I have been in love with him from the first day we met, if he only knew. He is always someone's boyfriend but I will always love him in silence. The heartache is too much to bare I know what love is because my heart breaks every time I see the both of them together.
Those words seem so cruel when I wrote it but I had to get it out of my system. Love doesn't ask if you like someone or not, it takes you by surprise and then you are hooked whether you want to or not. Today is the day before Valentine's Day and I wish I have the guts to give all those letters I wrote in silence so that he would know how I feel.
The notes I wrote are tucked away in my head as I stare down at the valentine I have gotten since the beginning of time, away from anyone eyes. This valentine basically got me started doing nice things on Valentine's Day. Every year I get a valentine from someone but I still have to figure out whom. I put the entire valentine's I have gotten from this person in a little wooden box in my room. I know it sounds odd but this is the only valentine that I constantly received. I put my head in my hands. It reads:
There is honey for the bee, And bowers for the wild birds, And love for you and me.
We are all sitting among the scatter chairs in the kitchen. abhinav, my brother is searching through the fridge for food. His stomach is never full. deepali, abhinav's girlfriend and my closest friend sits across from me scanning through her notes, biting on some chips. She is on the soccer team with my brother. rishab, rishab kundra, is my friend since toddler times, rk and trishna are sitting the furthest away from me nibbling on each other. Sigh. I could hear her moans and his silence from where I'm sitting. I want to tell him so bad but not while trishna clings onto him like her dear life depends on it.
I stuff the valentine away in my coat pocket. My little twin cousins came in with Valentine material, jessica and jeff. jeff sits beside me and jessica looks out the window.
"I wish he would come here day after tomorrow and bring me a lot of valentines!" jessica says watching the postman's giving mail within the street.
"Will he?" jeff asked eagerly.
jessica shook her head. "'Course not, I know only a few girls."
I look back at rk and my eyes lower. If I can't have the valentine that I so long desire, there is no reason why other girls have to suffer with me. That would just be plain cruel. I have an idea.
We were all listing but I am the only one to speak, "How would you like to send more valentines?"
jessica laughed, "I don't know any more girls. Besides, I haven't any more valentines."
I reply, "What if I show you how to make more valentines and find little girls to send them to, would you like to do it?"
jessica and jeff came hurried to me, "Yes, please!!". jeff soon echoed behind jessica. Everyone is staring at me at this point. abhi takes his head out of the fridge, trishna props up her head, and rk- my rk looks at me with an amused expression while trishna tries to get back his attention.
I turn back to the little ones and say to them, "You both can help. jessica can bring the tape and glue, and jeff can bring the construction paper over there. I will bring the scissors and pen." They scurry getting the items and I turn back to my friends.
deepali asks while fixing her glasses and looks at me, "Where exactly are you going to find little girls to give valentines to?"
I smile at her saying, "You know me, it's a surprise. You guys want to come when we are done?" I gaze to see their reaction.
"Sorry, I have studies," said deepali as she bury herself in her notes. abhi just gives me an 'are-you-serious' look walking towards deepali. deepali and abhi just go back to making out; I roll my eyes at the sight. rk kisses trishna and I look away to rk. I almost jump back seeing rk staring at me while making out with trishna. I must have been staring a while because he rose his eye brows looking dead at me. I blush and turn away. The twins comes running back ex
I smile pointing to the paper trying to keep my voice at a regular pace, "We will cut this into hearts."
They nod and I continue, "And you can cut out birds and flowers, and paste them on. Let's see who can make the prettiest ones." They went into a sugar rush and quickly found a seat next to me. jeff cut out pictures and jessica paste. When the valentines were finish it is hard to choose one. Laughter came from their mouths that jessica and jeff almost forgot about the girls the valentines are going to.
Until jeff asks, "Who are they, where do they live?"
I stay silent a while thinking of a good reponce, "Down in the city, each one in a little white bed in the Children's Hospital."
I look up at deepali and abhi. abhi had his arms wrap around deepali kissing her head. Sigh. It's not like I don't love my brother but seeing as he have someone special and I don't is depressing. My eyes gaze over to rk and trishna. Some noises came from their direction. trishna looks upset with her arms fold like a five year old throwing a tantrum. rk is trying to calm her down, holding and comforting her, the way I want him to touch me. Sigh. My eyes almost watered but I suck it in.
jeff and jessica look at each other and jeff says while looking at his valentines, "I'm glad we made the valentines so nice."
Soon they were done and I got up to leave. abhi grabs my arms, "can I have the car this afternoon, coach wants me in early?"
I nod my head saying, "Fine, but you have to come with us and then I'll give you the car." Johnny is beaming at me as the kids hurry around us to get to the car first with the valentines in hand. I look back at Jen and wave at her. I glance back at trishna to see her making out with rk stradling him looking at me with evil eyes. I frown and she smile to me. rk look up breaking the kiss seeing my reaction. His eyes look hurt. If it's anyone who should be hurt it's me. Before he could say anything I turn around and walk behind my brother towards my car. I still could hear trishna giggling in the background. I look up at the cloudy sky thinking its going to be raining later. We all got into the car, my brother sat in the passenger side. I look in my rear view mirror, the two kids are practically screaming for joy. I smile and drove off.
My brother keeps glancing at me. I look at him but all I could read from him is are-you-alright? I give him a small smile and nod. I turn back my attention to the road. The clouds are getting darker and something is troubling about that.
I park a few blocks away and we all walk to the hospital. We enter the Children's ward and I told the receptionist our plan. She graciously gives us a smile and leads us to the Children's rooms. After a little intro from one of the nurses my two cousins ran towards the little beds. My brother and I walk in after. I lay my shoulders on the door frame and he stood behind on the phone. My cousins gave each one of the girls their valentine. They all gave my cousins wide smiles and squeel in their ears.
"Baby sister," abhi clasps my shoulder and I look back, "I have to go to practice, coach called an early warm up."
He nod to our cousins and smile, "I could drop them off by their mother but I can't go home to drop you off."
He is showing guilt but I shun of his feelings saying, "It is okay, I'll take the bus." After the girls have got their valentines, my cousins went to the car with my brother. I kiss and hug them. I wave him off as my cousins print their bare hands on my windows. It starts to drizzle. Joy, it'll be fun getting home. I shake my head at the thought.
I just stroll through the street slowly making my way to the bus stop. It started to rain but I didn't notice. My mind is busy thinking of rk because I knew I will never have him. With that notion and every derivative of it my heart breaks slowly and painfully. It start to rain heavy. As I kick pepples heading towards the bus stop a car pulled up next to me. I glance in, it was rk. I felt like every little drop of blood is draining from me. His smiles always makes my legs go lump ever since I was little kid. Then the thought of trishna cloud my mind causing my eyes to water.
"Get in, you're getting wet," I peek in and trishna wasn't in the car so I knew it was a change of a lifetime. I got in and looked at him. I knew it was now or never.
"I need to tell you something," I say uneasily and he smiles like there was nothing else around us.
"Yes?" he answers and I couldn't get myself so far as to tell him how I feel. I have to the change the subject before I blow it.
"Thanks," I say slouching down. That is all I could get out of my head. He probably thinks it is the rain that has my face so moist. When we got back to my house he held me while we ran into the house. Then rk looks at me lifting my face up to him.
He dry the tears from my eyes with the back of his hand and simply says, "Don't worry, tomorrow is a brand new day and everything will look brighter then." He leaves and I go to my room, I knew deep down he only said that because he was feeling sorry for me. I put the valentine I receive this morning in and every Valentine before in a box.
Valentine came with the sun shining brightly into my room waking me up. After I finish getting ready for another day of watching rk and trishna making out, my smile soon fade. I hear a knock on the door. With that, tears pour down my face. I open the door only to see rk with red roses in hand and a smile plaster on his face. Confusion fills mine.
"There is honey for the bee, and bowers for the wild bird, and love for you and me," those words shook me to my very core.
I stand back and my eyes grew wide, "IT WAS YOU!!" He puts down the flowers on my study desk.
He blushes and encloses me in his arms, "yes, it's me. It always was me. It was me who sent you those valentines every year. It was my voice that spoke those words for your eyes to read. It was me all this time. I heard your silent tears, they echoed loudly in my head." I start smiling and he brushes away the tears from my eyes, caressing my skin with his fingers.
I close my eyes and ask curiously, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was young and stupid" he answers. I look back at my valentines in the box. I shook my head and turn back to him.
"Every week I see you with a different girl, everyday you put me through torture. Every second I feel denial from you" I say almost bursting.
"I was scared out of my mind because I didn't want denial from you. I could take it from anyone, but not you," he says holding my hands and took a deep breath, "would you be my Valentine, always?"
I answer eagerly grabbing his neck pulling him close, "you don't know how long I have waited to hear that." rk claims my lips as soon as the word penetrates his ears holding my waist.
"I have always loved you" *kiss*
"I love your giving heart" *kiss*
"I love that the most" *kiss*
"You gave yourself to others without a question." *kiss*
"You give to others what most would seek and few find," he kiss me more intense until he breaks saying, "Happy Valentine's Day, my love."