Why Do We Treat Men and Wmen Victim Diff?

Today the whole epi was about how Pia wronged Bani and no one (except maybe rano a little) achnowledged the atrocity that Pia commited against JW.

Ok let's play a little game of role reversal.

Let's assume that JW had done the whole divorce alimony fiasco to say save Pia and Rano's life (bani did to save JW's prop, i just picked something imp to bani) and bani after somehow loosing the baby and the court declaring the divorce final takes off to dubai for a business meeting with Nattu. Bani has no reason to suspect anything of nattu except a colleague and BIL. Say nattu has OCD and is pshyco and obssesed with Bani.

Let's assume bani drinks alocohol by mistake and nattu slips some date rape drug in her drink. Bani does not know this. She thinks she drank by mistake and feeling unwell and nattu escorts her to her room and shhe is not in her hosh and wakes up a little later in bed next to nattu and she is fully dressed but does not know exactly what happened the night before but assumes the worst and runs out of there.

She goes abck to her room and JW is waiting their and wants her back and says he loves her and did all the divorce drama to save pia and rano. All bani's dream come true and she knows if she tells JW about nattu he will be devastated (don't say bani won't hide something like this from JW, bani has made a profession of hiding things from him for his own good and so has JW - duffers 😡).

Now Jw has low chances of fathering a child and bani's biggest wish is to be a mother but she just loves JW and to be with him the need for a child becomes secondary. She gets pregnant and decides to hide it from JW not knowing what to do. She did not plan for this child, would have been happy with JW if they never had a child but the reality is that she is pregnant and wants the child to be safe. She feels no connection to the child except not wanting it harmed.

She tries to tell JW the truth once but he falls asleep in the middele. In the meantime nattu is blackmailing her that he will tell everything to JW and also that he will harm her child if she does not let him be a part of her life. Thsi does not mean anything physical but going to docter with her, talking to her on the phone when he wants to. Karuna finds out and gags bani because Karuna knows that if JW finds out he will be completely broken and devastaed. This traps Bani further and she is not able to come clean to JW.

Nattu stages a drama where the truth is revealed and jw is completely broken. than massi does Bani's shraddh and throws her out of the house. All this while Bani is completely in love with JW but gives in to nattu's demands to protect JW and save the baby (nattu is pshyco and can do anything like pia). Rano finds out that nattu drugged bani and reveals it to all and they realize that bani was raped. Now JW loves her so takes her back.

Who is the bigger victim JW or Bani? I say both are equal victims of Nattu's karnamas and maybe Bani more so because the act took place without her consent and was a violation of her body and to some extent soul. As a woman I can imagine the horror fo having my body defiled like that, I don't think it should be any different for a man.

Now if nattu has a memory loss and JW decides to bring him back home to help him and cure him and says to karuna that both Bani and nattu were equally at fault than how fair is JW being to his wife a victim of rape at his brothers hand?

Or are things just different because JW is a man. Bani like JW did not have any memory of what happened that night. Bani like JW had no intent of having or forming any realtionship with nattu. Bani like JW just wanted to hold on to her love and her world and just got stuck in quicksand. Both should have been honest with their partner but in circumstances their actions were human and if termed betrayal than we are inflicting even more pain to one's that they have recieved without any provocation. They were the victims.

Rape is rape and does not matter who the victim is. Just as if something like this happened to Bani, JW should be consious of Bani's feelings so should Bani be of JW's. Bani should not make JW the culprit. Bring his rapist to his home to recuperate is inflicting even more pain to the wound. Not saying she herself is not getting hurt but that is her own choice. She should not take away JW's choice. To inflict Pia on him and his family now is just not fair in any which way you look at it. Even Rano knows that and has pointed it out to her.

My 2 cents.

Meghna

Megs,

(Or are things just different because JW is a man. )

Things are different for JW, but not just because he is a man, but also becuase he is Walia married to a Dixit.

There are no differences between the scenarios you have painted. It is a pity that apart from Karuna and Rano, no one has figured that out. Even JW believes himself to be guilty, I am sure there are social workers on our Forum who can relate that to the sense of shame and loss of self-esteem that a (female) rape victim faces.

I can understand Bani's pain too and the fact that she is hurt about the fact that he has impregnated her sis and lying about the whole thing. But she has got to understand that her hubby was also grossly violated and that he needs her support too. And I am afraid that support has come too late and too little.

And getting repto in the house is not going to help matters.

Rgds,

Pri

Wow Meg, your imaginations are amazing.. 😊

Well its the society that differetiates a man from a woman..when a woman is raped the exact same way as a man like u have mentioned in ur post, she is pitied upon and sympathized..at the same time when a man goes thru the same, its hardly even acknowledged..well atleast in case of KS thats what has happened..

Afterall its the man who "does the job" in the "act", right..so even if he is not in his senses bcos he has been drugged, even if he has no clue as to whats happening to him, he has to be at fault bcos afterall if he didnt "do" it, it wudnt have happened 😡 ..thats how a typical indian society mind works, which is being portrayed obviously in these soaps, particularly KS..It doesnt matter that the man is being used and violated by a woman time and again..the only focus is on what the woman wants, what she feels, what she decides..and that has to be right always.. 😕

Meg,

If Bani insists that she would keep Pia to cure her, I would hope that JW simply packs up his bags and leave.

Rgds,

Pri

Originally posted by: majumdar

Meg,

If Bani insists that she would keep Pia to cure her, I would hope that JW simply packs up his bags and leave.

Rgds,

Pri

Pri,

Imagine that happening..the 3 Dixit sisters occupy the Walia Mansion and the outhouse, and the rich business tycoon actually becomes homeless..

awesome job or drawing the parallels meghna...I have some ideas...but will come back tomorrow...need to go to sleep now...

but awesome job...👏

Originally posted by: dhruvie05

Pri,

Imagine that happening..the 3 Dixit sisters occupy the Walia Mansion and the outhouse, and the rich business tycoon actually becomes homeless..

Guys do you really see JW not doing everything and anythign that bani wants? Nowadays he is so guilt ridden and bloody grateful for Bani's love and forgiveness he will do exactly what Bani wants and will put up with Pia.

Originally posted by: rivya

awesome job or drawing the parallels meghna...I have some ideas...but will come back tomorrow...need to go to sleep now...

but awesome job...👏

Will wait for your comments. have a good night. I myself should go to sleep it's 1 AM already.

meghna very aptly pointed out...yesterday when i heard bani saying all those things all i wanted to ask was so bani if jai had drugged pia and done the same and pia was blackmailed into this..jai later looses his memory so will ur opinion be the same as now....or jai wld again be openly framed a rapist as he was the cold blooded murderer of both your parents 😕

meghna our society has become so biased to the fact that women are the sufferers and men the molesters however we bring in the picture it will still be hard for them to accept the fact that a man has been raped...the movie aitraaz was a really good movie and handled this situation good......when a woman hits a man she is brave but if a man does the same he is a coward and shld be severely punished....this is the hypocrisy of the society we live in and the people who make such serial dread to point out to this society something different from what they thing that whatever the situation men are always wrong..hence we term most of the serials regressive bcoz it exploits human actions and emotions in a gross manner

even though i am totally against bani bringing pia back to her husbands home,especially to the family who were destroyed by her ,i really appreciated what bani did for her sister in the pesent scenario whatever she has brought her up like a child hence in time of her trouble cannot discard her duties and that is the main difference between bani and pia......if it was the earlier bani she must still be torn between the man who was wronged ignoring yeasterdays dialogue and the sense of responsibility she has for pia...and at this time when pia has no where to go thinks they are together shld not be told the truth what can bani do..she is in a complex situation and what will she tell pia so just bcoz she has to avoid her can she dump her to pushkar wld it be fair to him,...i agree bringing her homw is not the right course of action especially when the victimized is ur husband but does she have any other choice ...wld we accept if bani completely washes off her hand from pia..i agree with u jai has to be told he has to decide

yes yesterday they did potray that it is only bani who is the victim so everyone is in awe of her mahanta but the other person involved is out of sight and out of mind....and in recent wimp avataar of his am not expecting anything from jai he will be all tum kitni mahaan ho aachi ho,blah blah blah...and believe me they will never potray jai as victim .....he was a scapegoat for increasing trps....and give pia more screen time

meghna from the flashbacks shown it is very clear that instead of reprimanding bani has always hidden pias mistakes taken responsibility for her actions...

what jai did aafter ons even though he was blackmailed it still wld be difficult for any woman to take that since he did say that they do not need a child between them and then mera baccha.....and if it was bani i think the same can be safely assumed...it is still difficult for oue society to aclnowledge men as victim if bani was instead of jai it wld be a rape but since it is a man it is a mistake ..u cannot use the term r***and associate it with a male victim..sadly this is the state of our society today...when in some other serial they showed awoman raped their were loud protests against balaji...but when JW was drugged it was his redemption from ONS and reson for everyone to accept him back ...no one seems to mind that he was raped..it wld have been a wonderful track if pia had dragged jai to court on rape charges bani defending him and proving that he was raped...the issue wld have been handled well....

if they had shown this is what bani thought throughout it wld have still made sense but after taking the first steps towards jai giving him his rightful place as her husband ,father of her child declaring to one and all she loves him,remarrying him ..it is simply impossible that bani wld think like this for till now she solely did blame pia even on mondays episode she blames only pia not even the mention of jai....hence i can safely assume that rekha modi had a bad dialogue day yesterday

and people before u come after me with belans it has nothing to do with bani bashing although i wanted to after yesterday but still blame the loser destructives
i hate the day i got myself addicted to this,am really sorry to say that...

Meg,
Thanks for asking for my opinion.
I definitely agree with you. It think that Bani bringing Pia into WM and even the outhouse without consulting with JW is an insult to the pain and suffering that he has gone through. His world imploded because of Pia's evil actions. Maassi performed his Shradh. His family lost respect for him. These are not trivial ramifications.

Bani is being completely selfish (this gene seems to run rampant in the Dixit clan). JW being the lovesick man that he is may go along with his wife's demands that her behen 🤢 stay in the outhouse. But seriously, how will JW feel knowing that his wife is so careless about his emotions and feelings.

Who is the bigger victim? In this case, with Bani bringing Pia to WM or even the outhouse - then JW is the real victim. He will have to see his rapist day in and day out - including having meals with her. He is being victimized again - this time by Bani - who claims to love him.

Bani is not only victimizing JW but as you mentioned the rest of the Walia/Bali family. Everyone suffered from Pia's disgusting, selfish, evil actions. It was a ripple effect so everyone is being victimized all for Pia's and Bani's benefit.

As a woman, I too can't imagine my body being violated in such a way. It is not a petty crime. It is a crime that changes the victim profoundly. Would I want to see the rapist every day? Would I want him living in my home, sitting at my dinner table? That would be a living nightmare. So why do the writers seem to think that this is appropriate? Blows my mind! Perhaps because it involves a male - but as you said rape is rape regardless of the gender of the victim.

I don't think that Ekta and her destructives have the sensibilities, intelligence and skill to deal with such sensitive issues. They are merely trivializing it to move their storyline along and in the process are butchering characters left, right and centre.

Who is benefitting from this storyline? Only Pia, no one else. I would be totally disgusted if JW didn't get into his Raging Bull mode when he returns. He should be outraged and incensed that Bani would put him in this intolerable position. He should be angry with Bani for being insensitive and inconsiderate of his feelings and needs. At least that's my hope.

As for Bani taking away JW's choice that has been her MO all along. She apparently knows better that JW. So she treats him like a child hiding things from him that will have a profound impact on his life. Perhaps, Bani needed a bump on her head so that she could realize that JW can take care of himself as well as realize that he is flesh and blood and will bleed if pricked.

Can you imagine how his heart will bleed knowing that the woman he loves has in essence betrayed him by bringing his rapist into his home?

My 2 cents,
Mala