update 8
Girls will be girls!
.
Gf giving house directions 2 her
Bf-
.
"Come to the front gate of my
apartment where you
drop me, look for flat 9A, you ll
find a lift on ur right.
hit 9 with ur ELBOW...
get out of the lift u'll find my
flat on left...
hit the doorbell wid ur ELBOW &
I ll get the door 4u"
.
Bf says- Dear that seems easy
but why m I hitting buttons with
my elbows ?
.
Gf-"0MG! Are you coming empty
handed ????"
.
bf :- (speechless)...:D
-----------
In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg
of butter.
The salesperson, a young boy,
said that only 1kg packs were
available in the shop,
but the man insisted on buying
only 1/2 kg.
So the boy went inside to the
manager's room and said "An
idiot outside wants to buy only
1/2 kg of butter".
To his surprise, the customer was
standing right behind him..!
So the boy added immediately,
"And this gentleman wants to
buy the other half!!!!!!".
After the customer left, the
manager said "You have saved
your position by being clever
enough at the right time. Where
do you come from?"
To this the boy said, "I come
from Brazil. The place consists
of only prostitutes and football
players!!!!!"
The manager replied coldly, "My
wife is also from Brazil ".
To this the boy asked excitedly,
"Oh yeah? Which team does she
play for?"
Presence of mind helps, Never
Panic...! ;) :P :D
----------------
TOP 10 DIALOGUES OF
TEACHERS
If you're not interested then u
may
leave the class..
.
If you want to talk please get
out of the
class & talk..
.
This class is worst then a fish
market..
.
Are you here to waste your
parents
money.. ??
.
Tell me when you all have
finished
talking..
.
Why you are laughing.. ??
Come here n tell us all, we'll also
laugh..
.
.
Do you think teachers are
fool..
.
Why do you come to school
when u
don't want to study..
.
Don't try to act over smart
with me..
.
You yes you.. I'm talking to
you only
don't look back...:p :O :D :D
-----------------
SIX LESSONS OF LIFE
Lesson 1: Naked Wife
A man is getting into the shower
just as his wife is finishing up
her shower when the doorbell
rings. The wife quickly wraps
herself in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob, the next
door neighbor. Before she says a
word, Bob says, "I'll give you $
800 to drop that towel." After
thinking for a moment, the
woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands
her $800 dollars and leaves. The
woman wraps back up in the towel
and goes back upstairs. When she
gets to the bathroom, her
husband asks,…
"Who was that?" "It was Bob the
next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did
he say anything about the $800
he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information
pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you
may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A sales rep, an administration
clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find
an antique oil lamp. They rub it
and a Genie comes out. The
Genie says, "I'll give each of you
just one wish" "Me first! Me
first!" says the administration
clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone. "Me next! Me
next!" says the sales rep. "I want
to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the
beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my
life." Poof! He's gone. "OK,
you're up," the Genie says to the
manager. The manager says, "I
want those two back in the
office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let
your boss have the first say.
Lesson 3:
A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling the
car, he stealthily slid his hand up
her leg. The nun said,"Father,
remember Psalm 129?" The
priest removed his hand.
But,changing gears, he let his
hand slide up her leg again. The
nun once again said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?" The
priest apologized "Sorry sister
but the flesh is weak." Arriving
at the convent, the nun went on
her way. On his arrival at the
church, the priest rushed to look
up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth
and seek, further up, you will
find glory."
Moral of the story: If you are
not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 4:
A crow was sitting on a tree,
doing nothing all day. A rabbit
asked him,"Can I also sit like you
and do nothing all day long?" The
crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the crow, and rested.
...A fox jumped on the rabbit and
ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting
and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very high up.
Lesson 5:
Power of Charisma
A turkey was chatting with a bull
"I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, but I haven't got the
energy." "Well, why don't you
nibble on my droppings?" replied
the bull. "They're packed with
nutrients." The turkey pecked at
a lump of dung and found that it
gave him enough strength to
reach the lowest branch of the
tree. The next day, after eating
some more dung, he reached the
second branch. Finally after a
fourth night, there he was
proudly perched at the top of
the tree. Soon he was spotted by
a farmer, who shot the turkey
out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bullshit
might get you to the top, but it
wont keep you there.
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for
the winter. It was so cold the
bird froze and fell to the ground
into a large field. While he was
lying there, a cow came by and
dropped some dung on him. As
the frozen bird lay there in the
pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was. The
dung was actually thawing him
out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to sing
for joy. A passing cat heard the
bird singing and came to
investigate. Following the sound,
the cat discovered the bird
under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate
him.
Moral of the story:
1. Not everyone who shits on you
is your enemy
2. Not everyone who gets you out
of shit is your friend
3. And when you're in deep shit,
it's best to keep your mouth
shut !
---------------
News Headlines in 2025 would be
like
1. Roadies 25's auditions started,
Due to its Silver Jubilee, Raghu
promised that he wont abuse this
time..:p
2. "AMIR KHAN's son's debut movie to be
released next week.AMIR to play
his son's college best friend."😆
3. Sachin and Arjun Tendulkar's
century stand delivers Team
India series victory
4. Bappi Lahiri's net worth
exceeds Microsoft, Apple and
Mittal Steel combined
5. Samsung decides to launch
Galaxy S20 in another galaxy.
6. Apple launches iPhone 45 with
a ladder to access the screen
comfortably.
7. SBI increases interest rate to
25% on Petrol Loan.
8. Petrol 2 Rs costlier, now at 969
Rs/ litre.
9. Suresh Raina's nephew
replaces Suresh Raina in the
team
10. Sachin Tendulkar gets
'Ravindra Jadeja of the match'
award.
11.Raaz-6. Jism-7. Murder-8.
Releases on the same day.
12.Harbhajan, Sehwag, Gambhir
make a comeback in Indian Team
for Ind Vs Afghan test
series..Sir Jadeja rested.
13.A Girl decided to marry again
because pics of her last marriage
didn't get enough likes.
14. Virat Kohli Jr. found saying
MC BC in the gully cricket.
--------------
A married man was having an
affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions
overcame them and they took
off for her house, where they
made passionate love all
afternoon. Exhausted from the
wild sex, they fell asleep,
awakening around 8pm. As the
man threw on his clothes, he told
the woman to take his shoes
outside and rub them through
the grass and dirt. Mystified,
she nonetheless complied. He
slipped into his shoes and drove
home.
"Where have you been?"
demanded his wife when he
entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've
been having an affair with my
secretary and we've been having
sex all afternoon. I fell asleep
and didn't wake up until eight
o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his
shoes and said, "You lying
bas***d! You've been playing
golf!"
-----------------------
Holi Special - Gabbar trolled
.
.
Gabbar- Holi kab hai? Kab hai
Holi? .
.
Frustrated Sambha- Le saale,
aa gayi Holi. Dekhta hoon kya
ukhaad leta hai.
Chilla-chilla ke naak me dum
kar
rakkha hai jaise
tere baap ne koi rang-gulal ki
factory
laga
rakhi ho aur maal bechna ho.
Ya fir pura gaon teri bhaujai
lagta hai,
jo tu bechain hai Holi khelne ke
liye.
Karega
kya tu jaan ke ki Holi kab hai?
Pure Ramgarh ko dawat dega
kya?
Ya fir tu Farha Khan ke sath
nachega-
jumping-
jupang, thumping-thupang...
.
. sale karna kya hai tujhe ...
akhiri baar bataye deta hoon 27
March
ko hai
Holi... jo karna hai kar le...
aaj ke baad poochha to sale teri
Thakur
ke yahan teri
naukri laga dunga aur Thakur
ko
jamalgota khila dunga...
bada aya Holi kab hai.. Holi kab
haI !! :@
Gabbr - yar sorry tu to jazbaati
ho gaya..
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