Heya all. So here's Chapter 14. Before we get there, thanks to eeeveryone for all your comments and messages. Just to reiterate, I reply to as many comments as I can. If I have not replied to yours, it's because I have (indirectly) answered your questions/comments in another comment or there just wasn;t a need for a response. Also, I am currently PMing everyone in my buddy list. If you don't want to receive a PM, let me know. For those of you wanting PMs, BUDDY ME. Anyhoo, here's the chapter, but PLEASE read the note at the end. It's SUPER IMPORTANT. 😊
Chapter 14 - Ghosts of the Past
It was a rare occasion indeed that found Saakshi Tanwar at home one evening, having dinner with her mother. She had always been the type to focus completely on work, and thus had always been busy with work engagements and meetings and rarely came home in time for dinner. But since partnering with AR Designs, she often didn't come home at all, preferring to stay at her loft in the city. The time difference between the two countries made work a round-the-clock affair. Add to that ASR's unreasonable demands and nose-to-the-grindstone attitude, found Saakshi on call at almost all times of the day.
But enough was enough. She knew how to dish out as well as she got. She finally upped the ante and gave ASR back just as many unreasonable demands, the month leading up to her shift to Delhi, the most unreasonable one being (according to him) a week ban from all teleconference communications. Emails were still permissible. Since there was much to do anyway, he found he didn't have much time to kick up a stink about her condition, and resorted instead to muttering angrily and yelling at whoever crossed his path, most of the time Aman. Saakshi however, had a purpose other than annoying ASR when she had proposed this condition. She needed to get her affairs in order, which would have to start with a conversation with her mother.
Dinner started off a quiet affair. Saakshi had not been home much, and normally her mother was fairly understanding. But they had barely talked since the day that Saakshi refused to come home to visit her father. Saakshi looked up and noticed her mother staring broodily at her food. "Ma, what's the problem? I thought you would be happy that you have me home for a week," she started. Shweta looked up at her daughter. To say that she was unhappy with Saakshi would be wrong. Rather, she was concerned. She thought of all the sorrow her daughter had suffered and her heart melted. "I am beta. Ok, enough about me. You tell me. You are so busy nowadays, I hardly know what's going on with you." Saakshi slumped back in her chair in relief. That was easier than she anticipated, she thought. She was anticipating a conversation about her father again, but this, this she could do. "Well Ma, there is SO much going on. I haven't been busy for nothing you know." Shweta smiled and leaned back. Now that Saakshi had started, she knew she would rant on and on giving her months of updates in one long breath. "There's been all the regular stuff of-course, which I won't bore you with. Mainly because I've been handing that all off to other staff. I hired some more people, have some directors to take over my load. So there's been training and all that stuff, which you know I hate. People are quite daft, but this lot is pretty good." Shweta smiled, feeling warm inside her. She always felt that Saakshi worked too hard and had been urging her for years to delegate some tasks to others. She was happy to hear that that was happening. But Saakshi's next words left her feeling cold. "That frees me up as much as possible for the merger with AR Designs. You remember AR, right Ma? Well, we've been working with them these past few months to get a partnership in place. We will be starting off with launching a bridal collection, and then take it from there. Delhi is quite a buzzing place right now for the international market. The collection is one aspect, but I'm hoping to pick up some designers while I'm there too." Shweta looked up in alarm. "While you're there? Delhi? Like, for a show? Or a meeting?" Saakshi looked at her mom, and realized this was it. "No Ma. I'll have to move there. For a while. Until the collection is launched at-least." To say that Shweta was shocked would be an understatement. "You're moving to Delhi," she asked quietly. Saakshi looked at the ground and nodded. "How long have you been planning for this and when do you leave?" Saakshi shifted uncomfortably. "Uh, Ma, the merger we've been working on for about four months now. All the formalities are almost complete. The actual work with the designers, the marketing, the launch, all that we will have to do there." Shweta looked at her firmly. "When do you leave, Saakshi." Saakshi looked up with guilt in her eyes. "Abhi has booked our flights for the end of the month." "And you knew this whole time, that you will have to go there?" Saakshi quietly nodded again. Shweta felt betrayed. She loved her daughter with all her heart and had prided themselves on having a strong relationship and open communication. But to find out that her daughter was leaving the country for an indefinite amount of time, just weeks before her departure was a bit much for Shweta. She got up from the table. "Well, I suppose there's not much I can say. Your flights are booked, formalities are done, have a good journey Saakshi." Saakshi stood up and walked towards her mother. "Ma, please. Don't do this." Shweta turned around. "Don't do what, Saakshi? You never thought to keep me in the loop about something like this? You MOVING? That too, to India? What will I tell your father?" Uh oh, Saakshi thought. Here we go. "That's EXACTLY why I didn't tell you Ma. Because then you'd drag Papa into it, and you know how I feel about that." Shweta was at her wits end. She just didn't know how to get through to her daughter anymore. "Saakshi. He is your father! Of-course he should be involved in your life. He's been begging you for years to go help him in Mumbai, and now you partner with some other company in Delhi, and don't even TELL him?" Saakshi felt the familiar restlessness creep up on her. She turned away, and spoke to her mother softly. "I don't know why you insist on having the same useless conversation over and over again." She turned around and with blazing eyes, continued. "I have not talked to him since...since..." she looked away, almost overcome. Taking a deep breath, she gathered herself while her mother stood silent. "I have no relationship with him other than the one you try force down my throat. I have no interest in joining his business in Mumbai. My business deals have got NOTHING to do with him, then WHY do you keep on bringing it up?" Shweta stared at her daughter, and then stepped forward and cupped Saakshi's face in her hands. "Because he is your father. And he wants to be there for you." Saakshi stepped back and pushed her mother's hands away. "He was never there before, my entire life growing up, and now he wants to be there for me? And let's not forget what happens when he's there for the people he supposedly loves, Ma. No. You may have forgiven him, but I cannot." She turned away, but her mother's next words stopped her dead in her tracks. "Hating him will never bring her back, Saakshi."
Her. Saakshi felt hot tears pour down her face. She felt her mother's soft hands on her shoulders. "She would have wanted you to be happy, beta." She whipped around. "I don't KNOW what she would have wanted, because HE killed her." Her mother flinched. "It wasn't...he didn't." Saakshi couldn't stop herself. "Call it what you will, but the truth is that he killed her. In his pride, his arrogance, his weakness, he killed her." The tears flowed non-stop. "And he has been repenting ever since, beta. For her, and for you." Saakshi quieted the sob that threatened to leave her and looked at her mother. "His repentance can never bring Sajani back. His grief and guilt can never bring me my sister back, Ma." Shweta closed her eyes and let the tears come. If Saakshi had lost her sister, she had lost her daughter. But she had found solace and a way to forgive. She held Saakshi's hand and tried again. "You only called her your angel, didn't you? Pari you used to call her?" Saakshi smiled as she went back to happier times. "I remember when she was born. You were ten and so protective of her. You used to tell me, Mama, one day she will be her saajan's Sajani, but to me she will always be my Pari. Do you remember Saakshi?" Saakshi smiled through her tears and nodded. "She is an angel, my baccha. She is watching over all of us. And over you the most. Because you loved her the most. And I'm sure she just wants you to be happy." Saakshi allowed herself to calm down, and then drew her mother into a hug before stepping away. "Ma, I am happy. I have come to terms with whatever happened. Truly I have. But I have also decided that there is no place for that man in my life. You talk to him, that's fine. You tell him about me, that's also fine. If and when we cross paths, I will be civil to the man who used to be your husband. But do not force me to maintain a relationship that I do not feel in my heart."
Saakshi had never been particularly close to her father. His work as a fashion photographer kept him busy with travelling a lot when she was young, and her fondest memories of him were of receiving gifts after his long absences. But yet, she didn't hate him. She didn't know him well enough to hate him. And after Sajani was born, whatever craving for his affection she may have had, faded. Saakshi poured her heart and soul into her little sister. Sajani was her littler pride and joy. When she graduated from high school, she rejected full scholarships from Ivy League schools and chose to go to UCLA just so that she could be at home close to her sister. But that year, the world as Saakshi knew it, ended. Her mother had finally had enough of her father's wandering ways, and apparently wandering eyes, and a bitter battle commenced, which ended with the divorce of her parents. That barely caused a disturbance in their daily living since her father was barely around to begin with. The issue that did cause an uproar, was one of custody. Since Saakshi was no longer a minor, she was free to do as she pleased. The same was not the case for Sajani. After depleting almost everything they had in lawyer fees, Shweta and Sajani finally won custody of eight year old Sajani. However, her father was permitted to two months a year, since he now officially lived in India and was attempting to open his own fashion house. There was nothing to be done about it. That first year after the divorce, Saakshi was busy with summer classes, and Shweta had to take up a job to sustain themselves. And so Manish Tanwar came to California and took Sajani with him to Mumbai to fulfill the conditions of the custody agreement. She never came back. It was after her death that Saakshi and Shweta realized that all was not well with Manish Tanwar. The fast-paced life in the fashion industry had not left him untouched. He had hidden well from them, his dependency on alcohol and drugs. However good his intentions may have been, it was in a drunken stupor that he had left Sajani at home alone, locked in a big house she was not familiar with, with no power nor a phone to be able to reach anyone in the outside world. The little girl, scared all alone, had yelled and screamed for someone to come to her aid. Finally, she attempted to escape from by trying to climb down from the terrace of the house, but slipped and fell. She lived long enough to tell the paramedics why she fell, but died of internal injuries the same night. She was a day shy of turning nine. Manish was charged with negligence and spent three years in a rehabilitation prison center. Shweta and Manish made peace with each other, bonding over their shared guilt and grief, but Saakshi could never forgive her father his negligence. Her world had come crashing down that year, and she had been spending the years since her death trying to build it up again.
The indifference she had towards her father him translated into pure hatred. Not only was he responsible for her sister's death, but also, she never got a chance to say goodbye. She decided that she would never be dependent on her father. And that she would give her mother the life she deserved. Somehow, in her mind, she convinced herself, that if they were rich to begin with, her mother would not have had to go through the divorce proceedings begging for alimony just to support her children. Shweta would have been able to afford to accompany Sajani to India, rather than just letting her go. And so Saakshi put her heard and soul into building up Satyam Creations. As a tribute to the sister she lost, and for the mother that had sacrificed everything for her children. And today, Saakshi was at the top, and strangely content too, but still unable to forgive her father for denying her sister the chance to live.
With the past swirling around them like invisible fog, Shweta looked deep in her daughter's eyes, and although she felt her heart breaking a little, she also felt a strange sense of calm. She felt strangely satisfied that they had had this conversation that had been festering for so long. She looked at her daughter again, and nodded slowly. "This is not the last time we will talk about this Saakshi. I will never give up on wanting your happiness. But for now, we can call a truce." Saakshi nodded back. "So can I go to Delhi? With your blessings?" Shweta put her hand on Saakshi's head, and smiled. "Yes. With my blessings." Saakshi hugged her mom hard and whispered good night and turned to leave.
"Saakshi?" her mother called out. "Yes Ma," she replied? Why didn't you go to India this year? You always go there for Pari's birthday. This year, I thought you wanted to stay for the Pooja, but you didn't come for that either." Saakshi stiffened. She didn't want to resume their fight by saying that she could never attend the Pooja as long as her father did. So she opted to answer the first query. "I briefly lost hope, Ma. But I've found it again." She turned and walked out, leaving a stumped and confused Shweta behind her.
She entered her room and closed the door behind her. She sat on her bed and looked out the window, at the moonlight softly filtering in. Her gaze fell on the small photo frame on her bedside table. Of her and Sajani, taken just before she left for India. She picked up the frame and caressed her sister's cheek. "I lost you Sajani, but I will not lose her. Pari, help me find my Pari." Again, she heard the chug of a train, and again she found herself lost in the depths of warm honey coloured eyes. "Pari.." she whispered. And slowly exhaustion took over, as she drifted into a dreamless sleep.
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Ok, so I've been pretty good with updating generally about twice a week, even though I said I would update weekly. And I tried really really hard to have this chapter ready for today so that you guys could get an update. Why? Because I'm going home to visit my parents tomorrow and won't be taking my computer, so that means no updates until after I am back (AFTER October 14th). Really sorry, but I hope this long update makes up for that.
Also, I was going to bring in Khushi in this chapter, but I felt it got too heavy with past sorrows and a bit dreary, so I didn't want to make it more dreary. So Khushi's connection with Saakshi will have to wait until later.
As always, would love to hear your thoughts. 😊 Lots of Love, ShyChapter 15 here Edited by st03im - 11 years ago
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