After ten minutes of silent slurping of soups, he finally spoke his mind, "So do you think you are"
"No", I cut him off before he addressed the elephant in the room.
"I can call down the pharmacy".
"I am pretty sure we will not conceive a month after the fact".
"If we are'.."
"No"
"Will you abort?"
"That sounds about right".
"Glad we are on the same page".
I used dark humour to circumvent the silence. "We have now joined a blood covenant". The meaning got lost in execution.
"I always knew you were liberal".
"I wouldn't have married a conservative".
"Do you want
kids?"
"In the future".
"I want a hippie for a child, an actor and a Broadway dancer. No academics".
"I want a physicist or a musician, preferably jazz. Blues are acceptable".
"Sounds like subliminal messaging for a birthday gift demand".
"No, we settled on a Dominican trip for my birthday".
"Who in the
right mind goes to the Caribbean to fight the system?"
"I never said I had a right mind".
"Has the world stopped spinning?"
"Your voice still echoes but, yes".
The broth left a pseudo mustache above his lips as he drank up his soup in one breath. I attempted recreating the foam kiss. Just as I arched my body to smell his scent, there it was again. Not going to vomit on Rishabh, I mustered up all my strength to cage the gag reflex and sprinted to the toilet.
He held my curls in a lock as I puked. I had this pit build up in my stomach, not from the nausea but, something else. He had seen me like this, a pale ghost. My vision blurred and I fell in his embrace. He piggybacked me to the bed. Rishabh made several trips in and out of the room to ensure I had everything I needed to feel better: a woolen blanket, lukewarm water, sour candy, ginger ale and even a vinyl record of Elvis covers.
"Might be a fluke of food poisoning", he traced back my wandering thoughts.
"Go for a pregnancy test haul tomorrow".
"You tense about carrying my seed?"
"Just don't want to risk bearing a fruit with a head as big as yours".
"What's wrong with my head?"
"You shop from the extra large hat stop and you ask what's wrong. EVERYTHING".
"Hey, not cool", he hugged his sagging beany.
__________________________________________________________________________
Rishabh had rung up a concierge without my knowledge. The guy resembled a popular quack from Shimla. This made me cautious and all round distrustful of his opinion.
"Pregnancy is the obvious answer".
"I am not pregnant. I tried nine different tests".
"We have to make sure".
"It was a month ago with more than one form of protection".
"Protection doesn't always work. I will take blood and urine samples. Just to be safe, lay off alcohol or other sedatives".
Okay, within a span of ten minutes, he had judged my love life and my eating habits. If had the strength, I would have put him in his place. Seriously, I would like to snatch his licence away. Who lets these incompetent judgemental pricks take the Hippocratic Oath? No wonder he was a concierge. Any respected institute would be ashamed to call him a part of their physicians' panel.
"Have you mentally cursed him till your heart content?", Rishabh read my mind. "Good. Now, hand the poor guy your samples so he can leave".
"Make me a sandwich".
"You just purged. I will cook up kichadi or something".
"If it's going to come out anyway, might as well be something tasty".
He gave in. Gosh, I loved this man more and more everyday.
"You know Ann Hathaway is visiting campus".
"Say hi and get an autograph".
"I am going to present her with an award"
"Maintain a respectful distance. Wear your wedding ring".
"There you go. You light up like a morning star when you are jealous".
"She is pretty and I want to make sure you don't slip. Heck, I would slip if I met her".
"Gosh, I have to warn my lady friends about your tendencies".
"Rishabh?", I wrinkled my forehead.
"My bad".
I devoured the sandwich like I had no seen food for months. I let the condiments stick to places other than my mouth as I chew on the pieces of bread, I saw his eyes trace my movements. He was tempted, distracted and quickly frankly, helpless. I played it out a bit longer with slow bites, small bites, lasting bites. A pearl of sweat shimmered on his temple. I let out a groan to indicate how delicious his creation was. His last stretch of patience was lost. He licked the mayonnaise from the corner of my lip and then explored the brim.
"Sandwich seduction, you wizard you"
"My entrancing enchantment was cast a long time ago".
"I married a nerd alright"
"You overclock my processor"
"Something I can understand".
"When I think of you, I become fully vested".
"Cute but old".
"My doctor is just emailed the results".
"And?"
"I am not pregnant".
"What is it?"
"Kidney infection. He prescribed a course of antibiotics".
"There's paparazzi outside, hundreds of them".
"Somebody was not careful buying the tests".
"I swear I wore a hoodie".
"A Harvard hoodie?"
"A Kundra hoodie designed by Marciano".
"Kundra logo? Rishaaabh".
"I will be the bait if that makes a difference", he stepped opened the door was quickly blinded by the flashes. "We are not pregnant".
They did not heed.
"How does it feel to go against traditions and live with a girl you are not married to?"
"She is my wife".
"Aapko bin byaahi maa banene mein dikkat nahi hai?"
"She is my wife", he clenched his fists. Before I could shift into damage control, Rishabh had lifted him by the collar.
"Rishabh, you are giving them what they want. They are going to press assault charges", he let go.
One stink eye from my side and they were gone. But, the deed had been done. Twenty minutes later, the Police cuffed Rishabh and took him into custody.
"I am going to be your first client".
"I will get you out without scratch".
"I do not doubt that".
We were trapped by someone, somewhere and I had five days to save Rishabh's career.
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