HELLO PEOPLE!!!! I'm back with a MONSTER UPDATE as promised. First of all I AM SO SORRY it took WAY LONGER than I had anticipated. But what to do! Life got in the way, and then i was kinda disheartened with the last two episodes of last week. 😭.
But enough of that! Here it is! The 20th chapter! Hope you like it! 😃 And hope it lived up to your expectations! 😃Sorry in advance for any mistakes... finished it as quickly as I could so I could post it sooner! 😆
Chapter 20: "Don't look back, you're not going that way."
Zoya froze. She couldn't move. Her brain screamed at her to turn away, to run out of that place and hide. But her body wouldn't respond. She was a statue. It was him.
Memories of that dreadful and painful night flashed before her eyes, as if watching a movie of someone else's life. It seemed so long ago, that she thought she'd never have to face him again. But the truth was, that a part of her could never forget his cruel words.
Flashback:
"Zoya, I want you to meet my parents. You can call them Ammi and Abbu, you know. Since you don't have your own," he said, nonchalantly.
Zoya looked at him with disbelief masking her eyes.
"What does that mean, Deepak? Does it bother you? Is the fact that I was adopted by Aapi and Jeeju a problem?" she asked, hoping his answer wasn't what she was afraid of.
"No Zoya, of course it's not a problem. Chill. I'm trying to share my parents with you, and you're going down my throat? Geez, it shows you never had parents. If you did they would've taught you respect. Respect and gratitude when someone if doing you a favor. After all, where else will you find parents?"
Her ears rang with his piercing words. She felt a lump form in her throat. He thought he was doing her a favor? By giving her parents? As if parents are a pair of shoes that can be passed around like hand me downs? Did she really not deserve to have parents? Her OWN parents? Is that why Allah miya took her Ammi away from her? Is that why she never met her Abbu?
Her eyes brimmed with tears. She had slapped him, hard, after his sordid comments, and run away from their place in Central Park. She ran far, yet aimlessly. Finally she reached the Bow bridge, and leaned forward, supporting herself with her arms on the top edge of the bridge. From that day on, she'd sworn to never share her past with anyone else. Not even the man she was going to marry. She never wanted to feel like they were doing her a favor. Ever again.
Present day:
Zoya never called him after that day and avoided him like the plague. But sadly, Deepak didn't take the hint. He felt insulted. The nerve! And what was worse, he wanted to, as he put it, 'knock some sense into her.' Zoya had spent the better part of the last two years, before going to Bhopal, trying to avoid him. She even managed to get a restraining order against him. The last few weeks before she left for Bhopal were surprisingly peaceful, and she thought she had successfully shaken him off.
But alas, it seemed it was too good to be true. Zoya had forgotten all about him because she was so happy in Bhopal. Was being the key word, she thought sadly. But now that he was in front of her, she could remember every word of his, with painful clarity. And once again, her eyes began to brim with tears. The lump in her throat was back, and the uneasy feeling it cause jolted her back to reality. She quickly turned away, and hid her face with her hands in an attempt to shield herself from his view, and hide her tears from her friends.
Asad noticed all this. From her dreamy looks at the couple across the way, to her sudden terror when she saw that guy. Who is he? Why is Zoya afraid of him? Asad looked at him. He seemed like an average Indian guy. He was engrossed in a conversation with his friends and giving the waitress a less than respectable type of look. Is that why? Is he... WAS HE FORWARD WITH HER?
The thought caused him to ball his fists. How could someone do that? He knew it was a common thing in North America for adults to get physical at an early stage in their relationship. But Zoya wasn't like that, right? In the entire time she was living with them in Bhopal, every time they'd bumped into each other and she'd landed in his arms Zoya was always the first to break eye contact. So it couldn't be her fault. But then... why is she afraid of him? Ugh! Maybe I should just ask Zoya. But not now... she's pretty upset.
He wanted to put his hand on her shoulder, as he had before, and comfort her. But he knew she would shrug it off, or perhaps even yell at him again. He cringed at the mere possibility.
While Asad was contemplating all this, Kareena had noticed who Zoya had turned away from. She froze, too. When she finally composed herself, she nudged Neeru, and motioned her to look in the same direction. Neeru, confused at first, obliged, and inhaled sharply. She blinked several times, and looked back at Kareena. They both shared a knowing look, and turned to towards Zoya with sympathetic eyes.
They had both been there for Zoya when this monster had broken her heart and humiliated her. In fact, it was her friends who has insisted she get a restraining order when they realized he wouldn't take no for an answer. But that was only valid for six months. They never thought he would be seen anywhere near her after she'd left for India.
Deepak was busy chatting with his friends, when he noticed a familiar face. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. But when he saw her eyes and the way she turned away from her, he knew. So, she's finally back. He never stopped stalking her. He simply stopped making it obvious to her. And when he learned she'd gone to India, he'd followed her all the way there. But when he saw the body builder who's house she was staying at, he decided he'd wait until she got back. This girl thinks I forgot about her? Well, then, perhaps I should remind her of our wonderful times together, he thought sarcastically.
He got up from his chair, and slowly made his way to their table. Asad, Neeru and Kareena noticed this, and instinctively, all three of them got up to shield Zoya. Asad stood between Zoya and Deepak, and Neeru and Kareena went to each of Zoya's sides, pacifying her. The other two girls looked on, confused and curious by the whole situation. Zoya at this point was already in tears, her mind causing her to relive his words. 'Where else will you find parents?' Asad could hear her soft sobs, and sniffles, his teeth gritting more and more with each one. What did he do to her, that she's crying at the mere sight of him? Kareena and Neeru hadn't expected Asad to be quite so perceptive, but were grateful to him for helping them.
"So, this is your new bodyguard? Huh, pretty big guy," said Deepak, as he gave Asad a once over. Who the hell is this guy?, he thought to himself.
"You didn't think I forgot about you, did you Zoya babes? We have some unfinished business you and I. Or did you prove me wrong? You were supposed to marry me, and now you're avoiding me. Did you find your abbu? Or was he also disgusted at seeing how much of a disrespectful disappointment you are? Hahaha!" Deepak laughed heartily at his cruel words. This is the just the beginning babes. I'll make sure you're so broken, no family in their right mind will want you to be their bahu.
Asad's eyes flared with anger. His skin burned, his jaw clenched even more and his fists twitched. He couldn't believe it. This guy had the nerve to insult her. To insult Zoya, HIS Zoya. The purest of pure hearts. What could she have possibly done to him? Refused to marry him? That didn't give him the right! His words, about her abbu. Asad's cold words were ringing in his ears, his guilt growing substantially.
Zoya froze for the second time that day. How... how did he know... I thought... oh my god... Ya Allah! Did he follow me to Bhopal!? The terrifying possibility of him following her all the way to India made her feel even more afraid. She was cursing herself for being so careless. For ever trusting this man, the man she was supposed to marry, with her history. With her truth. Thinking that no relationship should be started on a bed of lies. But he, what did he do? He took pity on her. He thought of her as a charity case, a beggar whom he could make happy by loaning her his parents!? Zoya felt new set of angry tears trickle down her cheeks. Why Allah miya? Why did you take my ammi and abbu away from me? What did I do to deserve this?
'Khuda ka shukar hai ki aapki abbu zinda nahin hai, unne aap par zaroor sharam aati agar unne yeh din dekhne par the!'
The resurfacing memory of Mr. Khan's cold words caused Zoya to breakdown. Her sobs increased and her body heaved as she let it all out. All the pain she'd been holding in. She couldn't hide it anymore. Both their words echoed in her head, like thunder and lightening. One mocking her and the other...
Asad couldn't take her sobs anymore. He looked the guy square in the eyes, and grabbed him by his jacket.
"Agar tumhe apni jaan ki thodi si bhi parwa hai, to issi waqt yahan se chup chap chale jao. Varna mujhse bura koi nahin hoga," bit out a seething Asad.
At this Deepak took two steps backwards, his jacket leaving Asad's grip. He'd never seen so much anger in anyone's eyes. Suffice to say, the guy scared the living daylights out of him. But where did this guy come from? Wait a minute... OH SHIT. Realizing it was the same body builder Zoya had stayed with in India, he started quivering. She's not worth it, he thought. He looked in Zoya's direction and a satisfied smirk spread on his lips as he watched her break down. Good. My work here is done.
Seeing his smug smile, Asad lost it. He grabbed on to his jacket, even tighter this time, and pulled him towards himself. "Aur haan, ainda meine tumhe Zoya ke aas paas dekha, to tumhare chehre ki aisi halat banaunga, ki koi bhi tumhe peh chan hi nahi payega. Zoya iss dunia ki sabse khaas insaan hai. Aur uske ammi aur abbu ke na hone se uske character ya uksi parwarish pe koi pharak nahin parta hai. Woh jaisi bhi hai, bohot achi hai. Aur tum uske layak, na to kabhi the, aur nahin kabhi hoge." And with that Asad dragged him to the entrance of the cafe and unceremoniously flung him out the door. He turned around and gave Deepak's friends the same deadly glare. They all responded by scurrying out, following their shivering friend.
* * * * * * *
Asad came back inside to find all four girls trying to console a sobbing and broken Zoya. His heart broke even more. Is this how she felt when I said those words...?
He walked up to them, and told them that perhaps, they should cut their tour short. He suggested they accompany Zoya home, as he was quite sure this would have reminded her of his cruelty to her, and would not want to be anywhere near him. But Neeru had a better idea in mind.
"Zoya, Zoya please, listen to me," she said, as Zoya rested her head on Neeru's shoulder, crying. "Look, you need to go home and rest. Forget about this. He's not worth it, Zoya. He hasn't changed, and he never will. But his words are still bull. You are a sweetheart, please, don't let him affect you this way. Look we're not too far from your house, so we'll all drop you, ok? But please, please stop crying. Hun, you know we can't see you like this."
"Please, Zoya," Kareena piped in. "Hun, I know what you're going through. We can't imagine the pain, but we surely understand it. But you're stronger than this. Please, don't pay any heed to his words. He's an ass. And a coward. You deserve better. And look, it's not like Aapi and Jeeju still want you to marry him. Come on, this isn't the Zoya I know," she pleaded along with Neeru.
Asad's heart warmed seeing how much her friends cared for her. What an idiot he was for hurting her the way he did. He realized now, just how much his words must have hurt her. If she was like this with Deepak's words, who was an insignificant ruffian, then what must she have gone through with his...
Neeru looked up and noticed Asad's pained expression. She wondered why he looked like that. Was it because he couldn't see her in pain? Or was there more to this story than met the eye? She'd get to the bottom of with with Kareena soon enough, but for now, they needed to get Zoya home. And because she was so weak from all the crying, they insisted that Asad carry her home, at least half the way. To this he hesitated, knowing that Zoya was still mad at him. But upon the girls continued insistence, he gave in.
He took a few steps towards her and kneeled down next to her chair. With his finger under her chin, he brought her face to meet his, and wiped her tears away with his other hand. She looked at him, the pain clear in her eyes. She had no strength left in her. And despite her anger towards him, she knew he could comfort her. Zoya gave in and leaned on him. Asad put his arm around her shoulders, and with the other one, held her hand, helping her stand up. She easily obliged, slightly unaware of her surroundings, and sobbed a little more into his chest. Every tear of hers felt like a drop of acid on his heart. He knew these tears were triggered by that pathetic excuse of a human being, but also knew that somewhere, somehow, she was still crying because of his words.
Once she was on her feet, he let go of her hand and wrapped it around her knees, as he lifted her into his arms in one swift movement. Zoya radiated to the warmth of his chest, and weakly put her arms around his neck. Her head was nestled in the crook of Asad's neck, as she continued her soft sobs. Neeru, Kareena, and the other two girls, we're all looking at the scene before them, their eyes moist. Now Kareena and Neeru we're sure. These two belonged together. And whatever rough patch they we're going through, it would surely pass.
The girls bid Asad goodbye and said they'd take care of the bill. Asad remembered that Aapi and Jeeju's apartment was all the way Midtown, and figured the girls must have been thinking of an old address. He quickly put Zoya down on a bench, and took a step towards the curb. But Zoya's hold on his arm stopped him. He looked back at her and realized she simply didn't want to be alone. He obliged and helped her stand up. They walked a couple steps towards the curb, Zoya leaning on Asad, and Asad with one arm around her waist, and the other hand in hand with her.
Finally he was able to flag down a cab. He asked Zoya to tell him her address, and she mumbled something incoherent in between sobs. Asad decided she'd be of no help and reached for her purse. He took out her wallet and searched for her ID. Thankfully her wallet at least was organized and he found it easily. Giving the driver the address, he rested back, with Zoya in his arms. Her sobs lessened, and he noticed she was falling asleep.
The cab ride wasn't very long, as they didn't catch it during rush hour. Within 15 minutes, it reached Zoya's building. Asad noticed she was half asleep. He woke her slightly so she could get out of the cab, and paid the man from Zoya's wallet, as he didn't have any US dollars with him. Once they we're both out of the cab, he lifted her up again and cradled her in his arms. She slept comfortably, with her head nestled in the crook of his neck, once again. The doorman helped him with the door and calling the elevator. He even accompanied him upstairs and helped him with the apartment door, as Asad knew no one would be home so soon. Zoya was his responsibility, and he'd do what he could to take care of her.
* * * * * * *
After setting her down on her bed, he pulled the covers on her and for a few minutes, he watched her sleep. She looked so peaceful. If someone saw her now, the only way they'd know she'd been crying would her tear stained face. She had a serene expression on her face otherwise, and her breathing was normal. Satisfied that she was momentarily at peace, Asad decided to make himself some coffee.
He went to the kitchen and realized he had no idea where anything was. He started opening the cupboards, one by one, grateful that Zoya's room was upstairs, and wouldn't be bothered by the noise. After looking in several cupboards, he found a mug the size of a small bowl and an iced tea spoon. He could manage, he thought. Thankfully the coffee beans we're on the counter next to the sink. He found a small french press on the counter as well and got to work.
As he was waiting for the coffee to cool, he decided to make a cup for Zoya as well. Finding the milk and sugar hadn't proven to be so hard. Once he finished making her cup, he headed back to Zoya's room.
He entered slowly and quietly, afraid he'd wake her, and sat on the chair next to her bed. He placed the two cups of hot coffee on the bedside table and looked at her. Her brows were now furrowed, and her face was contorting, as if she was in some sort pain.
Without giving it a second thought, Asad took her left hand in his, and held it tightly. His eyes brimmed with tears once again.
"I'm sorry, Zoya. Mujhe tumse woh sab nahin kehna chaiye tha. Zoya, please, I didn't mean it. Meine gusse mein keh diya, lekin mujhe pata nahin mein kya bol raha tha. Tum to jaanti ho, mein apne gusse par kabu nahin rakh sakhta. Lekin tum uss insaan ki baatein maat suno. He doesn't know you. He doesn't know how strong you are. Usse kya pata ki tumhare dil mein kitna pyaar hai, tumhari aankhon se kitni roshi khil thi hai. Mein bewakoof tha, jo meine tumhare dil mein yeh shak paida kiya, ki tum misfit ho, musibat ho. You're not Zoya, tum, tum, perfect ho. Tum jaisi ho, mujhe bohot pasand aati ho." Asad by now had tears streaming down his face.
He felt lighter inside, having let out what he wanted to say to her that day at the airport. But his guilt was rising by the second, as thought back to that guys words, and to his. In truth, if one looked at both situations, they would think Asad was just as bad as him. And today he finally understood why his words hurt her more than any other quip he'd made about her parents. She felt undeserving. She thought he meant that she didn't deserve the love a parent should give her. How, how could he have not realized what he said to her. The gravity of his words, and their effect on her. For all her bravado and chirpy demeanor, Zoya was just as broken inside, as he was.
He smiled sadly. Their pain united them, and they were each other's remedy. But somehow, he had managed to increase her pain. And for that he'd would never forgive himself. But all he could do now, was try to ease that same pain, and spend the rest of his life making it up to her, should she allow him to do so.
* * * * * * *
Unknown to Asad, Zoya had woken up the second she felt his hand on hers. She felt warm at first. When she realized it was his hand, her first instinct was to open her eyes and pull away. But the feeling of something wet on her hands stopped her. He's crying? Allah miya, Mr. Khan is crying? She kept her eyes closed shut and allowed him to continue.
Hearing him apologize, his concern for her, his respect for her, and how much he wanted her to understand what he really thought of her, was enough for her to be utterly confused. I thought he hated me. I thought he wanted me to leave. I thought he he considered me the biggest musibat in the world. But if that's not the case... then why did he wait until I left to tell me that? Why couldn't he show me how he felt? Why did he have to demean me if this was what he truly thought of me? Why, Mr. Khan, why?
Zoya couldn't control her emotions anymore. She opened her eyes, to find Mr. Khan with his head on the bed, next to their joined hands. He was sobbing softly, and Zoya could feel a few more tears fall on her the back of her hand. Why does he care so much? Why do I want him to care? His words hurt me, but somehow I still can't see him in pain. Deepak's words hurt me, they broke me to an extent. But I vowed to never allow another man to make me feel that way. And I could care less what happens to him. He's not worth it. But why does the fact that Mr. Khan wants me to forgive him make my heart swell? Allah miya, what's happening to me?
She thought back to the words that he had said to Deepak, when he had rudely insulted her. How he defended her character, her personality, her upbringing. Was this really the same man she left back in India? The same Akdu, judgemental, stone-hearted man who told her he wanted her to leave, to her face?
"Kyun, Mr. Khan?"
Hearing her voice, Asad froze. She's awake!? He slowly lifted his head, and after a long minute, he finally met her eyes. Zoya's eyes were slightly red, her eyes brimming with more tears, as she continued to stare at him, confused.
"Weren't you the one who said the same thing? Ki mere abbu ko mujhpe sharam aati agar aaj woh zinda hote? To phir kyun? Aapne achanak apne rai kyun badal di?" she asked him earnestly. She needed to know. What did he really think of her? Was it what he spat out in anger? Or what he was letting out now, in pain?
"Zoya... mujhse tumhe pechanne mein galati hogai. Mein hamesha apne dimaag ka sunta tha, aur issi liye, tumhari baat bina sunkar, tum par chila ta tha. Mein yeh nahin bol raha hoon, ki usse koi bhi pharak parta hai. Meine jo kiya... woh maafi ke barabar hai hi nahin. Lekin aapne phir bhi mujhe har baar maaf kiya. Iss baar, mujhe bohot dair hogai, hai na?"
Zoya looked at him, her mouth forming a small "o." Surely this wasn't the same emotionally challenged man she'd known a week ago. Hell it couldn't be the same man she saw a few hours ago! That man couldn't go past "woh actually." And here he was, the strong and silent Asad Ahmed Khan, literally begging, for her forgiveness.
She kept quiet. She didn't know what to say. She hadn't fully forgiven him. His words haunted her. And more so after the episode today. Deepak... His name alone cause the lump to resurface in her throat. Asad noticed this. But he quietly watched her. It was a rare sight, Zoya being silent. But he knew it meant something was wrong. His ammi had said it once. When Zoya tried to hide her pain, she'd smile and be very mischievous. And as he thought back to the morning's events, he realized that was exactly what she had been doing. She'd been trying to direct her hurt and anger into playing pranks on him all day. But now...
"Mr. Khan..." said Zoya quietly, interrupting his train of thought.
Asad blinked. "Jee? Boliye."
"Aapko pata hai, Mr. Khan, jab Aapi aur Jeeju ne mujhe bataya tha, ki mera nikaah Deepak se hone wala tha, to mujhe laga ki yeh bohot hi ajeeb baat hai." Asad stayed quiet. He was happy. Despite her anger and hurt towards him, she still trusted him enough to share her pain with him.
"Mujhe hamesha lagta tha, ki mein nikaah apne pasand se karoongi. Par mujhe iss baat ka aisaans hua, ki agar Aapi aur Jeeju kisiko choose karenge, to woh ladka bhi mere tara soche ga aur hum ek doosre ko samaj sakhte hain. Usse ek do baar milke mujhe laga ki woh acha hai and we get along. Lekin mujhe laga ki agar hum puri zindagi bitane wale hain, to mujhe usse koi bhi sach nahin chupana chaiye. Issi liye mein usse apne ammi aur abbu ke barein mein... sab bataya." She paused, as her voice cracked. Asad tightened his grip on her hand, which made Zoya realize that they never let go. She drew strength from him, and continued.
"Lekin usne, usne mujhe par taras khakar, merbhani ki. Aap jaante usne kya kaha?" Zoya's tears were flowing once again. Asad's teeth were clenched, his eyes red from crying for her, as he looked down at their hands. He slowly looked up at her again, and shook his head slightly. "Ki woh apne khud ke ammi aur abbu mujhse share karega. Kyun ki mere apne nahin rahe. Aur mujhe ammi abbhi milenge kaha? He said it showed that I didn't have parents, because I was... disrespectful and ungrateful." Saying these last few words, Zoya broke down again, and this time, she found Asad sitting by her on the bed, cradling her in his arms.
"Shh. Zoya," he said, his voice watery. "Tum aisi bilkul nahi ho. Aur mein tumhare barein mein aise bilkul nahin sochta hoon. Mein maanta hoon, ki jab meine tumhe pehli baar dekha, aur tum ghar ayi thi, to mujhe laga ki tum badtameez aur unhygienic ho." Zoya laughed a little through her tears. "Lekin mere maan mein yeh khayal kabhi bhi nahi aya, ki tum ungrateful ya disrespectful. Tum meri ammi ko sabse zyaada izaat deti ho. And you show it in the way you talk about your Aapi and Jeeju how much you appreciate them." He pulled her out his embrace, and cupped her face. He had no idea how he was acting so, so emotionally. But it felt right. It felt right to show her just how much she meant to him. It felt right to make her realize, that she was precious, just the way she was. That he wouldn't change even a hair on her head. And that her past didn't bother him.
She looked at him with grateful eyes. How was it possible, that the man who had caused pain, was now the very man who could soothe her wounds? She was so confused. She was grateful. She was touched. But her wounds were still there. How could she believe him, when he said one thing, but did another?
"Mr. Khan," she said, after composing herself somewhat, "mein samaj sakhti hoon, aur mein aapke bohot abhari hoon, ki aapne mera itna khayal rakha. Lekin sach to yeh hai Mr. Khan, ki aap mujh par bharosa nahin karte hain. Aur nahin aapne kabhi kiya. Mein aapko un karvi baaton ke liye zaroor maaf kar sakhti hoon. Mein jaanti hoon aap gusse mein kuch bhi kahenge. Lekin agar aapne mujh par zarasa bhi bharosa kiya hota, to shayad yeh baat yahan tak nahin ponchti."
Asad looked at her, stunned. He felt Zoya let go on his hand, and withdraw from his touch completely. Asad opened his mouth to say something, but stopped as he saw Zoya's hand go up in response. She wouldn't hear any of it.
"Aapne mujhe samajne ki itnisi bhi koshish nahin ki, Mr. Khan. Agar aap karte, to aapko aisaans hota, ki meine jo kiya, sirf aur sirf aap hi ke liye kiya."
Zoya didn't want him to go, she realized. But how long could this go on? She made a mistake, he assumed she was at fault and irresponsible and blamed it on her upbringing, on her lack of understanding without even giving her the benefit of doubt. How much longer could she tolerate his lack of trust in her, when she had trusted him blindly, from the beginning?
Asad realized she'd gone cold again. But he also realized he'd broke through to her a little. She'd let him her shoulder once again, even if for a split second. But her new accusation left him, awestruck. His words weren't the only thing that hurt her. It was a long time coming. But he had finally found the straw that broke the camel's back. And that back, was Zoya's tolerance for his mistreatments of her.
Defeated and disheartened, he slowly got up. He looked at her one last time, before he made his way out of her room, and into his. How would he make her realize, that now, now he trusted her more than his own life? That he had finally realized her value? How?
Phew! 5,000 words! Just for you guys! 😛 Comment and Like PLEASE!! 😆
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