SHATTERED
She heard the sound of laughter from the other side of the door…laughter that was unrestrained…care free…warm…full of love…
It was the sound of a family…happy…complete…
She was the intruder…the one who didn't belong... a guest…tolerated but not really wanted…
Her chest hurt…had been hurting since the day of the bus accident…her heart shattered into a million pieces…it refused to stop aching...a deep ache that travelled through her veins to the furthest parts of her body…making her bones throb with pain…
Earlier that day…
Hand in hand they were…looking perfect together…
She was perfect…just right…Tanvi…
She wore salwar kameez, covered her head, spoke softly…his perfect woman…Tanvi…
She moved away from the window in case either of them saw her. He already thought her to be nosy and intrusive so didn't want him to think she was spying on them.
She hadn't thought the pain in her chest could get any heavier…almost unbearable…yet it did…
She hurried to her room, closing the door softly…sat down on the bed…
She took a deep breath…trying to ease the pain…trying to accept the truth…
She was a fool…why had she ever thought HE would feel anything for her anyway?
He had told her that she was not worthy of him…she didn't dress right…talked back…was too loud…flouted tradition…
He obviously didn't remember anything of last night…the love in his eyes had vanished…replaced by indifference…
She did…the rain…the warmth of his loving gaze…his soft touch…his close embrace…
The happiest night of her life…so happy…
Should have known…it was a dream…not meant to last…like a whisper in the wind…fleeting…
Opened her eyes...they fell on the picture of the old haveli, next to her phone…
She had come to India for a reason yet hadn't managed to find out anything about her father. She should be concentrating on THIS, not on HIM!
Yet...
Yet her heart refused…refused to stop hurting…refused to stop pumping…
She needed to get away from here…where THEY were…happy in each other's company…
She would only get in the way…like she did before when Tanveer had wanted to speak to HIM…she hadn't meant to…
Ipad, phone, picture and bag.
All she needed.
She closed the door quietly behind her…
An hour later…
It was hopeless.
Everyone she asked and showed the picture shook their head, replied in the negative, didn't know anything about it…
She had to keep on trying.
Only two weeks left of her visa and she hadn't accomplished anything she had set out to do.
Evening…
Tired…so tired…
Her feet hurt from walking constantly, her back from carrying the Ipad and bag.
She had checked her phone regularly...but no…why would he call…
She had stayed out as long as she could but it was getting late…darkness setting in…
She knew she didn't have the strength to walk back. There had been a bus station about ten minutes back…maybe…
Bus station…
She felt a push…hard…in the middle of her back…
She clutched her Ipad to her chest with one hand just before hitting the road…the other hand outstretched to break her fall…
Ahhh the pain…it travelled from her fingers all the way up to her elbow…the sound of cloth tearing…the heat of blood flowing…
She breathed in the dust of dozens of feet, running to catch the last bus…
Tried to steady her breath…clenched her teeth to hold back a cry…
She brought hand toward her face, used it to push herself to her knees.
Slowly got up…watched the bus disappearing into the distance…
Even later…
Bone weary…couldn't take another step…
She climbed the steps…one by one…holding on tightly to the railing…hand slick with blood…shirt carrying the dust from the road…jeans torn at the knees…one sleeve torn all the way to the elbow…
Present…
She clutched the door handle…trying to be as silent as she could…didn't want to disturb them…draw attention…
Closed the door…quietly…
Walked towards her room…quietly…
Tried not to look towards them…impose on their happiness…
Took another step…quietly…
Why were they silent?
She couldn't hear their voices any more…
She dared not look.
" ZOYA!"
She jumped, the shout was from HIM.
She heard a chair scraping back…the crash as it fell to the floor…
She turned her head…He was standing up, his face …shocked…
The others had similar expressions…eyes wide…focused on her hand…
Turned her eyes away…looked down.
A solitary drop of blood…travelling downwards…from her palm to her middle finger…where it stopped…just for a second…before dropping towards the floor…
She had forgotten to hide her hand!
She quickly moved it out of view, tucked it under her other armpit.
"Zoya what happened?"
"Why are you bleeding?"
"How did you get hurt?"
"Did someone attack you?"
"Tell me!"
One question after another from HIM, the last one a demand.
She didn't want to speak to him, didn't want to look into his eyes.
She knew he would see it…
She had been trying to stop herself thinking about HIM but couldn't…might as well have tried to stop breathing.
"Nothing, just fell down"
She walked quickly towards her room, had to get away before HE stopped her.
…heard him behind her…walking fast…catching up…
She twisted the door handle, quickly walked in and shut the door just before he came into view. She locked it and leaned against it for support…suddenly feeling dizzy…
"ZOYA!"
Again…
He was on the other side of the door…trying to open it…banging on it while shouting her name.
"Zoya open the damn door"
He sounded angry, very angry.
She wouldn't…couldn't…
"Leave me alone please"
He stopped suddenly.
"Zoya let me in"
He sounded calm, in control.
"Leave me alone please" she whispered…
She almost lost control…let escape the sob caught in her throat…
"What's the matter? Let me in, you're hurt"
He sounded concerned. As any human being would be for another. Nothing more.
She turned away…from him...his voice…his concern…his questions…
Ipad and phone on the table, bag next to them.
Into the bathroom, arm under cold running water…
The sound of his hand still banging on the door…their voices now joined with his…all concerned…
Wrapped her arm in a towel and cradled it close to her chest…throbbing pain…from her heart or her hand…she didn't know…
She switched off the light.
Alone at last…always alone…never belonging…
America, India…where was home?
Drifting…alone…that was she had been doing all her life…
Until he had crashed into her life.
Like a hurricane, he had bruised and battered her constantly until in the end he had flung her from his life…wounded from his words…an outsider…as she had in the beginning…as she was now…
Yet she had fallen in love with him. How, when and why she didn't know..
This egotistical, male chauvinistic pig, this man who dismissed her thoughts and opinions as if they were inconsequential…but who captured her heart and bound her to him.
She would never let him know…could not let him know how deeply she loved him…ached for just one loving glance from him…one reassuring touch…
..But it would never be…he belonged to her…Tanvi…his perfect woman…
Two more weeks. Then she would be gone.
She would stay away from him, keep herself busy, try not to look at him or cross his path.
He must not know. No one must know.
She would cry…but only when by herself…
She would love him…but from afar…
She would dream of him…but only in her sleep…
Awake, she would keep her pain and loneliness to herself…
She would smile…while her heart bled…
She would laugh…while her eyes stung with unshed tears…
She would live…while dying inside…
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