayaris and Ammi and Najma giggling away.
He had to speak to her. All the night he hadn't slept properly, his guilt and anger devouring him and gnawing his conscience.
"Ammi main chlati hoon. College ke liye der ho raha hai. Bye Zoya", giving a last look to her brother, Najma walked away.
"Phuphi aap jaiyye. Aap aaram kijiye. Main yeh sab rakthi hoon"
"Par Zoya.."
"Nahi Phuphi. Kal ke function ke baad aap bahut tak chuki hai toh aaram karna zaroori hai. So my dear Phuphi, aap jaiye" saying she pushed Phuphi towards the stairs.
With a small smile etched on her lips, she started arranging back with everything. She noticed that Asad had not yet moved.
Ab Mr Khan ko ho kya gaya. Woh office nahi ja rahe hai kya?
"Mr Khan, aap ko kuch chahiye." After a moment of pause she added,"Aap ko der nahi ho rahi hai? Office ja rahe hai na?"
The domesticity of the question had them both a little bit happy. All she wanted was to take care of him and be a part of the family. He wouldn't mind having the attention from her everyday. Only if they hadn't complicated their lives.
"Woh actually.., haan woh main Tanu ki haal poochkar chala jaaonga"
"Ofcouse Mr Khan. Main bhool hi gayi. Tanveer toh aapki dost hai. You would be so concerned for her. So der kis baat ki Mr Khan. Jaiyiye!",saying she turned back hurt by his reply. Mr Khan had the knack of turning normal of normal situations into disaster for her.
Realizing that his words were blunt and looking at her posture, he knew he had hurt her again. Not wanting to ruin the situation further, he quickly added,
"Mujhe aap se bhi baat karni hai. Apne kal kaha tha ki hum aaj baat karenge. So I'll wait for you in my room"
"Mr Khan I-"
"Please Zoya",the words came out as a mere whisper but he knew she had heard it. He could feel her gaze on him as he climbed up. She would come.
***
Mr Khan kal ki shyam se kuch kehna chahte the. Shayad yahi kehne ki sab nakli hai aur ab Phuphi aur Aapi ko iss baat batani hai. Allah Miyan, mujhe himmat dena! Unki saamne unke labse sunkar toh kamzor nahi hona chahti. Please help me Allah Miyan. Please.
"Miss Farooqi..", Zoya turned to see him standing near her, arms folded across his chest, trying to be brave enough to disclose what ever he had to.
"Please aap meri baat sunlijiye. I'm..I'm sorry Zoya"
"I'm really sorry. Gusse mein zubaan par kaboo hi nahi rahta. Yeh bhi bhool gaya ki aapko aag se dar lagta hai aur maine kya kya suna diya aapko. I'm truly sorry"
She knew he meant his words. Even his eyes spoke volumes of regret. What was that made her instantly forgive him no matter how much pain he'd caused her? Ruefully she agreed to herself, it was love. Love for him that made her heart melt and it was the same love that nurtured hope in her heart with these small gestures of his. She could bear the Akdu Ahmed Khan, she could bear the Zill-i-illahi but she couldn't bear to see her Asad in pain and agony even if he was the sole reason for her hurt and pain.
"Zoya please kuch toh bolo. Kuch bhi.." He was scared, scared of her not reacting to his words. Not a slight flinch, not a single movement. Had he crossed her boundary of tolerance and acceptance? Did he?
"Zo..Zoya.."
"Mr Khan sach kahoon toh iss baat pe kal mujhe bura laga. Infact bahut bura laga and I was really hurt. Soch rahi thi itni badi baat aap kaise bhool gaye aur woh sab thaane, I was really hurt that it was you who was telling that! But then I realized ki mein kitni bewakoof hoon ki maine aapse yeh expect ki, ki meri kahi hui har baat aap yaad rakhe. Baaton baaton mein aap se keh di ki I'm scared of fire par iska yeh matlab toh nahi ki aapko woh baat yaad rakna hai. Infact you didn't have to apologise Mr Khan. Masla yeh hai ki jo sagai hui hai woh nakli hai, jo functions ho raha hai woh nakli hai, main nakli fiancee hoon, toh iss nakli fiancee ka har baat yaad rakhna zaroori nahi hai. So there's no necessity of apologizing jab ki yeh sab nakli hai. Haina Mr Khan? Toh aap hi batiye aap is baat par itna afsoos kyun hai. It shouldn't matter to you. Right?!"
Words couldn't have been more icier and sharper than he'd heard now. He had decided he would hear out her taunts, jibes or arguments. He could face that all. But not this Zoya, who stated his very own words making him realize the anguish he usually subjected her to. He was always caustic towards her, caustic remarks, caustic judgement and he never for once realized that it was not just his words but him being the one to tell them was what hurt her the most. His fears, his insecurities, his, his , HIS! He was so consumed by his apprehension and insecurity that he failed to fathom the distress and grief he had afflicted her.
"Apni kal ka saaya aaj par padne mat do Asad."
His Ammi was right. Always.
"It does matter Zoya. Mujhe farak padtha hai. Kaise pata nahi, kabse yeh bhi pata nahi, agar kuch pata hai toh bas itna ki agar aap khush hai to main khush ho jata hoon, agar aap takleef main hai toh mujhe takleef hoti hai, agar aap rone lagi toh bardash nahi kar pata hoon, agar aapko koi kuch bura keh deh ya kuch badsulukhi kare toh apna hosh kho baitha hoon, aapka mujse door jaane ka khyal mujhe hila kar rak deta hai, aapki itni aadat ho gayi hai ki aapke bina ab meri zindagi adhoora lagta hai. Main aapse mohabbat karta hoon Zoya. I do really love you."
Trust Mr Khan to spring surprises on her always. Just when she had decided that they couldn't be a more emotionally-challenged person than him and he would never accept his feelings for her, he affirmed and proclaimed his feelings for her. Had it been any other day, she, Zoya Farooqi would have literally ran into his arms jumping and gleaming with joy after all it was the day Asad Ahmed Khan had revealed his feelings for her. But Mr Khan had a penchant for doing all right things at the wrong possible time. Only the extremes could bring out the emotions in him.
She was happy, very happy indeed. But her heart was not completely assured. Things were always like this between them. He hurt her, she'd suffer and then came the remorse from him that slightly nulled the ache he'd caused but how long will this last? Did she have the strength to endure it again and again? She could cope up till the zenith but what if it goes beyond! Love could sustain only till the hope lasts. Once the hope diminishes, everything is lost. Did she really have it in her to hope till the end that one day he would listen to her, he would make unbiased judgement's and decisions, one day he would trust her? Would he?
Asad Ahmad Khan was petrified as to why the ever talking Miss Farooqi had suddenly gone all silent on hearing his declaration of love for her.
Was he that bad at declaring it or was it that she didn't harbour the same feelings he had for her? That was not possible. Her every gesture, her every smile, her pangs of jealousy, everything about her implied that she loved him too. Why isn't she answering then?
He was a champion in the game of business and it was his rivals who used to sweat and tremble. But when it came to the matter of heart and relationships, he was always careful and almost reluctant. Now that he'd crossed all those barriers, why wasn't she responding? He felt his heart tugging and squirm with new feelings of uncertainty and fear of rejection. His legs were almost numb and his palms sweaty and quavering.
What if she denied her feelings and refused to accept his? Could he live without her? Could he?
" Zoya tum..tum kuch nahi kahogi?"
"Soch rahiin hoon Mr Khan, soch rahiin hoon ki kya kahoon aur kya na kahoon. Itna sab kuch aapne keh di toh I'm really overwhelmed you know."
"Mr Khan agar mein aapse yeh keh doon ki aapse mohabbat nahi karti hoon toh yeh jhoot hoga. I do love you aur iss baat pe koi shaq nahi hai mujhe."
Sighing,"Chaliye Mr Khan aapse ek saawal poochti hoon!"
He just nodded with baited breath. What was she upto now? She loved him. She LOVED him but why was that happiness not reflected on her face and in her eyes. Her twinkling eyes were filled with apprehension and some sort of anxiety? Why?
"Agar aapki Ammi aapse yeh keh de ki galti se unhone aapke khane mein peanuts mila di, kya aap unpar yakeen karenge?"
"Jawab dijiye Mr Khan"
"Nahi. Ammi aisi galti kabhi nahi karengi."
"Kya agar Najma ne yahi baat aapse kahi toh kya aap uska yakeen karenge?"
"Najma galti kar sakti hai lekin apne bhai-jaan ke khane ko lekar she's always careful."
"Agar yeh baat Tanveer ne kahi hoti toh?"
"Zoya yeh kaise sawal pooch rahi ho. Baat ko kaha se kaha le ja rahi ho?"
"Aap bas jawab dijiye Mr Khan. Baad mein aap khud samaj jayenge!"
"Nahi yakeen karta. Woh aise kabhi nahi karegi!"
"Par agar yeh baat main aapse bol doon tab toh aap mujh par bilkul yakeen nahi karenge. Shak karna tho door aap seeda ilzaam mujh par laga denge ki mein gairzimeedaar hoon!"
"Zoya..please tum woh baatein ab-"
"Mr Khan I've no intention to hurt you, and remind about the past. Yeh mera iraada nahi hai. Agar aapne observe ki hai toh aap samaj jayenge ki Phuphi, Najma aur Tanveer ko aap apna maante hai, that's why you trust them. Jinhe aap apna mante ho, unpar aap bharosa karte hain Mr Khan. Par aaj tak aisa koyi pal nahi aaya jab aapne kaha ho ki Zoya I trust you. Aap mujse mohabbat zaroor karte hain Asad aur yeh ek nahi kahi bar dekh aur mehsoos kar chuki hoon lekin you don't have the trust in me. You don't.."
"Pyaar karna aur pyar karne walon par bharosa karna alag baath hoti hai Asad. Jinhe trust karte hain, unhe pyaar hum zaroor karenge par jinhe pyar karte hain zaroori nahi ki hum use trust kare. Main aapse hamesha kehti hoon ki Mr Khan I trust you but I've never got that trust in return.
Main modern khaylat ki hoon, kabhi kabhi laparwah bhi ho sakti hoon lekin be-aitbaar nahi hoon."
"Mohabbat karti hoon aapse. Aapse nikah bhi karoongi. Nikah ke liye shayad pyaar kaafi hai Asad lekin zindagi ek saath jeene ke liye, ek saath guzarne ke liye ek doosre par trust karna bahut zaoori hai. Umeed pe hi toh yeh duniya kayam hai. I dare to hope Asad that one day I'll earn your trust. Jis din aap mujh par aitbaar karne lagenge, samaj lijiye ki Zoya Farooqi is completely yours - heart and soul. And I'll wait for that day Asad, I'll wait!"
"Trust is to human relationships what faith is to gospel living. It's the beginning place, the foundation upon which more can be built. Where TRUST is, LOVE can flourish."
Edited by -Siaa- - 12 years ago
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