Everyday is the same in my eyes.
I pray, I work and I spend time with my family. I try to push some sense into my little brother's head. I try to stop thinking about my father. I try to make money for our family, to expand our empire. I try not to worry about my sister's future. I try not to be bothered by the relationship; or lack of it that exists between my mother and father.
At the end of the day, I close my eyes and just think' maybe tomorrow will be better. Sometimes I even forget why I'm alive. I want to accomplish so many things, to make so many people happy. But for myself? I can't think of anything. I've become used to living like a robot.
And then came Zoya.
If not for her existence, I wouldn't be confused. My routine life that's normally comforting would never have disturbed me. My lack of feeling would not have made me feel remorseful. Mostly, I would never have questioned my beliefs.
Anything that struck me as appalling before has now become just a little fascinating, all thanks to Zoya. That girl, she drives me mad. Nobody has had the courage to openly criticize my beliefs. Not even my mother. I realized only after Zoya's frequent outbursts that society would indeed view me as a chauvinist.
Now the old Asad Ahmed Khan would give a rat's ass about Zoya's or anyone else's opinion for that matter. But this new person, the person I can't identify' he wants to change, much to his surprise.
I've hurt her and I see the effects of that everyday. Our little banter sometimes turns ugly. And just for that split second when I see that hurt look in her eyes, I forget all about customs, beliefs, the "right" thing to do' I forget everything that defines me. And everything becomes her.
I want nothing more than to look her in the eye and say sorry. But the only thing stopping me is myself. And I wish I knew how to change that.
Have you ever wanted to ask a question? But in the end you don't, because you know your heart wont be able to handle the answer. That's how I feel.
My life is changing, spiralling out of control. For once, instead of thinking about other people, I'm thinking about myself. I'm feeling something.
And all along, I've been finding so many faults in her. So many. Trying to convince myself that she's the wrong choice, the exact opposite of whom I should be with.
But she's whom I want. And all along, I've been ignoring the best part of her.
And I think about these things every day. The "what-if's" distract me, plague my thoughts. The restlessness gnaws at me.
But when I come back home to see my family, smiling and happier than they every were before, I feel pride in what Zoya's done to them. On how she's made them.
And then when I see her looking at me, the sparkle in her eyes never fails to push my heart into overdrive. Sometimes I just stare at her.
And today, I decide to smile back.
And that one gesture has made her day and mine.
And as I finally retire to bed I cant help but think again as to how much I've changed. I don't know what to expect from the future. Expectation is the root cause of disappointment.
But dreaming after so long, it feels so damn good.
And I think about myself'
I'm hopeless, but hoping.
True love does not come from finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
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Hey guys! :D
I know I'm supposed to be updating my SS but I'm too darn lazy. :P So this was some spur of the moment thing and I'm not too proud of it. But I still wanted to post it. Please please leave a review. :)
And tell me if you liked it.
Love!
CID
Kumkum Bhagya
Pyaar Kii Ye Ek Kahaani
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
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