I had some time on my hands today, and have been listening to this song Sheila ki Jawani over and over, and its in my head now. From that, and my love for all things Amitabh, was born this short story. Hope you like it!
"My name is Peeeya,
Piya ki jawani
I'm too sexy for you
Mein tere haath na aani!"
Piya danced drunkenly on the table, clutching a bottle of vodka in one hand. A gaggle of equally drunk and not so drunk men leered at her. She was doing an admirable job of copying Katrina Kaif's hot dance number. Abhay had dropped her off at the hostel after she had revealed the truth about Danish to everyone. No one had believed her of course, and Mr.Dobriyal had almost slapped her. After crying her eyes out at the hostel she had decided to do something she had never intentionally done before. Get drunk out of her mind. So, here she was, at a cheap bar. Sozzled and making a total and complete fool of herself.
"My name is Peeeya,
Sheila ki jawaani"
Piya stopped in between. "Sorry, sorry, sorry. That was wrong. My name is Peeeya, Piya ki jawani!" Before she could sing any further, she was pulled down from the table and hauled out of the bar. Abhay threw her over one shoulder, her head hanging down, so blood rushed into her face. He didn't stop till they were well away from the bar and at the edge of the jungle. He then sat her down on a rock. She was still singing drunkenly.
"My name is Peeeya!"
"And, yes, you have done justice to your name today!" said Abhay smiling at her. "Stop singing. You are totally off-key anyways."
"Hey! That's not fair. I'm a good singer. My name is Peeeya!" she started again. He shut her up by placing a hand on her mouth. "You are going to regret this in the morning Piya." Said Abhay, handing her a cup of coffee that came out of nowhere. "You need to sober up!"
"You know something Abhay?"
"I'm sure you are about to tell me!"
"Society mein na, do type ke keede hote hain. Ek, kachre wala keeda, doosra paap ki gandagi ka keeda. Gutter cockroach makes people sick. But society cockroach, that makes the whole samaj sick. Kachre wale keede ko maarne ke liye Flit kaam aata hai. Par paap ki gandagi ke keede ko maarne ke liye koi Flit nahi milta. And that Danish. He is a paap ki gandagi ka keeda. How to off him?" she trailed off drunkenly.
"From Katrina Kaif to Amitabh Bachchan. At least your taste is improving!" exclaimed Abhay. "Now, you listen to me Piya. Your very same Amitabh Bachchan also said this. Daaru peene se liver kharab ho jaata hai! So, why have you been drinking?"
"Why am I drinking? Why am I drinking? You, who knows everything is asking this! Anyways, sharabi ko sharabi nahi to kya pujari kahoge, gehun ko gehun nahi to kya juari kahoge" That's also Amitabh, from my favorite movie..Sha-ra-bi." Said Piya, really getting into this now.
"Sharabi is your favorite Amitabh movie? Figures!" asked Abhay, humoring her. He'd pretty much given up hope on being able to drill any sense into her right now and thought he might as well have some fun.
"Sharabi forever. You know, na, Muchein ho toh Natthulalji jaise ho, warna na ho."
"Ya. Ya. I know. But I don't have a mustache, and thankfully neither do you! Why are we discussing this?" asked Abhay.
"Arre, baba! That's my favorite dialogue from Sharabi. And also, you know, I'm very lonely today. Very lonely. So, you know I wanted to talk to my tanhaai. And to talk to my tanhaai, I need to be drunk. So here I am. I've had 6 Vodka shots. Or is it 7? I don't remember."
"You just killed what was a beautiful dialogue from one of my all-time favorite movies." Said Abhay despairingly, now trying hard not to laugh.
"Shut up! Who are you anyways? You look familiar, but I can't place you." Said Piya, peering into Abhay's face.
"Rishte mein toh main tumhara guardian angel ban gaya hoon. Naam hai Shahenshah!" said Abhay, smiling.
"No. No. No. No. No. Tumhara naam toh Abhay hai. Not Shahenshah. Shahenshah is only my Aby Baby. I love him so." She said now standing up and walking drunkenly. Suddenly, Abhay picked her up and started running really fast. He didn't stop till they were deep into the forest.
"What's going on? Why'd you bring me here? Aisa toh Aisa to Aadmi Life mein Doich time bhaagta hai. Olympic ka race ho, yaa Police ka case ho. Hum kis liye bhaag rahe hain Abhay?" said Piya, still in Amitabh mode.
"Kabir and Misha were approaching us in their car. I didn't want them to see you so drunk. They already think poorly of you." Said Abhay.
"Ohhh! Misha. She hates me now. You know Abhay, my zindagi ka tambu. It stood on 3 bambus. 1 bambu was Misha's friendship. 2nd bambu was my ambition to study and make something of myself. And 3rd bambu, my 3rd bambu is you. Abhay Raichand, my angel. My hero. Today, one bambu is gone. Just like that. Misha hates me. So, of course, I'm upset. My best friend thinks I'm a liar and a wh**e. So, yeah, I'm drunk. So bite me." Said Piya unhappily.
"You have no idea how appetizing that sounds, biting you!" said Abhay grinning ruefully. "And enough of the pity party, Piya."
"Pity. Party. Piya. Ha ha ha! You're alliterating! You're awesome Abhay Raichand."
"And you're drunk Piya Jaiswal. How to sober you up?" wondered Abhay. He pulled a bottle of water out of his pocket and emptied it all over her face.
"Hey! Stop that. That's mean. You're crossing the line, Abhay Raichand." Said Piya, spluttering.
"Hum jaha pe khade ho jaate hein, line wahi se shuru hoti hai." Said Abhay holding his stomach while laughing.
"That's Amitabh in Kaaliya, no?" asked Piya.
"Yes. My pee hui pari Piya. That's Amitabh in Kaaliya. Now, you sober enough to head back to the hostel?"
"Sober as a bell. See. Ting-tong." Said Piya, ringing an imaginary bell.
"Not sober enough. OK. I guess we'll have to spend the night in the jungle. Its not like you have a reputation left. And my folks don't want me around anyways. It's you and me Sheila! Want to do your hot Katrina number for me?" He turned around to see Piya fast asleep. He put his jacket around her and let her sleep. He hoped she would remember everything tomorrow morning, then he'd have a gala time teasing her. But, in his experience very drunk people rarely remembered anything.
The next morning.
Piya woke to find herself resting on Abhay's shoulder. Her head hurt like crazy. She was wearing his jacket. She stretched and moved away from him, waking him in the process.
"So, you're up Sheila?"
"Huh? I'm Piya! Who's Sheila?"
"Try to remember. There was a bar. There was a bottle of Vodka. There was you and there was a table." Said Abhay smiling, waiting for reality to hit.
"Did I do something I shouldn't have?" asked Piya, a sense of foreboding creeping over her.
"Umm. Depends. Would you consider doing a hot item number in front of a bunch of drunken men inappropriate?"
Oh God! I didn't!"
"You are a good dancer. Much better than Katrina. Next time, pick a Madhuri number. You'll do her thumkas justice."
"Shut up Abhay! Oh God! This is awful. Did anything else happen?"
"Well, you quoted a bunch of Amitabh Bachchan dialogues. You seem to be a fan."
"Crap! Did anything else happen?"
"You mean did we make mad, passionate love? Nope. You were too wasted for that." Said Abhay winking at her.
"Shut up Abhay. Just shut up." Piya held her head and stood up. She lost her balance, and fell to the ground.
Then Piya sat up in her bed. Her head didn't hurt at all. There was no Abhay. No jungle. She was on her bed. In her hostel room. "Did I dream it all?" she asked aloud.
"Only the part about not making mad, passionate love. The rest's all true." Said a voice. Abhay was perched on her window sill, looking at her with an amused expression on her face. Piya threw a pillow at him, but he was gone.
"Oh God! Did I really dream it all? And was Abhay really here in my room just now, or am I hallucinating?" Piya sounded slightly hysterical. Then she decided she was being silly. Her life had been stressful for the last few days and she'd probably just been having weird dreams as a result of that. She got ready and went to college.
Abhay walked into class singing softly under his breath. "Pee loon, hai peene ka mausam" before Piya hit him with her bag. "Stop singing that song!" she muttered furiously.
"OK. OK. God, what's wrong with you?" said Abhay, now starting to whistle "Sheila ki Jawani" softly.
"Abhay Raichand. I will kill you if you sing, whistle, hum or play that song today or any other day. You hear me, I hate that song and I hate Katrina Kaif!" said Piya, stomping away angrily. Abhay looked at her walking away, bemused. "Women!" he thought and shrugged his shoulders. " Can't live with them, and certainly can't live without them."
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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