From a paradise called mumma's cocoon
14 Dec 2012
Dear Papa,
I have to admit that I want to be like you when…if…I grow up. You are such an innocent darling that you will need me on your team. You have no idea how naughty mumma can be with you, papa…. You awaken the mischief in her. She teases you, and you are so innocently clueless of her naughtiness. Today, the family was in a happy mood…I sensed that since morning. Along with mumma I was enjoying taiji's antics as she impersonated you and which made mumma laugh….with me laughing along with her. And then I felt thirsty, so mumma went and gave me some water. That's when I saw you at the door…and then mumma did too. You were looking at her strangely….and then taiji and chachi left….saying things I didn't understand. I looked up to see you looking at her, papa…with so much love. That's when it happened…Didn't you hear it papa? I thought you would…as it was so loud…I mean the sound of her heartbeats. I have never heard them beat so loud before. You kept looking at her as you came closer, held her by the shoulder, and gazed deeply into her eyes. I tell you I felt you in the warm surge of love that gushed through her. She understood then what you were trying to say and waited…as I did. I stood up as wobbly as I could and waited for you to say what mumma wanted to hear. Your voice was so thick with emotion, that I shivered inside with anticipation….and then you stated lovingly, "Aartiji, I have to say something to you…I want to say that I…"…and then it happened…that hiccup came out of nowhere, and I fell back with a thud…I mean with a splash. Oops…I felt the wave of mild irritation run through mumma, as she proceeded to give you water…and then as quickly her mood changed, and she was all impish with her fake anger. The more she went about the inappropriateness of drinking and its repercussion on health, the more your face became like bhaiya's when he is scolded. You enjoy that, don't you papa? Her scolding you, that is….You love to feel the love behind her anger, love to feel the sense of belonging to her, love to revel in the possessiveness expressed in those words….Aha, I know you two so well. I expected more to happen after that messed-up moment.
Well…I admit I was a bit disappointed when I saw her preparing the bed for the night, and I was resigned to another regular night of no adventure….and then I saw you. You looked so sulky and irritated at her ignoring you in favor of the linen that I sat up again. Aha…surely this is not over Sure enough you taunted her regarding the curtains…she was waiting for something like that, now I know…because I looked up to see her controlling her smile and take you up on that inane offer. And I told myself, "Fun time, Ayu….mumma is going to be very naughty now." The more she fiddled with the stupid curtain, the more your irritation grew, till you burst out, "Can't you think of anything other than these…these cushions, sheets, and curtains?' Ha…ha…wrong move papa…Mumma's naughty meter just increased. She was still not done with you and your inability to say your say. So she went all softly gooey on you…and you fell for it….You should have seen yourself, papa…all expectant, eyes closed, feeling her getting closer…and bam…she bamboozled you by going for the wet towel..and then going on and on in an apology spree regarding your fetish for neatness. Didn't I tell you…didn't I…that you need me to defend you? You are such an easy target when she is in that mood…totally hopeless. However, what happened next even took me by surprise.
You stormed past her and upturned the entire neatly made bed….If you two were not so engrossed in each other, you would have heard my tiny hands clapping at the miracle that had just occurred. Mumma too was like, "What are you doing, Yashji? You love cleanliness so much." I rolled over in mirth at your dramatic, "I was Aartiji…I was…but not anymore"….but your next words made me look at both of you with starry eyes…."I have changed Aartiji."/ "Really…who changed you?" / "You did, Aartiji…you did." There…at last…out came the gospel truth…and I embraced the warm glow that spread inside mumma. Oh God…she loves you so much…each time I feel this is it…each time she surprises me by loving you some more. And then you staggered and tripped and she supported you…just as you have done so many times earlier. I love to see this invisible strength that you have for each other….Remember this papa…remember it when she will stagger and trip and look at you for support…Do not withdraw back your arms then. Because if you do…she will fall…following which she will never get up again!!
She put you to bed oh so lovingly, still expecting you to say the words you couldn't…but she knows you papa…She knows how difficult it is for you to be eloquent and she knows that you expect her to listen to the silent confession behind the small talk….and she does. Believe me, she does. You stop her from leaving you and pull her onto you saying, "Thanks Aartiji…for coming into my life." With those words and your very clear need for her you gave her what her heart sought: Bliss. There she was lying on you…listening to your heartbeats…and closing her eyes in peace. And I?...For the first time in my little life I was safely cocooned between my parents…. For the first time in my little life wherever I looked around I saw only you or mumma…together..so close that I could reach out and touch you both with my tiny hands… For the first time in my little life I lay down my head inside mumma and slept listening to the two sets of heartbeats that are ever so precious than any sound in the world…..And like mumma, for the first time in my little life, I wanted this moment to last a lifetime…for this night to prolong forever! Who knows whether I'll have a tomorrow or not??
I have a confession too to make, papa. I want more now. I know I am being greedy…but please ask God to grant me those breaths that'd allow me to see the outside world, standing between both of you…like bhaiya and didis do. Tell me you'll do this for me papa…be with mumma forever…even when she falters… so that I can have a forever…please papa…tell me, you will!!!!
I love you so much. You are the best papa in the world.
Ayu