Note to old readers: Guys you don't need to read this Diary if you have already read Ashar's cos this is going to be quite the same. I'm just writing a slightly different version for my friends on this forum 😉
PART 3
Dear Diary,
I'm pleased to report that Ayaan Chacho has finally managed to get his hands on a shaving machine. Turns out he was actually quite handsome under all those layers of hair.
I could've sworn his feature looked different too but if Abbu didn't find them unusual, then why should I? After all, I'm just a baby. And Abbu has known him all his life. I'm sure he knows Ayaan Chacho's face better than me cos he's the one who taught him to walk. Or so, he claims. I wasn't there in old times.
***
I'm mobile! Yes, I've started crawling!
It's amazing what you find when you have a bit of toddle around this place. Today I was pottering around, minding my own business, when what should I find but a large photo frame under Ammi and Abbu's bed. Abbu was standing next to a woman wearing Shalwar Kameez and a Dupatta over her head with one stone eye. There was a target drawn over her face with something written above it which looked like, "TAKE THAT, YOU EVIL ONE-EYED CAT!"
I wonder if Ammi wrote that. I think it's quite likely, as she has got a bit of temper on her sometimes. I squinted at the frame and saw Jammy and Tannu written under the photo. So this was the infamous Tannu' I was wondering why Ammi called her a one-eyed 'cat' when I heard a terrifyingly distorted meowing sound coming from the frame, scaring me so much that I peed in my diapers as I ran out of the room screaming for my life.
After I had calmed down, I realized that Jammy must be my Abbu's nickname. First Tamatar, now Jammy; daft names really run in my family I suppose.
And talking about daft things reminds me of Shireen Daadi! OMG!! I'm dead sure my IQ level is already about 10 times higher than her. I can tell you; she spends 5 hours drinking a bottle of juice because it says, "concentrated" on its side! I mean, how thick can you get?!
***
Had terrible nightmares about The One-eyed Evil Tannu and Big Bad Evil Razia last night. Screamed and screamed until Abbu came to get me. If anyone can save me from these Evil Monsters, it's my Abbu.
He took me in his arms and then realized that my diapers needed changing because I had wet them in fear of these two absolutely horrifying monsters. It took him absolutely ages to change my nappy and by the time he'd finished, I was- ahem, how can I put this delicately, ready for another one. So we had to start all over again.
Finally done with nappy changing which proved to be a more arduous task for my Abbu than climbing Mount Everest, he took me his room. Ammi was sleeping peacefully on the bed and Abbu had just started his staring session when I gave him a good kick in the stomach to bring him back to Earth. It worked because he gave me a sheepish smile and then resumed his pacing of the room with me in his arms.
My eyes lingered on the huge photo of Ammi and Abbu from their wedding day and Boy! Did they look happy!! Staring at their lovely photo, I noticed that Abbu still had his stubble back then. Thank God, this stubble thing doesn't seem to be hereditary. At least I don't seem to have one! Lord, spare my siblings too!
***
Found an old album under the sofa in the TV room. It had all the old family photos. What really caught my attention was Nuzhat Phuppi; her face changed so drastically through the album that it had my jaw dropping. I'm ready to bet my next bottle of milk that she got an entire face job done and Shireen Daadi being the genius that she is, didn't even notice that her daughter had changed.
Oh and now, every time Shireen Daadi sees me in the presence of Ayaan Chacho and Humaira Aunty, she starts pestering them about when they'll make her a Daadi. The biggest competitor in her life is Dilshad Daadi and Shireen Daadi has started losing her sleep on this matter that Dilshad Daadi is already a Daadi and she is not. If you ask me, I find it quite pathetic.
I'm not sure how I feel about this... Having a younger kid would be fun but I don't want to share my attention with anybody else. At least not now...
***
Oh and I still haven't mentioned anything about my Per-Daadi. Man, she's ancient! To be perfectly honest, I think a museum can make more use of her presence.
I've heard she used to spend her previous years playing Revenge-Revenge with The Big Bad Evil Razia but ever since she and the bald bloke got arrested, my Per-Daadi seems quite lonely and bored.
***
I really wish my Ammi and Abbu would start calling each other by their first names instead of Mr. Khan and Miss. Farooqi. It gets really difficult when we go for evening walks in the park and anything in a skirt tries to get Abbu's attention while the male population trails after Ammi. They should work on making their married status more prominent because recently Abbu has been beating a lot of guys for trying to flirt with his Miss. Farooqi.
***
OH MY GAWD!!
I said my first word today! No prizes for guessing because it's actually one of the most common words in my life, 'WOH'
Anyways, Abbu was ecstatic with joy and declared that I am just like him. Ammi said she would bet anything that his first word was 'Woh' and second was 'actually'. But I sort of doubt it. Cos I'm sure he wasn't as bright as me when he was little considering he's still not very smart...
But after the happiness worn off, Ammi looked quite distressed because according to her, now my wife will also have to hear 'Woh Actually...' about a billion times before the actual confession. I'm not sure what that means.
To tell you the truth, I wanted my first word to be my name 'Ahsan' and I had practiced speaking it till I was perfect. I was going to hit my parents with it in the morning but when Abbu picked me up and tickled me, 'Woh' left my mouth without so much as a warning. Oh well!
Anyway, I'm glad that I've started speaking!! Thank God for that! All this cootchie cootchie-coo nonsense of adults was really beginning to get on my nerves. They are grown ups - you'd think they could talk to each other properly!
***
Thank God, I've got Abbu's fashion sense. It's not like there was any other option because Ammi doesn't seem to have any! You should see my wardrobe! I keep hoping that she'll buy me some nice color shirts - colors that Abbu wears like blue, black, grey etc. But she buys me purple, red, pink and all bright colors possible! I look like something fallen from a box of Quality Streets!
And then Abbu with his OCD has developed this annoying habit of brushing my hair every time he sees me. Doesn't he know that tousled hair give me a very rugged look?
Anyway so here's the plan. Every time Ammi decks me out in something stupid, I'll scream my lungs out. She'll soon get the idea. Or if she doesn't because she does seem a little dim, I'll soon be able to dress myself and then the world will see Ahsan like the dude he actually is!
For the time being, I guess I'll just have to rely on my good looks and reckless charm.
***
Yayyy! Stood on my own for the first time! Ok, so it only lasted for about 3 seconds before I landed on my bum, thank God for the nappy cushioning! But I'll be better before you know it. Because I spend half my days holding my Abbu's pinky finger as he teaches me to walk. He can be so sweet sometimes.
And I believe you've already guessed why my Ammi can't do this job? Yeah, that's it! She has problems standing on her own two feet too much to teach me. Dad will have too much of a tough time catching us both at the same time...
***
Disclaimer: The idea of introducing the new Ayaan by getting his hands on a shaving machine was suggested by 'swaggerchick16'. I really liked it so included it in the update. Thanks for the idea hun! 😳
How was it, people? I really really hope you enjoyed it. There are going to be no more updates for at least a month cos I'm going on vacations!!
Edited by SmileyStar - 11 years ago
Anupamaa
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
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