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"My kids say, I have no friends" - Shah Rukh Khan
Shah Rukh Khan in an introspective mood talks to Filmfare about fatherhood, media bashing and the price of stardomMore on: Filmfare, Shah Rukh Khan
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Written By Jitesh Pillaai
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Posted Fri, Aug 23, 2013RATE STORY
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Shah Rukh Khan has a problem " he cant find his socks. And thats right on top of his mind now. Never mind other pressing and personal issues, which the media insists on being privy to. Just a few days ago, some newspapers talked about a purported third child through surrogacy, yet another looking for that all elusive smidgen of exclusivity sniffed a prenatal gender determination test. The civic bodies, throwing urgent matters like filling potholes and sputtering gutters aside, jumped into action and decided to pay Shah Rukh Khan himself a visit.
Through it all, he remained unflappable only to break his silence one dripping evening. What is dubbed as a press statement in technical terms, for SRK, took a poetic form " a dignified and touching rebuttal to the rumour hawks. Amidst all the noise that has been going around, the sweetest is the one made by our newborn baby, AbRam. He was born prematurely but has finally come home. Gauri and our family have been dealing with his health issues for a long time now..., he wrote adding, His coming home puts to rest completely false and at times insensitive claims of sex determination and alleged illegalities... They say a baby is Gods opinion that the world should go on... I hope we all move on too. Thats Shah Rukh Khan. Zen like amidst the insensate hullabaloo.
While hes nursing a tender shoulder, hes also feverishly working on the launch plan for Chennai Express. But even more importantly hes looking for his socks.
Ive learnt at least that much in 21 years
Learnt what? To have a thick skin to slander?
No to be oblivious to it.
And its true. There has not been one man whose life has been so frequently dragged through muck, whos every statement not made at least one political party unhappy and whos every quote not taken out of context. And through it all, SRK has managed to accomplish almost the impossible " even as he is put through the sword by film critics, he has managed to impress the unimpressibles - the Indian thinking elite. Which in itself is no small feat. Maybe thats why hes still happy. Or maybe its because he has found his socks...
Q. What is the price that a celebrity has to pay?
Today I was with my doctor when he said this wonderful thing that the problem with you Mr Khan is that people love you so much that everything you do, they take it personally. If I havent donated to a cause, people say he has not donated, he should have. When we were doing the promos of Jab Tak Hai Jaan, we came across a journalist who was rude and unfriendly. Katrina Kaif was talking in English and he was like, No, its a Hindi interview. The interview got over, I made him laugh, we danced and all had a good time. Soon after that he tweeted, What does Shah Rukh Khan think of himself making me wait for two hours. But so had Katrina, Anushka Sharma and Yash Raj Films. Why was it made out that I was the one who made him wait? Am I some standard to bring down?
Q. Do you then feel victimised?
No yaar. I dont feel victimised. I can take it all. There are certain things I used to believe in. Earlier, I was natural and thats what people liked about me. My naturalness is being curbed somewhere. Earlier when Id be funny at the Filmfare Awards, it was considered okay. But now it is like how the hell can he say that. Maybe its right. Maybe after you become so popular it is not right to say such things. Like my friend Juhi (Chawla) tells me, Shah Rukh now you cant say it. People love you too much. Though I was never discourteous but earlier if I disliked someone Id say it. I didnt give a damn. But now suddenly, I have to think whether it will be taken rightly. My other problem is that if you tell me I should do this, Ill never do it. Im often told, Dont think too much, do your shit. Thats why I work so much so that I dont think too much.
Q. Is it claustrophobic that a stars life is governed by peoples perceptions?
Along the way I have met enough people in my line of work who make me happy by telling me, Youre wrong but so right and its alright to be like this. One thing I teach my children and want everyone to know that even if you happen to be on a pedestal you should have the capacity to turn around and say, I dont know. The most endearing part of all the directors whove worked with me is that they ask, Shah Rukh, yeh kaise karein? Ive asked Rohit Shetty while doing Chennai Express, Kaise karoon yeh scene, I dont know, tell me what to do. We are scared to go wrong. Downfall is part of life. Ive done films like, Maya Memsaab, Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani, Darr, Baazigar... without thinking if the films would work or not. We just did our best and had fun.
Q. You get slammed for every commercial film you do...
Whenever I meet offbeat film directors they say, Ill make a commercial hit with you. No one offers me an offbeat film. I can do it. I am a trained actor. I was telling an actor, If youre an actor beyond the world of your film then youre not an actor. For instance, if you are in a Karan Johar film then thats the world. If you are in Chak De! India then thats the world. If you arent able to capture the world you are acting in then how the hell you will capture the rest of the world? So I should look like the actor who was made to do Chennai Express. If people say that I play the same character over and over again, why do you watch them? Ive completed 22 years in the industry. The first scene I shot for was when I walked down a pole and said something to Divya Bharti. That moment I realised that whatever I do has to be believable. A good actor never takes himself seriously. The ones who take themselves seriously are crap. If you have to think so much, plan so much, plot so much, where is the heart? Acting should begin from your mind and reach your heart. I believe perfection is boring. Maybe I find it boring because I cant be that.
Q. Do actors get judgmental because they are judged constantly?
I am not judgmental. I get angry because of the banality. Im irritated by the pettiness of thought. You know when I was younger, faster, cooler and newer, I had nothing to lose. Keeping it basic and natural has made me the star I am. But today people adviseme saying that your film is releasing so dont say anything and create negativity. I dont believe that. I dont believe that I will change my attitude about being basic. It could be my downfall. I have seen people react to invites not being accepted by saying, Huh, I invited her personally. For me if I invite a person and he doesnt come its okay. Ill not hold a grudge against the person. So what if you didnt come, there are a lot of events I dont attend. There is nothing personal in that. After having a great party and evening, people not coming bothers you more? At times when I land up at some place, I am told that you are such a wuss. You shouldve never gone there.
Q. Now that you are 47, is there a mid-life crisis?
I was the first guy to say how old I am and that I dye my hair. I remember Juhi telling me not to reveal my age. But its being held against me that I am 40 and that I dye my hair. I celebrate the fact that I am 47 and I can romance a girl whos half my age, jump from a building. As long as people dont laugh at me its okay. I dont know what a mid-life crisis is. I guess it means you have done it all and whats there to do now? But Ive done nothing. Ive so much more to do. Now I have the resources but not enough time. But I want to win. Its been years since I havent won any award. I have a speech ready since the past three years. Im shameless about it. I lost this race to my son (Aryan) the other day. I used to make him run every day and one day he went running ahead of me, which was so unexpected. Its good but the next time, Ill beat him. My game has gone down. Even if I reach 50 Ill beat him. My zest for life is such. Sometimes I use the mid-life crisis thing for fun. (Laughs)Like when I am playing a game with Aryan he says, Come on Papa, you cant win, I reply, I am in my mid-life crisis.
Q. They say a son is a mans strength and a daughter his weakness
My parents loss was compensated by the birth of my son Aryan and daughter Suhana. I believe theyre my parents. In comparison to them, I behave childishly. My 13-year-old daughter and 15-year-old son behave like my mother and father. Theyre not my weakness. I love them a lot and give them a lot. Ill give them so much that by the time they are adults they wouldnt want anything. I used to listen to Osho speak and watched his firang disciples dance. It seemed a sensual dance. Wed peep in from outside. Osho wasnt as famous then. He only became famous after Vinod Khanna joined him. Back then he used to say, If you have excess in life while growing up, youll not want anymore. Whether its tangible, intangible, love or romance. I gave my kids everything when they were growing up. I assume by the age of 18, theyll not ask for more. At the age of 13 and 15 they seem content. Like, they dont want gifts and they dont want me because they know Im busy. The other day I was dropping Aryan to the airport. A lady at the counter said, Mr Khan if you pay this much, your son will be upgraded. I asked my security to get my card. I dont like him travelling the way his mother makes him. But Aryan said, No! Why are you doing this? Its absolutely fine.
Q. As a father, did you experience fatherhood up-close and personal with the kids?
They seem to be better people than what I was. My son is extremely controlled. The atmosphere at home is such that it hasnt made them think of themselves as special just because they are star kids. They have never seen my strength. They have seen me sad; they have seen me get angry at MCA, they have seen me disturbed by a flop, they have seen me working round the clock and failing with RA.One. Like one day, I said lets call friends over and they told me, You dont have friends Papa. The best thing about my children is that they have a sense of humour. So they make fun of my frailties. And because they have seen my frailties, they seem to be more in control of life. I turn to them for advice. I consult Aryan about my problems and he says, Pa dont get angry, you dont have to say sorry about whatever happened, let it pass. When I tell Suhana Im feeling sad she says, You can talk to me but I dont know what to talk to you because youre too old for my talk. But I can lie down and hug you. My wife and kids are the only peopleI can show my frailties to. The only people I can be happy, open, honest, shameless and egoless with are my children. They take care of me in the nicest way.
Q. So are you a difficult father even while its said youre the best father in the world.
Today when I came out of the doctors clinic there were thousands of people outside. They were pulling and I was afraid. But my face still showed the strength of a superstar waving out to his fans. I wanted to hide my face in my hands and sit down. And because I am so frail, I am the gentlest father to live with. I dont shout at them, I dont tell them the right way. In fact, they tell me the right way. I get better hugs than I give. My father was like me. My father was the most successful failure in the world and I am proud of it. He was well qualified, good looking but he was frail. My father was a 6 feet 2 inch, grey-eyed Pathan with brown hair and a four pack at the age of 50. People would be intimidated when hed walk in a room. He was strong but I still use the word frail for his gentleness. Hed say, The business is not working and when your mom comes home shell shout at me. Even today well have to eat dal chawal. He used to call my mom Kanna, which means dimples. Hed say, Ab Kanna aayegi aur daategi. My father died when I was young which is why I havent grown up and am still childish. I find my wife and children more mature than me. I tell them that theyll grow old and Ill have no one to play with because Ill always remain a child. I live my childhood with my kids.
Q. What strikes you about todays generation?
It is a dichotomous time where the younger generation is perceived as free. But smoking pot is not being free. Taking drugs is not being free. I feel that being courteous and telling your dad, Im going to have a drink with your dad saying give me one too is cool. Thats being freer, happier and nicer. But having issues and saying that I am my own person, I am moving out Mom! is not. Yes, if your mom tells you to move out then thats being free.
Q. As an actor, success is public so is failure. Does that bother you?
There was a news article that was embarrassing and I didnt want my kids to read it. I looked at them to explain myself but they said, Papa, its okay, we know. They said a very sweet thing that would you want explanations from your parents for the things they stood for. Our parents arent the greatest, they arent the most beautiful, they are not the most right but do we ever judge them? Do we ever believe there is a better parent than them? There must be few people in this world who believe they need better parents. My kids believe Im gentle and hardworking.
Q. Do they at times react to negative stories?
Theyre well-read and well-informed. We have a strange atmosphere at home. Im not confrontational. I cant confront feelings. This kind of behaviour gets me into trouble because half the people think Im not strong enough to confront it. And half the people think Im not sensitive enough to do it. My family is like that too. We are non-confrontational about emotions. We dont clear the air. I hate people who clear the air. I detest human beings who want to set the record straight like, I want closure. I want to know the truth. I am a reader of human nature. There is nobody in this world who can live with the truth than me. Truth is like a coin, which has two sides and both sides are right.I remember someone said in an interview that SRK contradicts his own interviews. Things change over time. Does that mean that you are contradicting yourself? Ill give you a simple bad example; I had my first injury in my lower back when I was 15. I thought Id die or commit suicide. I thought Id never be a sportsman and that life was over. I was depressed for eight months. Now, Ive had my 8th surgery and Im cool. Its not because I have had seven of them but because I survived the first one when I thought Id die.
Q. Do bad articles actually ruin things?
I hate journalists who talk shit about me and misquote me in interviews. You cannot trivialise my feelings. Like there were articles of Juhi and I no longer being friends. Its so embarrassing to read such things. I feel awkward. I cannot clear the air. Thats why perhaps Lady Gaga doesnt talk to anyone. Shes a simple 25-year-old, wonderful girl. She has a simple thing that she wont show her real self to the world. She told me, The art is important, the artiste is not.
Q. Please continue...
Sometimes I feel talking heart to heart is not important. Every interview reflects the journalist. I can give an interview laughing and joking about things but the journalist can change the context. I enjoy giving interviews to some and not to some. Actors, unlike me, dont get personally happy or angry with you. To me it doesnt make a difference if your magazine or newspapers circulation is 1 or 1 crore. I need to connect with you as a human being.
Q. As an actor, youre supposed to be a soldier, a sinner and also a saint...
As an actor youre only supposed to be a lover. I am a romantic hero though I dont like that tag. With all the hardships, problems, illness, goodness, badness, awards and money... an actor will always be a lover. And a lover makes mistakes. Youll be silly, nonsensical and stupid. If I wanted to be practical, Id have been in the bureaucratic service. My father told me a story of a poet who was sent for by a king in Ghazni for writing something demeaning to the effect of, I can give away all the treasures of Ghazni (in Afghanistan) for my beloveds mole. But when the king saw the poor and famished poet walk in he said, I cant even kill you. You are so weak and in tatters. And you want to give away the kingdoms earnings for the mole of a girl. The poet said a beautiful thing, Inhee fuzool kharchon se yeh halat hai (its because of these indulgences that Im in this state). At the end of the day, Im willing to spend all my money on the mole of the love of my life, which is acting. I dont believe Im the best actor. I just enjoy my work. I am the f**king king. Ill never sit and crib for money. Yashji (Chopra) and I never spoke about money. Adi (Chopra) came to my house and quoted my price to Gauri. He knows Ill never talk fees with him. We are creative people no matter how bad or good we are. Im fortunate that my family understands me. They joke about it and say that this is SRK 2 and this is SRK 1. There are certain people who hate the fact that SRK 1 and SRK 2 are two faces. They dont understand the sides of the truth. If I love you, I will love you for life. I may not show it, I may not talk to you, I may be angry with you but that doesnt mean I dont love you. I cant explain it.
Q. Tell us something more about SRK1 and SRK2...
When you are young you say, Oh my dad is so strict. But when you grow old you appreciate that. The other day when I was driving I heard a 50-year-old actor on a radio show referring to his parents as Mama and Papa. Hearing that, I started crying because Ive not had my mom and dad for years. And day before yesterday at Lilavati Hospital, a girl happened to share that she had come to visit her grandmother there. Ironically, I thought I was fortunate that my parents are dead. I know my father will forgive me for saying this. So I am this two-faced person who cries hearing someone talking about papa and mama and five days later I feel fortunate not to have my parents around. My wife explained to me that you are fortunate in the good sense that you will not have to deal with the death of your parents. So, its my contradictions that make me interesting.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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