Polemic Jackanapes #2: [COMPLETE] Chapter 13-27B - Page 16

Banner Credit: HEAVEN

So lost was Khushi in solving the crossword that she didn't hear the faint sound of the front door opening. She was about to pick up another puzzle to solve when she heard her father call for her from the living room.

"Aayi papa" she said and got up from her chair. She placed the bookmark on the page with the new puzzle before coming down to greet her father. Shashi plonked down on the couch with a thud and placed his bag near the center table. He was just about to ask for it when Khushi served him a glass of water.

"How was your day, papa? You're home earlier than usual." she asked sweetly.

Gulping down the glass of water in one go, "Bring that brown bag" he pointed to a small packet placed next to his office bag.

She knew what was in it even before she opened it, she could recognize that delicious smell anywhere. Her face lit up with a smile so dazzling, it made Shashi feel like a king.

"Your mother told me you were alone at home and I didn't have anything very important to do this evening. So I thought I'll spend same time with my daughter. I saw your favorite samose wala on the way and decided to pick it up." He was embraced in a tight hug by Khushi before he could say anything else. "I know the last few days haven't been easy" he said, gently patting her head.

He was right, the days had been far from easy. She wasn't sure anymore, how she could help Arnav, or if there was any way for her to help him. After Monday she had been unable to spend much time with him, as her work load at office kept steadily increasing. And today when she did have some time off, he was busy with a conference call.

The only ray of hope she could see was that he wasn't retreating into a shell, he wasn't trying to distance himself from her emotionally. She had felt him belonging to her and the moment just as much as her whenever they spoke. He had made no attempts to hide his pain or his doubts.

"What, are you going to eat them or not?" Shashi's question broke her out of her reverie. She got up immediately to get serving plates. "Thank you thank you thank you for getting this, I can't wait to have them! Do you want to freshen up and come, papa? I can heat them up in the oven for a bit by then." she squealed with excitement.

"Yes, that sounds good. I'll be out in 10 minutes" he said before walking into his room.

Exactly ten minutes later, Shashi came out to see the dining table neatly laid out with plates, a small cup of kasundi, his favorite thing to have with with samosas.

"Aah you're here! Right on time, I'm just getting them out of the oven. I'll be right back!" said Khushi from inside the kitchen. The next minute she joined Shashi at the table with a tray of piping hot samosas, just the way she liked them.

Shashi smiled at the sight his daughter made, lost in all that food oblivious to the world around her. And they said that it's a man's stomach that is the route to his hearts, he chuckled.

"Mmm.. this is what heaven feels like, Papa. I love you!"

When she saw him smile bemusedly in response, "What, I am serious! I've had the longest week this time and this is just perfect to make it all right. Seriously, I think this is the solution for all of the world's problems. I'm telling you this is the way to world peace. Between a gun and this samosa, I can vouch that everybody would go for the latter!" she finished and took another bite of the crispy snack dunked in generous amounts of kasundi as her father laughed at her antics.

"I wish your mother was home, she would have been relieved to see you like this. She has been worried sick, what with you and your woebegone face all this time." he said softly.

Having finished all that was on her plate, she wiped her mouth with a tissue. "I'm sorry Papa, but I am quite okay, really. Theres nothing to worry about, at least not with me. Its just... Arnav. He needs me now more than ever and I am just not getting any time at all. To top that I have a field trip coming up next week that I cannot miss. I just feel terribly guilty, not being able to give him any time."

"You are doing what you can, beta. It-"

"I know that Pa, but I don't think it is enough. He has been there with me whenever I have needed him, even at times when I did not know I needed him. Since the day he walked into my life, I have never left alone even for a second. And now, when he needs me the most..." she sighed and left the statement unfinished.

"Come here" said Shashi softly and pulled Khushi to rest her head on his shoulder. Holding her gently in a hug, he thought for a moment about how swiftly time passes. He felt like it was just yesterday, when she was a child asking for a piggyback ride. And here she was, all grown up, talking about supporting someone else in a storm.

"You know, when your mother and I first moved in to live together, we were both working over 12 hours a day. We had little money and had a life to build. There were days when we would hardly exchange anything more than a Good Morning and Goodnight. All the time, we were either working, or were too tired to do anything but catch a few hours of sleep. People thought we were lovebirds who didn't care about their parents and just wanted to have some fun. In reality, romance was the last thing on our minds. I was worried about making a life for the both of us, so that I could without any hesitance, proudly go to your Nani and ask for your mother's hand in marriage. Your mother wanted to do everything in her power to share the responsibilities; said that we needed to build a life together, and that just me working at it alone was unacceptable. We were providing for ourselves and both our families. Garima and I had moved in together because we wanted to be with each other, we didn't want a relationship that was all about a weekly rendezvous in her balcony. And here we were, working all day, barely even seeing each other, let alone talking. One would think that this way, us moving in together didn't serve any purpose. Except, thats not how it worked. Now we knew we were together, and we didn't even realize the kind of strength that knowledge gave us. Even if we had just ten minutes together, we would feel each other's presence for the rest of the day. I guess what I am trying to say is... how much time you are able to give him, isn't as important as how you make him feel when you are there with him, and the confidence you are able to build in him about his place in your life.. thats what really matters."

They were quiet for a few long moments, one reminiscing the days that were hard yet beautiful, the other introspecting. "I can't bear to lose him, Papa." she said finally, hugging him closer, the tears she didn't know were burning her eyes now finding their way down her pale cheeks.

"You could be right next to him and he could still be lonely. You could be miles away and he could feel your arms around him. Khushi, you are doing what you can, what you should be doing. You remind me of Garima... she was my anchor when I was lost. I'm not being romantic, its just the truth that I would be nothing without her. You are a spitting image of your mother, your face and your heart. You'll be fine, beta. Arnav is a lucky man."

Wiping the tears from her face, she looked up and spoke softly, "Luck hasn't been particularly kind to him off late.."

"I know... how's he holding up?" his asked, concerned.

"He is okay, but I think he feels... lost."

"I can understand that.. he did everything right yet things went irreparably wrong."

"I feel so terrible seeing him like this."

"He'll be fine, Khushi. You will both be fine... " his voice reassuring. "Look at all the things that are right. He has you, he has his family with him. As far as I know, his boss is also a kind and supportive man. And as silly as it sounds, he doesn't really have to worry about saving money for groceries. He will heal Khushi, it just takes some time."

She absorbed his words and allowed them to sink into her mind, giving her hope. And strength. Shashi noticed she was lost in her thoughts, but didn't want to leave her while she was still worried. And so he attempted to change the topic of discussion.

"So, you were saying you were going for a field trip next week. Tell me, whats that about ?"

She looked up at her father and moving away from shoulder, sat herself straight on her seat. "Oh that.. you remember the site visit I went for a few weeks into the internship ? So that was the first site visit before we really got working into the project... we're looking to set up a solar power plant there. For the whole village. Now that we are in the final stages of the project design, we're doing one more site visit just for recheck the feasibility and see if our design needs any modifications. Then we come back and prepare the final draft."

"And what happens after that ?"

"After that the design goes back to our investors. Once they okay it, thats when the real work starts."

"But your internship is only for another three weeks or so, right?"

"Haan. I feel kinda sad, I won't be able to see the project when it meets completion. All these weeks.. I have invested so much of myself into it. And now I am expected to just turn in one document and then leave." she pouted.

Shashi smiled at his daughter, a smile that reflected the pride of a father at his child's strength of character and sincerity of heart. His eyes twinkling with joy as well as relief, he replied, "Thats how it works, sweetie. In fact I would say you got to learn a lot in a rather short plan of time.. an entire project design and two site visits."

"Yes, this company works fast. The timelines are crazy and they work on no more than two or three projects at a time."

"Maybe you can talk to them about coming back after your graduation, if you really want to see things through till the end?"

"They would have completed this before I graduate, Papa. Plus, I have accepted the fact I am doing my bit and then I move on. But maybe I will take up something like this for my dissertation. Solar is not really my cup of tea anyway. Figures look too big and ambitious, though my boss will kill me for saying this. But maybe something with biomass, I was looking into that earlier this year. I really need to pick a topic and fast... all my classmates already have their proposals ready." she whined.

"And why don't you have your's?"

"I didn't know what I want do it on. You know... there was nothing that excited me. Honestly I am still not sure but I am running out of time. So I have to pick something now."

Shashi smiled at what he saw as the quintessential Khushi-ness. "No wonder your mother calls you pagli. Khushi, its good to be idealistic in your ideas.. but in actions, be practical. You have to be extraordinarily lucky to just have something appear in front of you that will make you go "Eureka". You see what you like, check the pros and cons and make an informed, rational decision."

"God, Papa you and Arnav sound just the same! And by the way, I had my Eureka moment, you just refused to accept it" she tried not to sound accusing and cursed herself for having potentially ruined what had been a pleasant and wonderful evening so far.

If Shashi was hurt, his expression didn't betray it. He wasn't even surprised, though he was momentarily taken aback by the suddenness of her statement. He knew she had every right to blame him, but he had made his choice. This was a burden he was ready to live with as long as he had ascertained his child's well being and independence for the long run. She was free to do whatever she wanted after that. But Khushi was a wonderful child who deserved an explanation and he would give her an honest one. As many times as she wanted.

"I know what I have taken from you is unforgivable, Khushi. But it had to be done. I hope that some day, you will see my reason behind it. But I have never undermined or refute anything that you had to say. That I feel I am write doesn't mean I am saying that you are wrong. Just finish this, Khushi. Complete your graduation, do it well. This degree will always be with you, you are good at it and your skills will take you through the difficult times in life. Just finish this, and I promise I won't butt into your professional life ever again." his pleaded desperately.

"Papa please, I don't want to talk about this now. We've had a wonderful evening and I don't want to ruin it. Please." and with that she stood up with a start and made her way to her room in quick, long strides as Shashi stood rooted at his spot, unable to say anything.

Just before closing the door to her room, "I don't resent you Papa. I never could. Please don't ever think that. I just wish you had more faith in my ability to make choices" she spoke firmly and shut the door behind her.