Dedicated to a very special person, the one who encouraged me gently and then pushed me forcefully to write. She is often my sounding-board and i had promised her one update full of songs - 'coz i knew it would make her cringe 😆. The song didn't make it in, but the emotion is there. So - here's to you my Sunshine K - also knows as Kadeen (kittya_cullen).
Chapter - 25"Arti, I don't know how to thank you - this has turned out so very beautiful! Vidhi will love it - thank you!" Pankaj exclaimed, his joy evident in his voice. He had called to let Arti know that the jeweler had finished the set she had designed for Vidhi as her present, just in time for Pankaj-Vidhi's anniversary a week or so away.
"Bhaiyya, it was my pleasure - and you are the one who forced me to design again. So no need to thank me at all" Arti replied happily. After chatting for a few more minutes, Pankaj asked Arti to give the phone to Yash.
"Yash, suno. Vidhi reminded me - three days from now it's the anniversary of Arti's marriage with her first husband. Since he passed away, she has spent the day with his parents. Obviously things are different now and she won't go to Indore. But - it may still be a difficult day for her. Take care - ok?"
Yash had known of course, but he had forgotten the date and even his Bhaiyya-Bhabhi's upcoming anniversary had not made him remember the event from so long ago. He was grateful for the reminder... He looked over at Arti. She was trying to feed Ansh his dinner but he was in a playful mood. Arti sat down exasperated while Ansh kept hitting the spoon on his high-chair tray rhythmically. Yash went to join them and asked, "Kya hua chote nawab? Why are you troubling your mother?" Ansh's only reply was increasing the tempo of his beat as he threw a wide smile at his father. Arti clutched her head in frustration.
Yash chuckled softly and stopped as Arti turned to glare at him. He put up his hands placatingly and said, "Should I?" She got up from the chair and invited him to sit, "All yours" she replied caustically and stalked off to the kitchen for some peace and quiet. After a few minutes she heard laughter from the dining room and peeked out. Ansh was feeding his father with his spoon. And as soon as he took a bite, Yash fed him a spoonful. She smiled, the sight warming her heart.
Arti could not resist, she came out to join them and Ansh greeted her with a happy shriek of "Mamma!" She grinned as she replied, "Dagabaaz! Every night I feed you, but you never give me a spoonful! Now that Papa is feeding, you are feeding him too?" Yash hid a smile at that, while Arti watched father-son feed each other yet again. Feeling slightly out-of-place and wanting to give them some time alone, she turned to leave but felt a tug - Ansh held her pallu in a tight fist and was grinning at her while Yash held her wrist without looking at her at all. She tried to twist her wrist out of Yash's hands first and he tightened his hold on her. "Don't go Artiji, join us here. Please." And he looked at her with an expression she could not read.
Feeling breathless suddenly, she managed to ask, "Where will I sit?"
He got up at that and gave her back her usual seat, pulling another chair for himself. Then he fed another spoonful to Ansh and said, "Ansh, say sorry to Mamma."
"Chowee Mamma" Ansh piped at Arti, feeding her instead this time. She smiled and kissed his forehead.
Yash tried to observe Arti carefully over the next couple of days. Did she seem different from her normal self? Sad or perhaps thoughtful? He could not make out... one moment he thought she looked despondent and the next she would be laughing.This woman was an enigma to him...
On the third day, Arti woke at her usual time to find Yash's side of the bed empty. He generally got up after she did, so she was surprised especially as she knew there were no early morning meetings that day. In fact, now that she thought about it, there were no meetings at all that day. Good - enough time to get some real work done and then she had to go to the temple too today...
She bathed and got ready before going to the kitchen. To her surprise, Yash was in the kitchen. "Good morning Yashji", she said, itching to ask what he was doing there, but curbing herself. Yash turned at her voice and smiled at her, "Good morning Artiji. Good you are here. Can you help me please?"
"What do you need Yashji?" Arti asked as she went to the stove and warmed up the coffee he had kept for her. Holding the warm mug in between her palms, she turned to him and for the first time saw what he was doing. Sandwiches, pastries still in the bakery box, biscuits... "What are you upto Yashji? What is all this?"
"We are taking a day off Artiji. We are going for a picnic today" Yash replied.
"Picnic? Ansh has school, we have work to do..." Arti started protesting.
"Ansh can take a day off - he is in preschool and it won't matter. Yes, we have work, but a day off won't hurt us either. We have been slogging without even weekends off - this break will be good for us... re-charge our batteries" he said, looking at her through hooded eyes, trying to gauge her reaction. She flushed and he thought he saw her lips tighten into a straight line before she turned away from him.
Why today? She had to go to the mandir today... why did Yashji have to make plans without asking her? She couldn't stop herself, "You didn't even bother to check with me Yashji. I can't go today" she said, standing stiffly, her hands clenched at her sides.
Yash came up to her and asked gently, "I am sorry Artiji, I wanted to surprise you and Ansh. Do you have plans for today?" He waited, tense, his own hands clenched tightly by his side. Would she tell him about today? He didn't know how he would react if she did... but he did want her to tell him, to trust him enough to share...
"I have to go to the mandir today Yashji" she said, still not looking at him. "A special day Artiji?" he probed, despite himself.
"I... I just have to go. So, I can't go to a picnic" she said. How could she tell him why she had to go...that today was the anniversary of her marriage to Prashant... how could she tell him that? And why didn't he remember anyway!?!
"Do you want to go in the morning or evening? We will adjust the picnic around the temple-visit" he said, still in the same gentle tone. "Evening" she replied.
He nodded, "Then let's finish packing and get Ansh ready. We are not going too far, we will be back early in the evening" and he turned away and went back to the food items. Disappointment flooded through him... she had not shared with him... why did that hurt so? In her place, would he tell her about his and Arpita's anniversary? He didn't know the answer. Still, it hurt - didn't she know yet that she could trust him? Weren't they friends?
They barely exchanged any words the whole day - only what was necessary. They played with Ansh, enjoyed with him, had their picnic lunch. And the whole time Yash watched her covertly, trying to gauge her mood. Was she still mad at him? She did look pensive...lost at times... And at times like that he would tickle Ansh or play ball or do something, anything, which would make Ansh react loudly with laughter, distracting Arti away from her own thoughts.
Late afternoon, when Ansh got tired, they went home and let him nap. Arti remained silent, apparently lost in thought. She had decided this a long time ago - so why did she need to gather her courage again? Why was it so difficult?
Arti had expected she woud go alone to the temple. But Yash surprised her yet again and all three went together. She did a puja, and the three waited for arti. As the arti thaali came around, everyone put dakshina.She took arti and then put Prashant's magalsutra in the thaali. The priest nodded at her and gave her aashirwaad - she had spoken to him before the puja and he understood, perhaps better than she did.
Yash was stunned. He recognized the mangalsutra - but of course he did! There was no way he would not - the image was branded in his brain, each detail of the mangalsutra burned into his memory. Why did she do that? She wore his mangalsutra now; he knew she kept the old one locked away. She never even looked at it - so why? Why now?
As they walked down the steps, he could not help but ask her, "Why Artiji?" She knew what he was asking and answered as best she could, "Its back where it belongs now". She did not need his tangible reminder anymore; Prashant was a memory now – a beautiful memory. He was a part of her life, her past, he would always hold her heart. But she did not have that black hole, that bleak darkness in her life any more; Ansh had filled her life with joy and light. Ansh and Y... Ansh had made her alive again.
_________________
Letting go of the last material link to Prashant had set her free. Arti was beack to her normal self, playing with Ansh happily, teasing Yash, joking with Aman and Zoya. Yash hadn't really known her before her first marriage, but Zoya remembered the Arti of old and was thrilled to see her blossoming back.
While Arti was becoming more cheerful and friendly, Yash was withdrawing. Arti's one action had thrown him for a loop, confused him, churned his emotions to the extent he did not know what to think any more. It was much easier to concentrate on work instead – except she was there too! His one solace ironically, was Aman. Working with Aman gave him the excuse he wanted to get out of the house, get away from her, put enough distance so he could think, breathe, be.
Aman had worked his contacts and got them their first break in the political arena - the event was a few months away, but given the high-profile people involved, the work involved more meetings, security and setup than normal. To Yash's intense relief, Arti preferred to stay at home and coordinate rather than come to the client site. He wondered why... she had often come with him to meet the clients, but not this time. He was glad though - he did not trust some of the men he was meeting now, not with women anyway. He was glad... and relieved - not having her with him was a reprieve right now. But truth to tell, he did miss her...
If Arti noticed the distance Yash had started keeping, she did not mention it. She hadn't felt so carefree in years... She soaked up the feeling as if she had been in a desert and finally come to an oasis. Ansh and her work kept her occupied, her new-found feeling of independence ruling over her senses as she reveled in her budding confidence.
Vidhi had called to thank her for designing the jewellery set. At that time, she had told Arti the date of Yash and Arpita's anniversary, almost exactly three weeks after Arti and Prashant's anniversary. As the day dawned, Arti determined to go to the mandir and pray for Arpita's soul. Yash was in the office and Arti went to talk to him before she left to drop Ansh to school.
Yash was gathering some papers together. He sensed her enter the room, but did not look up. "Yashji" Arti called. Without an option now, he looked at her and then quickly looked away. "What is it Artiji? Do you need something?"
She was surprised at his brusque tone but put it down to him being preoccupied. "Ummm, I was planning to go to the mandir this evening," and he looked at her enquiringly. Answering the unspoken question, she said, "To pray for Arpitaji." At her words, a shuttered look came over his face, wiping out all expression. The stony look troubled Arti enough that she came into the office now and touched his arm lightly.
He felt as if he had been jolted and quickly jerked his arm away.
She understood his pain - only too well. Hadn't she gone through the same only a few days ago? Arti spoke quietly, "I am sorry Yashji. Perhaps it's not my place to do so. I just wanted to pray for her."
He didn't say a word, just nodded his head and quickly walked towards the door. Holding the edge of the door and without looking at her he said, "We can pick up Ansh early and go in the afternoon."
They went to the same mandir as last time and did a small puja. Yash did not say anything, but indicated with his head, asking Arti to join him and Ansh, and she did. As they came back home, the heavens opened and the heaviest rain of the season hit Delhi.
How... appropriate thought Yash wryly. He went directly to the office as soon as they reached home, unmindful of his damp clothes. Arti changed Ansh into dry clothes and then changed herself. When Yash did not come to their room, she took a towel and went to the office instead.
Yash was standing by the desk looking at a photo. Arti stood for a long while at the door, holding the towel. He just stood there, clutching a photo. Arpitaji's photo? But of course. Who else would he be looking at so intently, with so much pain and... and longing in his eyes? After what felt like an eternity, he looked up and directly into her eyes. The unbridled pain in his eyes scorched her and she put the towel on the chair closest to the door and walked out, softly closing the door behind her. She knew what he was going through... after all she had suffered through the same pain herself till she found Ansh and... till she found Ansh. So why did it hurt so?
When he did not come for dinner either, Arti fed a subdued Ansh and put him to sleep. Then unable to stop herself any longer, she went back to the office. She opened the door careful not to make a sound. The room was dark and Yash was standing at the glass wall of the office room, staring out at the dark sky pelting with rain. A streak of lightning lit the sky for a moment and Arti saw a tortured face reflected in the glass.
His pain cried out to her and she responded, as she always did. She went to him and stood just behind, not touching him, just... there.
He knew she was there, even before the lightening lit her up for an instant. He had felt her come in, had felt the air shift to let her stand next to him. Slowly, his wrists clenched within themselves and he closed his eyes. She reached out her hand to touch him, but hesitated. His pain was so palpable she could feel it in waves. She had forgotten the intensity, had forgotten how very much it could hurt... and she felt guilt wash over her at the realization. She had begun to live again, breathe again, be free again - when he, her friend, her partner, her... husband, when he was still shackled to the agony of loss. She wanted to help him, she knew she had to help him, but how? Her hand dropped down to her sides of its own accord and she stood there helplessly watching him, his eyes shut, despair etched in every line of his ruggedly handsome face.
Thunder rumbled in the sky and she nearly jumped. At that instant lightning flashed again and he opened his eyes. Their eyes met in the glass and she flinched. The intense longing she saw in his gaze was her undoing and unable to look at him anymore, she wrenched her eyes away and looked at the floor.
Her sudden movement finally penetrated through the haze that clouded his mind and unwittingly, his wrists unclenched themselves and reached out towards hers. From her lowered gaze she saw his hand and she turned and fled. Fled from the room, from the look in his eyes, from the sudden unbridled desire that had reared up in response. She closed the door and stood outside, leaning her back on the solid wood as she tried to breathe, tried to calm herself. Desire? She shook her head in disgust. The man was pining for his lost wife, she saw him at his most vulnerable state, the longing he could no longer hide on this of all nights. And this is how she responded!?!
Yash hit his fist on the glass, frustrated with himself, with his thoughts, his wants, his reaction to her. Why could he not control himself where she was concerned? Of course she ran. She would - she was still deeply in love with her first husband. And what she must have read in his eyes would have shocked her. He shook his head in disgust. Today, on the day he had married Arpita, he had spent hours thinking, no agonizing over Artiji and his feelings for her. She had prayed for Arpita and his thoughts had been consumed by her. After they came from the temple, he had searched through his desk till he found the photo Payal had taken so many months ago - Artiji and Ansh's photo. Even after a puja for his dead wife, he had been pining for his live one! How low could he fall!
Edited by kdsubs - 12 years ago
Tu Juliet Jatt Di
Geet - Hui Sabse Parayee
