The chirping of the birds broke his sleep. Lazily he opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was her face. Lying bare next to him, covered with the flimsy sheet, she was looking so ethereal and so divine. He was admiring her beautiful face when a lose strand of her started playing with her face. It reminded him of the morning right here in Mumbai, in this very room, in this very bed, when he wanted to touch that strand remove it for it was obstructing his view.
Today, this morning, right here in this room, in his bed, she was sleeping as peacefully as that early morning. The only difference was, that today he can touch her. Today he can remove that naughty strand that was playing with his wife's, his Aarti's face. No one have that right. Only he have that right, cause now she is his and only his. He won't let any strand come in between his view.
Moving closer, he moved the lock and tucked it behind her ear. Feeling ticklish, she groaned and turned on the other side. At first it angered him as he couldn't see her face. But then his eyes filled with more passion. Which was very intense. Very potent. As now her back was to him. Her back, which had always attracted him. The truth was that even before he had seen her face, he had seen her back after they had collided for the first time in Mansi's wedding.
Now her back was reminding him of the day when he had removed that stuck chewing gum from her hair. He had wanted to... No his fingers, his whole body had ached to touch her back which had always attracted him. That day he was a fool not to touch her. But not today. Not now... Today, he was at full liberty to not just touch her but do whatever he wanted to, whatever he desired to. Right now he desired to touch her, to kiss her, to taste her.
Moving more closer he removed the sheet and kissed her entire back. When he heard her moan, he turned her to him and before she could even open her eyes, he kissed her. Kissed her so hard, with so much passion that despite lying in bed, she feared she'll fall. She clung to him. The more she clung, the more his desire increased. Until passion consumed both of them.
It was another several hours when he woke up again. This time when he looked at her sleeping face he got angry at himself for tiring her. Since last so many weeks she had been going through the worst time of her life. They both were. She had been taking care of their kids, his family, who only she knows how much had tortured her in his absence. She was emotionally exhausted and now because of him she is physically exhausted.
Like an hungry animal he had been onto her since last evening. Then he smiled. If he was an hungry animal then she too was a wildcat. He was pretty sure his back was covered with marks, where she had dug her nails not once but several times. They had been making love as if the world was going to end. Last night, this morning... Now they had lost count. None of them had bothered to eat anything. Now she must be hungry also.
Gently getting up from bed, he covered her. Then checked on the curtains to make sure that sun rays don't disturb her slumber. He went into the other bathroom to freshen up. Then he went to kitchen to fix them a quick meal.
When he returned back, she was still sleeping peacefully. He gently caressed her face. "Wake up sleepyhead". She groaned and asked for few more minutes. He smiled and whispered. "Good Morning sleepyhead or should I say Good Afternoon sleepyhead?"
In an instant she opened her eyes. "Afternoon???..." She glanced at the wall clock. It was almost 1:30. With a jerk she sat up and her sheet fell down. "Why didn't you wake me before?" Picking up the sheet he covered her again. "Cause I was busy preparing lunch for us. As much as I'm hungry for you, but right now I'm hungry for food. So let's first relish this food and then we can relish each other as dessert".
She had turned red and couldn't look him in the eye as images from last night and this morning danced in front of her. He read her mind, "Stop thinking about that and start eating. You'll need energy, lots of energy to spend the next few days alone with me".
Her red face had turned more redder. She decided that to make him stop she better start eating. Or without sun, she'll get tanned with his remarks. She took a spoonful and eat it. "Wow that's so yummy... I had no idea that my husband is not only dangerously handsome, but a great cook also". For the first time she had called him handsome.
"Your dangerously handsome husband is a multi talented person. Who do you think taught Prateek to cook? He's a chef today all because of me!"
She laughed. "Yeah right! You used to teach him how to cook, while Mummy Ji stood on one side and watched you making a mess of the kitchen".
"When we go home you can ask them. You know very well that I don't lie". He was busy eating as he was now very hungry, so he didn't pay attention to what he was saying.
But she stopped eating. "Then why did you lie to me that you don't love me? Had you not written down about your feelings in that book, I would have never found out how you felt or what you were going through".
He paused for a moment, then looked up. She was silently crying. He put the tray aside and took her in is arms. "Cause I'm a fool and a jerk. That's what I'm".
"No you are not". She protested. He got up and took out one of his shirts from the closet and put it on her. After buttoning it up, he took her hands in his and kissed them. "Yes I'm. I have been acting like a jerk since the day we met. But I won't lie to you that I was equally hurt if not more".
Aarti looked at him, "You could run to Mumbai but you couldn't come and directly confront me! Why?"
"In my angry stupor, I had pushed you so far away that you started avoiding to be near me. Sleeping away in the same bed was a far away thing, you could not stay in the same room with me, not even for kids. I knew you were also hurting. But I also knew that you needed space. I needed space to think from a fresh and clear mind. I was feeling stifled. My family was not helping. They had their own advices but none that could help me. I had no friends to share my problems with. The only friend that I knew was you and..."
"And you couldn't trust me anymore as you felt that I've betrayed you". He nodded in approval. She whispered "I thought you were hurting because you felt that after sleeping with me, you have betrayed Arpita! You have broken your promises to her".
He shook his head. "After coming here, after sometime, in my subconscious mind I had started to erase her memories. As you started making a place in my heart. Just like you, even in that inebriated condition, even I slept... Made love to you because my soul wanted to. And not because I was drunk and not in my senses. After that night, nothing was about Arpita. It was all about you. All about us. I was ready to accept and confess my feelings and my love the very next morning, only the memory of that conversation hit me and it hit me hard".
She felt overjoyed that he too wanted to make love to her because he wanted to and not because he was forced to. But there was still so much hanging between them as this time she needed answers to so many questions!
"You called that night a sin. What if I had become pregnant? You wrote that you wouldn't have been able to look in the eyes of that child. Why? Do you think pregnancy in such circumstances is a sin? Would you have called that child as sin?"
"Aarti I never... Never called the pregnancy or the child a Sin. I called the act, how we reached there in that condition a sin. I would never blame a child, any child for their parents mistakes".
He got up and stood by the window. He spoke after few seconds. "Arpita had gone to bring cake for Palak's birthday party when she met with that accident. If I were that shallow of a person I would've Hated and Blamed and held Palak responsible for that accident in which I lost the love of my life. But what was Palak's fault in this? It was Arpita's for not listening to me. It was mine for not arranging for the cake sooner".
He then turned to her. "Aarti so many kids are born in brothels, so many out of wedlock. People blame them, calls them all sorts of names. Calls them bad blood or illegitimate. What is their fault in this? For me it's the parents faults who bring them under such circumstances and then can't raise them".
"Why did you call that night a sin?"
"When a husband forces himself on his wife, it's called as marital rape. When a person makes the other drunk and sleeps with them, it's also called rape. As in both incidents it was not consensus. One person used the vulnerability of the other. This is wrong. This is sin. Before last night, for me, on that night, you made me drunk and made me sleep with you. It was not consensus. It was taking advantage of a drunk person. So it was a Sin".
"Prashant left me when I was couple of months pregnant. He called Ansh a sin and called him a bad blood. When you called that night a Sinful Night, I thought... I thought...". She couldn't finish and broke down.
"No.. No... Never". In two strides he was sitting next to her and she was in his arms. "Never... Never... Never would I abandon any child of mine. Never I would call any child of mine a Sin. Had you become pregnant and had we not resolved our differences, I would have still accepted and loved that baby as much as I love our other three kids".
"But you said that you wouldn't have been able to accept and able to look baby...".
He again stroked her convulsing body. "Yes I wrote that. With acceptance I had meant that how could I have accepted the circumstances in which the baby was conceived? Looking at the baby would have been a constant reminder of that night but I would have still the baby the same as it would have been a part of you. It would have been a part of me. Despite our differences I loved you, so how could I not have accepted and loved the baby that was a part of you and me? That we had created together?"
"Aarti once again I'll say that for me children born in a brothel, or out of a wedlock or in a slum are equally pure and innocent as children born in a mansion or any other normal family. All children should be loved and respected equally no matter under what circumstances they were born in. If we had conceived a child that night, I would have loved him equally, despite the circumstances in which the baby was conceived and despite what his or her face would have reminded me. I would have kept on blaming us for that night, but not that innocent soul".
He closed his eyes for a moment. "I loved Arpita so much. Palak and Payal were... No they are a part of her. A part of me. They are Arpita's last memories. Ansh is not a part of me. On the day of our engagement, when he entered the house and came to him and shook my hand, his innocence, his smile touched my soul. That day he became a part of me. A part of my soul. The same way this new baby would have become a part of my soul. I'm sure with time, I would have forgotten the circumstances of conceiving that baby".
"I'm still angry with you for leaving me and coming here"
"I'm also angry with myself for the same reasons and many more..."
"You didn't even bothered about kids or your family. According to you, even if I was at fault, why did you punished them by coming here?"
"Because you were there for them. I knew that you would take care of not just our kids but my family also. You'd do anything for them to keep them happy, especially my mother...".
She felt a little sarcasm in his voice. "What do you mean especially your mother?".
"I knew that you were an orphan. You must've always craved for the love of parents. That is why you went out of the way to please my mother so that she could accept you as her daughter, like Dubey Ma and Bauji. Sadly my parents, are nothing like them. Yet you tried to... No you made sure that you fulfill her every demand, It didn't matter to you whether my mother was right or wrong. And we both know that she was wrong almost every time. But you so wanted to please her that you gave in front of her demands without thinking of the consequences or whom you end up hurting".
"I know I hurt you, but who else are you talking about?"
He replied. "You and Ansh". She was shocked and confused. He continued. "You are not going to like what I'm about to tell you but since we are clearing all misunderstandings, you need to know what I've noticed about you over the period of time"
She braced herself for whatever he was about to say.
He said, "Yes I've been a ignorant son and father. A heartless jerk, a ruthless and despicable husband to you. But I never tried to hide what was in my heart. Since day one I have been honest with you about anything and everything that I've felt related to anything and everything. But you... You on the other hand was a mystery to me. One day I saw you as an strong and independent woman, who would fight for her rights and for her loved ones. Next day you'd become this meek woman who'd do anything or sacrifice anything to please anyone, especially my mother. There were several instances which left me either bemused or baffled of your behavior"
"First instance...
Before we got married my parents forced you to change your name. They started calling you Arpita. Yes you objected for a while. Even I blasted them but we both had to give up in front of them. With me it was different as there are thousands of girls with that name. For me it was just the name of another girl. But you... Aarti name has been with you since the day you were born. It's your identity. It's what you are. Yet you let them change it to Arpita".
"My parents, especially Ma was against Ansh coming into our home. Before our engagement I told them firmly that we were getting married for our kids. So if you are going to be a mother to my daughters, I'll become a father to your son. They had no choice but to agree. Sadly the day we got married, after all the rituals Ma asked you to leave Ansh behind, and you almost did, had I not found out about it and brought him home".
"Ansh is your life. He's your anchor. The day we got married my mother forced you to leave Ansh behind. Once again you were ready to leave him behind. And for whom? My mother. For what? To please her! After I got shot, did my parents forced you to leave the house with Ansh?" He asked.
This was the time for another truth to come out truth. She vowed that from now on she won't hide anything from him. She told him everything that had happened after Ansh was kidnapped and Yash got shot.
He clenched his fist in anger. "I should have known that they were behind it".
"Aarti I was shot. As my companion I needed you the most. Yet once again for my parents you left me".
"That's not true. I was forced to leave. I tried to contact you. To talk with you. When we met at kids school you were not even ready to listen to me till we ran after that thief and ended up in jail. That was the time when we talked. And you are saying that
I didn't contact you".
"I know that now, until few minutes back I was under the impression that you didn't even bothered to check on me. I should've known that my family was the reason for this". He was trying to control his anger. He took a deep breath. Then he tried to smile which didn't reach his eyes . "When did you realize you have fallen in love with me?"
"The day it had rained torrentially. When you had not come home and I found you trapped and unconscious in your car that day I admitted it to myself".
"Vidhi Bhabhi had later pointed out that to save my life you walked on burning coals. Is it true?"
When she nodded in a yes, he got up from the bed. Making her stretch her legs in front, he knelt in front of the bed and kissed her feet all over. She felt her whole body shiver and tremble. She was so overcome with emotions that she cried again. Finding her voice she said. "But I am sure I fell in love with you when we were separated after you got shot".
"Once again your promise to my parents made you stay away from the person whom you loved the most and who needed you the most!"
"And one of our wedding vow was to be with you in sickness and in health". She closed her eyes for a moment. "Is this why yesterday you said that my promises to your parents always takes precedence over my promises to you".
"Yes that's why I said that. Consciously or subconsciously you have always paid more importance to the promises that you've made to them, especially my mother who had always been wrong in her conducts where I was concerned. In her own twisted way, she thought she was protecting me, only she kept on making my life more miserable. The good thing that she did was to force me to marry you after that...well...".
"But Trust? You still haven't told me why couldn't you trust me?".
"For me the most important thing in a relationship, in any relationships is trust. You love someone but when you can't trust them, that love is of no use. Cause without trust misunderstandings, bitterness develops which makes a relationship hollow. With Arpita, our parents arranged our marriage. We met, fell in love. With love trust developed between us. The more stronger our love grew the more stronger our trust was on each other. With you everything was different".
Aarti felt a huge pang of jealousy. "Had I been in your place I too would have felt jealous". He said, once again reading her mind. "But it's true. I married you, we shared a room, a bed, we became parents to each other's kids, yet you were as good as a stranger to me. When I saw you taking such good care of my girls, how you accepted my family as yours, I respected you and with that respect trust developed. With trust I started becoming comfortable in your company so much so that your one moment of silence started to bug me. You were so talkative, so careless, these things that used to bother me, didn't bother me anymore, the deeper my trust in you, the more it ended up hurting me".
"You never gave me a chance to explain myself! The more I tried to talk to you, to find out what was wrong with you, the more you kept pushing me, insulting me. It was hurting not only me but our kids also. That's why I had to go to Shobha Ma's house for few days. You didn't even bothered to check on us". She had her own share of complaints.
"Aarti, like I wrote in the book, for me to trust you had become next to impossible. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't. How could I? Those instances where you'd do anything for Ma kept flashing in front of me. After hearing your conversation with Ma..."
He closed his eyes in pain. "I felt so betrayed by the person whom I trusted the most. I don't think I ever trusted anyone the way I trusted you. After that night in Mumbai, whenever I looked at you, all I could think of, were the things that you did for my mother. For her, you left Ansh after we got married. For my mother you left me when I was injured. For my mother you came looking out for me when I was trapped in that car on that rainy night. Whatever you did, you did it for her. After I heard your conversation with her on the phone and after that night, I was convinced that you slept with me for my mother asked you too, which was the lowest of lows according to me".
"I kept screaming at you that I love you before that boxing match in which you could've lost your life". She reminded him.
"For me that time also you were doing it at her behest. Remember that day on the beach you said you loved me, then he next moment you said you were only joking! So how could I believe you when you again said that you love me? For me that time also you were lying. After that night, even when you were telling the truth, my mind was saying that you were lying, cause for me your first preference in life was to keep my mother happy by fulfilling her every demand, without bothering who you ended up hurting in the process. Be it Ansh or me. The more I saw your face the more that betrayal kept flashing in front of me".
"After Arpita, if I ever shared any of my feelings with anyone then that person was you. Ironically when I was in need of a friend, with whom I could share my pain, I couldn't do it, cause that friend was you. When I lost you as that friend, I had no one left in that house who could help me. I needed time and space to cool down my brain and find a way to sort things out in a rational and mature way, as I didn't want to lose the only friend that I had got".
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry for all the pain that I've caused you". She broke down.
"No Aarti please don't be sorry". He took her in his arms. "Now I know that none of this was your fault. Now I know that our relationship was based on a shaky foundation. We both made so many mistakes, we both took wrong decisions and acted immaturely and ended up making the worst mistakes of our lives. Had I not heard your conversation with Shobha Ma last night, I would have lost you... Maybe forever". He shuddered at that thought and tightened his hold around her, as if never letting her go.
"From now on I promise you that God forbid, if a situation like this arise again where I'm not able to trust you, even if I feel you are lying or saying the truth, I'll come and talk with you. I'll never leave you alone even for a moment. Aarti I'm sorry for leaving you like this when you also needed me the most".
"I thought once again I had fallen in love with a person like Prashant who could never think beyond himself. Who could never agree that he's wrong and accepts his mistakes. But you are not like him. You accept it when you are wrong and you don't hesitate to apologize for it and make up for it".
"No Aarti I'm not like him and I won't become like him. I value love and relationships. No matter how angry or hurt I'm, I might stop talking with you for few days, which I don't think is possible now, but I'll never leave you and abandon you. And I swear if that man comes in front of me, he'll see the worst of me".
"When I had fallen in love with him, he was such a good man. He also valued love and relationships. He loved me so much". This time he felt a pang of jealousy but let her continue. "We fell in love when we were in college. I was so close to Aman and Prashant. Aman was my best friend and Prashant was my love. On top of that his parents loved me and accepted me as their daughter. Aman got a nice job and shifted here in Mumbai, while Prashant was still struggling to find a job. We got married. In the first six months of our marriage we were so happy. Then Aman started progressing in his work, while Prashant was still jobless. He got jealous of Aman. He vowed to become rich in any way that was possible. I don't know what happened after that as he had started to avoid me. I thought he needed space so I gave it to him. Only to find out that that momentary space had become life long permanent separation. That's what I felt when you left and came here".
Burying her head in his shoulder she cried. He stroked her back. "I'm sorry for making you feel that way. With time I'll prove it to you that I'm not like him. That no matter what the circumstances are, I'll never leave you. With great difficulty and after facing so many obstacles we have reached here. There is no way I'll let anything or anyone come between us now". He kept stroking her back till she calmed down.
He moved back a little. With a twinkle in his eyes, he said, "Come with me I want to take you somewhere and show you something!"
"What?"
"It's a surprise for you. Now get dressed".
"But I haven't had showered yet".
"Yes I know lazy girl that you haven't left bed since last evening. We came here last night around Nine and now it's around two in the afternoon. Now get up from the bed or else we will end up here till tomorrow morning". He warned her.
