"Anger has enormous costs. The impulse that felt so right at the moment, so justified, becomes in the quiet hours another source of guilt and regret. What seemed so worthy of blame passes. What remains are the scars, the hurt, and the alienation."
"If you are often angry, every one of your relationships may be affected."
"Children who experience [abuse] as a child are often traumatized and carry huge reservoirs of grief and anger into adulthood" and for victims of childhood trauma, "getting in touch with the victimized child's anger is a major step in the recovery process."
"Chronic anger does not make you strong and safe. It weakens you. "
"There are two kinds of anger: anger at yourself and anger directed at others."
These quotes are from the book "When Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within." It's one of the best books written on anger and is often used to teach many Anger Management Curriculums. These quotes are also very applicable when it comes to anger among the Khan family.
Anger is at the core of Asad Ahmed Khan. He definitely lives a life suffering from dreadful incidents of childhood trauma. Abandoned by his father, forced to choose between his father and mother, the loss of a younger sibling, and pressured to support his mother and sister from a young age; he has tried to compensate for these losses and hardships. He has strived to be the best be it in business, in his home, with his body, his mannerisms etc. However, none of these steps towards perfection have healed his inner wounds. If anything, what he has kept pent up inside is now exploding left right and center. His anger reflects in his aggression towards Zoya and has now escalated to such heights as a no-hesitation or no-hold back attempt to shoot his own father. Asad's good fortune has been that Zoya has forgiven him, a move I still question as far from acceptable. She has allowed herself to remain vulnerable and open to his anger as means to heal it - an unwise and horribly dangerous decision if Asad fails to take ownership of his anger and uses it to continually vent at her.
His father, Rashid, also suffers from his own anger issues. His anger is one that has turned inwards at himself for his pathetic attempt to allow himself to be victimized at the hands of Razia because of his own fears and internal weakness. He silently suffers but now this passive-aggressive individual has exploded with rage. His inability to control his explosive anger causes him grab hold of Razia's throat and almost chokes her to death. Had his family not been there, Rashid would most definitely have had blood on his hands. He has endured his own trauma of losing his wife and children and helplessly watch them endure many hardships while he has remained silent out of fear of going to jail or anything worse falling on his family. Yet at the same time he has romanced a woman in that 17 years whom he claimed he does not love. Surely the guilt must get to him? He is now a weakened man who's internal anger at himself for his wrongdoings and passivity as turned him into a person he despises.
Dilshaad pretends she is not angry; but her anger, like her husband's, eats at her every day. Deep inside she suffers as the loyal wife waiting patiently for her husband to return. For seventeen years she has had to agonize that her loved one is in arms of another woman. Despite this horrible betrayal, she loves and trusts her husband. The sight of her son ready to doubt the man she loves, whom she has waited so patiently to return, tears her inside and she lashes out at him in anger and wham, slaps him hard. She cares nothing of humiliating her grown son, and that too in front of his sister and future wife. How demeaning it must be for a grown man to be treated so. Dilshaad, the epitome of grace and composure, allows her anger to take control and reduces herself to that of insensitive woman who vents physically. It was a huge disappointment to see the CVs reduce her character to this level. Her anger cannot be denied but her expression of it was not justified or welcomed. Unless the writers are willing to address how her own anger has reduced her to this level (and I doubt the writers are ever willing to go there), this behavior serves no purpose.
So much anger and so much hurt can lead to a very heavy price. The interpersonal costs of anger are great and all three have put on their emotional armor in preparation for the next show down. Their anger has cut them off from feeling genuine closeness and a chance for reconciliation with each other and others outside of their circle. In order of any chance of amending, each person must take ownership of their anger and start talking and expressing how they really feel towards each other'unless the three can express their hurt and betrayal, there is little chance for understanding and a future.
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