Call Me Old Fashioned But.. - Page 10

Originally posted by: lighteningbuzz

@Maroon: I see where you are coming from. God forbid we are never ever in that situation! 😉

@Blue: Yes, I definitely agree. The husband has to be a good husband and provide me love, understanding, and respect for me to give the same to him. If the guy is like always insecure, blaming me, suspicious, nagging, or bitter all the time becuz, of what happened to him then I don't think I can live with him becuz, then its to the point where he's not realizing my effort to make it work regardless of his handicap so, I think that's when I would walk out. I don't believe in staying a relationship for anyone's sake especially for marriage or society sake. What matters to me is the relationship I share with my husband, if our relationship isn't that strong, then there's no point to it.

@Green: Yeah she was dying and yeah he could marry another woman but, still I think the pain of loving/losing someone is mark that you can't ever erase. From my personal experience, I think when you lose someone you truly loved then its not easy to come out of it and sometimes there are people who aren't ever able to move on becuz, that person meant everything to them.............as the saying goes that "True love happens once in a lifetime." I know people say its better to love and lost but, I think that its better to have never loved at all becuz, when you lose them the pain is unbearable.

To be honest, I have seen couples with disabilities make their relationship work somehow (like the British couple) and I've seen childless couples adopt. (I know its not the same) but, people find different ways to cope with their problems to make it through. At the end of the day, it depends on the type of relationship you share the situation you are in. But, I do agree with you. Marriage definitely requires a sense of intimacy, I guess that's just the way we are built to be. But, hats off anyway to those you somehow make it through in midst of so many obstacles.

Originally posted by: LanaBurak

Where i came from is a bit complicated hun. lets leave it

But i'm muslim like u..and i have same rules as u...For indians...it depends on trust and love..Not all of them have same religion as us and maybe their culture says no such a relationship before marriage. But things are changing. The culture is changing. So maybe it is normal for the new generation.

And lol from where i came from...lets leave that..in Norway it is normal...they are not muslims..so it is normal..In turkey..being muslim too..having such a relationship is normal.

So what i'm saying is ONLY some places do have that kind of rules hun. We belive no such a relationship before marriage but others aren't like us.

And thanks hun..Yes good to see u too. How are u?

Originally posted by: lighteningbuzz

Kaheela and Amail,

Thanks for liking my post guys. 😉

It WAS nice. 😉 you'rre welcome though. 😊

Well, I forgot to mention there but, he was given a choice. Like I already mentioned that he had left her before and was involved with another woman. I don't think she ever forced him to come back but, she did feel let down and felt bad and I don't blame her becuz, after all she is still human. It was out of his own will that he chose to continue their strained marriage and relationship. I mean I don't really know that much close details about their personal life like how they manage to make it through but, I just know it from what she has shared with me becuz, I didn't know her before her accident or when her husband left her. I met her at the point in her life when they had resolved their conflicts and decided to continue their marriage inspite of her handicap.

Yeah, well, it didn't really need to be said. Obviously he went back to her because she could give him something more than mere sexual satisfaction. 😊

I do agree with you that sexual life in marriage is very important but, I just feel that love is beyond that. If people like Romeo and Juliet, Heer Ranjha, Soni Mahiwal can give up their lives for love then surely nothing can come between true lovers not even each other's handicaps becuz, true love surpasses all. Even though in today's time its hard to find that kind of love, but I still believe that if pretense, false love, and hatred can exists then surely true love must also exist. Probably becuz, I have seen such kind of beautiful relationships of true love between my grandparents, my own parents, some of my aunts/uncles, and my friends.

Same here. I've seen my cousin n his wife live apart for years coz of bro's job, even though they are 'madly in love', and the way my grandparents and parents n aunts n uncles have supported each other throughout the years despite having arranged marriages, not because they are afraid to divorce, but because they truly love each other in their own way!

And myself, I don't know if it was true love or what, but once I was very close to this friend. Other girls liked him for being 'hot', but I had seen him early mornings with stubble n puffy eyes, sniffling n stumbling around....late for every darn thing....doing the weirdest things...n I always had to see a pic of him to remember what he looks like...but somehow I never minded all these things...n I know that if any of his admirers saw him like that, they would run away! 😆 n I hate the idea of seeing him shirtless (a few girls expressed that wish once...and don't get me wrong..he's very handsome...it's just that I respected him too much)! 😆

But, I think that if my husband were to become disabled, it would be selfish on my part to leave him becuz, of my own human desires becuz, it can happen to anyone and you can't punish someone for something that they can't help. Moreover it doesn't mean that they don't have the right to live life or have anyone's love in their life. If my husband truly loved me and he was someone I am happy with but, yet he can't fulfill my physical desires then yeah I would still be with him even though yes, it would affect my personal needs/desires as a woman. But, I would rather spend my life with the man who truly cares about me and loves me instead of marrying a man who may give me physical satisfaction but, doesn't give me any emotional attention in terms of caring, understanding, respecting, etc. I have seen couples who have tons of kids and yet they are always yelling at each other, abusing one another, and then I have also, seen couples who have a failed marriage that they are still continuing for the sake of their kids, and couples who have a strain relationship due to the infidelity of either spouse.

Reminds me of that joke - two women were sitting and watching the 'ultimate romantic movie' DDLJ. as the movie ended with the heroine finally climbing aboard the train with the hero's help, one woman turned to the other with tears in her eyes and a babe in her lap and 11 playing nearby, and said, "Sakhi, saccha pyaar nahin mila!" (Never found true love). 😆

I mean, seriously....I know girls who say "my bf beats me up" or "I don't know what to talk to my bf about - no common interests, no respect for each other", and I told them to break up then...so they said "no no...he's a great kisser/make-out-er/etc"!!!! 😕 but of course, they are all out there just to have fun... Then there are people who take sexual attraction to be love and get married, and when the hormones cool down, can't find common ground to make living together bearable.

Similarly, if I was in this position and he chose to leave. Ofcourse, I will feel bad. I am not God nor am I perfect that I can just let the love of my life go with someone else when I couldn't help what happened to me. I mean its just that I don't think it was British woman's fault what happened to her but, at the same time I do agree that you should never force someone to be with you. But, I think that if he wants to be with you and you love each other a lot then there's no point in bringing something in between for you guys to not be with each other. It's like the movie, "A Walk to Remember." Though its a different concept but, the situation is somewhat similar. The girl in the movie had Leukemia, they both knew she will not make it becuz, Leukemia is a cancer that very very rarely people ever manage to survive. If you look at the girl's case, she knew she wasn't responding to the treatment, her body was becoming weaker. In her case, she could've totally refused to marry him no matter how much he persuaded her and just let go of him for his sake. She could've in first place not gone out with him or not even tell him that she has a disease or just slowly pull herself away from him. Initially, even though she knew she's not going to make it, she still went out with him becuz, she herself wanted to experience that happiness and love for herself. She was attracted to him and let him fall in love with her too becuz, love is something you just can't help it.

Later on, when she told him, she tried to let him go but, he still wanted to be with her. In this case, it wasn't selfish that she still married him even though she knew she would leave him anyway as he would have to deal with her loss later on. But, I think the time you spent with each other is the most important and the most precious aspect of life to cherish forever. Likewise, if someone has a disease that is affecting some part of your relationship then its only love that survives in the end. Life is short, you should live it to the fullest with the person you love becuz, if we try to find flaws in each other we have no time for love.

I agree....look at that movie '50 first dates'...sending the guy away if he really loves you doesn't help either of you. Life is way too short. Who knows (God forbid), the wife might make her husband leave her, and he might get hurt or die in an accident on his way out! Then she'll just keep regretting she sent him away....and I have actually heard of something like this happening!

There are too many 'what ifs' and 'buts' in life...too many situations where we are tempted to protect our loved ones. we think it's ok to hurt them if they are safe and happy...but they are never happy then. at some point or the other they'll regret it too...feel guilty that they gave in so easily...

And I agree that seeing flaws takes away time from loving. Love is not that you love a person 'despite' their flaws, or that you love them 'anyway'. Love is when you know that the person is flawed, and don't blame or criticise them and you try to be correct in those ways so that you make a whole unit together!

But, I see what you both are saying and I do agree that couples should definitely be given a choice.

Lol...I meant 'choice' in the same way you did...that it's not wrong for the lady to let her hubby stay with her if he wishes. 😊

In similar situation, I knew a Filipino woman who at very young age was married off to an American white older guy. The girl was only 17 years old while the guy was 52 years old! The family had married her off for her to have a better life in America than how their family was struggling in the Phillipines. At 17, she didn't even understand the meaning of marriage and everytime I saw them together. I felt disgusted becuz, she wasn't given a choice, she never looked happy with him while the old man was like rejoicing the fact that he had a younger wife. She would always tell me, that there are so many differences between them as she wants to experience life and do all those things that youngsters her age do but, he wouldn't let her for the fear that she might become independent herself and leave him.🤢 And in her case, she was pretty and was just always full of energy and had so many interests. In her case, I felt that she deserved someone young and energetic like her.😕

I swear...lots of such cases here, and it's so sad!! Even if there's not much of an age gap, people go by horoscopes or status, etc, and sometimes there is such a mismatch!! Usually the girl has to compromise, or the marriage fails or is a strained one. Rarely does a guy try to ease the situation. 🤢

I think if couples are given a choice to be with each other then their marriage should consist of the right foundations which is love, respect, and most importantly understanding.

Exactly!! And love is not necessarily the 'lost in each others' eyes' stuff...it's just a feeling that makes people see the best in each other. 😊

But, I respect both your POV. 😊

umm.....ours was different?😕

Originally posted by: amail1601

Originally posted by: lighteningbuzz

@Blue: I totally understand what you mean. From your description it sounds like you genuinely liked him for who he was as a person. 😉

Or who I thought he was! 😆 I'm confused now. 🤣

@Red: Seriously yaar! I have seen the same thing too. I also, knew a girl in high school who was with this guy who was a big time player. They were dating for 2 years and during the course of those 2 years, he had cheated on her 9 times! No I am not kidding! She, herself told me this as many of the times it was she who caught him with another girl. It was like the usual cycle between them: she would cry and break up then he would say sorry and make out with her. And she would forgive him. So, basically, she stayed in the relationship becuz, of the physical aspect of it. But, from such girls I don't understand why they don't think about the long-term consequences of it and if there is any future in such relations? I totally agree with you that people marry for the wrong reasons without any strong foundations.

My cousin warned me before I started clg that people don't think beyond the present. Maybe some do, but not more than 6 months, and he said that I'm not to do that ever!! Then I heard the same thing in the show Glee - that there's a life beyond high school and we have to go accordingly. Such relationships only lead to heartbreak n make people cynical. They stop caring about the difference between right and wrong, stop caring about others. On the physical side, leads to diseases n even injuries!

@Green: Wow, this paragraph was well said! I completely agree with you!

*ahem* thank you! 😳😉

@Purple: To be honest, I don't believe in the concept of horoscopes. I know many people believe in it and they take it very strongly enough to decide one's future and marriage plans based on it. I've seen some of my cuzins who had their marriages done based on horoscopes. In the beginning, they were told that their horoscopes matched perfectly and they are completely made for each other and would have a very happy marriage life. Well, a few years later their marriages resulted in either divorces or failed marriages where they are constantly fighting but, living for the sake of their children. I think that no one can decide your fate for you or look into the your future. A marriage's success depends on the relationship, understanding, love, loyalty, and respect two people give to each other. Moreover, it depends on how strongly and seriously both people can work towards their marriage.

For me, astrology is something I read about from a purely academic point of view, or to have fun. Can't imagine marrying a guy just coz our horoscopes match!! 😲 Like when they used to say that a couple is awesome coz both ppl are totally alike - means the flaws in one person are not made up for by the other, they are compounded!! 😆

@Orange: Okay, we had the same viewpoints. 😉😊

yippeee!! 😛😆😊

Originally posted by: ka7eela

Payal & amail , good going girls 👏 i truly loved your debates, you both have mentioned some valid points, amazing one on one argument, and i agree with both of you thanks. I'm having fun. 😉

about the horoscope matching, thats so lame 😆.. seriously who would be stupid enough to be with a guy just cause their horoscopes matched , horoscopes are just a fun way to have a conversation, thats all! ok maybe some of the characteristics are right but thats all

I know. it's loooooooooooopy. but people used to do it...n still do it.

remember all that stuff about aishwarya rai being maangleek😕 or something (if you have not been able escape the news channels like me)? all that stuff is still done. not just in villagess, but in urban areas by well-educated families.

about the arrange marriage, well i think love isn't a secret formula for marriages to work !

love is, but not the idea that we have of it. 😆 in a marriage, the partners need to love each other in the sense that they should be affectionate with each other, enjoy spending time together, and be prepared to do anything to help each other. though the general perception of love is that the girl n guy date, feel attracted, get those butterflies n violins, then maybe 😉 get married.

both love and arrange marriage have equal chances to work successful ! it all depends on the couple, how they behave with each other after marriage!

egg-jactly!!!!!!!!!!

it all goes down on how they respect and try to understand each others needs and compel to fulfill them, how they compromise and reach a middles ground to face their differences, as both are uniques individuals on their own , so misunderstanding are bound to happen but how they deal with them whats count!

yesh yesh! *nods head*

btw i too belong to a large family so i have seen my share of good and bad marriages!, some were love marriages, some arranged, but i believe that love can develop in arranged marriages too, provided that the couple are given a period of time, like they get engaged for some times and then get married, so they get to know each other better!

yeah.....like this thin guy fell in love with a plump girl when he went to 'see' her in the arranged marriage scenario, n said he would commit suicide if he wasn't allowed to marry her. they are married now and have 2 kids but seem discontent always.

n her tall n slim sister married a very plump guy quite late, and though they have many problems, she is very happy with her husband and he is always so interested in her work n everything. 😊

so...both things may or may not work! 😆

Originally posted by: amail1601

we are such nice discussers. 😆 *preens*

Originally posted by: naaju

even i have the same view
but to me they dont looked married
dont know wats the mystery
they even showed abhiya kiss even when they r not into relation
cvs have got totally insane