Posted:
OS: Turmoil to Trust.
"You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly." ~ Sam Keen
Khushi lay in her bed. It felt strange not to have Arnav-ji beside her, clutching her hand in his sleep. She recalled the day's events beginning with his declaration of love, Dadi's insulting accusations, her banishment from Shanti-Vaan, Arnav-ji's submission to the family's demands of marriage rituals to her own declaration of love.
'Because I love you Damn it!' his voice still rang sweet in her eyes. It wasn't the most romantic declaration of love, but it was passionate, intense, overwhelming and overpowering. Just like him.
He loved her. Arnav Singh Raizada admitted that he was in love with her. She smiled as she remembered his beautiful smile when she told him he loved him too. Her heart swelled with emotion. The Arnav Singh Raizada who never conceded to anyone's demands had conceded to their demand of a re-marriage. A frown crossed her brow and she tossed to her side in bed; did he say yes because of the frustrations from the suhaag-raat that never was or because he didn't want her to be parted from her. She wanted to be with him just as much. It was getting harder and harder to keep a distance from him. She yearned for his touch and for that one kiss which never seemed to eventuate. She wanted to be his, just as much as she wanted to make him hers. In every way.
What if she had still been in Shanti-vaan tonight and the events of today hadn't happened and Arnav-ji had wanted to take their relationship to the next level. Could she have taken the next step just based on a declaration of love? Was it is enough? What if he decided that he didn't want to partake in rituals of marriage? Khushi recalled his words about marriage. He didn't believe in it. What would she do then? Khushi felt torn. She was making him do something he was so vehemently against. Was that fair? But what about what I want, she wondered? Marriage and its rituals were sacred for her. It wasn't only about joining of the souls in presence of sacred mantras before union of bodies but about exchanging vows of love, duty, respect, fidelity and promising to be each other's companions forever in front of the entire universe and all its energies. It mattered. Whether he admitted to it, it mattered.
She tossed to her side again. Her phone buzzed. It was a message from him.
I'm outside, open the door.
She ran. It didnt matter if buaji heard her or not. She needed to see him. She flung the doors open, he turned around. Time stood still. Her breath caught just as much as his did. He gaze pierced her soul.
'Hi,' he said as he smiled shyly. Ohhh Devi Maiya, it was just not humanly possible not to love this man with every fibre in her body. She grabbed his hand in both of hers and tugged him inside, making them both run into her bedroom where she locked the door. She HAD to hold him, feel him, and breathe him. It felt like her life depended on it. She ran.
His arms tightened around her. His heart was pounding just as hard as hers.
Hamari dhakhane ek ho jati hain.
'You ok?' he whispered into her hair.
As long as I have you, I'll always be ok she thought in her heart of hearts.
But she still needed to talk this through with him. She drew back and looked straight into his eyes, speaking quietly as she held his face between her hands.
'Arnav-ji, why did you agree to them? You don't believe in these ceremonies and rituals and they...no...we...no...I am forcing you to do this. Arnav-ji I can't make you do this if you don't want to. This is not what love is supposed to be about...' she said as her voice trailed off.
Arnav's breathe caught.
This is not what love is supposed to be about...
He took a deep breath, cupping her face in his hands just like she held his at that moment.
'Khushi, you know what my thoughts are about religion, ritual, customs; I'm not going to repeat that. And more so, it not going to change. But Khushi, like you said; this is not what love it supposed to be about. What I've done so far is definitely against what it should be about'. He took a deep breath, 'Khushi, everything that has happened till now has been because I've always put others ahead of you. I have forced you, hurt you, insulted you...abused you. I'm sorry I have caused that much pain for you. Don't get me wrong Khushi, I love you, but I'm still Arnav Singh Raizada and even now, I am doing this for my own selfish reasons. I can't lose you Khushi. Twelve months ago I depended on no one, but now I can't imagine my life without you. You give me strength when I need it, love when I least deserve it, you make me laugh, you hold my hand when I sleep. But Khushi more than anything, you make me dream about the future. I stopped doing that a very long time ago Khushi. Now I want to create our own world, I want to make love, I want to make babies with you, I want to grow old with you and I want to die holding your hand. Khushi, all my life I've heard about compromising. Why you have to do it, why it's so important. People never seem to shut up about it. I've never done it. But you make me WANT to do it Khushi. That's the difference here. You are not forcing me to do anything. I want to do it because it matters to you and you matter to me. I want to do it because I love you.'
She let go of the breath she didn't even realise she'd been holding.
Their story might not be conventional, but their imperfection is what made their love work. What worked for others wasn't relevant to them.
In that moment, Khushi placed her trust in the man that stood humbly before having acknowledged his weaknesses, fears, dreams and love to her.
It was going to be ok.
She smiled.
'I love you Arnav.'
'Like' if you like 😊
naina.
Here's something else I'm playing with if you are interested in reading more of my work https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/fan-fictions/3109738/master-class-part-20-updated-on-arnav-khushi
Anupamaa
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
