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Entry # 5
LOVE ME, HATE ME?
"Just admit it, you love me." Abhay said, he had me pinned up against the door of the supply closet. How did I get in this position, oh yeah, I had to be stupid enough and write his name with mine in a heart on my page filled with doodles and then' leave it out for everyone to see. I just had to do something that stupid didn't I?
It was just another day in History; Mrs. Dasgupta was going on about something that I already knew. 'T' was looking at her nails' as usual, Kabir was fast asleep, Misha was throwing paper balls at him while Tracker looked dreamily past us staring into the future maybe' with Angad or Shaurya, I certainly didn't want to know, and Abhay Raichand was staring at the ceiling. 'What? I didn't know, or really care. I just wanted this class to end so I could rush out of this college and get home, away from him'.
Abhay is the guy who everyone wants to be with, the college heartthrob in short and most guys try to imitate him' in which they fail miserably. He keeps to himself most of the time, but he speaks sometimes but really rudely. For some reason or another, he hated me. Don't ask me why, because I really don't know why. So I pretended to hate him as well. You see, really, I'm in love with him, but he hates me, so it would be stupid to tell him I loved him. So I stuck with being the only person in all of Mount College to hate him seriously, and be the only person he hated in return.
I was doodling in my book full of all my drawings, poems, short stories, and doodles. I took it with me wherever I went. It had everything from a drawing of the small park in the centre of town, to a poem I write about my life in Dehra Dun ever since I moved here. I was working on a sketch of an iPod when a piece of paper landed on my desk. I opened it up to see his beautiful script.
I want to listen to some music, kick me when Mrs. Dasgupta starts to teach us something we don't already know. From the corner of my eyes I saw him role his eyes. 'What is his problem?' I thought and went back to my drawing.
I thought about it for a moment. I knew Abhay and I were at the same class level, it was why Mrs. Dasgupta made us made us project partners. So the idea was okay I gave him a quick nod and went back to my little piece of work. Maybe he will help me back someday. I could just wish.
Sure, but you owe me someday.
I wrote back before continuing my sketch. I had many of them, almost all of them the same, but I loved to draw them. I had one of each colour in my pencil case. Someday I would probably make a smaller sketch of a bunch of them and then colour each one of them a different colour, as if to sum up all of the other ones. Just then the piece of paper was given back to me. I finished up on the head phone I was working on before seeing what he wrote.
DEAL
His lips curbed up into a breathtaking smile and I couldn't help but look away to catch my breath. I smiled before putting the note in my back which was hanging on the back of my chair. I would get rid of it later so Mrs. Dasgupta didn't find it and get mad at Abhay. I wouldn't be that mean, I wasn't that kind of person, even if he did hate me, and I 'Hated' him.
I was now going back to my page filled with doodles when Mrs. Dasgupta started to go on about a project we would have on all of this. I gave Abhay a gentle shove before grabbing a piece of paper and writing down what was up on the board. I didn't pay attention to the fact that my doodles were out in the open for him to see. I was so busy copying down what Mrs. Dasgupta was writing that I didn't notice Abhay looking at the page I had been working on; he had always been quicker at copying down notes. I had just finished writing them down when I noticed him staring at the page; in the middle was a heart with our initials in it.
I quickly grabbed the book and shoved it in my bag along with everything else. Just as I finished up, the bell rang signalling the end of class. I quickly got up and ran out the door. I walked quickly down the hall, taking the longer way out to make sure I would avoid his locker. I was so busy worrying about what Abhay would say and hopping he didn't see what I wrote down in the middle of the page, even though I knew the chances of that happening were slim to none I hadn't factored into the question that there was a hallway connecting the two together. So when I passed by, I wasn't ready for Abhay to grab me and pull me into a nearby supply closet.
Why was I such a screw up? Oh no not a screw up; my luck was so bad that even the simplest, silliest things could get me into trouble. Yes, that would be the answer. I sighed looking towards my hands which were now pressed against the door right beside my head.
"Just admit it Pia, you love me, admit it" he said again. I was hopeless, he had me pinned up agents the door, and he was too strong for me to try and shove him out of the way. So I admitted defeat.
"Okay, I admit it; I'm in love with you. Okay? I love you. There are you happy? You have what you want, something else to bug me with and hate about me. Now let go of me and let me try and save some of my dignity and go home" I said fighting against him, trying to break free and run to Misha's home, climb up the stairs and curl up in my bed with a good book and read until it was time to start dinner.
I was so busy trying to break free of his strong grip that I didn't notice the look in his eyes. They were' I didn't know that expression. It seemed like some ancient grief he was replaying in his head. Something he had forbade me from knowing.
"Why now?" he asked suddenly taking me by surprise. I looked at him cryptically.
"Why now?" I said laughing with disbelieve. "I always loved you' you were the one who pushed me away remember?" That might have hit a spot' He wasn't looking at me but his eyes seemed to tell me he was trying something that would make me not love him' I knew that was impossible.
He was watching me intently, carefully. He placed his hands against the door on either side of my head and leaned forward, forcing me to press back against the door' again. He leaned in even closer, his face inches from mine. I had no room to run. Damn it!
"Now," he breathed, and just his smell disturbed my thought processes, "what exactly were you saying?"
"Well, um, that I-" I gulped "' I always loved you"
He fought back a smile. He was happy but his anger overpowered all his other emotions as usual. Then he bent his head down and touched his cold lips softly to the hollow at the base of my throat.
"Are you still thinking the same?" he murmured against my skin.
"Yes." I struggled to concentrate. "About ' how much I love you"
His nose drew a line up the skin of my throat to the point of my chin. His cold breath tickled my bare skin. What was he trying to do? Scare me or try to disgust me? Whatever he was doing' it was having an opposite reaction.
"And now?" His lips whispered against my jaw. Not a good sign. Stay clam don't do anything stupid to give away' 'Any normal girl would have slapped him right across the face and ran away' my conscience said, but I ignored her.
"Still love you too much" I breathed and said. His eyes were tense now' Thinking of what he would have to do next to change my mind?
He lifted his face to kiss my eyelids. "Think about it' You know that I am not a normal person'"
"No, but it doesn't matter." There was confidence in my voice. I knew he was soon going to loose. "Neither am I" I snickered and he smiled in response too. My conscience had lost the battle against my heart, she wanted this too now.
He kissed slowly down my cheek, stopping just at the corner of my mouth.
"I would only hurt you further" His lips barely brushed against my trembling lower lip.
"No," I breathed. I knew there was a second part to my brilliant defense, but I couldn't quite call it back. 'REMEMBER' I shouted in my head.
"You see," he said, his lips moving against mine. "I am a monster, and you are not as strong as you think' You can't handle me and my'" he trailed of in a sad tone, His fists clenched of that I was sure.
"No," I sighed. "I can" I said finally, my voice seemed more pleading. 'I don't want to loose you' I wanted to tell him, but I suppressed my urge.
He pulled my hands to his chest to say something' "Can you feel it? My heart beat?" he asked almost cryptically. I didn't understand what he said.
"I cant here anything" I said with an air of idiocy.
"That is the point Pia. My heart doesn't beat. Not for you, not for anyone" He was giving me double meanings and that was not fair. I was not super intelligent or a mind reader in this fact to know what he was saying.
I let out a ragged breath, and he suddenly became stiff. Strange' I mumbled.
"Try to understand what I am saying Pia' I am not good for you. I am just going to increase your problems" he pleaded.
"There is always someone meant for us Abhay and I am sure I have found mine'" I remembered Panchi's face, how she had persuaded me that what I felt for Abhay was nothing to worry about'
"I know" he said suddenly. "That is what scares me Pia. I cant handle to loose someone again." I shook my head.
"I am going nowhere I promise" he breathed and then kissed my forehead.
"You are going to be the death of me you know" I looked at him quizzically.
"When mom and dad get to know this' it is certainly going to need a lot of persuading to do' Saving you is feeling like a full time occupation nowadays." He chuckled and said.
His smile was flawless, it was the first time I had seen him smile like this' for me. I was content. My heart was light' he seemed to accept my feelings and that was all I wanted.
"I am glad" I don't know what expression I was holding but it was certainly amusing him.
"What can I say now?" I shrugged. I wanted to know what he felt for me, but I was sure this guy couldn't possibly be meant for me' he was too good to be true.
"Tell me' what are you thinking?" I asked him without thinking.
"Thinking what dangers there might be in the future, because in the hell I live in it won't be as fairy tale like as people think. Loving someone isn't that easy you know" My breathing stopped and I was sure he knew that.
He let me go and I was sure it would have been better if he didn't. He smiled knowingly and went of towards his next class I was left breathless when Misha found me. "Hey Pia, Mom and dad wants to meet you" she scrutinized me as if I was a alien. I rolled my eyes and nodded my head slightly. My head was still heavy. I couldn't imagine that happened just now.
"What happened to you?" she said with a smirk, maybe guessing' I shook my head lying. She caught me then.
"Don't try to lie, you are very bad at it' 'Sugar pie'" she said with a laugh. I didn't get her point but I just started walking. "Did he propose? Ooh ooh did he kiss you?" she tried imitating a baby tone. Something like that, I wanted to tell her, but by doing that I would officially damn myself. I thought with a smile. She smiled at me warmly and mumbled something I couldn't hear. But I was happy she understood.
"Why did your parents want to meet me?" good one Pia, I patted my back internally. Changing the topic was a good idea.
"Oh they want to talk about some orphanage they went to' said that it was important" I know I was panicking but I hid it back' with the memories of 'him'.
Entry # 1
"I'm so excited about this trip to Mussoorie!" said Piya, as she got into the bus that was to take them there. She limped slowly to a seat in the front. She was still recuperating from her accident.
"Whatever. I'm tired of the yearly excursion to Mussoorie. Can't the college authorities think of a better place for a picnic?" scowled Misha. "I've been there a gazillion times."
"Well, Piya hasn't. So don't spoil it for her." Said Panchi, smacking Misha on the head.
"Besides, its not any old picnic. This year, it's a Valentines' day picnic." Said Tracker.
"Who knows? Maybe I'll find my Valentine on this picnic!" she sighed, trooping in to the bus.
"Tracker! Do you have boys on your brains' every minute of every day?" scolded Misha.
"No. I concentrate when I'm putting on my make-up." Said Tracker seriously. Everyone burst into laughter, and Tracker still looked flummoxed. Like she had no clue she'd said something funny. Angad sighed at her innocence. For the 100th time, he wondered when she would recognize his love for her as genuine. He had resolved to quit trying and just enjoy the trip, for now.
Madhu and Arnav got in to the bus as well. They were the adult chaperones for this trip, along with the Raichands, Chaand and Haseena. But of course, the Raichands would never do anything as plebeian as traveling by bus. They had chosen to drive there in their car. Abhay however, was supposed to ride the bus with them. He was late, as usual.
"Make way, make way, her highness "T" is here!" said Kabir, sketching a little mock bow at T. T just turned nose up at him. "Kabir. You are so 2010. 2011 is here baby. And you are out. Abhay is in. Wake up and smell the roses." She teetered into the bus on her 4 inch heels. T and Tracker were the only 2 girls who'd chosen fashion over comfort for a picnic, and worn mini-skirts and pencil heels.
At that moment, Abhay sauntered in to the bus. He looked forbidding, but rakishly handsome, as usual, in his black avatar with his dark shades. He went and parked himself in the empty seat next to Piya. "Sorry I'm late love." He said, putting a casual arm around her shoulders.
"Smell? The only thing I smell is something burning! Oh, that's just T, burning with jealousy!" said Misha naughtily. "Also, there's this sickly sweet, excessively jasminey scent…your perfume T! What did you do? Bathe in it?" asked Misha. By now, the bus was well on its way to Mussoorie, thus drowning out all of T's furious responses.
Madhu and Arnav were chatting quietly, while the children around them talked, laughed, and bickered boisterously. It had been an eventful 20 days or so. After Piya's dreadful accident they had all been through so much. Her recovery was a miracle that they were thankful for. The doctors had all but given up hope. But somehow, she'd made it. That the upswing in her health had coincided with Abhay's arrival had not gone unnoticed or unremarked. Piya and Abhay had been inseparable since that day. He had not left her side for a minute at the hospital. He'd even insisted on staying with her at the Dobriyal's home, while she recovered. He stayed with her all day, only leaving at night to go home and sleep. Finally his parents had given in and moved back to Dehradun. An uneasy truce had been struck between the Raichands and Dobriyals. They were civil to each other. Arnav and Madhu felt compelled to be polite to the parents of a boy who had done so much for Piya, a girl who had become part of their family.
"Oh, Misha, Panchi. I forgot to tell you girls. Shaurya called. He and Sid are meeting us at Mussoorie." Said Madhu. The reactions to this statement were comical. Misha turned pale, and Panchi purple. That Panchi hated her new boss was a fact well known to everyone. Why Misha disliked Shaurya, no one knew, except Piya. And since Abhay could read Piya's mind, he knew too.
"Why?" asked Misha.
"Why what?" asked Madhu
"Why are they joining us? Who invited them? They are too old to be in college and too young to be chaperones. Why are they coming?" she asked.
"Don't be rude Misha. It'll be fun. Don't worry aunty. I'll take good care of Shaurya." Said Tracker, tossing her hair back over her shoulders. Mish made a face at her. Panchi merely muttered rude things under her breath about Casanova bosses. They spent the rest of the trip trying to figure out how they would avoid their respective men. Tracker thought about how to impress Shaurya. Angad thought about how to impress Tracker. T thought about, well, herself. Kabir thought about his missed chance with Piya. And Piya. She slept, cheek nestled on Abhay's shoulder as he held her close. She still tired easily, and was not fully recovered from her terrible accident. Abhay had only allowed her to come on this picnic because he would be there to keep an eye on her.
They got to Mussoorie in time for lunch. After lunch at a local dhaba that the Dobriyal family loved, they went sight-seeing. Piya couldn't walk too far, so she and Abhay hung back, walking slowly, and making frequent stops. He had offered to carry her, but she thought it would be a bit much to have him carry her around the streets of Mussorrie, so she'd refused. Instead, she leaned heavily on his arm, as she hobbled around. She fell in love with a pair of long, chunky bronze earrings in one of the local shops and bought it. The shopkeeper showed her the matching necklace, in shades of bronze and white gold. She thought it looked divine, but refused to buy it as it was out of her budget. Abhay offered to buy it for her, but she wouldn't let him, saying it was too expensive for a gift. After quarrelling a little, they stopped to sit down and have ice-cream at a cozy little ice-cream store. Well, Piya ate coconut ice-cream, and Abhay watched her eat it. He, as usual, ate nothing. Piya had never been happier. As for Abhay, he had never known such a joyous, carefree day in his 200 odd years. He soaked it all up happily. Soon it was time to meet up with the others at the lake.
Most of the class was already there when they got there. Misha and Panchi looked very unhappy. Reason being that Shaurya and Sid had shown up and were annoying them quite thoroughly just by being there. They sat around in a large circle by the lake, drinking steaming hot cups of chai. Even Chaand and Haseena looked relaxed, sitting there, chatting with Madhu and Arnav.
All of a sudden a small plane came into view. It was flying pretty low and had a large banner hanging from it.
"Flying solo is no fun. Come, soar with me. Will you be mine, this Valentine-Panchi?"
"What the hell!" said Panchi. She turned pink as everyone else laughed.
"Birdie! You have a secret admirer!" said Misha.
"Shut up Misha."
"Who is it Panch? This man of yours?" asked Kabir.
"I don't know. Not the slightest clue!" said Panchi, bewildered.
"It was me!" said Sid, striding up to her and handing her a bouquet of roses. "So, will you?" he asked.
"Will I what?"
"Be my valentine?" asked Sid.
"Not in this lifetime!" she said. "The last one I picked also had an iffy moral code and that didn't work out too well. I'm not interested in being one of your women..thanks!"
Sid didn't look at all upset. "OK. But remember, I asked. Offer's always valid." He winked.
Now that Sid had asked, and been rejected, Angad felt a little better. He thought he would try his luck with Tracker again. It couldn't possibly be worse than what Panchi had just said to Sid, he thought. He went up to Tracker.
"Roses are Red
Violets are blue
To me, you'll always be Ruhi
And I'll always love you."
"I love you Ruhi. Will you be my valentine?" he asked. He couldn't hear her response in the din that followed. She threw herself into his arms, shrieking. Everybody started to clap, and even the parents looked amused.
Shaurya nudged Misha. "Isn't that sweet." He said.
"Too sweet. I need an insulin shot, I'm feeling diabetic." Said Misha.
"Sweet? You? You're anything but!" said Shaurya.
"Excuse me! Are you saying I'm not a nice person?" asked Misha.
"No. I'm saying you're not sweet." Said Shaurya. "You are badass, honest, funny, upfront, in-your-face, loyal and brave. But you are not sweet. What you are, is, what's the word.."Shaurya paused as he thought about the right word to describe Misha.
"You're spunky!" he said, relieved he'd found the right word. Apparently it wasn't the right word, because Misha strode away looking disgusted.
"What did I say? Why are you mad?" asked Shaurya.
"Spunky! Loyal! Brave! What am I? Your pet dog?" asked Misha furiously.
"No. No. My pet dog is a spaniel, not an Alsatian." deadpanned Shaurya.
"Oh! Go away." Said Misha.
"OK. OK. Sorry. I was kidding." Said Shaurya. "Can I try again?"
"Try what?" asked Misha.
"Try to tell you what I truly think about you." said Shaurya, looking at Misha in a way that made a blush creep up her cheeks. "You are Misha Dobriyal. A wonderful, caring friend, a loving sister, a scary enemy and most importantly, a beautiful girl, inside and out. You are quite lovely, Misha and you have done quite the number on me." Said Shaurya.
"Number? Me? What are you talking about?" said Misha trying to brazen it out. He pulled her close and held her hands in his. "This. This is what I'm talking about. This attraction between us. I feel it. And so do you. Lets give it a chance. Go out with me to dinner. Tomorrow work for you?" he asked looking deep into her eyes.
"Yes. OK. Dinner tomorrow. Fine." Said Misha, finally. She was pink-cheeked and couldn't look him in the eyes. But she had decided it was high time she gave him a chance. Them a chance. Enough with the games. She was ready for a relationship. She felt surprisingly excited at the thought of their dinner date. Misha Dobriyal had a date. "Has a nice ring to it!" she thought, releasing her hands from his and walking away, a big, silly grin on her face. Shaurya watched her walk away, not realizing how much his face mirrored hers. Same silly grin. Tomorrow night was going to be fun.
Unlike Tracker and Angad, Misha and Shaurya's conversation had been conducted quietly. And except Piya, no one had even noticed that Misha was blushing and grinning like an idiot. She nudged Abhay. "Isn't that sweet?"
"Yeah. Very. Misha has a crush. Don't really care." Growled Abhay. "I'm more interested in you." he said, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.
Piya turned to face Abhay. "I have something for you" she said. She pulled out a package from her purse and handed it to him. He opened it like an eager kid. It was a gold keychain on a heavy key ring. The letters A and P were entwined together in the keychain. And there was a little key in the ring too. "What's this? The key to your heart?" joked Abhay.
"Actually, it's the key to a safety deposit box. If anything happens to me, you should be the one to open it. It has my Mom's old jewelry and some important papers, and I left you a letter in it too." Said Piya.
"But nothing will ever happen to you, so if you want to open it, you and I can do it together." Said Abhay gently.
"I know Abhay. I know. But accidents happen. And you won't always be there." Said Piya quietly.
"Have I ever not been there when you needed me? Asked Abhay.
"No." said Piya.
"I rest my case. Now, my turn. I have something for you too." Said Abhay. He handed her a little red velvet pouch. She opened it and exclaimed. "Oh Abhay! You bought it after all. You shouldn't have!" It was the necklace she had refused to let him buy. Her face suddenly fell.
"You don't like it?" he queried.
"No. Its not that. I love it." Its just!"
"Just what?" he pressed.
"Nothing. I love it." She said.
"My little liar. Here you go." He said handing her another package. She opened it and burst into tears.
"How did you know?" she cried.
"Same as usual. Read your mind. Its awfully convenient." He said, winking at her. Inside the second package lay the earrings. The ones she had returned after buying, so she could buy him the keychain. It had been hard to do it without him knowing, and she was proud she had managed. She had also suffered a tiny pang when she gave them back, because she really did love them.
"Don't ever make sacrifices for me Piya. I don't deserve them" he said, clasping the necklace around her neck. She reached up on her toes and kissed him lightly on the cheek, tears still running down her cheeks.
"Its not a sacrifice when you love someone the way I love you." she said. She threaded the earrings through her ears. "How do I look?" she asked.
"To me, you are always perfect." He said, smiling at her. "Happy Valentine's day Piya. I love you."
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