Dear friends, those who have read Gita's "Arnav Singh Raizada's Musings" will be able to relate with what I have attempted here. If you have not, I beg you, please read it here. Life on IF is incomplete without it.
For now, read on.
Khushi stood in front of the mirror in her room, pretending to be unsatisfied with her hairdo and redid it for the nth time, although it is beyond anyone's understanding as to what was so unsatifying about hair that is always left open. Careful observation would reveal that she was in fact curiously looking at my reflection on the mirror. When I pointedly looked at her, she averted her eyes and went back to doing her hair. What the! What was cooking in that crazy mind of hers? When I asked her, she nodded her head as saying nothing and started applying Kohl to her already kohled eyes. Crazy woman. I was getting late and didn't really have time to probe into her madness. I shut my laptop and went to the bathroom to get ready. All I could think of was she was acting strange, well, there is nothing strange about it, but still...
When I came back from the bathroom, I was greeted by the sight of Khushi furiously typing something on the laptop.
"Khushi what are you doing?"
Khushi looked startled, shut the laptop hurriedly and answered nervously,
"Kuch nahi! I was searching for a recipe which I had saved some time back"
"And you are searching that in my laptop?"
"Kya? This is your laptop? Hey Devi Maiyya! Sorry Arnavji, I didn't realize it"
Of course, I didn't buy it.
"I am getting late, I'll better leave now"
"Arnavji ! You promised to come early today. We are going to Laxmi Nagar"
"Yes I remember and also your weird condition"
She grinned widely before saying,
"Arnavji! You are forgetting something"
I was pleased. She is not too worked up to forget our daily routine. I gathered her in my arms and swooped down to kiss her. Khushi blushed a beautiful shade of red and burst my bubble.
"Arnavji! You are forgetting to take your laptop"
I gave her an irritated look and left.
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I got down from my SUV and walked towards my office with Akash and NK trying to keep up with me. My thoughts were still adhered to my crazy wife and trying to figure out what she was upto when I bumped into her partner in crime. Aman. No scratch that. Aman was not alone. Almost everyone in my personal and professional lives were her partners in crime. He was on a call, "Bhabhi ! I will talk to you later. Yes yes, you send it. I will do it" and hurriedly cut it seeing me.
"Was that Khushi?"
"No...No Sir, that was my bhabhi"
Aman has a brother? I gave him a suspicious look and he avoided looking at me while stuttering away my day's schedule.
Back to back meetings had drained me off. Lunch time was a welcome break. The aroma of the food screamed of Khushi. I couldn't help but muse her recent behavior. It was stranger than her usual strange behavior. Suddenly a memory from a few months back flashed.
"Arnavji! Are you writing anything on India Forums?"
"Excuse me?"
"Have you been writing anything called "Arnav Singh Raizada's musings?"
"Khushi! Are you serious? Already I am spending a lot of time on it than I can afford to just because the writers are too good and they are writing about us. If I start writing as well, then we can conveniently shut down AR"
That had effectively shut her mouth that day or so I thought. May be I should feed her some jalebis and get her to confess what was bothering her. I decided to do it during our visit to Laxmi Nagar this evening.
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"Shall we leave Arnavji? Hey Devi Maiyya ! Raksha Karna !!"
"If you are afraid, then lets stop this craziness and I will drive"
"No way. When Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada decides something, she will make it happen, no matter what"
For all those who are wondering whats happening, it's a result of my crazy wife's OTT ideas, inspired by none other than myself. So here I am sitting in my SUV's passenger seat, blindfolded. Yes, blindfolded and Khushi is driving. Her explanation to the blindfold is that I will make her more nervous if I see her driving.
"Khushi, why are taking a left here? Shouldn't we have taken the right?"
"Laad governor. Shut up. I should have gagged you as well. I am taking an alternate route."
After almost an hour, which was longer than it takes to reach Laxmi Nagar, we seem to have reached our destination. Again, for some strange reason, I was still in my blind fold and was led into God knows where. We have been walking for two minutes now. No one has greeted me till now. I haven't heard the characteristic welcome "Hai Re Nandkisore !! Aao Aao Babua" yet. I am sure we are not in Laxmi Nagar.
"Khushi ! Where are we? I know we are not in Laxmi Nagar"
"Just a minute Arnavji." To someone else, she seemed to tell, "Suniye! I am Mrs. Arnav Singh Raizada"
"Yes Mrs. Raizada. M'am is waiting for you"
"What the! Where are we Khushi"
No answer. Instead I understood we entered a room and I was just being seated. A sudden flash of light due to removal of the blindfold made me close my eyes for a few seconds. When I opened my eyes, I agreed that I have not been shocked more in my life. I found myself sitting across a beautiful woman, who was kind of giving me a more-than-friendly smile on the other side of a table which bore a name plate, Dr. Jaychitra Reddy, MBBS, MD (Psychiatry).
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"What the hell ! Khushi! Why are we here?"
"Mr. Raizada ! Please relax. Its nothing to worry. Your wife thinks you have some kind of mind distress. So she has brought you here to help you"
"What nonsense? What is this Khushi?"
Khushi was in tears.
"Arnavji! I know and I am sure, there is something wrong. You are writing about us on India Forums and you are always denying it. When I have asked about it directly or indirectly, you have always acted ignorant of it. You have always denied that you have written anything about us"
"Because I have not written anything about us. Do you think I am that stupid to write my journal on a public forum?"
"But it also contains details which are privy to only you and me. How is that even possible? Unless someone has been following us even in our bedroom. We have discussed so many stories written by many writers but how come the details of our discussion are written there?"
"How would I know?"
"That's precisely the point Mr. Raizada. There is this thread called "Arnav Singh Raizada's musings" written under a pseudonym Mem1, which describes very beautifully how you and your family are enthralled, appalled, entertained by some of the authors on the forum. But what is more intriguing is that, private conversations between you and Mrs. Raizada are also described in a very detailed manner. So in all possibilities it has to be either you or she who is writing it. Since it is not her, it must be you. Since you are claiming no knowledge of it, Mrs. Raizada is suspecting that may be you are writing it without your own knowledge."
"Excuse me? Are you even listening to yourself? How can I write without even knowing myse...Wait are you implying that I may have dissociative identity disorder?"
"WOW ! Mr. Raizada ! I am impressed" I wanted to bang my head.
"You know about split personality?" This was khushi. Of course.
"Yeah so? I am generally good in GK. And split personality is not necessarily DID. That's not the point. You, couldn't discuss this with me at home and had to drag me here?"
"I had to. I had no choice. Since you even accept that you may have ..."
"When did I accept?"
"You know about it"
AAARGH!!
"You know what? May be it is you who has written it without your knowledge. It is more believable, given your craziness"
"Haaw !! Laad Governor. Even if that was for an argument, it doesn't have enough substantiation"
"Why, May I ask?"
"Because, its written in English."
I was really at a loss of words. I couldn't believe what was happening around me or rather with me.
The doctor was looking between khushi and me amusedly and finally decided she should speak too.
"Listen Mr and Mrs. Raizada, I think this is not a psychiatric case at all since both of you are unaware of the proceedings on that particular forum. There is a good chance that you both are being watched, what with being a high profile family and all"
"No doctor. I have ruled it out. There is nobody following us. I have thoroughly investigated even with professional help."
"Yeah Doc. Just go ahead and give a certificate that I have DID. She has decided that I have and she will not rest unless I have accepted it."
"Its not like that Arnavji"
"Then what is it like, Khushi"
"Look Mrs. Raizada. I think you are taking it a bit too serious. He is all the time with you when he is not at work, isn't it. If you have not noticed anything strange other than this mysterious journal report of your private life, then it is not possible that he is or you are writing this, unless there is someone who is infiltrating either of your subconscious mind...wait a minute"
Arnav and Khushi looked at each other. I wondered Who is the patient here?
The doctor's face now displayed various emotions that, well, were not decipherable. Was she having a stroke?
She furiously searched for a number on her phone and dialed.
"Hey! Are you up?"
" "
"Great! Come on skype. Its kind of urgent"
She hung up.
"Care to explain Doc?"
"Yeah! That was my friend Dr. Vandana. She is in the US. She is a psychiatrist too. I just remembered a case she was discussing with me last week. It didn't strike me until what I just told you."
Khushi was silent. She was either dumbfounded or just hungry, eating my brain not being enough.
"Then go ahead and discuss the case. We are leaving"
"No no Mr. Raizada! It may solve your problem"
"Last time, there is no problem, Khushi lets go"
The doctor's skype came to life at that precise moment and she turned the laptop screen towards us. A pretty woman sat there with such a dazzling smile, that I momentarily forgot that I was leaving and sat back. Is a blush prominently recognizable on a skype video. I thought I saw one on those already rosy cheeks. I suddenly felt a scalding heat on my right cheek and turned to see a scorching gaze from my wife. Arnav! What are you doing? You are a one woman man. Don't forget. In the meantime I had missed a very important conversation between the two docs. Apparently the case background.
Anyway, the dazzler started to speak. And immediately I recognized. A phangirl.
"What have you got to tell Doc?"
"You can call me V or Vandy" Confirmed phangirl.
"Doc is fine" This was Khushi
"Well Arnavji!" began the dazzler.
"What the hell?" Khushi screamed, her territory had been just invaded.
Dazzler cringed a little at the display of rage and settled for,
"I was saying Mr. Raizada! I have been handling a case of a young woman here in my clinic for the past few months, the details of whom, I can't reveal. From what I have come to know from Chitra, it is clear that it is this woman who is writing the musings."
"You mean Gita? How do you know?" My wife is very clever. She knows the culprits name, but still suspects me. Where does she get all these crazy ideas? Dissociated Identity Disorder. Oh Devi Maiyya !!
"Yes. Apparently after Mr. Raizada had forcefully shut down his life history on Sony, many phangirls had taken seriously to fanfiction reading/writing/reading-writing/chatting as an outlet to the frustration and depression on missing their favorite man, err, I mean show. This woman is one such. Her mind took a fascinating turn of mind infiltration, you know, something like the movie Inception."
"You mean like dream sharing?" Khushi surprises me with her vast knowledge of movies.
"You can say that. This is a very rare condition. So apparently, she can read your mind and follow your conversations. Being a writer, she pens them down in the form of musings."
"Can she know my professional transactions too?" I have my worries. Khushi did a face palm.
"Apparently she chooses to turn off the radar when you are talking business. She is not interested. She is particularly interested only when you are discussing the stories on the forums."
"This doesn't look a scientifically viable theory"
"Mr. Raizada, nature has so many unearthed secrets in its creation"
"Is she being treated?"
"The fact is that there is no treatment for it. The case itself is rarest of rare. She would stop musing if she is out of her addiction to your life. At present that looks like an impossibility, justifiably so. (How on earth do they continue to pursue their career, all these women, I mean) Since it is not advisable to experiment with medications for mind disorders, we have advised some rehabilitation."
"Has it been effective?"
"Well, she hasn't written anything for sometime now. But that is not conclusive. Relapse is common in any addiction."
"What is so fascinating about my life, anyway? I am just like anybody else."
"Well, may be you don't know your value" The blush reappeared. I have my doubts if the doc is Mem1.
"Okay. I have some serious questions. Will she be able to know, I mean, you know, the ..." Khushi hesitated. I took pity and completed, "Our private life?" Big mistake. The blush reappeared, more intensely, on three pairs of cheek.
My turn to face-palm.
"Well, fortunately or unfortunately, she can't Mr. Raizada. She happens to infiltrate whenever you discuss about her favorite writer. Other than that, you both are safe"
"There is nothing unfortunate here" Khushi was on a roll.
"May be we should stop discussing the stories and in fact ban IF in Shantivan."
"NO!!"
Again three voices. Two, I can understand. Khushi?
"I like those stories actually, Arnavji. She writes well, and not very embarrassing and all."
"Are you crazy Khushi? This is breach of privacy"
"Relax Mr. Raizada. My patient is very decent even in her ailment. Moreover, there is nothing that you discuss that is more than what has already been shown on the show. We have had elaborate visual treat of eye-s*x, missed kisses, two almost consummation, etc"
"Okay. So ultimately, my Arnavji doesn't have DID"
"Khushi !!!" I warned her.
"Okay. Lets go then. Thank you Dr. Chitra. Thank you Dr. Vandana. I will have your cheque sent. Bye ! Namasthe!!
With that Khushi dragged me out of the damned clinic. This time I didn't trust her to drive.
"Khushi I cant believe you thought I am mad"
"Not mad Arnavji. Just Schi...Okay. Atleast now we know, there is nothing wrong with you..." I glared, "...or me. That's a relief."
I kept quiet and continued to sulk.
Khushi's phone beeped. "That was Amanji. I had asked him to trace the IP address of the musings post. He just confirmed Dr. Vandana's claim"
"I like this Gitaji. She is so sweet. She treats all her readers with respect and shares a great camaraderie with them. She gives great importance to her friends and encouraged them to write in her thread, which is very rare"
I was genuinely curious. "Are you not jealous Khushi?"
"With whom? The phangirls? No, you are surrounded by young girls and women all the time in your profession Arnavji. Ever since the show, I know you have a lot of fans. I know the two doctors were no exception too. You know, I do have some fans who love me more. At the end of the day, it is me who can bring a smile on your face with my love or innocent remarks or craziness. So, I am not jealous."
We drove in silence for a few minutes and it was Khushi who broke the silence again.
"You know, Gitaji has even written a story on Amma, about how selfless she is. You should read it too Arnavji. You will love it. More so because, Shyamji is my brother in the story"
"W*F"
Apparently since kids are kind of making their appearance in Shantivan, one by one, I have been prohibited from swearing. As of now, I am allowed to use abbreviation.
"How did you know? That's the title"
"What?"
"Haan. Wading through fantasy. What did you think?"
That brought a smile to my face. How innocent my wife is!!
I thought about how our life has become a public property. Are we okay with this? I think we have got used to it and even started enjoying it. As long as a large group of people are happy because of us, why should we complaint. Khushi has certainly been a good influence in my life. Otherwise, ASR would never think like this.
"That reminds me Arnavji!! Amma and Buaji are waiting for us for dinner. This time they have decided to try something new. If my guess is right, I think they have made Mint Chocolate Chip Cookies for you"
"Mmm. That's sounds interesting. I can't wait"
I was treated with a musical laughter. Since I was driving, I assumed, it was Khushi's. Little did I know that it was destiny's.
Later, when we got back home, after a disastrous expedition with the cookies that was singularly dedicated to me, we discussed about the cookies and the background story of it, unaware of the fact that miles away, someone had a relapse and was infiltrating my mind. Next morning I woke up to a Khushi, biting her nails and reading this.
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A/N: Again, it was my dear friend Vandana who had come up with this idea long back, that I write a scenario where ASR happens to muse about Gita (Mem1). I was writing the TS with Gita as the parallel lead at that time. So this had to wait. Now that Gita is back after a short break and how, with an awesome musing on an awesome writer (my Minty), I decided to write this homecoming OS (if you can call it that).
Dedication: Undoubtedly to Vandana (for just being her), Gita (to have given me so much freedom that I didn't even tell her that I am doing something like this), Mints23 (for being the star of the next musing and being a braveheart) and Chitra (for the same reason as Gita's dedication. I haven't even known her, but she is important to Vandana and Minty and hence to me).
Disclaimer: Kindly excuse mistakes, if any, committed with respect to DID. Just for fun. No offense to anyone living or dead !!
Over to you guys !!
Anupamaa
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