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Part 39: Bottled Up Emotions
*Warning: Read with a tissue box handy. (I think)* Sarah, thank you for the suggestion.😉
"Akash sir is coming to India."
Arnav and Khushi froze.
Khushi didn't know whether to be happy or to be worried. Akash didn't know that Arnav had found her. How would he react when he figured out that there were secrets being kept from him? Khushi turned to look at Arnav and instantly saw the worry on his face. His eyes hadn't left Aman's face at all. It was as if the two men were communicating without words.
Anjali simply looked at the other three individuals in the room, confused.
"W-why?" Arnav managed to break the silence at last.
Aman winced slightly. "He called me this morning and told me that he found out about your injuries...he said that you told him what happened and he asked me why I didn't tell them."
"What did you tell him?" Arnav fired off at once, hoping that Aman hadn't mentioned the Police case.
Aman shifted guiltily. "I didn't tell him about Khushi M'am. I realized that you'd told him it was an accident...he's coming here to make sure that you haven't started..."
"F*ck!" Arnav swore out loud making Anjali flinch, cutting off Aman's sentence midway. "What the hell--"
Arnav's yell cut off midway as he felt Khushi hold onto his arm.
"Shh...Relax. He's your brother...it's natural that he wants to come see you, knowing that you've been in an accident." Khushi said quietly, trying to calm him down. She turned to face Aman. "You didn't mention the case, right?"
Aman shook his head. "No...I was trying to convince him to cancel his tickets...a mention of the case wouldn't help at all..."
"When's his flight?" Arnav asked, dreading the answer.
"The first one he could get is tomorrow afternoon, Canadian time...which is tomorrow early morning here. I've been asked to pick him up the day after." Aman explained.
"We need to make him cancel his trip..." Arnav thought out loud.
Khushi frowned. "Why?"
"I don't want him to know that I've found you..." Arnav explained, surprisingly calmly.
"If he's been looking for me...shouldn't you tell him that you've found me? Put him out of his misery..." Khushi frowned at Aman and then at Arnav.
"No!" Arnav's response didn't miss a beat. "No! If he finds out that I've found you, he'll bring the entire family with him. They will emotionally blackmail you into going back with them. You will be forced to go back by hook or by crook and I refuse to let that happen." He paused to cup her face protectively. "I promised you that I won't let that happen. If you come back, it will be because you want to...not because they forced you."
Khushi's heart fluttered at his earnest words. His eyes were nothing but pools of love, respect, honestly, and a slight tinge of pain as they looked down at her. The way he held her face was innocent, protective, and intimate all at the same time. She couldn't form a reply to his explanation even if she tried.
It made sense. She was very aware that if Akash found her, he would definitely make sure she goes back. After all, the only person who had promised to not look for her was Arnav and he had kept it. Akash had made no such promises...neither had any of the other family members. Even if Khushi managed to convince Akash that she didn't want to go back, he wouldn't hear a word of it once he found out about Aditya and Amber.
"Why don't we sit down and think of a solution?" Anjali suggested in a small voice. After Arnav's explanation to Khushi, Anjali had caught on quickly and had assumed what the scenario was.
For the next half an hour, the four sat in silence. Well, semi-silence owing to Ishan's cooing and whimpers. Arnav's mind was racing back and forth with supersonic speed. Various ideas had crossed his mind, one of them being that he returns to Canada for a few days and return back to India once things settled down. He had dismissed the idea almost immediately. There was no way in hell he was going to leave his wife and his kids back here. Another idea was to send Aman back to reassure the family that Arnav was okay but even that made no sense. As far as they knew, Aman was all he had here and if he went back; Arnav would be alone which would give Akash even a bigger reason to fly down here.
"ASR..." Aman spoke up after contemplating an idea in his mind for a long time. He'd had the idea on his drive here but didn't have the courage to put it on the table in front of Arnav. Arnav looked up at him, along with Khushi and Anjali.
"There is one way..." Aman said and his eyes flickered to Khushi for a quick second before they settled back on Arnav's face.
Arnav caught on to Aman's train of thought immediately. His eyes turned dark in disapproval and his lips set into a thin line.
"No." His response was flat and definite.
"It's the only sure way..." Aman said, almost pleading.
"I said No, Aman." Arnav's eyes flashed.
Anjali shifted uncomfortably. She recalled Khushi's comment about Arnav's colossal temper. Anjali had laughed it off then but now she was seeing glimpses of it. First in the morning when she told him about her past and then ever since Aman showed up. Arnav's temper was slipping through his control here and there.
Khushi looked between the two men and focused on Aman. "What way?"
"It's not necessary." Arnav cut off Aman's response before it even started.
"I wasn't asking you." Khushi shot him a 'shut-up' look and turned to look at Aman. "What idea do you have Aman?"
Aman tried to ignore the imaginary daggers Arnav was shooting in his direction and focused his attention on Khushi instead. "If Akash sir finds out that you're in Canada...He will cancel his trip."
Khushi blinked a couple times, letting the words sink in. "How would I be in Canada?"
"You wouldn't be...it involves you calling him or Payal M'am...and we let a hint slip that you're in the same country as them and that's all that's needed." Aman explained.
Khushi turned the idea over in her head for a couple of minutes, oblivious to Arnav's distressed stare. He wasn't too keen on the idea. He was desperately hoping that she would refuse the ridiculous suggestion.
"Okay. If you're sure it will work." Khushi sat up straighter as if trying to make her decision sound more firm.
Arnav stood up, clearly unhappy, and stalked off into the guestroom. Anjali and Aman flinched when he slammed the door shut behind him. Aman looked at Khushi wearily. Sighing, she stood up, gestured them to relax, and made her way to his room. She knocked twice and waited merely a second before walking in and closing the door behind her.
"Do you realize what you're agreeing to?? His idea involves you talking to the family." Arnav rounded on her right away, knowing exactly why she was here. Without waiting for her response, he held her shoulders and pulled her closer, desperately trying to make her see reason.
"I know it will upset you Khushi...and I don't want that."
Khushi placed a hand on his shoulder tentatively. "Arnav...if it's going to keep him in Canada...if you want him to cancel his trip and if this is what it takes...then so be it."
"Are you telling me that you'll be able to talk to them after all these years, without it affecting you?"
Khushi smiled sadly. "Of course not. I am going to be an emotional mess after the conversation but look on the bright side...I get to talk to them after all these years...Payal jiji, Akash, Nani, Mamiji, Mamaji...I've missed them so much but I've never had the heart to call them...this gives me a reason."
Khushi chose to look at a button on his shirt instead of his calculating eyes. A couple seconds of silence later, she felt one his fingers under her chin, tilting her face upwards.
"You're crying just thinking about it." He accused.
She held his gaze confidently even though a tear rolled down each of her cheeks. "Wasn't it you who said that I'm the bravest and the strongest woman you know?" She paused when she saw his expression soften just a tad bit. "I'm not saying it won't be hard...because it will be...I'll be talking to them after all these years and it won't be easy...but I can't do it alone."
His expression pained slightly. "You don't have to do this." He whispered equally painfully, as one his hand rested against her cheek.
She covered his hand on her cheek with one of her own. "I know...but I want to do this. I just need you to stand by me during this conversation."
Touched by her honest words, he closed the two step distance between them and rested her head on his chest; his arms wound around her just like hers snaked around him.
"I'll stand by you through anything, Khushi...always...until you order me away." He whispered.
*
Khushi and Anjali worked away in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Khushi was unusually jumpy as she worked around the small space. After she had convinced Arnav that she was ready to talk to the family, the plan had been set to be put into action later tonight. She'd been trying not to dwell on it too much.
Suddenly she wished that Angad and Kripa hadn't forced her to go home. They had banned her from returning to the orphanage until Arnav was recovered. At least if she was at work, she would have things to keep her busy and hence her mind off of the plan.
Anjali was just as jumpy as she helped Khushi around. Aman had taken Ishan away with him and now he was with Arnav and the twins in the yard. Anjali hadn't asked Arnav to not tell Aman anything about her past...would he reveal anything? Would she mind if he did? She had a feeling that Arnav wouldn't utter anything to Aman and for the life of her, she couldn't figure out whether that made her upset or happy.
"What are you thinking about?" Khushi asked. She'd been observing Anjali for the past few minutes.
"Do you think Arnav will tell Aman anything?" Anjali blurted the question.
Khushi turned to look at her with a serious expression. "Arnav's not the kind to gossip. He knows when he needs to keep something a secret."
Anjali sighed exasperatedly. "I hope he tells Aman."
Khushi's jaw hit the floor. She hopes what??
"Why??"
"Either Arnav or you...can't one of you tell Aman? I don't think I'll be able to..." Anjali chewed on her bottom lip.
"Anjali...that's not right. It's between you and Aman. You should be the one that tells him. You told Arnav, didn't you? Why can't you tell Aman? If anything...you know Aman better than Arnav...you've spent more time with Aman..." Khushi tried to explain.
"I'll see. Maybe when the opportunity presents itself..." Anjali trailed off, and Khushi groaned.
"Anjali...there is never opportunities for such conversations. You just need to find time and tell him. Of course, that's considering that you want to give him a chance...if you don't care about it then there's no point in telling him."
Anjali bit her lip and looked at Khushi. "Is it bad that I want to...eventually be able to give him a chance?"
Khushi smiled gently. "Of course it's not."
"Isn't it too soon?? Shouldn't it take me longer to get over my past?"
"Everyone's different, Anjali...things got a lot easier for me after Amber and Aditya were born...maybe it's the same for you...and who says you have to marry the guy right away? Test the waters...see how comfortable you are with it...but he deserves to know if you're planning on giving it a chance...it will make it easier for him to understand where you're coming from...it builds trust." Khushi patted Anjali's shoulder. "I'm with you no matter what you decide...there's no room for judgements between us Anjali. You know that."
"I know." Anjali gave her friend cum hero a hug. "Thank you."
Just as they pulled apart, loud guffaws of laughter distracted them. The two looked at each other with raised eyebrows before rushing towards the yard to see what the ruckus was about. Both of them froze at the open French doors as they took in the sight.
Arnav was, quite literally, rolling on the floor laughing like no tomorrow. Aman sat on the bench with Ishan in his lap, laughing at his boss. Amber and Aditya were moving around and about Arnav. Soon, Khushi realized that they were tickling him. The twins were getting a good laugh out of it, too.
"St...S...stop!" Arnav managed to choke out the words in between peals of laughter.
The kids didn't give up, however. They only tickled him even more, making him laugh louder. Khushi heard Anjali burst into giggles at the sight too.
"Oh my God! I think that's the first time I've seen him laughing like that." Anjali announced.
Khushi didn't have a response to that. In the five months she was living with him as his wife, even she hadn't seen him laughing this way.
As she observed the scene for a few more seconds, Khushi couldn't help the small laugh that escaped her either. The scenario was too funny for that. Aman spotted the ladies and stood up to hand Ishan over to Anjali. As soon as he had his hands free, even he joined the kids in tickling the great ASR.
"If...if...you...tickle Aman uncle...I will...give...you...a treat!" Arnav said breathlessly, trying to control his breathing.
Everyone paused for a second and the next second, Aman's yelp echoed at the kids pinned him down to the floor and started tickling him, with Arnav's help. Anjali handed Ishan to Khushi and merrily joined the trip in bothering Aman.
Khushi just stood in the doorway, laughing at the tickle war going on in front of her, all the tension of the pending conversation with the Raizada's forgotten in the moment.
*
"They all enjoyed the cake, shared the riches, and lived happily ever after." Arnav closed the book and turned his head sideways to see the twins fast asleep.
He smiled at them and leaned in to kiss their foreheads, like Khushi did every night. He turned off the lights, and made sure to leave their night light on before he exited the room, closing the door behind him. He saw her standing by the French doors, looking out into the yard, while Anjali and Aman sat on the couch, chatting. Nodding to them in acknowledgement, Arnav made his way to stand next to Khushi.
Khushi turned to face him, gave him a small smile, and then turned back to look at the yard. They stood there in silence for a couple of minutes, his eyes never leaving her face. She was nervous, it may as well be written on her forehead. Sighing, he looked out into the yard too.
"You don't have to do this. We can figure out another way." Arnav said in a small voice.
Khushi took a deep breath, undoubtedly to compose herself and her thoughts. "We don't have enough time. And like I said earlier...I want to do this."
Arnav nodded dejectedly. Khushi had made up her mind and as much as he knew her, there was no changing her decision.
"Let's do this." Khushi turned to face Aman and Anjali.
Within seconds, the four were settled on the couches in the living room, Aman and Anjali sitting together on the loveseat opposite Arnav and Khushi. Aman placed Khushi's phone on the table.
"A new sim card, as a safety measure. I've changed the phone settings so that they won't get the phone number. You will show up as an 'unknown caller' on the caller ID. Even if they somehow try to trace the number, we'll have destroyed the sim card right after the call. We'll be out in the yard...we'll wait for Arnav's signal to come in."Aman explained.
Arnav shot him a quick grateful look. There really was no necessity for Aman and Anjali to be out of the room during the call but Aman was trying to maintain the privacy. Arnav acknowledged the fact and thanked Aman for it through his gestures.
"You remember what to do?" Aman asked Anjali and she just nodded confidently. Aman turned to face Khushi and smiled at her. "Let's get this done."
Khushi nodded and forced a smile. She sat there twisting her hands together while Aman dialled the number for her. He put the phone on speaker and placed it on the table before he made his way out to the yard with Anjali.
As the phone rang on the other end of the line, Khushi's breaths became shallow with anticipation, her fingers being tortured as she continued to twist them together. Without a word, Arnav reached over and pried her hands away from each other as he took a hold of her left hand in his right and clasped it tightly, gesturing his support.
The call was answered after what seemed like forever. "Hello?" His voice was slurred due to drowsiness.
Khushi's breath left her in a whoosh' as her control over her feelings and emotions broke upon hearing her best friend cum brother-in-law's voice. She could feel the tears prickling behind her eyes and she clasped Arnav's hand tighter.
"A-Akash?"
Silence took over for a few seconds. And then came the reply in a shaky voice. "H-Hello?"
Khushi inhaled a breath and tried to speak more confidently. "Akash."
She heard him gasp at the other end of the line. "K-Khushi??"
Tears rushed into her eyes, despite her best efforts. "Hi." She managed to respond.
There was silence again. It had been years. How are you' barely felt adequate. What do you say to someone that you were speaking to after five long years?
"Khushi!" Akash exclaimed, pain seeping into his voice at this point.
There was a faint rattling noise and a second later, a new voice echoed through the instrument on the table. "Khushi? H...How...W-what...W-where...How are you?" Payal managed with difficulty.
More faint rattling noises, presumably Akash was taking the phone back. "Khushi where on earth are you?! Are you okay? Are you safe?" Akash fired off, sounding tearful.
"Mamiji! Mamaji! Naniji!! Khushi is on the phone!! Come quickly! It's Khushi!"
Payal's voice was distant but loud in the background.
"I'm fine Akash...and please...please don't ask me where I am." Tears flowed out of Khushi's eyes uncontrollably. "How have you been Akash? It's been a long time."
"It's been five years, Khushi! I've been looking for you everywhere! You could have called and let us know that you were okay! You could have kept in touch with me if not anyone else!"
"I know...I'm sorry...I just...couldn't."
Khushi heard multiple choruses of her name in the background and she assumed that the family must have barged into Akash's room.
"Hold on...I'm putting you on speaker." Akash announced.
As soon as he had done the same, Khushi had multiple people firing questions at her about her whereabouts and her well being. She answered their queries, crying silently, instinctively leaning into Arnav. Arnav himself had clenched his jaw tightly and tried his best not to cry at the telephonic reunion of the family that had been torn apart because of him. He could hear his family crying on the other end of the line. He could hear, see, and feel Khushi crying next to him. Her hand clammy in his, the tremors of her body absorbed into his.
"Don't you miss us Khushi?? Why didn't you call in all these years??" Payal asked in between sobs.
"I did miss you...I do miss you...all of you. I think of you every single day! I couldn't bring myself to call...I felt too guilty about leaving!" Khushi explained truthfully.
"Come back, Khushi bitiya!" Nani pleaded.
Khushi burst into silent sobs. The elderly lady sounded almost desperate as she pleaded her to come back. She sounded so fragile. So weak.
"I'm so sorry Nani ji..."
"No...I don't want your apology...I want you to come back!! No one is happy after you left! Not a single day goes by without a mention of you beta... we've all been lost without our Khushi...Akash has been trying to find you with Mahendra and Manorama...Payal has been trying to keep everything in control...even Chotte has become miserable...he's been affected the most...my Chotte is heartbroken..." Nani sobbed.
Arnav stiffened at the mention of him in the conversation. The last thing he had expected was anyone to bring him up in this conversation. He prayed to the higher powers that the family didn't blurt out any of his...activities of the last five years, before he came to India.
"He has been absolutely lost without you...I'm not asking you to forgive him...I can't...but I have to let you know that he's repenting...we've all punished him...I'm still punishing him...he has punished himself...He's hurting...he is tortured and haunted...he's become careless towards his health...If you see him just once, you'll know how much he's repenting..." Nani sobbed some more.
Arnav swallowed a lump in his throat as a few tears left his eyes. All these years, Nani had spent without saying a single word to him but behind her tough exterior, she'd been worried for him all along. She'd been noticing him...she still cared about him.
"Nani is right Khushi...He's been keeping his promise...even though it kills him to not look for you...he's not doing anything because he promised you that he wouldn't..." Payal chimed in.
"Khushi, if you don't want him here, he'll leave...you can live in your old apartment...or we'll figure something out...but please...please come back! I want my Khushi bitiya back...I want my Chotte back..." Nani tried her luck again.
Khushi had broken down completely and she didn't care about stopping her tears anymore. She had missed them and they had missed her just as much. Even after all these years, they were pleading her to come back. She had spent only five months as their daughter-in-law, and yet, they were worried about her just as much as they were about Arnav, if not more.
"I...I can't" Khushi couldn't believe the tremendous effort it took to utter those words. Every fibre in her body protested her statement. Her heart broke. She could almost hear the hearts break on the other end of the line. She hated herself for putting them through this. They didn't deserve it. Did they not think her selfish for leaving like that?
"I'm so sorry Khushi! I am so so sorry!" Akash's voice was strained with emotion. "If I hadn't proposed your alliance with Bhai...if I hadn't edited that pros and cons list of yours...you may have not agreed and none of this would have happened...I still would have my best friend with me...I'd still have my Bhai with me." Akash broke down at last.
"Its...not...your...f-fault...Akash." Khushi sniffed.
Arnav couldn't take it any longer. This conversation was more painful than he had anticipated. Khushi was trembling with sobs next to him and it was like walking on a path of razors for him to see her like that. He bit down on his lower lip and reluctantly waved to Aman.
"Please tell everyone to stop crying, Akash...this is why I didn't call before...I've hurt you all so much...I've punished my family for something that wasn't their fault...I'm never going to forgive myself..." Khushi squeezed her eyes shut.
Just as Akash was about to launch into his explanation, Anjali walked into the room and stood a few steps away from the table, to ensure that her voice sounded distant. She tried her best to not look at the couple that sat hand in hand, leaning on each other for support, as they sobbed.
"Khushi...if we want to reach Montreal in time, we need to leave now." Anjali said loud and clear. The next second, she had turned on her heel and left the room. Her part in the plan was done.
The sobs on the other end of the line paused as the words registered. Akash spoke first.
"Montreal?? Khushi!! Are you in Canada?!" Akash sounded hopeful.
Khushi bit down on her lower lip and sniffed. This was it. This marked the end of her conversation. "I love you all very much. I miss you. I'm so sorry. Bye."
Aware of the fact that Khushi won't be able to, Arnav had reached over and pushed the end call' button. But not before a string of words had escaped the protesting Raizada's: 'No!' 'Wait!' 'Khushi!' 'Call agai--'
Khushi covered her face in her palms and let the dam break. She vaguely registered a pair of strong arms going around her. She was pulled against a trembling body that emanated warmth. She turned to hide her face into his chest and grabbed fistfuls of his shirt as she cried her heart out. He let her spend her bottled up emotions. He knew how liberating it was to let go and stop trying to control emotions. He had felt it every time Khushi consoled him after a nightmare. He had felt it every time Payal had told him to let go and let his tears flow.
"I've...Hurt them...so much." Khushi's voice was muffled and choked. "They're...n-never...going to...f-forgive me."
"Shh..." Arnav hugged her a little tighter to make his point. "They're not mad at you. They never were. They love you..."
It was then that even Arnav let go of his control and sobbed freely, finding comfort and some level of solace in each other's arms as they let the tears wash away a fraction of pain and a fraction of guilt. Eventually, after a long while, her sobs subsided as the overwhelming conversation took its toll and she slipped into slumber. Arnav held her close to him, silently providing every and any comfort he could. Her breathing was rugged and she let out a small hiccup every now and then. Her grip on his now dampened shirt was still tight, almost as if holding onto him gave her some strength.
A faint knock sounded on the glass door and Arnav lifted his gaze to see Aman's questioning gaze. Arnav blinked in approval, giving him the permission to come in. Aman and Anjali walked in with quiet footsteps while Arnav wiped his face dry with one hand.
"Akash Sir called. He said that you weren't picking up the phone." Aman gave Arnav a small smile. "He cancelled his trip."
Arnav nodded slightly. He hadn't doubted for a second that Akash wouldn't cancel his flight if he got the hint that Khushi was in the same country as them. Though he was glad that Akash had cancelled his trip...he was just as upset after seeing Khushi cry the way she had.
"Will she be okay?" Anjali asked, looking worriedly at Khushi. Anjali had never seen Khushi in such a state. She had always seen a woman who seemed rock-hearted and extremely composed emotionally. Having seen her breakdown like that had only reiterated the amount of strength the woman possessed to have been able to keep all these emotions in check all these years.
Arnav looked down at a sleeping Khushi with admiration and then looked back smilingly at the woman who considered Khushi her hero. "She's a tough woman. She'll be okay."
Precap:
Khushi stopped swaying and looked back into his eyes. The situation reminded her of her dream that she's been having for days. Her heart leapt in her rib cage and thundered ahead as she realized that this was the moment when that dream will become reality.
She felt both of his warm hand enclose around her face delicately as if she were made of glass. She was sure that he could feel the slight tremors of her skin under his touch. She didn't know whether she had moved closer or if he had, but now they stood with their faces inches from each other's. Her lips parted slightly on their own accord and her eyes fluttered closed when she inhaled his warm and minty breath.
Yeap...you read that precap right. hehe. Now back to the update...yeah...Lets keep Akash in Canada for now...Let Arnav and Khushi have some...moments. Isn't Aman enough of a distraction...why add Akash as one too?😛 Now this has been dealt with...Up next (in a part or two...) is something most of you have been waiting for...😳
AY update should be up in 2-3 days. It will be a long one just like this one.
This update was 10 pages on word, people...so lets see those awesome comments!😃😉
Love,
Katie <3
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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