At Last
~To him that watches, everything is revealed~
I stood defencelessly, subdued with complete silence when Virat walked away from me, standing by the banks of the Ganges the delicate fierceness in the wind arrogantly blew past me and stumbled upon a few carefully settled strands of blond hair wildly over a slender tourist's fair face who stood not too far from me, a nearby brown faced orphan wiped her grubby nose from the unkindly chill that surrounded her as the sun prepared to bid goodbye for the night, old folks begun lighting up oiled lamps and candles in the tiny corners of their shops preparing to resist against the threat of their electricity supplies abandoning them. Steaming pots kept on the stoves of street stalls began letting off the aroma of brewing tea into the air, encouraging by passers to indulge into the warmth of the drink against the cold. Others, hustled past in all directions, men coming home from work eager to greet their loved ones, local women rushing home to attend their meals left on the cooker from after nipping out for essential necessities and engaging in small gossip with relatives along the way, children splashing disobediently on the brink of the Ganges despite constant scoldings from their carers. A bald tobacco chewing man stood from a distance along the roadside, dripping with sweat due to his obese condition watching the traffic go by while decorating the concrete pavement with the refused red coloured saliva from his mouth trailing behind him. Small courtesies of life enlightened the neediest to the sleaziest in every sight but I among this crowd was perhaps the only deprived being from this sheer courtesy.
Preparations for the aarti of the holiest river in the world were at bay, a commemoration which had not too long ago reared in me one of the greatest joys in life, like a blessing, but today I witnessed the pretence of solace and emptiness in the diya of overflowing ghee that boasted a prestigious bondage with God. My own faith had dispersed like a thousand scattering ashes immersed in the river, any hope of reuniting with my true love had diminished yet my soul was intact with every emotion that gathered within Virat since he left, but still a strange security gripped me in its clutches which assured me that this was not the end.
No one acknowledged my presence, but it mattered not. There was only one person whose coming I awaited, and what seemed like the beginning of the night had felt like the turn of a hundred solar years. A journey of silent suffering was offering me its hand and I had for it a a great deal of questions that I knew would remain unanswered. The fault was my own, I should have departed from his life but if only the matter was in my hands and not my heart I would have, for I knew Virat was not ready to leave me and nor I was ready to separate from him.
"Together for life and beyond death" was our vow, so how could I leave him, and I know if Virat knew I was still here, he would come back for me, so therefore I would wait. Then, fear gushed from within and possessed me, what if he would forget about me; move on like I never existed? Would I remain an isolated memory locked away in the deepest ruins of his mind? No, my Virat would never give such occurrences any importance over me. I was the missing piece in his puzzle, if I left than his picture of life would remain incomplete forever.
I had heard in my blissful life that the Lord often worked in mysterious ways, and this was my moment to place my trust into these words given to mankind by the wiser folks from our previous generations. Life couldn't be so cruel to me, I refuse to tolerate it's atrocities sentenced upon me like a damned soul. Like a butterfly, trapped between two panes of glass I was cursed to endure a lifetime without my husband, I could but watch and not gain an intimacy, I could cherish what we once had but not recall any memories to him. However the power and faith in our true love will relieve us from this tragedy and like a counter curse I will redeem myself from this ironic misfortune and prove to this crazy heart I still hear beating inside my soul that the power of love is far greater than any other strength in this world, be it even my God.
In words, it was easy to say everything in my world was over and how simply life went on around me, but the struggle to accept that Arohi Vadhera's existence had been wiped out within seconds was the toughest battle I faced. The life I spent nurturing endlessly to accomplish achievements that framed the meaning of life with success, had now seemed vain - for life had no true meaning.
As the seconds went by everything began to fade away into misty memories and from them emerged as clear as glass every second I spend with Virat, his images grew clearer and nearer, like they were the only ones fuelling my mind against this unfamiliar pain because he was the only cure for me... for my soul. Our love was without defects, our trust was as flawless as the looking-glass, our bond was forged and strengthened over the years since I was six and he was seven, although efforts were made to keep us apart, Virat and I became inseparable and slipped through with ease at every such attempt like an oil-coated ring off of a tightly bounded finger, and after so many years of denial our families had no choice but to accept our relationship and hand over their blessings.
We loved each other more than either of us would ever know, and Virat's gift to me on the first night of our wedding was a solemn promise, he said "nothing will ever come between us Arohi, not even death," and I humoured his vow and questioned how he would prevent something so uncontrollable, and he held me tightly by the arms and stared into my eyes as though he was looking at me for the first time and my heart took a dive like it were leaping off the highest skyscraper in the world, knowing it would bounce back unscathed just to prove that love made anything possible, "I didn't say anything about control" he said, "only about being inseparable forever" he added. Everything in that moment said to me if I didn't believe this man right now l would perhaps be the most foolish girl on this planet. The beauty in his words was that he knew loving me for one lifetime wasn't enough, and therefore he gifted me the right to love him forever, and I knew that that day the memory we created had imprinted itself onto my soul somewhere, Virat made me a promise and I believed that he would keep it, yet here I stood alone without the companion I thought I would one day walk into heaven with.
Main tere sang kaise chaloon sajna,
Tu samundhar hai main, saahilon ki hawa,
Main tere sang kaise chaloon sajna,
Tu samundhar hai main, saahilon ki hawa,
Main tere sang kaise...
Oh beloved, how can we unite?
You are but the constant ocean and I, the wandering breeze in the open sky,
Oh beloved, how can we unite?
You are but the traveller of the earth and I, the carrier of messages in the whispering winds,
Oh beloved, how...?
As the dawn startled my concentrated memories, I wondered why I was fixed in one place like I was bound to very earth I stood above, but then the footsteps that made everything else stranger to me were increasing closer to me and I knew Virat had come to take me home. I looked in every direction but the misty fog disrupted my view and I tried to run towards him but I didn't know where to go, for he was near me, and that I was certain of.
"Virat" I struggled as I finally discovered I'd had a voice but forgotten how to use it. He never heard me, "Virat" I tried again, this time louder and clearer than before, and a smile spread across my face as I saw him breakthrough the murky weather and his breathing let off clouds of smoke when he drew near. His taut hairstyle glorified his tall muscular body, his slightly overgrown stubble decorated his usually appeasing face and his small and distinctive eyes looked on tiredly. He was dressed in white clothing, and a clean cashmere shawl draped the upper half of his body almost covering the white kurta I could never get him to wear for the small poojas we held in our home.
This encounter was strange and frightening, it stirred up all sorts of unexplained emotions within me. All I wished was for him to speak with me and huddle me close so I could retrieve the warmth I'd been so remotely distant from since he'd left me alone.
"I'm sorry Arohi" he cried for a moment and then gathered himself after wiping the first few tears to make an escape, "I've never left you alone in my life, not the way I did last night but I didn't let all of you go - I couldn't - you're my life and that will never change, I won't let it, I promise."
"Virat" I said stepping forward to wipe his tears and soon halted, "don't be sorry, you've nothing to be sorry about, it's my fault. I should have listened to you, everyday when you visited me in hospital I wanted to say how sorry I was for that day" I painfully confessed, "but you saved me from the clutches of death Virat, and look" I desperately pushed "I'm standing hear safe and sound because of you!"
He lowered to one knee and began collecting something from the ground, I peered over to see what it was but unsuccessfully, he stood knee deep in the Ganges and poured his gatherings into the fast flowing river and I felt drawn as if by force closer to where Virat emptied a vessel of some sort, I feared for my life until by sudden subtlety my footsteps ceased and then Virat kissed a silver hollow locket that hung around his neck shadowing his heart while containing a pinch of the contents from his vessel before taking the blessing of the river goddess and headed home.
He sat silently through the whole journey, and I didn't disturb the silence, I knew he was upset with me but I would wait patiently until he was ready to talk to me. I don't remember much about us reaching home, but the playful sound of children blooming around the house enlightened me, they were my children!
I was at once ready to embrace my young ones, Vritti and Soumil, but they were given orders by their father to be ready for school, and I saddened by the abrupt gesture headed away. I looked into the house as though I'd laid eyes upon it for the first time, and as I travelled from room to room I lived a new memory each time.
The first time Soumil was born eleven years ago, and Virat and I were baffled of how we would take care of a child so we had told each other that we will take it one day at a time, and our son would be treated like a friend of ours which is why my mother named him Soumil. Four years had gone by and our lives were as normal and fun-filled as any parent could have imagined, and as if God had given us a gift for being a good companion to Soumil, he sent the footsteps of Vritti into our lives. Unexpected as she was, we welcomed a personality that was born to achieve great things, by the age of three her love for tennis has taken complete toll and in her fourth year it seemed unnatural but she almost played like a pro.
We had a complete family - a happy family - we had no complaints with life not a single one, until the day I had an accident and ruined everything I was once proud of.
Tu mera hath haathon mein lekhe chale, meherbaani teri,
Teri aahat se dil ka dareecha khule, main deewani teri, main deewani teri,
Tu ghubaar-e-safar main, hizaan ki sadaa,
Tu samundhar hai main, saahilon ki hawa,
Main tere sang kaise...
Seize my hand within your palms and take me away, for I will eternally be grateful to you,
Your trail attracts the lonely walls of my heart, for it is crazy, crazy for you my love,
You ride the waves of happiness, whilst I am the object of melancholia,
You are the vast blue surface of the sea and I, the wounded companion in the tranquil air,
Oh beloved, how...?
I met with a terrible car accident several months after Vritti's fifth birthday, the memory was more of a blur to me than I could preferably recollect but the sole incident I could not forget was Virat's voice saying "don't go Arohi, please I'm begging you" but I defiantly left the home to satisfy my mind from the rumours I'd heard about my husband and a particular lady love named Maya. The ghost of his girlfriend's past had snatched my peace of mind, for over four months I'd heard of her being near my town and all she wanted was to bring Virat back into her life. I knew Virat would deal with it and I had no dealings with anything related to his previous relationship, I trusted him enough to take care of past issues himself, but when Virat grew frustrated over the few weeks prior to my casualty when I'd heard rumours of Maya's pregnancy creating a stir in my life. I was broken from the pain I carried and when Virat was asked to provide me with the facts he grew unreasonably wild by the second, he said "I will explain everything to you Arohi, but when the time is right." His comment left me with a huge hole in my heart and without hearing an answer I figured that knew what the truth was, but I was considerably quiet after knowing what I had though the truth was and although I wished I could say that I hated him, my lips quivered from the thought of bringing those words to my mouth and instead I said with a broken heart, "how much time can you possibly need to say you don't love me anymore Virat."
I left with the keys to my car, despite his voice calling out to me, I drove away until I realised I had nowhere to go and turned my car around to head home at a much slower pace, but my pace had proved to be a far more painfully slower trip to home than I would have ever known.
A group of joyriders had decided it would be fun to race on the wrong side of the road during the late hours of the night and midst their hype I was blinded by floodlights and lost control of my vehicle and toppled into the air that sent me sliding off the road and the only source of friction was brought on by a large tree that gave my car a clenched rough stop and sent me flying out of the wind screen from its force and onto the burning bonnet that was ready to set itself on fire.
I woke up in the hospital, surprised to be alive, but astonished to see Virat by my side, for a moment I'd forgotten of what transpired between us before that dastardly night and that wretched woman who came into our lives and ruined us all, but when I tried to move I couldn't.
I stayed frozen in time, my nine year old son stared at me silently blinking his way through time, and my daughter who I thought was perhaps too young to understand had held onto my hand and told me "everything will be alright Mummy, at least you're not dead."
She was right, I wasn't dead and maybe that would've been a better option, for I'd been sentenced to hell and dragged my husband and children in with me. The morning sun taunted me and moonlight laughed at my state, two summers had lengthened the days and the winters shortened them but for me the day was the very same as the very day I was bought into the hospital after the accident. Virat sat by my side everyday after work, and he'd made many attempts to explain himself to me but I refused him by closing my eyes. I couldn't bear the anguish in my state and I knew I hadn't had the strength in me to listen to every word, and I didn't want to show Virat I was weak. I tried desperately to recover but my mind was against my will but I didn't give up, until one day the doctors gave up on me.
"We must switch off the machine Mr Vadhera," informed the professional.
"You can't, that's my wife there doctor, I can't just give up on her please," I could hear Virat begging, "she'll wake up soon I know it, she just needs time."
"Mr Vadhera you and I both know that Mrs Arohi Vadhera has had her fair share of time, and we cannot keep the patient on the life support machine any longer," he put a supportive hand over Virat's shoulder and expressed his grief, "I am terribly sorry son" he paused, "but we have no other choice."
That night Virat cried by my side with my hand in his, "I'm so sorry Arohi, please come back, come back" he implored. "I promise I'll go away from your life forever if you wake up."
How could I tell him that I tried, every time he read my favourite novels to me, despite his distaste towards a few of them. When he showed me pictures of our children's school plays and played me my favourite music and read me articles from the newspaper, he even told me jokes, but there was one thing he never did, and that was cry. My Virat never cried before me, but I could tell at times when he'd wander off to the toilets or for a coffee and he'd returned with red eyes that he'd done so but he never once cried in before me within these two years, except for today. It was like he'd made a decision, and I had made mine.
I prayed to God to give me just one chance to bid goodbye, and I waited to feel movement in my body, but none came, until Virat got up to leave, I found myself holding onto his hand, as shocked as he was I knew I had no time to react, I could feel my body giving away from the very second I'd felt my muscles holding onto my Virat. The Virat I fell in love with all over again regardless of his disloyalties.
"Virat" I let out, he hugged me at first chance and squeezed me closer like I'd come back to him, "I love you" I said wasting no time, "but I want you to switch the machine off-"
He let go of me at once, "Arohi! What are you saying, I don't understand, you're better-"
"I'm not Virat, I'm slipping away" I admitted weakly, "and I'm bored of this room, I think it's the colour" I said twitching my nose to lighten the mood.
"I can't do that Arohi, I love you too much, I can't let you go, I won't."
"I know Virat, that's why God's given me the chance to say to you that it's time, please."
He sobbed loudly on my shoulder, and I knew he understood now and as I felt my body giving away slowly I tried my best to be strong.
"Tell Soumil I know he'll become a great businessman one day and tell him to look after my Vritti, tell her I'll be watching proudly when she plays in Wimbledon for the first time, and don't be strict with her Virat, give my little girl her chance to fall in love, and tell my children I'll always be there with them" I said running short on breath.
"Don't go Arohi, please not yet" Virat said as if he had the power to hold me back.
"I'll always be with you Virat, remember for life and beyond death, it's time to keep your promise."
He nodded his head in agreement and pressed his lips against my hands, "I will, don't you worry Arohi, I will never let you go."
"Virat" I heaved, "please... don't put these flowers... by my bedside I hate the smell of them, and... could you tell them my legs are aching, and Virat could you play my song..."
"Arohi, Arohi? Arohi" Virat panicked and buzzed in the doctors, "doctor she woke up, my wife woke up doctor - please do something."
"My Vadhera are you sure?"
"She said her legs ache, why are her legs aching?! Please can somebody tell me what's happening to my wife?!" He despaired aggressively, "And get rid of these damn flowers" he shouted taking the flowers and binning them outside of my room. Tears drizzled sideways down my face, and the nurse stepped forward to wipe them, but Virat stopped her effort and did so himself, "please leave us doctor, you've done enough" he said in a defeated voice. "I want to be alone with my wife and tomorrow morning I will sign all the formalities needed, and this room will see life with a new patient once again doctor."
I was upset because I hadn't finished my final words to Virat, but little did I know that he'd understood everything. A song played on the tape recorder and I listened with relief to the music of 'at last' the whole night sung by Etta James, her vocals were the last I heard which sent me into the longest sleep of my life.
Tu bahaaron ki khushboo bhari shaam hai, main sitaara tera,
Zindagi ki zamaanat tera naam hai, tu sahaara mere, tu sahaara mera,
Maine saari khudaye mein tujhko chuna,
Tu samundhar hai main, saahilon ki hawa,
Main tere sang kaise...
You invite the fragrance from the gardens of paradise unto this evening, and I, gather above you as a silent star,
Your being offers life bail and assurance, as assurance it is to my heart,
And from this entire existence my eyes only search for you,
You are the waters of freedom and I, the startling emotions of the wilderness,
Oh beloved, how...?
I didn't remember how I landed at the bank of the Ganges but now it's clear, my love needs no train of body but an emotion that can be felt by the both of us. When Virat left me overnight at the holy river I should have left him, but he kept his promise and to never let me go.
That night he spoke of a dream he visioned of our future. "Our children grow up to be beautiful adults, both with successful educations, Soumil will go into Virat's family run business with his Chacha Viren Vadhera and Vritti as expected will handle a bright looking sports career in world class tennis and we both will sit hand in hand and witness what a beautiful world we created for our children."
So much had happened and in such little amount of time, I wish I could see a dream just like Virat did that night in the hospital, but I knew not how to sleep any longer. The memories that awoke once I'd entered my home had famished my soul, it craved for love. I tried to imagine a dream instead, and hoped Virat would see it with me and I did - it was the most beautiful thing I'd pursued since I could reminisce.
"Arohi, you're here, I knew you would come" his echoed voice hoarsely welcomed.
"I never left Virat, I'm always here by your side, don't you see-"
"Shush" he uttered lightly with a finger over my lips, "I know you are" he said closing the distant between us. "You're still the same, flowing hair like a river glistening deep in a valley" he whispered softly and lifted my hair off my shoulders lightly. "Your eyes reflecting more love for me than ever," he slipped the weight of the white chiffon scarf from my neck and lowered me onto the bed, and lifted my neck to plant an adequate kiss on my collarbone, the hot air from his mouth steamed my skin, and he slipped his hand lower to reach behind and unzipped me. His lips possessed mine for an eternity and released them only to be show the same courtesy on my sternum as my kameez slipped off obediently at the touch of his fingers.
My hands travelled to his back through the slack given by his open shirt, and gripped the skin over his huge muscles as Virat once again claimed my mouth, I jolted beneath him from the thrusting pain that sent bolts of sensual lightning tingling in my body, when Virat awoke alarmingly.
Sweat glistened from his forehead and regret abolished our moment's sweetened desire, nothing had felt more real. My presence felt like it evoked vaguer memories for him, and I could feel a confusion broiling within Virat so I moved away.
"Why didn't you stay back that day Arohi? Why?" He questioned in his distraught state, "if only you'd let me explain to you."
I gave him an opportunity but you didn't tell me Virat, and today it didn't matter, how could I tell him that it didn't matter anymore.
"We were young, Maya and I had dated, but you knew that Arohi, I never hid anything from you, but I just didn't notice when I missed something so important before marrying you. We dated god dammit!" He said throwing an idle glass off of his dressing table to cause a deliberate breakage, "but I couldn't love her the way I loved you."
I finally found out that Virat had never been unfaithful to me, his thoughts and deeds were noble but Maya's devious heart was not. When Virat confessed his love to me, he was dating Maya and I tried to date but I couldn't, I would get frustrated with anybody that wasn't like Virat, and one day I had to tell him, but he'd won this race and admitted that he was in love with me and dating Maya played a big part in his confession, and since then we'd never looked back.
It was now that I became aware of Maya's obsession with Virat, and she'd used a noble deed as a weapon against him.
An unfortunate friend of Maya and Virat named Reshama could not conceive, and after numerous amounts of checkups doctors were unable to source the cause, and after much dedication was it that Reshama discovered the fault was in her husband Roy. She'd tried on numerous accounts to tell him where the fault really lay, but could not reveal this news before him due to the embarrassment and pain he would have endured, and instead begged for Virat to become a sperm donor in order to save her marriage, and after much persuasion he agreed on one condition.
The three of them employed a plan and placed the same condition before Roy and asked him of the same courtesy, which resulted in finding out the truth about himself following a large sum of tests. Although he was disturbed by this detail he allowed Virat to become a sponsor in order for them to become parents for the sake of his parents.
It was this fact that Maya used to claim Virat back, she threatened to exploit the use of DNA testing to match Virat as her child's biological father to prove they indulged in an illegitimate relationship, but Virat chose to disclose this information once he was able to prove Maya had fabricated her story, as she thought Virat wouldn't delve into the situation to prove himself innocent and would believe that his seed was nurturing inside of her due to him donating his sperm previously, but little did she know that information regarding donors was kept protected and was only provided on a one-time basis by Virat and therefore it was impossible for her to make such a claim, but Virat's final doubts were cleared when he called his bluff and agreed for a DNA testing but it was Maya who grew reluctant and confessed her child belonged to someone else.
However when Virat freed himself from the curse of Maya, I too freed him from myself, although I was unable to free myself and instead turned this curse into a boon and awaited my liberation.
Tum chalon to sitaare bhi chalne lage ansoonouon ki tarah,
Khwab pe khwab ankhon mein jalne lage arzoo ki tarah, arzoo ki tarah,
Teri manzil bane mera har raasta,
Tu samundhar hai main, saahilon ki hawa,
Main tere sang kaise chaloon sajna,
Tu samundhar hai main, saahilon ki hawa,
Main tere sang kaise...
Whence you tread upon your journey, the stars obediently pilgrim after you,
And my dreams are seared from the flame that kindles thy love within my heart,
Yet your destination has obliged every path I travel, to lead me to you,
You are the ocean of love and I, the poetry in the tranquil breeze,
Oh beloved, how can we unite?
You are resided comfortably against your shore and I, am the guardian of the travelling winds,
Oh beloved, how...?
Soumil walked anti-clockwise with an earthen pot of leaking water around the pyre to aide his father's journey past the three hells where water was unheard of. He offered a small flame to invoke a large fire unto the pyre, his children asked their mother why their father set alight their favourite person in the world, while Vritti cried until her eyes were sore but she stayed strong for the sake of her child that grew inside her belly for nearly seven months, she leaned on her husband's shoulder for support but dared not to look away.
But I watched hopefully, as the flames consumed my husband and took from him everything that belonged to the earth except for his soul.
"Arohi" he said to me with a smile.
"I thought you would be old" I replied after years of watching him grow grey.
He joined in with my humour, "I'm only as old as you are, but I'm still as handsome as ever."
"I missed you" I said.
"How long have you been here?"
"Since the time you took me home again Virat. The next morning you came back and you scattered me into the Ganges and I had no choice but to go, until you-"
"Until I took you home with me" he finished.
I closed my eyes and agreed, "the locket you kept my ashes in always kept me with you Virat, and you kept your promise, you never let me go."
"But my locket, it's on me!"
"It doesn't matter Virat, now we can go together, I'm not alone anymore."
"I love you so much Arohi."
"I love you too Virat."
One night very long ago that was not so very different to this night had felt similar, except that tonight was a beautiful reunion of our souls and tomorrow at dawn our children will bid us farewell forever.
Once long ago I placed my trust in a few words of wisdom, 'the Lord works in mysterious ways' and today I knew that trying to understand what this meant was beyond our knowledge but knowing that there is always someone whose always watching you is one of the greatest blessings in life.
"Goodbye Dad, we hope you're with Mum in heaven somewhere safe now" our children said, releasing us into the Ganges opening our pathway to heaven at last.
Okay guys, this is it. I know it's probably a bit weird for you to read something like this, but it's your choice to like of course. I just wanted to try something new and so this is my random attempt lol. 😳
The poem in between paragraphs is actually a ghazal sang by Noor Jahan, so all courtesy is given to her, the translation is however my own, so please excuse any mistakes - thank you.
Finally I would like to acknowledge Yuvika for sending me the link for this competition, without her I wouldn't have even taken part, so thanks a lot babe. 🤗
And also a big thanks to MisHeZ for helping me at random times with the translation of the few Urdu words I didn't understand, where would I be without you anyway! 🤗
last but definately not the least, a big thank you to everyone who's taken their time out to read!
Do press like and leave your comments guys.
Luv Tink😉
Edited by tinkerbe11 - 12 years ago
. 
Cricket
