And today my worst fears came true. He left me. All alone in this strange world. He had come into my life like a whirlwind and left me dazed by his mere presence. Every time he came close to me I lost my senses. His every word, every touch had a strange effect on me...as if I wouldnt be myself any more. And today when I realized that I am all ready to lose myself to him. Just when I thought we were heading some where he left me. Abhay.
I knew this was coming. My heart had been restless since that silent goodbye. He didnt say anything exactly. But there was something in his eyes. The way he took my promise to take care of myself and stop interfering in other peoples matter. Somthing was bothering him I could sense it but all his care and concern at that time was for me.I knew there was something wrong. His worry, worried me. But I couldn't understand at that time. I just stood there as he left me. Like always. Watching. As he went away. And waved a teary good bye. Even then I didn't understand what just happened. That my love was walking away back into the shadows never to return perhaps. I just stood there alone, nimble with apprehension.
But now as realization dawns upon me about what happened....I can't stop myself from crying. Tears fall endlessly for someone who perhaps was never mine. I crave for his love, for his support, want to hear his voice calling my name. I need him. My heart knows no rest without him. Every moment seems empty. He left a void never to be filled. And my thoughts keep rushing to that one question. Am I responsible for all this? Am I the reason that he left? Did all this happen because of my silly inquisitive nature? And in this moment I hate myself for driving Abhay away. My heart dies a thousand deaths thinking he may never return. How will I go on alone in this world without him?...When I thought we were getting some where, he left...
But I shouldn't have gone so far. I should have known better. But still I dared to hope and love...thinking this time would be different. But no. Again same thing happened. It's like pattern of my life. The one I love always ends up leaving me. My mom whom I love the most in this world left me. Though she didn't have a choice but....she did. And I was left all alone. My dad left me even before i could understand the bond of father. And now you. You also left me when I needed you the most. Though i guess you also had no choice. You had to go. And maybe it's my destiny to be left alone. But I'm still hoping against hope that you would return.You may have said your good bye Abhay but not me. I'll be waiting right where you left me. Looking at the path where you went. Waiting for you to return and hold me in your arms where i feel safe. And take me with you.
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Ok so these thoughts were running in my mind since yesterday and after today's epi just had to let them out. Not sure how it came out...now even im confused about it. But still posting and all comments,critisim,hugs and dandey are welcome. 😆
Edited by sugaryanu - 14 years ago
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