Kal: A PV Story (Chapter VI, Page 23)

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Samanalyse

@Samanalyse

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#71

Originally posted by: Kittya_Cullen
Samana, Samana, Samana. One, it was so refreshing to read something which did not highlight Yash and Aarti. I love their ongoing complicated relationship, but it was definitely time for a break. You gave me cool water in the comforts of an oasis, shaded from the life-draining sun of the CVs current track👏. Palak and Ansh have one of the most complicated brother/sister relationship that we have been shown, and your words clearly bring that out. Although Palak is upset that she has not gotten the first rank in class, her own love for her brother quickly diverts her attention to his foreseen pleasure. She can't help but laugh at the fact that though they are highly competitive, and she has not won this time, her brother's antics will bring everything back to the fascinating balance they have accomplished. It was even more endearing that she has so much confidence in her brother's abilities. While he may struggle with the concept of language in context, she knows that is natural prowess will supplement the missing factor.

In addition, I love the fact that the gloating will last only as long as the ice-cream does. It shows that they are willing to celebrate the sweetness of each other's success. Not only will they celebrate the success, but they will keep doing so in a manner that is considerate to the feelings of both parties. They will not allow the competition of life to push them apart, rather, it will bring them closer because they can put aside their own feelings and be truly happy for their sibling.

Ansh sounds like a good guy. His ingrained sense of morality and dignity causes him to realise that there is something not wholesome in Vandana. His expressions of revulsion while not worded, are clearly portrayed. I also love that while he is proud of his attractiveness, he hasn't allowed himself to become conceited. Seeing that Palak's interaction with her brother has unconsciously influenced this state of "groundedness" in Ansh is wonderful. I love her caustic humour, and the shield that she unconsciously places around her brother.

Catching that little glimpse into his relations with his mom and dad had me laughing quietly to myself. I could clearly envision Yash patting him on the back and winking mischieviously. I had a terrific time seeing the glimpses of your humour weaved throughout the characters and their environment. I sat here trying really hard not laugh out loud at work😆😆

Please, please P.M. me when you do the next update!!!

Thanks so much for this comment! How on earth did you dig this up, when it hasn't had any comments in almost a month? Well, it doesn't matter because I am very, very glad that you did. You have totally given me a second wind to get a jump start on the next few parts of the story which have been sitting in my brain for a month now, but have just not had the time to materialise. You have actually understood the characters better than I do in some respects, which I know sounds logically impossible, but it is some how true. When I was reading through your post I was like, wow, that's true and I hadn't thought about it that way! 😆

I will definitely PM you when I get to the next update. 😊

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Kittya Cullen

@Kittya_Cullen

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#72

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

I am sometimes a night owl of the strangest order, and so I spend time running around reading through almost everyone's FFs and OS when I'm in the mood. It reminds me that there are so many brilliant writers and readers on the forum that I need to keep myself on my toes, and pay full attention to the creativity brimming and overflowing around me. I'm happy I could help bring you back to the story in some way! I didn't expect to point any thing out that you hadn't already decided upon😲. Whenever I hear writers say things like this, I always remember the jokes my classmates and I make when we had to analyse poetry, prose, and dramas.

For example:

The blue curtain hung against the grey wall.

The poor students, including me, were stuck looking for meaning in that simple line. So many things can be said, but we were certain that somewhere in the world, the author was laughing his bottom off thinking of all the students who would be deciphering a line that he never intended to give a meaning.🤣

Edited by Kittya_Cullen - 13 years ago

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Samanalyse

@Samanalyse

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#73

~III~

As Palak and Ansh entered the ice cream shop, the tantalizing smells of all things sweet greeted them, along with the happy chatter of their classmates. Now that the results were out, everyone seemed eager to forget about the exams and enjoy the relatively relaxed, two-week Christmas break ahead of them; once the term started there would be no respite from the mad dash towards their final board exams in March. Ansh slid into their favorite booth and Palak sat opposite him, ready to hear every minute detail of how precisely Ansh had come to outscore her, but just as Ansh took a breath, a his eyebrows raised in triumph, Tom Uncle, what generations of students had called the jovial owner of the ice cream shop, came by to take their order, and inevitably let his curiosity get the better of him.

"So, who am I taking the order from today?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye.

Ansh just grinned widely while Palak admitted that she would be treating. Tom Uncle nodded at Ansh, impressed, "So, what can I get our class topper?"

"A triple chocolate sundae…with extra hot fudge!" Ansh proclaimed with a flourish. Chocolate had been Ansh's favorite as far back as he could remember, when he would sit on the back of his mother's "ferrari," riding to the mall in giddy anticipation of it.

"And for you Palak?"

"I'll have the strawberry shortcake sundae, Tom Uncle," replied Palak, who liked a little tang in her desserts.

He gave her a warm smile, "and let me not forget to congratulate you too! After all second rank is no mean feat!" He pinched her cheek and ruffled Ansh's hair affectionately as he walked back to the counter to place their orders.

"You know behenji," Ansh began, "for a moment I was scared you would actually get that hat trick this time. You seemed so confident, and that blasted Shakespeare would not cooperate with me…but I should have known that my perseverance and my inherent superiority in maths would see me through."

Palak gritted her teeth and nodded with a fake smile plastered to her face. This was his right and she knew very well that she wouldn't have spared him if things had turned out differently.

"Maths is a subject that cannot be taken lightly. Even a day's practice forgone can make the difference between first and second rank," he continued imperiously.

Oh, he would bring that up! One afternoon, three days before their exams, Palak, having studied so much that she felt she could retain no more, had decided to take a break. Intending to watch TV for half an hour, she had fallen into a deep sleep on the sofa, only to be woken by her mother calling her for dinner, five hours later. Much to the worry of her family, Palak gone into an utter panic at the thought of the hours she had missed. She remembered the look of triumph on Ansh's face as he sat at the dinner table that night and discussed with their father how he had revised three chapters and done two hundred problems since the afternoon, pointedly looking at some point just beyond her head. The shame of that evening hit Palak once again; both she and Ansh were aware that he was five hours ahead, and she might never catch up. She wondered if that really was what had done her in…

Thankfully, Tom Uncle appeared at that moment with their ice cream and Ansh was silenced for a few seconds as he dug his spoon into the tall glass dish and shoved an overloaded spoon of brownie, chocolate ice cream and hot fudge into his mouth. Palak couldn't stifle a giggle as he looked at her, his cheeks stuffed, and a benign smile stretching across his face. She took her own spoon and was about to dig into her ice cream when both of their phones lit up simultaneously. She picked hers up and watched Ansh do the same. It was a message from their mother.

"Payal's concert on TV in 5 mins! Where are you?"

Palak glanced up sharply and saw her own guilt mirrored on Ansh's face as they looked at each other dumbstruck. She remembered now that Aarti had mentioned, two or three days ago, that Payal's concert would be on television today, but in all their fear and anticipation of their exam results they had completely forgotten! She knew Ansh was feeling just as terrible as she was; this was a big deal for Payal and the whole family. Thinking quickly, she grabbed her ice cream and rushed to the front of the shop where Tom Uncle was wiping down the counter.

"Tom Uncle, Payal's concert is going to be on Doordarshan in a few minutes and we can't get home in time. Can we watch it on your TV?"

With a friendly nod he put down his washcloth and turned his little TV set towards the counter where Ansh had joined Palak, relieved at the fact that they weren't going to miss the show. He took out his phone and replied to Aarti's message, that he and Palak were together, watching Payal's concert at the ice cream shop, and that they would bring home ice cream for the whole family. He sat down next to Palak as the introduction began.

"DD National Presents: Payal Scindia, Flute Solo"

When Ansh and Palak had been around eight years old and Payal seven, their mother had insisted that each of them learn how to play one instrument of their choice. Ansh had chosen the tabla, Palak the sitar and Payal, the flute. It was about a month after they had started learning that the whole family sat down to hear their progress. Ansh showed them his basic hand and finger movements and some stunted rhythms and they all clapped loudly, as they did for Palak when she presented her fragmented scales. Then everyone had turned to little Payal, expecting to hear breathy notes and unexpected whistles, but were shocked to find her notes crystal clear, flowing into one another seamlessly. That was only the first surprise.

In a matter of months, she was on par with other students who had been learning for years, and that is when the problems arose. Her teacher was eager to present the new star pupil on all kinds of platforms, but their grandfather was completely against it. To be fair, Aarti had assured him at the outset that the children learning instruments was purely for knowledge and not for performance. Performing on stage in front of hundreds of people was not what girls from respectable families did according to Suraj Pratap Scindia; who would marry such a girl? Aarti had spoken to Yash about the situation, and he had tried for weeks to persuade his father with his calm reasoning and assurances that he and Aarti would accompany Payal wherever she performed. When even he couldn't get the strong willed Suraj Pratap to agree, help had come from the most unexpected of places.

Gayatri had mysteriously told Yash and Aarti, one night when she heard them discussing the issue, that she would take care of it. Neither of them could figure out what on earth she meant, but they got their answer soon enough. Her scripture study group was organizing a concert at the temple and wanted a little child to play Krishna. Gayatri had immediately told them about Payal, giving a glowing report of her grand daughter's talent, and had secured her a half an hour slot in which to play, dressed as a little Krishna. Suraj Pratap could hardly refuse such a request, given that it had come straight from the pundit of the temple, whose wife was the leader of Gayatri's study group. He reconciled himself to the fact that it was for religious purposes and so would not hurt his grand daughter's future image.

So Payal's performing career had begun with concerts in which Aarti would dress her up as Krishna, and she would play at temples across the city. Gradually as she became more and more well known in Bhopal, Suraj Pratap realized that his grand daughter's talent was only bringing her and the family praise and positive recognition, so he began to loosen his hold. He never articulated his change of heart and nobody questioned it but soon Payal began to perform on bigger platforms, shedding the little Krishna image, and eventually went on to learn from one of the most proficient musicians in the country. Her new teacher had encouraged her to audition for television and this was her first recording after being selected.

Palak smiled as she saw her sister's dreamy, oval face appear on the screen. While she had had her share of years when her limbs seemed too long, her hair too bushy and her teeth to big, Payal had completely avoided anything remotely resembling an awkward phase; she just grew more beautiful with each passing year. Her large, soft eyes were lined with thick lashes and tendrils of her light brown hair fell around her rosy cheeks. A vague smile played on her lips almost constantly, which always made Palak think of her sister when she saw the Mona Lisa. But perhaps the most mesmerizing thing about Payal was that she had no idea how beautiful she was, and somehow nobody had been able to rob her of that innocence yet. She rarely got upset, was never mean, laughed freely and marched confidently to her own drummer, so she was always surrounded by a band of loyal friends.

Palak and Ansh chuckled as the camera zoomed out and they saw what their sister was wearing. Something of the child-Krishna, whom she had so often impersonated, must have rubbed off on Payal because she always wore bright colors. While they might have looked garish on any one else, they always looked perfect on her, probably just because she loved wearing them so much. In the recording, she was wearing a peacock blue kurti with a billowing, floor-length purple skirt, and her favorite dupatta around her neck.

That dupatta was one of the few things they had ever seen Payal get insistent and stubborn about. Last year, on their annual trip to Mumbai, Payal had seen the dupatta in a roadside shop. It was tie dyed, with an effusion of colors (Ansh and Palak had later counted thirteen, to be precise) and Payal fell in love at first sight. When she asked for it at the time, Aarti and Yash had deterred her, saying that she would never actually wear such a thing. Payal accepted their words without complaint but had been morose for the next few days; when asked why, answered that she was thinking about that dupatta. And so the next day, Aarti and Yash had returned to the market and bought it for Payal, carefully hiding it from her until her janmashtmi, when they gave it to her, wrapped along with her new clothes. The sheer, unadulterated joy on Payal's face when she discovered her coveted dupatta had been something to see!

Often, when Palak looked at Payal, she felt overcome by a fierce protectiveness. She loved her sister's innocence, her intensity and she was terrified at the same time that one wrong encounter could take everything that Payal was away. Even though they had never spoken about it, she knew that Ansh felt it too; she had seen it in his eyes before, just as she saw it now. They shared one look of mutual empathy, punctuated with knowing smiles and turned their attention to the beautiful notes that had begun to emerge from their sister's flute.

------------

This part of the story has been in my head, pretty much since I wrote the last part. It felt really good to get it down, finally but having been away from the story for a while, I am less confident about it than the last parts. I think it might be a bit choppy. Do let me know what you think, comments and criticism are always welcome!

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658823

Suspended

Posted: 13 years ago

#74

omg that is awesome!!!!!! i love that they are all so supportive of one another. great job!

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Gagori Chatterjee

@jyoti06

Alumni

+ 8

Posted: 13 years ago

#75

Samana u just gave some wonderful ideas to CVs regarding Payal's charaacter through this take showing the creative side of Payal 👏👏👏...I always felt that in the show Payal got a raw deal as whenever any kids track hapepned ,focus was mainly on Ansh or Palak but we never saw any track on Payal and I feel in future this could b a potential track played on Payal where she might hv this creative side of hers learning to play flute and performing in these events and then Palak feeling all protective about her sister 😳...

It was really a good read ..even loved the Ansh-Palak momrnts ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

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Samanalyse

@Samanalyse

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#76

@USM: Thanks! I am really glad you liked it. 😊

@Jyo: Thank you! I know, there are so many things that can be done with the kids, but first these adults have to stop hogging all the limelight! 😡😆 But yeah, I agree with you and the neglect of Payal has sort of been incorporated as a deliberate character trait in my story where Ansh and Palak are much closer and Payal is sort of off in her own world of music. Whether CVs like it or not, being off by herself and not really being affected by anything has become part of the way I see Payal! 😛

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MelodiousDreams

@MelodiousDreams

Rocker

+ 4

Posted: 13 years ago

#77

Samana, this is absolutely beautiful!

Your writing is such a delight to read - everything flows so smoothly that I'm always surprised when I get to the end of a part. As much as I loved reading about Palak-Ansh so far, the gentle introduction of Payal and her talent for music was a major highlight. If Ansh and Palak have their own lively, competitive, protective relationship, the protectiveness the two of them feel towards their little sister is possibly even more heartwarming. You captured key traits of the three children so well and I'm really happy that you decided to channel your fabulous insights about the show and all of its characters (Yash, Aarti, and even SP and Gayatri now!) into this story!

The way you've sketched out the children's personalities makes me wonder if PV is ever going to show us what the three Scindia children are like when they're older. Part of me honestly doesn't want that to happen because your story has sort of become a very plausible potential "future story" for me now...And honestly, I love the adults who are "hogging the limelight," to use your own phrase! 😉

Can't wait for your next update! 😃

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Kesha_H.

@Kesha_H.

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#78

aahahah the part where palak slept away on the sofa cuz dhe was tired frm studying or watever totally reminded me of myself cuz one night I was just so tired tht I couldn't take it anymore tht I dropped asleep on the sofa and wen my mom came outside to check on me she shook me so hard tht I fell off the sofa and hit my head at the edge of the coffee table.😆😆😆 but good update though😊

Edited by swaggerchick16 - 13 years ago

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Samanalyse

@Samanalyse

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 13 years ago

#79

@Borna: Oh, I love those attention hogs too, but you know that. 😆

It's just that the writers of this show have infused so much life into every detail that I am tempted to think about the pasts and futures of even the cameos like Manju and now Aman. And the kids are seriously my favourite thing about this show! I love the Aarti-Yash romance on its own, but I love it most when it involves them parenting together, just because they make such a good team and with their kids, such a beautiful family! It really speaks to the writing and what they have managed to achieve with each of their characters in this story. It was meant to be a story of marriage that involved all of these new relationships, and especially the reactions of the kids, and as far as that goes, they have really hit it far out of the ball park.

I am so glad that the story is plausible to you, because of course your opinion means a lot, but also because I have really tried to stay in canon as much as possible. I am kind of in a fix now though, because I don't know the fate of this new entrant into their little family. Will he/she live and prosper? It is something of a conundrum, I have to say!

@swagger: I am glad you could relate so wholly to the story, and glad that you didn't hurt yourself too seriously in the coffee table incident!

Edited by Samanalyse - 13 years ago

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Kesha_H.

@Kesha_H.

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 13 years ago

#80

Originally posted by: Samanalyse
@Borna:

@swagger: I am glad you could relate so wholly to the story, and glad that you didn't hurt yourself too seriously in the coffee table incident!

aah don't study tht these things happen to me all the tym I'm super clumsy😆

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Kal: A PV Story (Chapter VI, Page 23) - Page 8

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