Swaron OS:Waiting For the Right Moment

It had been 15 minutes...15 long extended minutes since I had entered the club, found a seat ordered a drink and waited... waited for him to come...but he still hadn't shown up... Well this was probably my fault. I had arrived 30 minutes earlier than the time I told him to come...the wait, though, was killing me! Only God knows how I'm going to do this...but I've decided and there's no backing out now...I had to go through with it...All the way until the end because I needed to know... if there was something there... or was it just me...what I felt, did he feel it too? Or was I just trying to dream of something that can never exist...The war inside my head between the Negative Sharon and the Positive Sharon waged on and I stood like a bystander watching them go at each other claws and all. My heart had told me that this was right...that there can't be anything more right than this! Then why am I so afraid? Why can't I just speak my heart's true feelings? "Uhh isn't it obvious? It's because you know he doesn't feel the same way," Negative Sharon replied. "That's not true," Positive Sharon denied, "have you ever seen the way he looks at you? His eyes speak volumes and one look at you gleams with intensity. It's not lust-" "Yes it is!" Negative Sharon argued. "Stop interrupting me!" Positive Sharon demanded in a dangerously high voice causing Negative Sharon to quiet down instantly. "It's love Sharon! He loves you just as much as you love him!" Positive Sharon explained. "No it's not! How would you know?! It's not like you're inside his head! Besides, Sharon, no one falls in love so easily, well expect for you. It, usually, takes time... the time to understand someone and trust someone..." Negative Sharon said a little dejectedly. Positive Sharon immediately fired back, "Sharon does trust him! Trust is the foundation of love. Plus they have their whole lives to understand each other! There is no rush in that!" "I'm not talking about her; I'm talking about him," Negative Sharon said quietly, "What if he doesn't understand her later on? What if he doesn't want to understand her now? What if he doesn't trust her the way Sharon does? If what you say is true, then their whole relationship will be destroyed before it even begins." That was a winning point... what if she's right? If there is no trust and no love between us how will our relationship survive? Then it will always be one-sided. It would be like trying to stop a drowning ship from fully capsizing. I would also be forcing myself on him, and I don't want to do that... maybe this wasn't such a good idea. "No Sharon! Follow your heart! If this was the wrong decision, you wouldn't have thought about it all night! You wouldn't have fought with your logical mind to make this happen! You already took the first step by asking him to meet you... just tell him what your heart truly and deeply feels. Your feelings are real and all 3 of us know that...Your heart has never done you wrong before and it won't do you wrong now...Just go for it... just let him know...or you might regret it...for, maybe, the rest of your life. He would always be the one guy who could have been "the one". You are always fearless! Don't let fear take you over now!" Positive Sharon pleaded. There was a lengthy silence and then Negative Sharon spoke up, "But-" "Oh don't you start now!! Keep your negativity to yourself!" Positive Sharon growled. Negative Sharon spat out, "Oh! So now we're making this personal are we?! Well I have some words for you lady!" That was it! I couldn't take it anymore! Why was I listening to them? They were only making the situation worse! I picked up my second drink from in front of me and finished it in one gulp. The court meeting in my head and the loud throbbing music was ripping the threads of my brain to shreds. Nothing could make this moment better. I was on the verge of slamming my head in to the counter, when I felt a pair of arms encircle my waist. I was sitting on a stool in a slightly hunched over position, but still, he found a way to wrap his arms around me without me noticing his presence. Or it was probably just because of the non-stop thinking I had been doing. Either way, as soon as he wrapped his arms around me, my mind instantly cleared. Everything just disappeared... no Positive Sharon or Negative Sharon. Just him and me...that's all that mattered right now... I leaned and felt my back hit his chest. Everything just feels so right. These moments were the ones that told me...no...they screamed at me that he was the one I've been waiting for... and I couldn't find a way to ignore the shouts so I learned to listen to them... and they were right... this was it... and he was the one... There was no denying it... I felt him snuggle in to my neck. He whispered, "Miss me?" I felt a smile creep up on my lips. His voice always did that to me...It just gave me this fuzzy feeling inside... and I loved it! I replied with the same tone, "When do I not miss you?" I waited to see if he would actually reply. When he didn't say anything I continued, "I missed you so much." I heard Swayam's soft chuckle before he pushed my hair back and placed a soft kiss on my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. When Swayam felt my body shake from the effect he tightened his grip on my waist and hugged me from behind. I felt his warmth surge through me, making me feel blissfully at peace. And then he let go of me, I felt the emptiness start to creep in. I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'm sorry," I heard Swayam say. "Why?" I questioned curiously. "Because...you were waiting for me weren't you?" He said solemnly. "Yeah, but it hadn't been that long," I lied. I knew Swayam could see right through it, but I still did it. "Still, I wouldn't ever want you to get bored waiting for me," He said as if that was a valid reason for his apology. He let go of me and I dropped the topic. Swayam pulled a chair for himself and sat down. We were as close as we could have been sitting in front of each other. I had one of his hands, which were pretty big compared to my small ones, clamped tightly in mine. Swayam stretched his leg out placing it on the bottom half of my stool. So I wrapped my legs around his and locked my ankles behind it. We were staring at each other silently just smiling like idiots, when his gaze fell on my glass. I saw his eyes slide over to it and quickly looked down and started messing around with his hand. I could see, from the corner of my eyes, Swayam using his other hand to pick up the glass and bring it to his nose. Then I heard his voice, "Was this your second one?" I continued playing with his hand and simply said, "Uh-huh" as if I was too busy to reply to him. I heard him call the bartender over. I looked up as he handed the glass to the man, "You're not having any more of these," I pouted at his stern look in the end I grudgingly agreed. I looked down at our intertwined hands and continued playing with it, when I heard him chuckle again. Then I felt his soft lips press against my forehead and I smiled. That's what I loved about him! He never stayed upset for too long. He would be back to normal before I can even start worrying about it. The blaring music and the surrounding people didn't bother us much. We were lost in our own world, nothing could have bothered us. I knew this club would have been the perfect place for me to tell him how I really feel because this was the place where we first met. And because, if it goes wrong, it won't be awkward and we could just head our separate ways without him having to see me cry. I hope that it would that it would work for the first reason and not the second. When the song on the blaring speakers changed, my trance broke. I looked at Swayam and he gave me a grin and I knew he realized it too. This was the song...this was our song... Swayam stuck out his hand and asked for permission through his eyes. I didn't hesitate; I just placed my hand in his and let him lead the way to the dance floor. As soon as we found a nice and slightly peaceful place, in one of the corners, I placed my arms around his neck and felt his slide around my waist. After that, all I could see were his eyes. His eyes were like a portal to a whole new world...our little world... where love filled every inch, every crevice. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, years passed, but the love would never fade. That world was everything I ever dreamed of. It was like a fairytale that I wanted to come true... and it did...whenever I was around him or even thinking about him. And I was just 3 words away from that dream, but those 3 words seemed as if they stretched miles and miles way too long. I moved my head to his shoulder and slid my hands down from his neck and wrapped them around him. In reaction, he put one hand on my back and I felt the other rest softly on my head. I stopped listening to the music when I placed my head on his chest and the rhythmic beats of his heart beckoned me to lend them an ear. We swayed to our own song with Swayam singing for me and the heartbeats backing him up. This was the perfect moment, I just wanted it to never end. Me buried in his arms while his melodious voice and heart crooned to me. This was the moment I was waiting for! My heart kept chanting "Say it! Say it!" and I couldn't hold it back any longer. "Swayam," I called out softly wondering if he even heard me. "Hmmm," Swayam replied back in the same tone. "I have to uhh- to say uhh- something," I spit out hesitantly. "Um-hmm," Swayam said. "Well uh- I uh- I uh- I umm- You know what? Never mind." I never stuttered before...why now? "What was that? You totally chickened out!" Positive Sharon yelled appearing in my head again. Right beside her Negative Sharon showed up screaming, "I told you she couldn't do it! I told you so!" "No Sharon don't listen to her! You can do it! I-" Positive Sharon yelled back before she was interrupted. "Sharon don't worry about it...you can tell me anything," Swayam tried to persuade me. "No...no it was nothing," I lied quietly. "Shar... you trust me right?" Swayam questioned me as he moved back to look me in the eyes. I nodded immediately... that goes without a question. I trusted him more than anything...ever. "Then you know you can tell me whatever is on your mind without hesitating...right?" I nodded again and then I took a deep breath and looked away from his intense gaze. "Swayam I...I...," I stuttered again, "I...gosh! Never mind!" I buried my head in his chest frustration. I felt his chest rise and sink in a sigh, but he didn't breach the subject. We stopped talking for a while and let the silence sink in comfortably. "Sharon, all I'm going to say is now or never," Positive Sharon said before fading away again. "All I'm going to say to you is DON'T DO IT," Negative Sharon advised me before she too disappeared. All right this is my choice... and no matter how hard I try, I can't deny that I love him...more than anyone I've ever loved. His presence had become my life source...I can't live without him. I have to do this...So I can at least tell myself I tried...I don't want to ever regret my love for Swayam... I'm going to do it! "Swayam," I confidently said removing my head from his chest to look him in the eyes. As soon as his eyes locked with mine I lost all my confidence. How am I going to do this? I questioned myself one last time before I dove head first in to the murky waters. "I have to say something to you," I continued, "Finally! Okay I'm all ears," he said the excitement visible in his voice. His excitement, though, wasn't helping me at all. His repeated remarks only made me more nervous. "Okay" "Okay?" "This is really important." "Oh, this is important. I got to put my serious face on." "I..." "I?" "I..." "Get on with it Sharon!" "Okay! Wait! I..." "Oh my god Sharon! Are you going to say it or not?!" "Will you wait?! This is not easy!" "Sharon! What is so hard about saying a few words?!" "Well it's hard when those few words are I love you!" And then I froze and so did Swayam. I could tell he is just as shocked as I am...maybe even more. When I thought of this moment it was definitely not like this. I always thought Swayam would give me a quick response, but the Swayam in front of me was completely still. I had waited too long for this, and I'm not going to wait any more! I want my answer, and I wanted it now! "Swayam," I said tentatively, "Swayam say something...please." I could feel the tears in my eyes start to build. I put my hand on his arm and shook him. He jerked back as if I just woke him up from a deep sleep. He took a step back and then looked at me. I couldn't tell what was going on in his mind everything seemed so jumbled up in his eyes. That's when the first tear made its way out. Swayam jumped forward and before I knew it, he wiped the tear away before it could make its way down. I dipped my head downwards. I couldn't handle looking at him anymore, but his hands still cupped my face. I saw his feet move closer to mine. I slowly looked up and the first thing I saw was his lips. And they were curved...upwards. My head moved up all the way until my eyes met his and I still couldn't tell what was on his mind. He leaned in and his lips met mine. I'm so confused, but I never want this moment to end. I don't even want to think about a life without Swayam, and now that could almost come true. The tears still flowed out of my eyes as I deepened the kiss. I needed to prove it to him... I needed to prove to him that my love is real... Everything I ever said or did for him came from my heart...And this was my last chance to do it. My breaths shortened, but I didn't let him go... I couldn't let him go! But he broke the kiss before I could stop him. Swayam wiped the tears from my face and placed his forehead against mine. "I...I...I..."Swayam panted out. "I what?" I questioned sobbing now. I was only hoping for the worst. After all that just occurred I don't think anything could make him say anything in my favor...or in our favor. "I...I...," Swayam kept panting and it was only annoying me. Why doesn't he just finish it in one go instead of stretching it out like this! "I love you too!" "Wait...What?" I said shocked just as much as he was when I told him my heart's truth. "I said...I love you too!" He said it! He finally said it! Oh my god! He loves me too! I pulled him down in to a hug and buried my face in to his neck. "I love you so much!" I said knowing this time that he would reply back to me. "I love you so much more than...than...anything! More than anything I've ever loved before!" And that was all I ever needed to hear from Swayam. This was the moment I was waiting. And now I never have to wait anymore.

How was it?! It's not my best but I tried...do tell me how you feel though!!I will really appreciate any critism I recieve... So do comment and like if you really did like it...oh and can someone do me a huge favor and send a PM about this OS out...I'm really busy and i won't get to it until tomorrow...so can someone please help me?

Please and Thank You!!

Lubna:)