Part 1
"I wasn't disappointed. My expectations had been met."
- John Green
She walked despondently, not knowing where she was headed. Flashes of light and vivid colors crossed her eyes and left her confused and disoriented. She remembered being caught in a fire somewhere. She felt her hands and touched the burns that had left their mark on her delicate skin. No, these were old wounds. Where were the new ones?
Walking towards her was another woman. She watched the lady in white fumble with herself, unaware that she was her half-sister. She didn't even know that the poor soul in front of her was engaged to be married to her fiance's step brother. She only saw her stumble and rushed to her aide.
'Are you okay?' she asked.
Zoya looked at the woman who had rescued her and recognized her in an instant. For a brief moment, her head was clear. Not clouded with images she was unable to decipher, she recalled Humeira's face. They had met so many times yet she had never gotten a chance to introduce herself.
'I'm fine Humeira. Thank you.' She said gratefully.
'How do you know me?' Humeria enquired. She thought she had seen those eyes somewhere, but just couldn't place where.
'I'm Zoya. Zoya Faroouqui. I...'
'I know you! You're Asad bhai jaan's fianc. You helped me with the fashion walk. You came to my engagement too! Ayaan has told me so much about you.'
The moment she took his name, she felt as if an arrow had been pierced through her heart. Ayaan. The man she was engaged to be married to. She fought back tears and she struggled to regain control of herself. 'Is something wrong Humeira?' Zoya asked. Zoya moved forward and enveloped her in her arms, trying to protect her from whatever it was that was the cause for her distress. She didn't know why, but suddenly Zoya felt like she was responsible for this woman. She tightened her hold on Humeira.
Humeira couldn't get herself to shake her head. She needed to talk to someone and unleash the hurt that was biting her every second. She wanted to vent her anger and frustration somewhere. Zoya's comforting arms and soothing voice reminded her of the elder sister she had always wanted. She let out the rain of tears that had been clouding her eyes and cried her heart out.
***
He ran across the road and nearly missed getting by a truck. His heart raced and he could feel it beating in his throat. He didn't know where to go first. He didn't know where to go next. He needed to find her. He couldn't afford to live without her. Where was she? She was supposed to be sleeping in a hospital bed, injured with burn marks and a trauma that had haunted her forever. 'How could I have been so foolish?' he cursed himself. He remembered the terrorizing moment he had realized that the love of his life was in mortal danger and his best friend was the one responsible for it. He still didn't know why Tanveer had tried to kill Zoya but at the moment, he needed to find Zoya and get her back to the hospital before it was too late.
***
'He doesn't love me. He never had and he never will. It was all a hoax. He never really wanted to marry me. Here I was, worshipping the man I was in love with, oblivious of the fact that he didn't care for me at all. He doesn't want to marry me Zoya. He doesn't love me.'
She waited for Humeira to calm down. As her sobbing slowed, she stroked her sister's hair and said, 'You know the reason why it hurts so much? Expectations. If you had never expected anything, you wouldn't have felt so disappointed.'
Humeira looked up at Zoya, wondering how expectations were related to love.
'Apart from a few starry-eyed poets or monks living on a mountaintop somewhere, however, we all have expectations. Expectations are not a bad thing, they are a requirement. We not only have them, we need them. They fuel our dreams, our hopes, and our lives like some super-caffeinated energy drink.'
'It is also true that expectations bring in more disappointments than happiness. What's the first sign of a lurking, hidden expectation you didn't know you had? Pain!'
'People don't do what we want, things don't happen quickly enough, the weather doesn't cooperate, our bodies don't cooperate. Why are these moments so painful?' Because our minds are focused on a static, unchanging, me-centric picture while the dynamic unfolding of a broader life continues around us. There is nothing wrong with expectations, but the instant we feel pain over life not going "my way," our expectations have clearly taken an improper turn.
'Any moment you feel resistance or pain, look for and then let go of the hidden expectation. Practice giving yourself over to what "you" don't want. Let the line at the store be long. Let the other person interrupt you. Let the nervousness make you shake. Be where your body is, not where your mind is trying to take you.'
Humeira listened and slowly started to understand what Zoya was trying to say.
'If I had never expected Mr. Khan to love me the way I love him. If I hadn't expected him to understand me, I wouldn't have felt so heartbroken when he chose to believe Tanveer over me. After all, I am only a guest at his home. He has been such a kind and welcoming host, I should feel grateful to him. I should have never expected him so much from him.'
Humeira understood. It wasn't necessary for Ayaan to love her simply because she worshipped him. He loved her in his own way, as a childhood friend.
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have. She felt a strange sense of lightness take over body as she let of the fears that curbed her. So did Zoya.
The two women hugged, understanding each other, feeling a sense of belonging to each other. They departed as sisters, related by blood and by soul.
***
Part 2 will be up soon.
Seher Hone Ko Hai
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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