*suspended*AsYa: Khuda ney aapko fursat sey banaya hai

KaSufan2013rox thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#1
Hey guys!! This is my first ff ever written in my whole entire life so if its really bad please give me suggestions on how to make it better. Um.. You can pm me or just comment abt wat changes i cn make or hw cn i make it better thanks. 😃
So, this time i thought that since the Tanveer and asad's fake baby scenes are starting i am really pissed off because i really think that this Tanveer track is becoming too long but no tanveer no cliffhanger soo yeah. I am doing a ff on the bus accident scenes and mixing up a whole lot of the serial so that it cn come out to be gud.

Prelouge: mona and rabart trying to stop asad from getting to court on time so the jugde cant testify him (this is after a broken sagai of Asad and Zoya becoz of misunderstandings created by tanveer and a bus accident in which...

Asad and Zoya in a small hut in a jungle by the road where their SUV is out of diesel :

Asad thought: yeh pata nhi kya ho rha hai. Subah sai kuch na khuch gadbad ho hi rhi hai aur ab to Miss Farooqui bhi mere saath hai aur kal court key hearing key liye bhi jana hai.

Zoya: "Mr. khan kya hum ko raat yahin guzaarni padegi?" Zoya sai in a questioning tone.

Asad: ab toh yahi lag rha hai. Yahan pey network nhi aa rha hai baarish ki wajah sey aur aas paas koi pco ya koi insaan bhi nhi dikh rha.

Zoya: to kya main yaha so sakti hoon? aaj pata nhi kyun bohot thak gyi hoon.

Asad: Haan, aap so jayiye hume kal jaldi uth kar gadi mein petrol dalvane ka intezam karna padega. Good night.

Zoya dozes off and after a while Asad also dozes off.

The next morning: Asad sees Zoya sleeping in a cute manner and doesnt want to wake her up but since he has to get back to bhopal court he wakes her up and tells her that he has gotten the SUV filled up and that they can. Leave. Zoya sees that there is still time to get to the hearing. So Zoya pretends to...

Asad wakes her up: Miss Farooqui. Miss Farooqui. (Shaking her )

Zoya finally opens her eyes and shoots up.

Zoya: I am sorry Mr.Khan i was just a little tired that is why slept in a little. zoya in her mind: uhh... Kya karoon kya karoon abhi toh bohot time baaki hai hearing mein! Ahhh yeh sahi rhe ga.

As soon as Zoya stands up she pretends to faint and fall on the grounds.

Asad horrified: MISS FA- ZOYA! ZOYA!" Asad rushes out to get help and in the mean time Zoya calls up Rabart to do something as he is staying in a nearby lodge. Ayaan rushes from the lodge and as soon as asad goes in the hut Ayaan again drains the diesel out but this time he and zoya r both busted. Asad yells at ayaan and sends him back and is very angry at zoya and leaves her there and goes away leaving her alone as he was carrying extra diesel with him this time.

Zoya was hurt that he had actually left Zoya again... Just left... Without caring that she is alone.. Zoya goes into deep thoughts of their grt time together but snaps out becoz her phone starts ringing and its her Phuphi, Dilshad. She tells dilshaad that she was unable to stop asad this time. And dlshaad says its ok and that zoya should grab a cab to get back . Zoya agrees and tells phuphi that she'll be fine.

As soon as zoya starts walking from behind a tree tanveer looks at her with evil eyes. zoe turns to see if someone there but sees no one. Zoya thinks that someone has to be there behind here so she puts her ipad in such a way so that it can video record if someone is there. She gets on a cab but forgets to see her ipad and puts the ipad in trunk of the cab with her bag but but but while she is putting the bag in trunk it captures something very very very bad...

As the cab starts after a while zoe sees that there are some cars or vans that are following her cab. She smells something fishy. She gets her phone is not working all of a sudden. She tells the cab to go faster but no the other vans have circled around her cab and agan smartly she turns on her video recoder of her phone she locks the cab but the goons come out of the van and start breaking the windows. Zoe is astonished at seeing tannu standing behind all the goons. And soon Zoya is dragged out of the cab and the cab drive turns out to be one of the goons. Tanveer laughs and says " Zoya zoya zoya.. Finally aaj tumhe haar manni padegi kyunki aaj tumhe asad bhi nhi bacha payega. Aaj tum tadap tadap kar marogi" and tannu signs all the goons who start hitting her and tanveer brings a big rod and hits zoya 2-3 times on the back of her head , zoya almost unconscious still taking asad's name manages to call her phuphi but can not tell her anything accept "pls save me phuphi pls save me" and faints.

Preview: Dilshaad is very worried as asad isnt listening to her so she texts asad about what ha happened he runs out to go back to save zoya . He sees zoya lying on the road in a big pool of blood and is in pain. He. Rushes her to the hospital where dilshaad and najma have already done the formalities and are just waiting for asad. As soon as asad enter the hospital dilshaad is horrified to see zoya all in blood and asad's white shirt all red. The doctors say she is very critical but somehow they manage to save her. Zoya doesnt remember anything that happened after leaving the hut. Asad is very furious at whoever did this. He finally check her ipad and her phone and gets to know the truth.

I know i couldnt make it gud at all but pls help me out this is my first ff. 😊

Part 2 = page 4

Part 3 = page 5

Edited by KaSufan2013rox - 11 years ago

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risingsea101 thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 12 years ago
#2
It's really nice
Very interesting :)
Edited by risingsea101 - 12 years ago
akaswan thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 12 years ago
#3
Nice please continue soon 😃
Alveena12 thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Navigator Thumbnail Networker 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#4
very interesting, for further updates I think you should try going into a bit more detail to make it seem even more real, just a suggestion, but this is amazing for your first attempt, please update soon and do pm me, I have sent you a buddy request 😃
KaSufan2013rox thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#5
😃

Originally posted by: Alveena12

very interesting, for further updates I think you should try going into a bit more detail to make it seem even more real, just a suggestion, but this is amazing for your first attempt, please update soon and do pm me, I have sent you a buddy request 😃


Thank you soo much for your suggestion! I am extremely happy that you liked it. 😆
Kinma thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 12 years ago
#6
Beautiful<33 I just love your tittle:D
Edited by Kinma - 12 years ago
KaSufan2013rox thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#7
Thank you soo much I am glad you are liking it 😃
KaSufan2013rox thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#8
Do you think i should put a romantic ff of asya?
mochhug thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 5
Posted: 12 years ago
#9
Its actually really nice for a first attempt. I would say just add more detail to the last parts,, like when Asad finds her, and what happens when he sees and hears the recordings on her iPad. Just to get a better idea of the story from all points of views. But I like your version of the story. I really wanted Asad to run out of court to save Zoya (mangalpuri Asad 😆) like you showed here so good job! And thanks! 😃
nilusoni thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail Networker 3 Thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#10
wow nice one
plzzz pm me for the next updte
continue soon

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