should elders always be treated with respect? - Page 2

I think basic civility should be there with everyone. But let's face it - one's never rude for the heck of it (in most situations). If an elder is overbearing or you don't like him/her or he/she you feel is a bother/trouble for you then there's nothing wrong in saying something to them, or keeping away from them.

We're conditioned to believe elders must always get respect and obedience or we should tolerate them no matter what. As an individual I prefer to be honest in the way I feel about others. But side by side this is also true that as elder sister or in any other position where I am elder/senior to someone, I do get bothered if they ignore me or laugh off my suggestion/opinion or talk back to me ( argument/abuse whatever). That's probably effect of conditioning and also ego that keeps growing as one gets older (with notions of how I should be treated or how one should behave with me).

I've often argued or put my foot down in matters where I didn't see eye to eye with an elder. And felt guilty about it afterwards.

I don't know...

due to conditioning it feels wrong. But then sometimes an elder is definitely hard to tolerate and often one feels like even cursing them or wonders why they're in our lives at all. It's really hard to swallow feelings at that time and be "civil".

We may call Sanchi ill mannered but fact is that people even come to exchanging abuses and blows in anger. Sanchi's still restrained by that standard.

I have no problem with the way Sanchi replied to Anandi on medicines issue. I am sorry to say this but Anandi invited this upon herself.

Sanchi was rude to Shiv and haq line was exaggerated because she never said such things to Mahi even though she always knew he was just a cousin. Her tone was okay but choice of words was wrong.

Sanchi's a confused case. She wants people to leave her alone but herself meddles in others' matters. She's often jostling for wanting to manage things in family and her own life in her own way. Maybe she feels sick of being the baby of the house and wants more control.

I think Sanchi was desperate to make Shiv stop in his tracks which is why she added that haq line.

Maybe it was anger at Anandi's constant interference in her life which she's taking on Shiv also. After all Anandi does this haq jatao/madad karna thing only because she's Sanchi's bhabhi and Ira's DIL. Sanchi wants to keep Ira also away from others so that Ira begins to feel as well that she has no relation with Shiv (and his wife, Anandi), stops taking their help and refuses to let them interfere in her life.

Elders do not always deserve respect...though they do expect it.

For Sanchi, it would be better to keep away than be rude.

Actually she's born in that house yet is never involved in any matter and her suggestions get rejected with a "Shut up". Whereas this new arrival Anandi gets involved everywhere and even if some problem occurs due to her, still she gets support. This is what completely puts off Sanchi.

Only Ira takes Sanchi seriously. All others treat her like a kid. Too bad there's no one to guide her or give her a better role in family, like giving her some responsbility or involving her in discussions.

Whatever he POV might be, if she's wrong she deserves a rational explanation of why she is wrong, instead of a mere "Shut up" or a slap. Shekhars never made her realise. They only bashed her or left her to eat or travel...do her own thing.

Respect has to be earned and everyone has right to be respected. Respect doesn't mean total obedience either. I believe some basics should be taken care of by elders too. Like in case of Shiv - he should know Anandi is new in family, so he shouldn't rebuke his sister with "shut up" in front of that new person. He can't behave with his sister like he used to do normally earlier. He should realise his sister might feel hurt and insulted. He can also use words more carefully or try to have a word with Sanchi alone than scold her in front of family or wife. Same with other Shekhars too.
They may have readily accepted Anandi as family member. But they should know Sanchi hasn't, so they need to give her space and take care not to bash her in front of the new entry - Anandi.

Back to specific topic - elders deserve civility. A bit more tolerance and restrain than others. But they should also not be overbearing and know that it's not easy for people to keep patient just because you're elder to them.

Rules and morality aside the fact is that anger (and its forms like irritation) know no limits. Appropriate, inappropriate, age, time, place...nothing occurs to one's mind then. As individuals we must try to control ourselves. But people should also try not to provoke other person much.

Anandi yelped to Shiv how he knows that Sanchi's short tempered. Really?! If she realises this then why does she provoke and bother Sanchi herself so much? Keep only basic interaction and stop doing things like feeding her medicines or consulting psychiatrists without her consent!

This is a much freer household. Daddu has an easy going attitude where he gives respect to the youngers and to their choices and tells them he trusts them to make the right choices - instead of making it for them.