His Feelings
He couldn't bring the words to his lips, they seemed to be stuck in his throat. He couldn't admit to himself let alone his ammi, Zoya, and Najma. He knew he would end up hurting her, just look at her now...her eyes were numb. He couldn't bear the pain he knew he would eventually cause her. They were worlds apart...he was akdu as she called him and she was sweet, adorable Zoya. He would eventually make her as miserable as he was. He couldn't tolerate it if he hurt her like his Rashid Ahmed Khan hurt his mother. He simply could not see Zoya hurt because of him. Despite knowing all that why couldn't he stop the flood of memories. Why couldn't he get her out of his mind. Despite knowing that she was so different from the wife he had always wanted. What was it about her that pulled him to her as if an unbreakable string was attached between them and no matter how hard he tried he could not stay away from her. He needed her as if she was air.
When Tanveer had said that he did not love Zoya because he stayed quiet...he wanted to scream at her because she was so wrong. He wanted to throttle her neck for presuming she knows him. He wanted to tell Zoya not to listen to Tanveer. He wanted to tell her how much he cared, he wanted to keep her forever by his side but he couldn't find the words. So instead he left like a coward...he ran away from his Zoya as always.
Asad tossed and turned the rest of the night having an internal battle with himself.
The next day again ammi brought up the same topic. "Asad I dont care about anything you are getting married."
"Ammi please stop this. You can't just get me married like this in 10 days. Marriage is a life long commitment for me and I cannot marry anyone like this."
"Asad I told you yesterday that I have found my daughter in law." His ammi walked towads zoya and caressed her cheeks as she kissed her forhead.
"Asad you were the one who told me that you wanted someone who would love me even more than she loves you right. Who better than Zoya then? Zoya loves me as if I am her mother. And I love her as a daughter Asad."
"But ammi please."
"Asad you didn't answer my question yesterday. Tum karte hoon naan Zoya se pyaar (You love Zoya right.)," ammi said.
Asad could not lie to him ammi but he could not tell her the truth either. So he turned his face away fearing his mother would see the truth on his face, in his eyes.
"No Asad, look at me. Look into my eyes and tell me what the truth is," ammi said with a raised voice.
Asad looked into his ammi's eyes, but he simply couldnt tell her. He did not know why.
Ammi grabbed his arm and took him away to his room locking the door.
"Asad tell me the truth. No one is here but you and me now beta. Tell me. Apni ammi ko toh bata sakte hoon na beta. (You can tell your mother atleast right)."
"Ammi please. Aisa kuch nahin...(it's nothing like that...)"
"You can't even finish the sentence Asad. I am your mother. I have seen it in your eyes Asad, when you think I am not looking. You look at Zoya over your newspaper when we are eating breakfast in the mornings, you smile at her when she annoys you when she isn't looking. You look at her as if she gives meaning to you, to your life. As if she would complete you. Kabhi apni aankhon mein dekho, tum bhi wahi dekho gein joh meine dekha hain aur joh Zoya dekhti hain (Look in your own eyes sometimes and you will see what I am see and what Zoya sees)."
"Karte hoon ya nahin. (You do love her or not). If you don't then fine Asad, I will marry her to my friends's son, Azan." Asad's eyes shot up at that. He could not bear to even imagine Zoya with anyone else let alone marry another man.
"You should be fine right since you don't love her. Asad stop being stubborn." Ammi paused for a while and sat him down on the bed.
"You are not him...you are not your father." Asad looked into his ammi's eyes with tears. She knew him so well, why did he even think he could hide anything from her. "Never for a second think that you are. You are my son. My son Asad. And my son would never do what your father did to me."
"Ammi please. I could so easily hurt her and I could not bear that ammi. Already I have hurt her so many times, screamed at her so many times, told her that she does not deserve to have parents. Imagine how much more I could hurt her if I marry her. Imagine the pain I would cause her and I could not bear that ammi. I could not bear it if I was the reason she had tears in her eyes. I could not bear it if I hurt like her that man hurt you."
"Nothing like that will ever happen because you are my son Asad. Why would you ever think you would be anything like that man? You love me and Najma, have you ever hurt us? No Asad, in fact you have always protected us and supported us and you will do the same with Zoya. Please Asad say yes. Tell me you will marry her."
His mother placed her hands on his cheeks and made him look into her eyes. Both teary eyed.
"Asad I promise you, you will never hurt her. You trust me don't you. And if you ever do hurt her, I will be there to tell you that you were wrong. I would never let you hurt Zoya, but moreover you would never hurt her yourself. Please, just trust me Asad. And agree. Haan khedo (Say yes)."
Asad just nodded. He could not seem to say anything. He didn't want to say no anymore. Being apart from Zoya was hurting him and he could not do it anymore. He could not fight with himself anymore. If his ammi said he would never hurt her, if his ammi said she would watch out for him then he would trust her. He would believe her because he wanted her to be right. And he would work hard to prove his ammi right. He would work night and day to keep Zoya happy, but he couldn't stay away from her anymore. He couldnt fight his ammi anymore either. Fighting himself, his ammi, Zoya was tearing him apart.
They both got off the bed and went back outside.
"Zoya aur Asad ki shaddi hoon rahi hain dus din mein."
She walked over to Zoya and hugged her.
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So this was Asad's internal monologue.
Do you guys wish me to continue this? I could turn this into an SS or even an FF where you get to see them get married and deal with their feelings especially since Asad still has not told her he loves her. This could get interesting with Zoya's insecurities and Asad's emotionally damaged behavior
But it all depends on the replies and likes I get. I know that's shallow, but it takes quite a bit of effort on my part to write a FF and I won't do it if no one is going to actually read it. And I won't know if you read it if you don't comment or like.
So let me know what you want me to do.
If you want pm's then dont add me on this account. After I decide whether I want to write or not, I will make another username and add me on there.
Anupamaa
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
